Door to Door Policy Salesman

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the same scene and the same two characters. We are outside a middle-class looking house, looking at the front door. The door is open, and a 1950s-housewife-looking woman, with a bouffant hairdo and a green dress, is standing in the doorway. She’s talking to a man in a gray suit, with a matching fedora, carrying a brown suitcase.

We’ll call these two characters “Housewife” and “Salesman.”

In addition to the four panels, there’s a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

The salesman stands talking to the housewife, one hand outspread in a friendly fashion. The housewife looks nervous and has a hand resting on her chest in an “oh my” gesture.

SALESMAN Good morning, ma’am. I’m a door to door domestic policy salesman, and–

HOUSEWIFE: I’m sorry, we just can’t afford anything.

PANEL 2

The salesman, smiling in a friendly way, is holding his case out and open to display his wares. The housewife turns her head away, holding up one palm in a “no no no” gesture.

SALESMAN: But I’ve got universal health care. Very popular – lots of nations have it.

HOUSEWIFE: No no. We could never afford anything like that.

PANEL 3

Warming to his own sales pitch, the salesman is jubilantly holding a bunch of pamphlets, raising some of them towards the sky. The housewife looks very flustered.

SALESMAN: I’ve got policies for your kids that’ll save you money in the long run. Universal pre-K, lead removal…

HOUSEWIFE: Oh, gosh no. We couldn’t afford anything like that.

PANEL 4

The salesman, looking disappointed, has turned away and is looking at his pamphlets to see what else he can offer. Behind him, the housewife is smiling big with an excited expression, and holding two huge bags of money (we know it’s money because the bags are labeled ” $ “) to offer the salesman.

SALESMAN: Hmm… I’ve also got a big increase in policing and prisons. But it’s expen-”

HOUSEWIFE (very large font): WE’LL TAKER IT!

TINY “KICKER” PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

A similar but different salesman (gray hair, brown fedora) is speaking to the same housewife, as he raises his hat in greeting. The housewife is eager, and her eye is drawn as a heart.

SALESMAN: Good morning, ma’am. I’m a door to door war salesman.

HOUSEWIFE: Just give me a sec to mortgage my house.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure and outdated cartoonist expression for meaningless but hopefully entertaining details in a cartoon. This cartoon has two pieces of chicken fat:

Panel 1: A balding man is peering over a fence in the background.

Panel 3: On the lawn in the background, a rat, wearing pink cats-eye sunglasses, is sunbathing lying on a rat-sized outdoor chaise lounge.

Door to Door Policy Salesman | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Health care, Right-wingers |

Transphobes Are The Real Victims

Cartoon by Barry

Once again, there’s a timelapse drawing video! Go watch me change my mind again… and again… and again!

Transphobes Are The Real Victims | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Conan vs Copyright

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was drawn by Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows Conan the Barbarian, a shirtless, muscular barbarian dude with long hair, in a desert. He is carrying an axe and a shield.

PANEL 1

Conan, mounted on his drake (drakes are a kind of dragon; this one has four limbs and no wings), is under attack. Arrows fly through the air at him, and a couple of arrows are stuck in the shield that Conan has raised defensively. The drake has a panicked expression as it speaks.

DRAKE: Conan, we’re surrounded! What will we do?

CONAN: We will kill or we will die.

VOICE FROM OFF PANEL: STOP!

PANEL 2

Conan, carrying his axe, has gotten off his drake and is walking towards a new character, a man wearing glasses and a modern suit and tie. The main is reading off a piece of paper he’s holding. We’ll just call this character “LAWYER,” since that’s what he is.

LAWYER: On behalf of Conan Properties International, this is a cease and desist letter. You do not have permission to create this comic strip.

CONAN: Wrong, fool! I’m public domain in this country!

PANEL 3

With a smug expression, the Lawyer holds up the piece of paper for Conan to read. Conan leans down to read it, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

LAWYER: Even if that’s so, we’ll still sue, and proving your case would take years and bankrupt you. That’s why we always win.

CONAN: Hmm…. I’ve got an idea.

PANEL 4

Conan is holding the lawyer’s decapitated head in one hand. Blood drips out of the bottom of the lawyer’s neck, and we can see his headless body lying on the ground in the background. In Conan’s other hand is a bloody axe, which Conan is dropping in surprise.

The lawyer speaks, an annoyed expression on his face. Conan reacts with shock and fear.

LAWYER: This really isn’t helping your case.

CONAN: By Crom! How are you STILL talking?

LAWYER: I’m a lawyer.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is an old-fashioned cartoonist expression for what we might now call “Easter Eggs”: unimportant but hopefully amusing details the cartoonist sticks in.

In panel 1, one of the arrows that has landed on the ground appears to have a love letter wrapped around it.

In panel 2, the Drake is suddenly wearing a watch, which it checks impatiently.

In panel 4, the Drake is fearfully making a cross with its forefingers. Also, a vulture has shown up and is eyeing the corpse; the vulture is wearing a napkin tied around its neck.

Conan vs Copyright | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Swing Voters

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each of which shows a different scene with different characters. Each panel is marked with a caption at the top: Academic, Pundit, Regular Voters, and Swing Voters.

PANEL 1

CAPTION: ACADEMIC

A professorial type, in a vest and tie, is seating behind a desk. There’s a wooden bookcase in the background, and a couple of “in and out” style boxes on his desk piled with papers.

PROFESSOR: There are relatively few so-called “swing voters” – but they decide elections! In a sense, swing voters are the real rulers of the country!

PANEL 2

CAPTION: PUNDIT

We are looking at a flatscreen TV. On the TV, a well-dressed woman in a pale blue jacket over a red blouse is smiling and talking to us. The screen graphics (a channel 4 logo, a US flag design shaped like the US) make this look like some sort of news program.

PUNDIT: Winning elections is all about giving swing voters what they want! And by some coincidence, what swing voters want matches what I want! As my uber driver told me the other day…

PANEL 3

CAPTION: REGULAR VOTERS

We’re looking at two people standing in a park: There’s a woman wearing a floral pattern skirt, speaking to us and shrugging. And a man wearing a knit cap is standing, looking up from the newspaper he was reading to address us. Both of them look bewildered.

