It Does Sound Wonderful

Cartoon by Barry


If you like these cartoons, and can spare it, please help me make more by supporting my Patreon! A $1 pledge means a lot to me.


Transcript of cartoon

This cartoon has four main panels, and also a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1
This panel shows two men, in what looks like a kitchen. One is a bald man with glasses and a argyle sweater vest, the other is a man wearing a sleeveless shirt who has a full-sleeve tattoo on his left arm. Tattoo is sitting at a table, with a plate of food and a coffee mug in front of him, watching something on his smartphone. Argyle has his hand on Tattoo’s shoulder, and is leaning over to watch Tattoo’s smartphone.

ARGYLE: Whatcha watching?
TATTOO: Some Youtube guy.
YOUTUBER (speaking on smartphone)L You know what Democrats really want? Socialism!

PANEL 2
A close up of Tattoo’s smartphone. On the phone screen, a video is playing, showing a man yelling at the camera, a forefinger held up in the air.

YOUTUBER: Can you imagine how hard it is to be a cop now?> If you so much as rough up a suspect – BOOM! You’re fired!

PANEL 3
Like panel 2, a close-up on the smartphone. The youtuber looks aggravated and his holding both hands up in a “explaining my point” sort of gesture.

YOUTUBER: You can’t make jokes about anyone anymore! Jews, Blacks, gays, trans, fatties – all off limits!
YOUTUBER: Racism was a problem like a century ago – but that’s all over now!

PANEL 4
Argyle has turned to Tattoo is and is clasping his hands together in front of him, in a begging gesture. Tattoo is amused.

ARGYLE: Can we please move to the American the right thinks we live in?
TATTOO: It does sound wonderful!

SMALL KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP
Argyle talks to Tattoo; they both look amused.
ARGYLE: Getting in should be easy – I hear they don’t guard the border at all.

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Politicizing Tragedy

Cartoon by Barry


If you enjoy these cartoons, and can spare it, please support my Patreon! A $1 pledge really matters.

TRANSCRIPT

PANEL 1
A man and a woman stand in a field. From off-panel, there is the sound of gunfire – “Bang! Bang! Bang!”
WOMAN: Oh God. There’s another mass shooting! We need gun control laws!
MAN: You ghoul! Stop politicizing tragedy!

PANEL 2
The man pontificates, fingertips of one hand on his breast, the other hand pointing off into the distance.
MAN: We have to wait a respectful amount of time…

PANEL 3
The woman’s arms are akimbo, looking impatient. The man holds up one hand in a “wait” gesture, while looking at a watch on his other wrist.
WOMAN: Okay, NOW can we talk about gun control?
MAN: Just a moment….
MAN (small print to indicate something mumbled to himself): C’mon, c’mon…

PANEL 4
The woman jumps, suprrised by a new round of gunfire from off panel. BANG! BANG! BANG! The man speaks, looking very self-satisfied.
MAN: What a shame. Looks like we can’t discuss it now, either.

KICKER PANEL AT BOTTOM:
MAN: I’m not the one who makes up the rules.
WOMAN: Yes you are!

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If It Quacks Like A Trump

Cartoon by Barry

If you enjoy these cartoons, please support them on Patreon! Even a $1 pledge means a lot to me.

Transcript of Cartoon

The image shows a bunch of ducklings swimming down a small river, following the mother duck. The ducklings are yellow; the mother duck is orange and has big swooping hair and basically is drawn to look a bit like Donald Trump.

DUCKLING 1: I will always say #nevertrump.
DUCKLING 2: As principled conservatives, we can’t follow a man with no principles!
DUCKLING 3: I myself issued a mild rebuke of Trump before I voted for his latest bill.
DUCKLING 4: We will resist!
DUCKLING 5: We are resisting!
TRUMP DUCK (cheerfully): Come along, kids.

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Run Them Down

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon appears today at The Nib.

If you like these cartoons, please support them at Patreon. Even a $1 pledge means a lot to me.

Transcript of Cartoon

Panel 1 shows a white man wearing a collared shirt and a necktie pouring gasoline out of a can.
MAN: Wow, this popular conservative columnist and law professor says protestors should be run down! Retweet!

