A Brief History of Brief Wars
August 1st, 2026 Barry Posted in History, Imperialism & War | No Comments »
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has six panels. Each panel shows a powerful leader early in a war.
Panel 1
A smiling King George III sits at a fancy writing desk, feather quill in hand.
CAPTION: King George III. November 1776.
KING GEORGE: We’ve taken the city of New York! The rebel army will surely quit soon!
CAPTION: All dialogue paraphrased from real statements.
Panel 2
General MacArthur, seen from behind, stands admiring himself in a mirror, grinning around his famous corncob pipe.
CAPTION: General MacArthur. November 1950.
MACARTHUR: Our troops in Korea will be home by Christmas!
Panel 3
Vice President Dick Cheney, grinning broadly, sits in an office.
CAPTION: Vice President Cheney. March 2003.
CHENEY: Iraq will take weeks, not months.
Panel 4
On a Fox News TV broadcast, President Obama smiles while holding up a forefinger.
CAPTION: President Obama. March 2011.
OBAMA: Libya will take days, not weeks.
Panel 5
President Trump sits in bed, wearing pajamas and tapping on his phone.
CAPTION: President Trump. March 2026.
TRUMP: We won! In the first hour it was over!
Panel 6
AI President Lincoln, a cartoon Abraham Lincoln head on a round video screen, held suspended in the air with tubes, is speaking in front of a podium.
CAPTION: AI President Lincoln. May 2045.
AI PRESIDENT LINCOLN: The war on Canada will be over fifteen minutes before it begins!
Chicken fat watch
In the King George panel, a bottle is labeled “Royal Brain Tonic. Contains arsenic and mercury.” A strange tentacle is reaching up to the window. The note George is writing says “I have no idea what,” an allusion to my brain drawing a blank when it was time to fill that in. A crown is hanging on a coat rack. The dog is wearing a peruke (aka a curly white wig). There’s a framed portrait of Lucy from “Peanuts,” wearing a crown.
In the MacArthur panel, MacArthur is admiring himself in the mirror (MacArthur was famously an egotist). A “MASH” lunchbox has a picture of Hawkeye holding a cocktail. The bird on MacArthur’s hat is holding some marijuana and a missile. There’s a baseball above its head, and the ribbon it’s holding says “Most Overdone Hat.”
In the Cheney panel, there’s a trophy labeled Best Sneer 2003. A framed note says: Dear Dicky, please don’t shoot me in my face and then make me apologize. Love, Harry.
In the Obama panel, the Fox News logo actually says “New Foxes.” The chyron says “Obama declared king of snobs,” and the second line says “fam tortures cartoonist with incessant sports TV.” On the wall in the background is a basketball hoop, and a framed Nobel Peace Prize, labeled “Presented to Barack Obama in recognition of his achievements in not being George Bush.” A mouse in the foreground is reading “The Cider Mouse Rules.”
In the Trump panel, a huge container on the nightstand is labeled “Tub o’ Orange: executive face goop.” Trump’s pajamas are covered with his “T” logo, which is also on his pillow. There’s a framed picture of Greenland inside a heart. There’s a framed print of Trump’s sketch of a woman’s nude torso (which he infamously sent to Jeffrey Epstein). A note lying on the bed says “Dear Don, you are the GREATEST smartest strongest leader EVER! Yrs, Don.” There’s a hole in the wall near the floor, and we can see an eye peering out.
In the AI Lincoln panel, protesters hold signs saying “Don’t blame me, I voted for AI Nixon” and “Unfair, Unreal, Unplug.” The podium has a seal with the X (formerly Twitter) logo and the words Formerly Known As The United States of America. The AI Lincoln on the screen is not wearing a hat, but a stovepipe hat is perched atop the screen.
RECEIPTS
Panel One: In a letter to Lord North, dated November 4, 1776, King George III wrote:
Nothing can have been better planned, nor with more alacrity executed, than the taking of the city of New York, and I trust the rebell [sic] army will soon be dispersed.
Panel Two: On November 28, 1950, General MacArthur wrote:
“You tell the boys that when they get to the Yalu River they are going home. I want to make good on my statement that they are going to eat Christmas dinner at home.”
Panel Three: On March 16, 2003, appearing on “Face the Nation,” Cheney was asked if he thought the war would be “a long war or a short war?” Cheney said it would go “relatively quickly.” Pressed for more specifics, Cheney said “Weeks rather than months.”
Panel Four: From ABC News, March 18, 2011:
President Obama told a bipartisan group of members of Congress today that he expects the U.S. would be actively involved in any military action against Libya for “days, not weeks,” after which he said the U.S. would take more of a supporting role, sources tell ABC News.
Panel Five: In a speech in Kentucky on March 11, 2026, Trump said:
Let me tell you, we’ve won. You know, you never like to say too early you won. We won. We won the — in the first hour, it was over. We won.
No receipts for panel six. :-p