WOMAN: I don’t understand how anyone’s “undecided” at this point.

MAN: What are swing voters thinking?

PANEL 4

CAPTION: SWING VOTERS

Three people are standing in a row – perhaps waiting on line – on a city sidewalk. A sandwich sideboard sign – also known as an A-frame sign – stands in front of the sidewalk, with the word “VOTE” and a pointing arrow.

From left to right, the swing voters are: A blonde man with nice hair, grinning widely and pressing a hand to his chest in an “I’m so smart” gesture. A black-haired woman with glasses is talking back to the blonde man, with a critical expression on her face. And a balding man wearing a striped izod shirt is looking at a “voter’s guide” pamphlet with a worried expression.

BLONDE MAN: I’ve finally chosen! I’m voting for the one with shinier hair.

GLASSES WOMAN: That’s stupid! I vote based on the weather.

BALD MAN: Anyone know what country we live in?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dead cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details stuck in by the artist.

PANEL 1: There are four books on the bookcase with legible spines. They are entitled “Unread Vol. 1,” “Unread Vol. 46,” “Dull Stuff,” and “Even Duller.” There’s some sort of mouse-like creature with big ears also hanging out on the bookcase. The two boxes on the professor’s desk are labeled “Actual Research” – that one has a small stack of papers – and “Papers To Grade,” with a ridiculously high stick of papers.

PANEL 2: The Chiron text at the bottom of the screen says “Reading Chyron Text Causes Cancer,” and then in smaller print underneath, “Don’t stop reading, kit’s too late for you anyhow.”

PANEL 3: I’m not sure this even counts as a chicken fat, but when I was drawing the stones lying on the grass on the bottom center of the panel, I was consciously arranging them to look like the top of Homer Simpson’s head and big staring eyes.

The newspaper the man is reading says “SPORTS” in big letters across the top. The top headline says “Fit People Wearing Numbers Move a Ball Around YAY.” A lower headline says “TRAGIC: Juggling Still Not Real Sport.”

PANEL 4: The sandwich board says “VOTE” in big letters, then in smaller letters under that it says “if you don’t vote the fascists may win! Is that really how you spell ‘fascists’? That’s a lot of S’s.”

The man with the Voter’s Guide is holding it upside down.

A newspaper lying on the sidewalk says “The Daily Background” on top. The headline says in large letters “DOG BITES MAN.” Then there are two side-by-side photos, showing a pleased looking doggy and a frightened running man. Below the photos is the subheading, which says “Headline Writer Is Very Bored.”

Swing Voters | Patreon

Posted in Elections |

The Conservative Guide To Fighting Poverty

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the video of this cartoon being drawn!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different character and a different scene.

PANEL ONE

A woman holds up her phone and is tapping on it with an intense expression. She’s sitting in a kitchen; an open laptop on the table shows two men talking to each other, a tie-wearing TV host type and his guess, who is wearing a style I think of as “expensive sloppy,” with a cream colored suit jacket over an open collar shirt with no tie. The woman doesn’t seem to be paying attention to the discussion coming from the laptop.

TV HOST: Our guest today is Billionaire Hedge Fund Manager Rick Datface, discussing his new book “The Conservative Guide To Fighting Poverty.” So is your book about improving safety nets? Raising the minimum wage?

DATFACE (from laptop): Heck no!

PANEL TWO

An man wearing a bright orange safety vest over a striped shirt is pushing a hand trolly down a city sidewalk. The trolly is piled with cardboard boxes of various shapes and sizes. He’s also wearing headphones over a knit hat, listening to the same program we saw in panel one.

DATFACE (from headphones): The minimum wage hurts poor people by killing jobs! Even if economists say there’s overwhelming proof it doesn’t! Every policy to help the poor hurts them, and if we care we should stop helping!

PANEL THREE

A close-up on a hand holding a smartphone; on the smartphone screen, Datface continues speaking. He’s holding up a finger in a “I’m making a point here!” gesture, and his expression is passionate. The video channel appears to be called “FUX.”

DATFACE (from smartphone): Even the so-called “incredibly effective” anti-child-poverty measures that weren’t renewed (thank god) definitely harmed poor kids in an unidentified way! Only trickle down works!

PANEL FOUR

A woman sits at a table, looking dejectedly at bills spread on the table in front of her. Behind her, there’s a dresser with a TV on top of it, and we can see Datface on it, holding his hands together in front of his chin and trying to look very innocent and wide-eyed.

TV HOST (from TV): So the only way to fight poverty is… Tax giveaways for billionaires?

DATFACE: And we hate taking the money! But we’ll make the sacrifice.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is a venerable (fancy word for old) cartoonist’s expression for meaningless but maybe amusing details in a comic strip.

PANEL 1: There’s a piece of paper held to the fridge door by a magnet. It says: “Shopping. 1. Food. 2. Water. 3. Oxygen. 4. Repeat.”

PANEL 2: There’s a walk/don’t walk in the background. The “don’t walk” side is a figure looking at its wristwatch, while the “walk” side shows the figure disco dancing.

Also, the street sign says we’re on “Unread Ave.”

And a piece of paper littering the sidewalk says “LOST my drive. If found…”

PANEL 3: The Chiron at the bottom of the image on the smartphone says “Shock: Cher Leads Invading Force From Mars.” And a second line says “Superstar says hostile invasion won’t affect tour schedule.”

The name of the video channel is “Fux,” which sounds a little like “Fox” and also a little like a dirty word! Wow, I just do the MOST sophisticated humor, don’t I?

PANEL 4: There are three bills on the table. They say “Overdue. Shame!,” “Past due you scum,” and “Pay up you dufus we’re not afraid to break some limbs.”

The Chiron text on the TV in the background is so tiny that I doubt anyone will be able to make it out unless they’re reading this cartoon in the books (because paper is higher res). But for the record, the top line says “Study: Background Gag Too Small To Be Read.” And the second line says, “”No comment,” says incompetent cartoonist.” (Ironically, when I first posted this cartoon I misspelled “incompetent.”)

Also, the woman has a tattoo of Groucho Marx on her arm.

The Conservative Guide To Fighting Poverty | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons |

New Solutions to the Trolley Car Problem!