Panel 2 shows the same man striking a match. He has a disturbingly large grin.
MAN: GOP legislators in North Carolina, Florida and Tennesee want to protect drivers who “accidentally” run down protestors? About time!

Panel 3 shows the same man, lit by a huge fire behind him, shrugging.
MAN: Someone plowed their car into left-wing protestors? How awful! How does someone even come up with a sick idea like that?

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The Scientific Diet Plan

Cartoon by Barry

diet-scientific-1500

Originally published at Everyday Feminism.

Transcript:

Panel 1

This panel features large title lettering saying “scientific diet plan.” A middle-aged white man, wearing big glasses and what might be a white lab coat, leans in from the side of the panel, partly in front of the lettering, giving a “thumbs-up” sign and speaking directly to the viewer.

Dude: It’s science!

Panel 2

A fat, dark-skinned woman, with short hair and a lighting bolt tattoo, turns in surprise as the white Dude from Panel 1 suddenly addresses her.

Dude: Good news, fat person! I’ve scientifically proven that my new weight-loss diet works!

Panel 3

Close-up on the woman, who is speaking and looks skeptical.

Woman: Wait a sec, I’ve read a lot about this… Weight-loss diets are proven not to work in the long run for 95 percent of patients!

Panel 4

The dude, eagerly waves his arms as he explains.

Dude: That was true in the past, but my new diet has a scientific study! Now there’s no excuse for anyone to remain fat!

Panel 5

The woman has her arms folded as she talks to the dude.

Woman: I don’t think anyone needs to lose weight… But okay. How much weight did the people in your study lose?

Dude: An average of six pounds!

Panel 6

The woman is keeping calm but looking a bit angry.

Woman: Uh-huh… And for how long?

Dude: Subjects kept the weight off for almost one year.

Panel 7

Arms akimbo, the Woman leans forward, now looking quite angry. The man, oblivious, gazes into the air as he thinks about the answer to her question.

Woman: And then what?

Dude: Typically, they regained the weight… And half ended up weighing more than when they began.

Panel 8

The woman is now openly infuriated, yelling and waving her hands in the air. The man looks downward, cheerful and almost bashful.

Woman: Six pounds for a year, and then it comes back? Who could that benefit?

Dude: Well…

Panel 9

Final panel. The shot shows a table in a bookstore, stacked high with copies of a book called “The Science Diet,” with a picture on the cover of the doctor-looking dude from the previous eight panels. A sign next to the stacks of books proclaims “Bestseller!”

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The One Thing We Can All Agree On

Cartoon by Barry

ahls-on-all-sides

Transcript of cartoon:

Two people – a woman and a man – are arguing on a sidewalk. The woman has long curly black hair, and is wearing sweatpants and a tank top; the man has short blonde hair (shaved on the sides) and is wearing a button-down shirt.

Panel 1
WOMAN: Conservatives have no compassion!
MAN: Why do liberals hate freedom?

Panel 2
Both characters are yelling.
WOMAN: Wingnut! Teabagger! Republithug! Fundie!
MAN: Sheeple! SJW! Moonbat! Totalitarian!

Panel 3
The woman stomps away as the man turns his back on her.
WOMAN: Here’s an idea: Kill yourself!
MAN: Die under a bus!

Panel 4 is a “split-screen” panel, showing two separate scenes divided by a diagonal line. In one scene, the woman is talking angrily into her cell phone; in the other, the man is talking angrily at someone who is off-panel. The two characters share one word balloon, as they are saying the exact same thing.
BOTH CHARACTERS: I tried talking, but those people refuse to be reasonable!

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The 32 Worst Anti-Feminists

Cartoon by Barry

types_of_antifeminist_1200

You can find a full transcript for this cartoon on Everyday Feminism.

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The Fat Whisperer

Cartoon by Barry

fat-whisperer-1500

Thanks to Everyday Feminism for publishing this comic! And thanks to them as well, for the following transcript:

Panel 1

(A friendly-looking, thin, conventionally attractive white man – “The Fat Whisperer” – speaks directly to the viewer.)

