THEY MURDERED MY CHILDHOOD!
January 26th, 2024 Barry Posted in Barry's favorites, Media criticism | No Comments »
This cartoon is by Jenn Manley Lee and I.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels.
The first three panels feature the same two women in each panel. Or maybe a woman and a teenager. They’re both dressed in stylized Roman soldier outfits. The older woman, on the left, is dressed in what the artist called a “bondage adjacent costume,” with straps and high heels and a skimpy one-piece made of brown leather. She’s wearing pteruges – you know, straps hanging down from her waist to sort of form a skirt. She also has an amazing mane of red hair cleverly arranged to resemble a Roman Galea helmet.
The younger woman, on the right, is wearing a brown leather vest over a dark green bodysuit, flat boots, and a Roman Galea helmet. She has protective armor on her forearms and calves.
Both of them wear red capes and carry round shields and swords. The older woman’s shield features a stylized letter “G” in yellow on a red background; the same symbol, in the same colors, is on the younger woman’s belt. I’ll call the two characters “Original G” and “New G.”
PANEL 1
The two women are back-to-back and in a battle, fending off swords left and right. They’re in a building with pillars. In the background, we can see ancient buildings, an active volcano, and what I think is a dragon flying.
Despite all this, the two women are calmly and cheerfully chatting with each other. (I love that, and that was all Jenn.)
ORIGINAL G: Who are you? You look familiar…
NEW G: I’m you! A redesigned version of you, anyway.
PANEL 2
The two women are now at a little table in front of the display window of a modern comic book store. They’re both carrying coffee. Original G is sitting down, while New G is already seated, legs crossed at the ankles, looking relaxed.
ORIGINAL G: So does this mean I don’t exist anymore?
NEW G: Nope – there are thousands of toys and comics and animations with you that no one can take away! But now my version of you exists, too!
PANEL 3
Original G leans towards the display window, tapping on it like people tap on goldfish bowls. On the other side of the window, we can see action figures of both versions of G, displayed on pillars.
ORIGINAL G: I get it. This way, we can entertain different audiences, right?
NEW G: Exactly! Who could complain?
PANEL 4
We’re now looking at the cashier counter in a comic book store. A tired-looking cashier leans on one elbow, rolling her eyes. In front of the counter, two adult men are screaming in horror. One man, in a green shirt, is holding out a comic book with the “G” symbol on the front cover, wide eyes staring at it. The other man is actually sitting on the floor, hands tearing at his hair, legs kicking like an unhappy toddler, as he stares at an action figure of New G.
GREEN SHIRT: THEY MURDERED MY CHILDHOOD!
HAIR PULLER: THIS IS THE WORST ATROCITY OF ALL TIME!