Cartoon by Barry

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Honest Miranda Warnings

Cartoon by Barry

Timelapse video of me drawing this cartoon.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each panel showing a different scene. A caption under the cartoon says HONEST MIRANDA WARNINGS.

PANEL 1

On a litter-covered city sidewalk, a cop is pushing a prisoner. The prisoner, a young Black man wearing an orange t-shirt with a cartoon cat on it, has his hands handcuffed behind his back.

COP: You have the right to remain silent. I have the right to brutalize or kill you, and even if there’s a video I’ll probably get away with it.

PANEL 2

We are in a tiny windowless room, where the arrested guy from panel one is sitting at a table, opposite a balding man wearing a suit. The arrested guy listens with a blank, somewhat surprised expression while the suit-wearing man talks to him, one palm held open in a “let me explain this” gesture.

SUIT GUY: You have the right to be provided with an insanely overworked public defender like me. I won’t have time or resources to defend you as well as I’d like, and I’ll tell you to take a plea bargain even if you’re innocent.

PANEL 3

We’re in a prison visiting area, the kind with a sheet of glass between prisoners and visitors. The same young man is on the prisoner’s side of the glass. On the visiting side of the glass is a woman with her black hair in a bun, wearing a business jacket over a black blouse and blue pinstriped pants. She’s pointing at the prisoner, and grinning as she talks.

WOMAN: As your prosecutor I have the right to lie in court to withhold key evidence, and basically to do everything I can to destroy you while I remain totally unaccountable.

PANEL 4

We’re in a prison cell. There are two prisoners here, our main character, who is still looking stunned, and his cellmate, a bald man whose arm and neck are covered with tattoos. The cellmate is lying with his eyes closed on the lower bunk of a bunk bed, and speaking. The main character is sitting on a plastic chair.

CELLMATE: We’ve got the right to be beaten by other prisoners and by the guards. We’ve got the right to be charged $50 a day for this crap.

MAIN CHARACTER (thought): Sometimes I want fewer rights.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an outdated cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing little gags and references in the art. Lots of chicken fat in this one, for some reason.

PANEL 1

On the main character’s t-shirt is a picture of Jiji, the cat from Kiki’s Delivery Service.

The cop’s tattoo shows a tic-tac-toe game in progress. “O” is a terrible player and “X” is guaranteed to win.

Graffiti on the wall behind them says “Barry was here.”

A newspaper page lying on the sidewalk says “Local News: Litter Bug Drops Paper.”

Other little scraps of paper say “Don’t read this” and “or this.”

There’s a single glove lying on the sidewalk. That’s not much of a gag, it’s just that I always see single gloves – or worse, single shoes! – lying on the ground and wonder how that came about.

PANEL 2

A sheet of paper the lawyer brought with him has the heading “Blah Blah” at the top.

The main character is wearing the same t-shirt, but the character on the shirt is now a different Studio Ghibli creature – a susuwatari from “My Neighbor Totoro.”

PANEL 3

A sign on the “visitors” side of the glass partition says “do not give prisoners cigarettes porn or hope.”

PANEL 4

Four books are stacked on a wall shelf. Their spines say “Snoopy” “Charlie” “Lucy” and “Linus.”

A poster on the wall behind the bunk bed shows an angry/determined looking superhero flying through the air in the classic Superman flying pose. The caption above the hero says “Super Hero Film Franchise.” The smaller caption below the hero says “The only kind of story anyone needs!”

A poster on a different wall shows Andy and Ellis from the movie “The Shawshank Redemption.” The large caption above them says “Please Don’t Move Poster.” The smaller lower caption says “There’s no hidden escape tunnel honest.” (The poster is obviously hiding a tunnel, we can see the sides of the tunnel where it’s wider than the poster.)

Honest Miranda Warnings | Patreon

Posted in Social Justice |

Gender Affirmation Isn’t Just For Trans People

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This single-panel cartoon shows two people, standing and talking directly to the viewer. There is a blonde woman with glasses and a nice layered haircut swept to one side; she’s wearing a blue jacket over a black blouse and a yellow skirt with tiny red dots, and wedge sandals. And there’s a redheaded man, rather muscular, with a red mustache, a striped izod shirt, and jeans. He’s holding a book and his arms are tattooed.

The two of them are surrounded by about twenty little captions with arrows pointing to specific details.

WOMAN: Why can’t trans people just accept their bodies as they are?

MAN: “Gender affirmation” is woke crap! Normal people don’t do that!

CAPTIONS POINTED AT WOMAN:

Used to be brunette

Botox

Not her original nose

Nair

Makeup

Plucked brows

Boob job

Liposuction

Pieced ears

Spironolactone (reduces hair)

Spanx

Shaved legs

Heels

CAPTIONS POINTED AT MAN:

Hair Transplant Surgery

Finasteride (pointed at hair)

Carefully tended stubble

Not his original chin

“Old Spice deodorant for men”

Gynecomastia surgery (male breast reduction)

Keys for giant truck with never used cargo bed

Testosterone injections

(Pointing at the book he’s carrying): “Super Testosterone” by Andrew Tate.

Calf Implants

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dormant cartoonists’ term for unnecessary but hopefully amusing details in a cartoon.

In this case, we just have the man’s tattoos. They include a tattoo of a steaming mug of coffee; the mug has “unimportant details” printed on it. There’s also a happy striped snake, a hot dog, and Bender from the TV show Futurama.

On his other arm are tattoos of a teddy pig (like a teddy bear, but a pig) and Barry the cartoonist, both smiling and waving hi.

Gender Affirmation Isn’t Just For Trans People | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

The Absent Fatso

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has fourteen panels, so it’s kind of a long one.

PANEL 1

A drawing of Barry (the cartoonist) relaxing on a sofa, holding a tablet and talking directly at the readers with a friendly expression.

BARRY: Ever notice how lots of movies and TV shows tell fat jokes without showing fat people?

PANEL 2

A very fat woman with carefully-styled curly black curly hair is speaking, looking self-satisfied. Text identifies her as “Celesta Geyer, 1930s circus fat lady.”

CAPTION: In ye olden days, when folks wanted to laugh at fat people, they’d go to the circus. Today we’ve got reality TV for that.