FW: Hi! I’m the Fat Whisperer!

Panel 2

(FW points his finger in the air. He has a smug look on his face.)

FW: I help fat people by telling them things they’ve never heard!  Like “you’d look so much nicer if you lost all that weight.”

Panel 3

(FW has a confused expression. His hands are positioned like he is seeking answers.)

FW:  “Have you considered putting down the donuts and going for a jog?” (Probably they haven’t!)

Panel 4

(FW holds his hands to his chest, as if he is making a heartfelt statement.)

FW: Or I tell them “being fat could harm your health!” (I bet most fatties have never heard that!)

Panel 5

(FW makes a disgusted expression, holds hands, palms forward, in front of his body to demonstrate rejection.)

FW: But you know what I hate? “Fat Acceptance.” Gross! Fat people can’t “accept” themselves!

Panel 6

(FW has a frustrated facial expression, and points at his hand.)

FW: Fat people need shame and self-loathing! Otherwise they’ll get fatter and worse. Why doesn’t anyone ever teach fat people that?

Panel 7

(FW has his arms crossed in front of his body and wears an angry expression.)

FW: We can’t accept fat people. Because fat people are sinful and weak!

Panel 8

(FW gestures towards himself and looks proud.)

FW: (And if fat people are sinful and weak, that makes thin people like me virtuous and strong!)

Panel 9

(FW is beginning to look even angrier than before. His eyes and mouth are wide open and he is shaking his fist in the air.)

FW: Without me, who’d ever tell these people: Take a run, Lardo! Put down the Twinkies! Where’s your self-respect?

Panel 10

(FW has totally lost it. He is sweating and screaming with rage.)

FW: YOUR BODY DISGUSTS ME AND YOU SHOULD BE SAD!

Panel 11

(FW regains his calm and looks a bit sheepish. His clothes are now disheveled from his tantrum.)

FW: Er… I only say these things because I care!

Panel 12

(FW looks devastated, confused, deeply concerned, and as if he believes he is the victim.)

FW: But sadly, most fat people never hear any of this stuff!

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Abortion Funnies!

Cartoon by Barry

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The Ten Stupidest Objections to the Occupy Wall Street Movement

Cartoon by Barry

Panel 1
Large lettering says “The Ten Stupidest Objections to the Occupy Wall Street Movement”
In the lower right-hand corner of the panel, a self-portrait of the cartoonist, a fat guy with long dark hair, says: I’ve heard or read all these myself!

Panel 2
Furious-looking yelling man in polo shirt: Folks in third-world countries are EVEN POORER, so poor people in AMERICA should be GRATEFUL and SHUT UP!

Panel 3
Balding man at laptop: If they don’t have an official media spokesperson, how can we take them seriously?

Panel 4
Angry yelling woman: They criticize corporations, but use SMART PHONES made by CORPORATIONS! HYPOCRITES!
Same woman, added as an afterthought: And they wear clothes!

Panel 5
Person with long hair in a ponytail, shrugging and looking confused: Shouldn’t they protest in WASHINGTON instead? That’s where the people in CHARGE are, right?

Panel 6
Angry man with giant head and a necktie: THEY’RE HIPPIES! HIPPIES SUCK! I HATE GODDAMNED HIPPIES!

Panel 7
Concerned looking woman with long wavy hair that I was happy with how the drawing came out: Why aren’t they wearing NECKTIES, like civil rights marchers fifty years ago?

Panel 8
Angry, strict-looking man wearing a vest and with his shirt buttoned all the way up: There was a bad statistic on a hand-lettered sign! That’s PROOF these people are liars!

Panel 9
Smiling woman in striped shirt who looks as if she thinks she’s making a really telling point: Why aren’t these people at JOBS instead of protesting? HUH? Why not? Huh?

Panel 10
Paranoid man in a trenchcoat with the collar turned up, standing against a brick wall, whispering something confidential: “Occupy Wall Street” is OBAMA setting up the country for riots!

Panel 11
A yelling man with a huge open mouth, whose face fills up virtually all of the panel: A movement that FAILS to compress its entire meaning into a simple SOUNDBITE is DOOMED! DOOOOOMED!

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