CELESTA: “People laugh at me anyway, so I make them pay for the privilege.”

PANEL 3

Barry is talking to us, smiling and leaning an arm on the panel border.

BARRY: But some viewers find reality TV too vulgar. They want to laugh at fat jokes, but laughing directly at fat people feels too crude.

PANEL 4

Barry is looking at us and standing in front of a TV; he points a remote control at the TV as he speaks.

BARRY: So TV and movie writers have developed strategies for laughing at fat people without showing fat people.

PANEL 5

Big, friendly looking lettering takes up most of this panel; it says THE ABSENT FATSO. Barry leans over the top of the lettering, still talking to us.

BARRY: I call these strategies…

LETTERING: THE ABSENT FATSO

PANEL 6

A hand is holding a smartphone; on the smartphone is a picture of Homer Simpson eating a donut. Homer is speaking to us, continuing Barry’s dialog.

HOMER/BARRY: Strategies like… The Animated Fatso! Cartoon fatties are always safe to laugh at!

PANEL 7

A fat woman with her thick black hair tied back is standing at a kitchen counter, holding a large knife. She seems to be cutting a slice of bread off a fresh baked loaf. An open laptop lies on the counter nearby; dialog is coming out of the laptop, but it doesn’t have a word balloon, making it less like dialog and more like a background element.

CAPTION: Or The Off-Screen Fatso! Think of Howard’s Ma on “Big Bang Theory,” or Ugly Naked Guy on “Friends.”

LAPTOP: Ma doesn’t have a neck. Just chins and fat and feet.

PANEL 8

Two extremely happy looking fat women are cuddling a small baby. A laptop is on a countertop nearby, next to a feeding bottle. Small dialog is coming from the laptop, but no one’s paying it any attention.

CAPTION: Or the ex-fatso! This character supposedly used to be fat. But they’re played by a thin actor so fat jokes about them are okay. Like Will on “Will and Grace” or Monica on “Friends.”

LAPTOP: It’s a new band called “Will Is Fat.”

PANEL 9

This panel shows two versions of Barry, with a lightning-bolt-shaped graphic dividing them. On the left, actual Barry, in a t-shirt that says “flashback,” is talking to us and snapping his fingers. On the right, imaginary thin Barry is smiling as he talks to us; his t-shirt says “present.”

FAT BARRY: ( Annoyingly, the “ex-fatso” trope supports the myth that any fat person could simply choose to become and remain thin. )

THIN BARRY: So easy!

PANEL 10

A fat woman sits at a cafe table, with a coffee mug and book and muffin on the table. She’s got a drawing board propped up on the table, and is leaning forward as she draws, looking pleased with what she’s drawing. She has an undercut, many earrings and a nosering, and tattoos. She also has a cell phone propped up; dialog comes from the phone, but it’s small and she doesn’t seem to be paying it much attention.

PHONE: Thor, eat a salad!

PANEL 11

A fat man sits in an armchair, watching TV. He has a old cowboy movie style of dress, with an embroidered shirt and sideburns. His cat has jumped into his lap and is cautiously stepping onto his stomach to sniff at his nose; he smiles at the cat.

TV: Look at my titties, Austin Powers.

PANEL 12

We’re looking at a TV; a thermos is in front of the TV, and a sock is lying on top of the TV. On the TV, Barry is talking straight out at us, looking serious.

BARRY: If a real fat person played “Fat Bastard,” some (not all) viewers would have felt uncomfortable. That reminder that fat people are people could make things less fun.

PANEL 13

All the previous rows had three panels each; this row has two panels, so panels 13 and 14 are a bit larger than previous panels have been.

We are looking at the inside of a dim movie theater, looking at a section of the audience. There are about a dozen people in this panel, all fat, all watching the movie – except for Barry, seating in the middle of the group, who is talking to us, and the woman seated to his left, who has turned to face Barry.

BARRY: But even when Hollywood doesn’t show us, we’re still here. In the audience. Being sneered at by proxy. Can’t the studios just skip the fat jokes altogether? And also, hire more fat act–

WOMAN: Ssh!

PANEL 14

A well-lit, large office, with a large fancy-looking desk, and a big window overlooking a city. There are framed movie posters on the wall. An executive-looking man wearing a collared shirt and tie is sitting behind the desk, in a big leather-looking chair, and talking cheerfully into his phone. On his desk are a notebook (paper kind), an open laptop, a second phone, and a framed photo.

EXECUTIVE: Just a sec, gotta turn off some internet weirdo. So I got budget numbers on that fat suit comedy…

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dead term for the little bits of unimportant but hopefully amusing things cartoonists stick in the backgrounds of their comics.

PANEL 1: There is a framed photo of Garnet, from the TV show “Steven Universe,” on the wall. On the sidetable is a magazine called “NO IDEAS MAGAZINE,” with a front cover photo of a stick figure man shrugging, and a coffee mug with “I’m actually a fork” printed on it.

PANEL 3: Barry’s tshirt says “allergic to sunshine.”

PANEL 4: Barry’s tshirt now has a picture of a very muscular arm flexing, above the large letters TOUGH GUY. If you zoom in, you can read the small letters, which make it say “not a TOUGH GUY you can easily take me down.”

PANEL 6: Homer’s t-shirt has a picture of Binky from “Life In Hell,” the comic strip Matt Groening did before he created The Simpsons.

PANEL 8: One woman’s arm has tattoos of two Steven Universe characters, Garnet and Pearl. The other woman has many visible tattoos, including a sort of demonic skeleton Micky Mouse, and a coffee mug saying “cofee = god.”

PANEL 10: The woman’s tattoos include a dancing banana and a ring of keys. The book on her table says, on the front cover, “A Book by an Author,” and on the spine it says “a Spine.”

PANEL 12: A book lying next to the TV has READ THIS written on the spine.

PANEL 13: In the audience, all the way at top left of the panel, is Uncle Iroh from “Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

PANEL 14: The movie posters on the wall are for the movies “MOVIE POSTER” and its sequel, “MOVIE POSTER 2.”

The Absent Fatso | Patreon

Posted in Fat Acceptance, Media criticism |

Who Would You Rather Meet In The Forest?

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels, arranged as a four-panel strip, and then an “extra” panel below the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

We’re in the break room in an office building. There’s a poster on the wall, a counter, a coffee maker. There are two people who both look to be in their 20s or early 30s, both wearing office-appropriate clothing. There’s a woman with pink hair, wearing a white blouse and a dark gray suit, and a man wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a dark gray tie. Both are holding coffee mugs.

There’s a bottle of honey on the windowsill.

The man is asking a question, just making small talk; the woman is looking a little surprised by his question.

MAN: So if you were alone in a forest, would you rather run into a strange man… or a bear?

PANEL 2

The woman, looking a little pensive, speaks. The man replies to her with an angry expression and body language.

In the window behind them, unnoticed by either of them, a large brown bear is stealing the jar of honey, and watching the humans with a slightly surprised expression.

WOMAN: Oh, hmm… I think, the bear.

MAN: How can you SAY that?

PANEL 3

The man is now full on yelling, waving his coffee mug. The woman winces back, holding her hands protectively over her chest. In the window, the bear looks frightened, and ducks away.

MAN: You’re demonizing men! It’s MISANDRY!!

PANEL 4

The women walks away, her back to the man, an irritated expression on her face. The man doesn’t seem to catch that she’s being sarcastic; he’s smiling and calm, happy to have (in his mind) won the argument. The bear, and the honey pot, are both gone.

WOMAN: Good point. Why would I ever fear men’s reactions?

MAN: Exactly!

MAN: …where did the honey go?

EXTRA PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

The bear and the woman are talking. The woman holds out her coffee mug for the bear to put some honey in.

WOMAN: At least if you maul me, people won’t say I made it up or I’m misinterpreting.

BEAR: I hear you.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dead cartoonists term for unimportant but hopefully amusing details.

PANEL 1: A workplace-motivation style poster on the wall shows a cartoon raccoon wearing a striped shirt like a cartoon criminal. It’s holding a coffee mug in one hand, giving us a thumbs up with the other, and winking. The caption on the poster says “Long coffee breaks rob the company.”

The man’s coffee mug has “Nice Guy” printed on it.

PANEL 2: The motivational poster has changed It now shows The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland glaring at us and pointing to his oversized pocket watch. A large caption at the top says “WORK!” and a subcaption at the bottom says “don’t waste time reading posters.”

PANEL 3: In the first two panels, the man was holding a spoon in one hand (to stir his coffee). In this panel, we can see that in his anger he bends the spoon in his hand.

Who Would You Rather Meet In The Forest? | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Sexism & Misogyny |

Free Speech on Campus

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels. The first two panels are normal-sized, while the third panel is gigantic.

PANEL ONE

A man and a woman are walking together, the woman speaking. Neither of them are students, judging from their age and their professional dress.

The man has white-blonde hair and glasses, and is wearing a blue shirt with a black tie. He looks worried. The woman has a red blouse and a black skirt, and has her hair pulled up into a bun. She is holding up a finger in a “this is my point” gesture, and is calm but a bit fervent.

For this and the next panel, the background is blank.

WOMAN: Students have a right to speak their minds without fear of being shamed or shunned. free speech on campus is in danger of being wiped out!

PANEL TWO

The two continue walking. The woman, waving her arms a bit as she gets passionate and a bit angry, continues speaking.

WOMAN: At some schools, students protested and heckled speakers! We must protect free speech from woke student totalitarians!

PANEL THREE

The man and women have come to a stop, and are looking at a protest. The man, looking concerned, speaks to the woman. The woman looks over the protest with a pleased expression, her arms folded.

The main focus in this panel is the protest – and even more, the cops in full riot gear attacking the protest. A huge line of cops in formation are marching towards the protest. Cops are leading away handcuffed protesters; one protester is being held on the ground and beaten. The protesters who aren’t being arrested look terrified. Protest signs lie on the ground.

MAN: So is this a threat to free speech?

WOMAN: No, this is fine.

Free Speech on Campus | Patreon

Posted in Imperialism & War, Social Justice |

Deux Ex Machina, Suckers!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is another collaboration with awesome cartoonist Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. All of the panels take place in a blue sky with fluffy white clouds.

PANEL 1

A human man, with a beard and a flannel shirt, is standing on a cloud, looking up at God, who is on another, higher cloud. (And is also much larger physically than the human guy). God is drawn in the traditional way: He has a thick white beard and is wearing white robes, and there’s a halo behind His head.

God is grinning and spreading His hands wide in a welcoming manner.

GOD: Hi there, I’m God! Good news! Because I’m so infinitely loving, good and merciful, you get to go to Heaven!

MAN: Okay!

PANEL 2

A close up of God, who as Nadine draws Him has very pretty eyes. He is smiling and pressing his palms together and looking in the direction of the off-panel human.

GOD: But if you don’t love me, I’ll throw you into a lake of burning sulfur where you’ll be tormented day and night forever!

PANEL 3

God smiles down beatifically at the human, who has raised a finger to make a point.

MAN: But… That’s horrible! And it doesn’t make sense! A good god wouldn’t torture people forever!

PANEL 4

A close up of God, with a wailing expression, as He presses the back of His hand to His forehead. He is dissolving into ash, and has already disappeared from the upper chest down.

GOD: Gasp! By pointing out a paradox you’ve defeated me! Now I must turn into ash and die like in that Marvel movie!

PANEL 5

Nothing is left of God but a pyramid-shaped pile of black ash (the ash pile has a halo behind it). In the foreground, the human has mildly surprised body language, and is rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

MAN: Um…

PANEL 6

God, a merry expression on his face, has reappeared whole on His cloud. He’s crouching down and pointing at the human. Lightning shoots out of God’s finger, engulfing the human and instantly turning the human into a black, charred, and surprised looking skeleton.

GOD: I’m kidding! Have fun suffering in the abyss forever, loser! Hah hah!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an obsolete cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but entertaining details the cartoonist slips into the cartoon.

In this cartoon, in panel one, on the lower left, we can see a little dog sniffing at the cloud it’s standing on. The dog is wearing white robs and has a halo and white feathery wings.

We can’t see the cloud the dog is standing on again until panel five. In this panel, the dog is gone, but there’s a yellow puddle on the cloud where the dog was.

Deus Ex Machina, Suckers! | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Unions Have Always Done The Impossible!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

On a city sidewalk, a line of workers is standing. They are wearing identical t-shirts with a drawing of a coffee mug surrounded by a circle, and lettering in the circle says “Baristas United.” One of the workers holds up a sign that says “NO JUSTICE NO COFFEE.”

Two workers talk; the first worker is excited and grinner, spreading her arms in the air, and the second worker (who is holding the sign) is a bit annoyed and cynical.

FIRST WORKER: If workers all pull together, we can accomplish so much! Living wages! Four day work weeks! Universal basic income!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 2

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1950.

We are in a mine. Mine cart tracks are on the ground, disappearing into a tunnel in the background. It’s dim here, other than the lights attached to the fronts of the miners’ hats.

Two miners, one carrying a bucket of stones, the other holding a shovel, are talking as they examine the aftermath of a rock collapse.

FIRST WORKER: Worker safety laws!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 3

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1930.

Two women wearing old-fashioned looking blouses are seated at the same long table. In front of each woman is a sewing machine; each of them are working on sewing a piece. They both have long hair done up in buns. A high pile of folded clothe is on the table in front of them. They look hot and sweaty.

FIRST WORKER: We could abolish child labor!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 4

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1890.

Two farm workers with broad-brimmed hats are talking to each other. They’re wearing plain, rough-but-sturdy-looking clothing. The first worker is holding up a palm in the air in front of her, “I have a vision” style. The second worker is making a dismissive gesture. There is a wheelbarrow and straw baskets, all filled with some sort of unspecifically drawn picked vegetation.

FIRST WORKER: Eight hour days! Two days off every week!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old-fashioned cartoonist expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details in a cartoon.

In panel one, a piece of paper littering the ground says “I’m listening to ‘Doppleganger’ as I draw this cartoon.” (And I was! It’s a recent book by Naomi Klein. I enjoyed it.)

In panel two, if you look along the bottom edge of the panel, you can see the feet of an unfortunate minor sticking out from under the rock pile.

And in panel four, the big straw bag on the ground in front of the first worker has the head of a rather bewildered looking bunny sticking out of it.

Unions Have Always Done The Impossible | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, History, Labor rights & Unions |

It’s All About Caring, Fatsos

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels focus on the same character, a cheerful young man standing in a what looks like a home office. There’s a desk, a lamp, an armchair with an ottoman, and a photo hanging on the wall in an oval frame. A cat is relaxing on the ottoman.

The main character has blonde-orange hair that’s neatly combed and kind of puffy. He’s wearing glasses, a red t-shirt with a big exclamation point on it (which is sort of what I defer to when I have no idea what to draw on a character’s t-shirt), blue jeans, and red sneakers.

PANEL ONE

The man is standing and talking directly to the readers. He’s waving at us.

MAN: I saw this fat woman on YouTube. I left a comment and said “maybe you should try jogging… away from the donuts!” Ha ha!

PANEL TWO

The man, still grinning, is holding up a finger in a “wait, wait, there’s more!” gesture.

MAN: Then I commented “obesity is linked to conditions like diabetes… and virginity!” Haw haw!

PANEL THREE

In a close-up panel, he raises his hands, palms out, as he continues to grin and talk.

MAN: Then I said “You’re going to die of a heart attack by the time you’re 35.” Hah!

PANEL FOUR

The man, no longer grinning, is clasping his hands together as he tries to look very kind and sympathetic.

MAN: Of course, I said those things because I care so much about fat people’s health.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details cartoonists slip in.

We can’t see the background in panel 3 because it’s a close-up. But in the other panels, we can see a framed photo on the wall in the background. In panel one, the photo shows Fred Flintstone; in panel two, Freddy Kruger; and in panel four, Freddy Mercury.

There’s also a cat relaxing on the ottoman. In panel one, the cat is just napping. In panel two, the cat is reading a book; the book has the title “The Cat Who Read A Book.” The author name is in print that’s probably too tiny to be read and says “Tiny Print, M.D.” And in panel four, the cat is sitting up like a human, one leg crossed over the other, and smoking a cigarette.

It’s All About Caring, Fatsos | Patreon

Posted in Fat Acceptance |

The Measure of Intelligence

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man wearing a brown jacket over jeans and a v-neck t-shirt is sitting on a park bench, staring at something in his hands with great concentration. Let’s call him JACKET.

A red-headed man in a red smiley face t-shirt is on the path in front of the bench, looking at the first man with a dubious expression. Let’s call him REDHEAD.

REDHEAD: Er… Excuse me. What are you doing?

JACKET: A lot of my genius ideas get lost when I lose focus.

PANEL 2

A close-up on Jacket shows that his hands are filled with a stick, lumpy, gooey, dripping mess of green-gray ooze. He continues to stare at it with great concentration.

JACKET: So I invented “the idea net” by smooshing rubber cement, peanut butter, and used chewing gum. This way I’ll catch ideas before they escape.

PANEL 3

Redhead is responding, with a rather grumpy expression. Jacket doesn’t even glance at Redhead, continuing to study the mess in his hands.

REDHEAD: That’s gotta be the stupidest idea I’ve ever–

JACKET: I’m a billionaire.

PANEL 4

The scene has changed to an apartment. Redhead is seated on a sofa, mixing up some sticky goo in his hands. On the coffee table in front of him we can see an open peanut butter jar, an open bottle of rubber cement, and a bunch of little crumpled pieces of paper (presumably gum wrappers). He is staring at the mess in his hands and smiling.

Behind him, a blonde woman is watching what’s he’s doing with a very doubtful expression on her face.

REDHEAD: I know it looks stupid, but he’s a billionaire! His ideas must be good!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an old cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in a cartoon.

In panel one, hidden from the humans by a bush, a squirrel in a slouch hat and trenchcoat is standing next to a magpie with a bag of nuts. The magpie and the squirrel have their backs to each other and are studious ignoring each other.

In panel three, we can see that the squirrel and magpie are looking at each other. The squirrel has opened his trenchcoat to reveal a small bag labeled “catnip.” The magpie is holding out the bag of nuts to the squirrel.

In panel four, in the background, there is an open window. The magpie has landed on the windowsill, holding the bag of catnip. Below the windowsill, a gray housecat is making the “shh” gesture with one paw, and with the other paw is offering the magpie a shiny necklace.

Also in panel four, there are a couple of framed pictures on the wall. One of them is of the blonde woman; the other one is of the cat.

The Measure of Intelligence | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

The Celestial Politics of Trans Bans

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

A reporter is pushing their microphone right in front of the Governor’s face. The Governor is wearing a suit jacket over a turtleneck with a necklace on top of the shirt, and has obviously professionally done hair. She looks a little uncertain.

REPORTER: Governor, what’s your position on the gender affirming care ban?

GOVERNOR: The bill blocking doctors from treating trans kids? Um…

PANEL 2

A close-up on the governor’s face. Next to the governor, floating in the air, a little angel has appeared with a “POOF!” sound effect and a little white cloud. The governor is looking at the shoulder angel out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: This is an awful bill!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the shoulder angel let’s us see her outfit clearly. She has light purple hair combed to one side, and her head is buzzcut on the other side. She’s wearing a white leather jacket with metal studs and a zipper on the sleeve, a white skirt, fishnets, and white boots. She’s also got little white wings and a halo floating over her head.

She has her hands fisted and looks a little angry.

ANGEL: This bill is pandering to bigots! It’s giving in to a moral panic! And it’ll do so much harm to trans kids!

PANEL 4

A longer shot, allowing us to see the shoulder angel, the Governor, and – appearing on the opposite side of the Governor from the angel in a “POOF!” and a considerably darker cloud – a shoulder devil. The devil is a woman in a red two-piece suit over a yellow v-neck blouse, and heels to match the blouse. She has two horns, bat-like wings, and is carrying a trident.

The Governor looks thoughtful, hand on her chin, one eyebrow lifted, looking at the shoulder devil out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: All to solve a problem that doesn’t even exist!

DEVIL: Ahem

PANEL 5

The shoulder devil, raising her arms as if cheerleading, speaks to the Governor, who is now looking more directly at the devil. The angel’s eyes widen in dismay.

DEVIL: Fearmongering wins elections.

PANEL 6

Looking more confident, the Governor is now speaking into the microphone.  Her text is smaller sized and has no word balloon, indicating that it’s sort of a background detail. The angel has her arms crossed and is sitting (in mid air) with her legs crossed, looking at the Governor with annoyance.  The devil is holding her pitchfork above her head in both hands and practically dancing, a huge and evil grin, victorious.

GOVERNOR: …protect children from perverts blah blah blah…

ANGEL: Well, this sucks.

DEVIL: This is great! Next let’s do a law forcing teachers to out trans students!

Celestial Politics of Trans Bans | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Hey did you hear? Biden is old!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus an additional “kicker’ panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

Each panel features the same central character, who I’ll call “Media.” Media is a white man wearing a suit and tie, and carrying a microphone. But instead of a head, he has a flatscreen TV on top of his neck, and on the TV is a picture of a TV anchorman-type against a background of static.

In the first three panels Media is standing against a background of abstract and colorful pop-art shapes.

PANEL 1

Media is leaning forward a bit and has a concerned expression.

MEDIA: Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is old. Biden’s old. Biden’s so old. Biden’s old. Biden is old.

PANEL 2

A closer shot of Media, now with a cheerful, chatty manner.

MEDIA: Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is old old old. Biden’s old. Biden is old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is too old.

MEDIA: Trump’s old too.

PANEL 3

Media now looks a little panicked, spreading his arms and almost jumping up and down.

MEDIA: Biden Biden Biden! OLD OLD OLD!

PANEL 4

The scene now changes to a coffee shop. Media’s body is in casual clothes – slacks and a black polo shirt. (Although Media’s head and shoulders, on the tv screen, is still wearing a suit.) Media is sitting at a table, with a coffee mug in front of him, looking annoyed as he vents to a friend.

MEDIA: How can these people call me biased? Didn’t they hear me call Trump old, too?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Media is talking, a bit angrily, to Barry the Cartoonist.

MEDIA: I’m pretending you said I shouldn’t report on Biden’s age at all. And I’m appalled you’d say that!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is cartoonist slang for unimportant details the cartoonist sticks in for the fun of it. In this case, all the chicken fat is in panel four. First of all, on the shelves behind the counter in the background is the decapitated head of Charlie Brown from “Peanuts.” (Poor ol’ Charlie Brown.) Secondly, on the wall is a framed picture of Zoidberg from the TV show “Futurama.” (I’m a big fan of both Peanuts and Futurama).

Media: Biden is Old Old Old Oldy McOldface | Patreon

Posted in Media criticism |

Let’s Outlaw Being Homeless! That’ll Work!

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and R.E. Ryan.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show a gritty commercial doorway – the kind that’s recessed a few feet into the building – on a city sidewalk. There’s litter and graffiti here.

There are two characters in the comic strip. The first character is a homeless man sleeping in the doorway, wearing a zip-up sweatshirt over a t-shirt and a dull red knit cap, and with a full beard.  The other character is a muscular-looking cop dressed in a police uniform and carrying a baton. In defiance of tradition, he is cleanshaven. I’ll call these two characters KNITCAP and COP.

PANEL 1

Knitcap, covered by a brown blanket and with his head pillowed on some rolled-up clothes, is lying in a doorway, apparently asleep. The cop is using his baton to poke knitcap in the side. The cop has a somewhat sadistic grin.

COP: Hey, you! Get up! We’ve outlawed sleeping in public! You’re not allowed anymore!

PANEL 2

Knitcap is sitting up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes with one hand. He speaks calmly. The cop watches, smirking, arms akimbo.

KNITCAP: In that case, I guess I’ll sleep in a hotel tonight.

PANEL 3

A close-up of Knitcap. He’s stroking his chin with a hand, as if thinking through his options.

KNITCAP: Or should I sleep in my townhouse instead? Or my Hamptons place? I’ll call my butler and ask what he thinks!

PANEL 4

Knitcap, grinning, is now holding a hand next to his face, thumb and pinky finger extended, pretending it’s a phone as he talks. The cop is glaring and slapping his baton against his palm.

KNITCAP: Smithers? Smithers old boy! My super fun street sleeping holiday is done. Which of my mansions shall I sleep in tonight.

COP (thought): Next step: Outlaw sarcasm.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat are unimportant but fun details cartoonists sometimes sneak into comic strips.

In panel one, in the lower-right-hand corner of the panel, two rats are sitting, holding playing cards and apparently playing poker, or some similar card game. In panel two, a cat walks in, apparently stalking the rats. The rats look at the cat. And in panel four, the cat has been dealt in and is playing the game with them.

In all the panels, Knitcap is wearing a t-shirt with some words that are hard to make out. But what it says is “No, you’re Spartacus.”

In panel three, there’s a lot of mostly-unintelligible graffiti, but just below the doorknob someone has painted “BACKGROUND DETAILS RULZ.”

Let’s Outlaw Being Homeless! That’ll Work! | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons, Social Justice |

Free Trade Is For Peasants, Not Cartoonists

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eight panels.

PANEL 1

This panel shows Barry (that is, me), wearing an expensive-looking three piece suit. He’s sitting in a big armchair, legs crossed at the knee, waving at us with one hand and holding a cigar in the other. Next to the armchair is a small glass fishbowl with a gold-colored fish in it.

BARRY: Hi! I’m Barry, and I’ll be your cartoonist today. You ever wonder why cartoonists like me make so much money?

PANEL 2

Barry is holding out a big globe as he speaks.

BARRY: “After all,” you say, “There are well-trained cartoonists all over the world willing to take U.S. qualification exams and draw cartoons for much less.”

PANEL 3

Barry is pontificating and looks pretentious, one hand holding a lapel of his jacket, the other holding a forefinger up in a “giving a lecture” sort of way. Behind him, the fish is watching.

BARRY: True! Luckily, the U.S. limits how many foreign cartoonists can work here. Despite the severe problems caused by the cartoonist shortage.

PANEL 4

Barry is now in the famous “Uncle Sam Wants You” poster pose, pointing a finger at the reader, and wearing an Uncle Sam top hat.

BARRY: According to Uncle Sam, “free trade” and competition driving down pay isn’t for me. It’s for unimportant non-cartoonist people like you.

PANEL 5

Barry and a woman are in the panel. Barry has grabbed her purse and is pulling cash out of it; the woman looks annoyed.

BARRY: All of this means cartoonists can charge more for cartoons. It’s like a tax you pay so I can be richer.

PANEL 6

Still in the fishbowl on the little table, the goldfish speaks, with a slightly distressed expression. Barry is very shocked by this development, jumping up and eyes popping.

GOLDY: Hold on, that can’t be true!

BARRY: Goldy? You can talk?

PANEL 7

A close-up on Goldy as she sticks her head out above the water to speak. She looks worried.

GOLDY:  Don’t change the subject. Does Uncle Sam really make us all pay more so you can be richer?

BARRY: Nah, I was fibbing. They don’t do that for cartoonists.

PANEL 8

Goldy, smiling, is relieved. Barry shrugs as he cheerfully goes on.

GOLDY: I knew it! Protectionism for the rich would be totally against the U.S.’s ideas of fairness and free tra-

BARRY: They just do it for doctors, dentists, and lawyers.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for unimportant but hopefully fun details in a cartoon that readers could easily miss.

In panel one, a little label pointing to Rich Barry’s cufflink says “gold cufflinks.” In panel two, when Rich Barry holds up a globe, a little caption pointing to it says “Golden Globe.” And in panel three, a similar little caption pointing to the fish says “Gold Fish.”

In panel two, if you look closely at the continents on the globe Rich Barry is holding, one is shaped like Pac-Man and two are shaped like Ghosts fleeing Pac-Man.

In panel six, when Barry’s glasses pop off in cartoon surprise, his eyeballs remain in the glasses rather than staying on his face.

Free Trade Is For Peasants, Not Cartoonists | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes .

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man in a blue turtleneck, wearing a name tag, sits behind a desk marked “customer service,” hand on forehead, looking like he’s very annoyed. Also behind the customer service desk, a woman who looks like a manager – silver hair, blouse and jacket – is leaning over his shoulder and haranguing him. I’m going to name the woman “Manager.”

MANAGER: Can you just confirm that you’ve got a vagina? Just say it! Say “I have lady bits.” Say it!

PANEL 2

We’re now in a warehouse or back storage area, with many large boxes on industrial shelving. She is talking, with a condescending attitude, to a worker wearing a hardhat and yellow vest, who is carrying a couple of boxes stacked. The employee looks like they really, really wish they were anywhere else.

MANAGER: “Non-Binary?” Ha! No such thing! Thinking you’re non-binary means you’re insane!

PANEL 3

We’re in what looks like a backroom employee break area – water cooler, cheap folding chair at a table. The manager stands between a tall woman and the women’s room door, deliberately blocking the way. The woman being blocked has a restrained anger expression and her arms folded.

MANAGER: So-called “transwomen” only want access to women’s bathrooms to commit rape!

PANEL 4

Manager is standing gently crying, holding a handkerchief to one eye (no tears are actually visible). A hand comes in from out-of-panel, holding a professional-looking microphone – i.e., the manager is being interviewed for a news show. A logo in the lower right corner says “4,” so presumably this is on channel 4.

REPORTER: So you were fired for saying “sex is real”?

MANAGER: That’s what happened.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in comics.

In panel 1, there are a series of fliers, all with the same picture of a startled-looking cat, taped to the wall. The first one says “Lost Cat!” The second says “Never mind! Found it!” And the third says “Cat for sale!”

In panel 2, a poster taped to a shelving unit says “FORKLIFT IN USE” in large red letters, and in smaller letters below that, says “If crushed remember to clock out!”

In panel 3, a poster taped to the wall has a lot of little pink hearts and the lettering “The company loves you!”

And in panel 4,  a chyron scroll (that little scrolling text with allegedly breaking news at the bottom of news broadcasts) says “Chyron writers vote to unioni…,” and then on a second line in smaller lettering, “Networks announce new “AI Chyron” project will soon take…”

“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |