G.O.P. Approved History

Cartoon by Barry


Welcome back to artist R. E. Ryan! This is the second cartoon he’s done with me; I certainly hope there’ll be more.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

A bald white man wearing a brown suit is speaking directly to the reader. He has a gun-shaped flame lighter in one hand, a flame coming out the end, and a book in the other hand. The book’s title is “Woke Gender Stuff,” and the book is on fire.

MAN: You’ve probably heard woke liberal media lies about Republicans banning books from schools. But we love learning! We just want students to hear the truth! So sit down and learn some G.O.P. APPROVED HISTORY.

(The last three words of the Man’s dialog are in huge, friendly letters, forming the title of this strip.)

PANEL 2

Two Black men are wearing Victorian-era suits and ties; one is wearing a tall black top hat. They are seated in plush armchairs in what looks like an exclusive men’s club; they are smoking cigars and drinking from wine glasses.

The first man grins as he speaks to us; the second man is leaning forward in his chair, as if he’s intent on us getting this point.

1st MAN: I’m a Black African in 1526! My friends and I created the intercontinental slave trade and whites had nothing to do with it!

2nd MAN: Remember that, kids – whites are totally innocent!

PANEL 3

A modern-looking boxing ring. There are two boxers in the ring. The one on the left, who doesn’t look very strong, is wearing a royal crown over a white powdered wig, red boxing gloves, and a “Che” t-shirt. The one on the right has red hair, is shirtless (and has huge muscles), has stars-and-bars themed boxing gloves and shorts, and has a giant tattoo covering his back which says “We The People” in the distinctive handwriting of the Declaration of Independence.

Let’s call them KING GEORGE and THOMAS JEFFERSON. George looks tired, while Thomas looks very energetic and is grinning at us.

KING GEORGE: I’m King George (they/them), here to fight Tom Jefferson!

JEFFERSON: I’m Tom Jefferson! I invented freedom. I’m so kind to my slaves, and did I mention I’m definitely not a rapist?

PANEL 4

Abe Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, and Jesus have their arms around each other as they smile out at us. Abe is wearing his signature top hat and holding a can of beer. Jesus has a halo floating over his tricorn hat, is gently glowing all over, and is wearing a yellow “Don’t Tread On Me” t-shirt.

LINCOLN: I’m Abe Lincoln, and I’m a Republican! That’s all you need to know about me.

REAGAN: I’m Abe’s best friend Ronald Reagan!

JESUS: And I’m Jesus! We’re all Republicans!


GOP Approved History | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Some Things Straight People Can Stop Saying

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by Becky Hawkins and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid, with nine different brightly-colored backgrounds making a sort of patchwork effect. Each panel shows a single character talking directly to the reader.

Below the bottom of the cartoon is an additional tiny “kicker” panel.

PANEL 1

A smug-looking guy with a beard and curly hair is waving a miniature queer pride flag (specifically, the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag, which has a circle on top of a series of triangles on top of colored stripes) as he speaks.

GUY: Look at what a great ally I am! I totally get what you people go through!

PANEL 2

A blond guy with wide eyes is pointing back and forth at us (as if moving his pointing finger rapidly between two people), and is grinning past a hand held in front of his mouth.

BLOND: So who’s the man and who’s the woman?

PANEL 3

A large man with spikey brown hair and a chin-only beard is waving a hand, his other hand on his hip, as he speaks with a somewhat aggrieved expression.

MAN: When’s straight pride? Huh?

PANEL 4

A young woman with her brown hair in a high ponytail, and with a tattoo of a fairy (er, the magical creature) on her upper arm, sticks her tongue out and makes a disgusted expression.

WOMAN: That’s so gay.

PANEL 5

This is the center panel, and a bit over half of it is taken up by large, friendly lettering which says: SOME THINGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE CAN STOP SAYING

Below that, an older woman with gray hair and glasses looks a little bit confused.

WOMAN: But you don’t look gay.

PANEL 6

A young woman (or a teen) with blonde hair is talking to us with a big grin and pointing rapidly at three different off-panel people.

GIRL: Do you think he’s hot?

GIRL: How about him?

GIRL: How about him?

PANEL 7

A woman sporting carefully done hair, cascading down to below her shoulders, a made-up face, and large earrings, looks confused as she speaks to us.

WOMAN: Can you explain to me why lesbians don’t want to look good?

PANEL 8

A middle-aged man wearing a polo shirt grins lasciviously at us, one eyebrow raised, as he pulls at the side of his collar in a “wow it’s hot in here” gesture.

MAN: You’re a lesbian? Man, what a waste.

PANEL 9

A woman with an annoyed expression is holding two children – a baby in one arm, and a toddler in the other. The baby’s onesie has “Heartbreaker” printed on the front, and the toddler’s t-shirt says “Ladies Man.”

WOMAN: Why must you people flaunt it?

TINY KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

A man wearing glasses and a green shirt is talking to Barry. He’s pointing up and to the left (towards panel one). Barry is looking really nervous as he replies.

MAN: By making this cartoon, aren’t you like panel one?

BARRY: It’s different because… um…


Some Things Straight People Can Stop Saying | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Why We Need Don’t Say Gay Laws

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon was drawn by the wonderful Nadine Scholtes. The unicorns and rainbows were Nadine’s idea, and I love them.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon ahs four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Two teenagers are standing in a library, and talking directly to the reader. Billy, the boy, is wearing a football uniform and carrying a football. The girl, Sally, is wearing a cheerleader outfit. Billy has his arm around Sally’s shoulders, and Sally is affectionately holding the arm.

BILLY: Hi! I’m Billy Allamerican, and this is my girlfriend Sally.

SALLY: We’re both extremely typical heterosexual high schoolers!

PANEL 2

A person wearing a rainbow-colored sweatshirt, matching their rainbox colored hair, and wearing a big peace sign pendant, and a pinback which says “THEY THEM,” comes in, talking to Billy and Sally. They’re holding up a book with a sparkling cover with the title BE GAY. Billy looks surprised, and Sally looks puzzled.

BILLY: Oh look, it’s Ms Woke, our school librarian!

WOKE: Hi, Kids! Have you read this gay book?

SALLY: What’s “Gay”?

PANEL 3

This panel has a large caption at the top, which says “LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER” in pink lettering.

The panel shows Billy and Sally, standing out on a field. There are smiling unicorns with rainbow manes and tails rearing up on either side of them, and a rainbow behind them. Everything is sparkling.

Billy is now dressed and posed as a stereotypical flaming gay man, wearing a pink shirt and tan capris. Sally is wearing black boots with big buckles and dark shorts and shirt, and is holding an electric razor and shaving one side of her head. Even though it’s been barely a day and her legs were totally hairless in panel one, we can see hair growing on her legs.

BILLY: Now that we’re gay, Sally, I’ve quit the football team to become a communist florist!

SALLY: That’s so cool, Billy! I’m going to shave my head and become a witch!

The panel border between panels 3 and 4 is a thought balloon.

PANEL 4

The right panel border of panel 3 is a thought balloon border, which leads to the head of the first speaker in panel 4 (indicating that panel 3 was in his imagination). There are two guys here; they’re sitting at a bar, with beers in mugs.

The first man is a gray-haired man with a beard and mustache, wearing a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a red necktie. He’s holding up one finger as if he’s making a point. We’ll call him NECKTIE.

The second man is bald and a little chubby, with a beard and mustache, and wearing a red plaid shirt. We’ll call him PLAID.

NECKTIE: And THAT’S why we need “Don’t Say Gay” laws!

PLAID: Makes sense.

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Necktie and Sally (with a crew-cut and wearing dark makeup) are talking; Necktie is in a panic, while Sally is cheerful.

NECKTIE: Why would anyone be straight if we let them know there are other options?

SALLY: Exactly!


Why We Need Don’t Say Gay Laws | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Right-wingers |

Our Loss, Your Gain

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by Becky Hawkins and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This four-panel cartoon shows a conversation between a casually-dressed woman – tank top, casual pants, sneakers, ponytail – and a woman who either is a doctor or is trying to be mistaken for one, with a white lab coat with a name plate, and slim pants and high heels. We’ll call them SUSAN and FAUXDOC.

PANEL 1

Susan is smiling happily, and pulling the waistband of her pants forward to show a gap – i.e., that she’s lost weight. Fauxdoc is grinning even bigger as she talks to Ponytail.

SUSAN: Wow! I’ve lost twenty pounds!

FAUXDOC: Congratulations, Susan! And all thanks to the Willōw-We™ Lifestyle Change™ Program System!

PANEL 2

A close-up of Fauxdoc shows her grinning as she holds up a box with “Willōw-We™ Lifestyle Change™ Program System” written on it in large letters.

FAUXDOC: Because you couldn’t have done it without us, right?

PANEL 3

Susan’s smile has dimmed a bit, but she’s still smiling. Fauxdoc has produced a huge professional-looking camera and is preparing to take Susan’s photo.

SUSAN: Um… I guess?

FAUXDOC: I’m taking your picture! Everyone will see how Willōw-We™ made you lose weight!

FAUXDOC: All credit to Willōw-We™!

FAUXDOC: Do the waistband thing again.

PANEL 4

Time has passed, and Susan has definitely gained weight. Susan looks sad and a little bewildered; Fauxdoc is glaring at Susan and pointing at her accusingly.

CAPTION: SIX MONTHS LATER

SUSAN: The weight came back…

FAUXDOC: DAMMIT, SUSAN! You failed and it’s all YOUR fault!


Our Loss, Your Gain | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance |

Women Need To Be More Warm And Approachable

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels.

PANEL ONE

We’re looking at a few students standing on a grassy area, with paths and trees, between large academic buildings. In the foreground, a good-looking student with neatly combed brown hair and a purple polo shirt is reading something on his phone. In the background, two more students – a woman with orange curly hair (I’ll call her Claire), and a man with a small beard and his hair in a ponytail (I’ll call him Ponytail)- are looking at the foreground student. Claire looks concerned, Ponytail is in cheerful lecture mode.

CLAIRE: That guy’s in my sociology class… He’s bitter and angry at women. Why are some guys like that?

PONYTAIL It’s because too few women are warm and approachable.

PANEL TWO

A close-up of Claire shows her looking back towards the man she pointed out and smiling.

CLAIRE: Hmmm… Excuse me a minute.

PANEL THREE

Claire has walked up to the guy in the purple polo shirt; we can now see he’s sitting on a public bench. He’s pleased and very surprised that she came up to him. She waves and smiles as she speaks.

CLAIRE: Hi, I’m Claire. We’re in Sociology together.

PANEL FOUR

A caption at the top of panel four says A FEW WEEKS LATER.

Panels four and five both show Claire and Ponytail sitting together at a round table in a cafe of some sort; there are framed photos on the wall, and large windows behind them, showing an area with a big tree. Claire has a coffee mug in front of her, and Ponytail is looking at a newspaper he’s reading.

In panel four, Claire is talking a bit angrily on her cell phone, waving her other arm a bit.

CLAIRE: Look, I don’t owe you being your girlfriend because I was nice to you! Just leave me alone!

PANEL FIVE

Ponytail hasn’t moved at all, speaking without looking up from his paper, Claire has laid her head on the table in a despairing sort of way.

CLAIRE: Great. Now I have a stalker.

PONYTAIL: It’s your own fault for being warm and approachable.

CHICKEN FAT

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonist put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing.

Panel one: Not really a gag, but Ponytail’s t-shirt has a traffic light design, which I rather like and think would make a good shirt.

Panel four: In the background, there’s a photo of Wilma Flintstone on the wall.

The headline of Ponytail’s newspaper says “Background Detail Monthly.”

Panel five: The photo on the wall in the background has changed to being Pearl from “Steven Universe.”

The headline on the paper now says “I think therefore I nsomnia.”

The coffee mug on the table, in panel four, had cartoon lighting on it; it now has a cartoon rainstorm on it.

Outside the window, Michael and Janet from the TV show “The Good Place” are looking in.

There’s also a squirrel.


Women Need To Be More Warm And Approachable | Patreon

Posted in Sexism & Misogyny |

The GOP Tax Policy Cycle!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is laid out in a circle, with each panel having an arrow leading the reader to the next panel. So in principle, any of these four panels could be panel one. But for purposes of this transcript, I’ll start out with the topmost panel.

Each panel shows the same powerful-looking middle-aged man, wearing a suit with a red striped tie.

In the middle of the cartoon is the title, printed in large friendly letters. The title i: THE GOP TAX POLICY CYCLE.

PANEL 1

The man – who I’ll just call GOP – is looking at a piece of paper he’s holding and jumping up with a horrified expression on his face.

GOP: HORRORS! The U.S. is running a DEFICIT!

PANEL 2

The man steeples his fingers in front of him and has a big smirk, as he closes his eyes. He looks very content.

GOP: We HAVE to make BIG cuts to social welfare programs!

PANEL 3

The man is now dancing in place, one foot kicked off the ground, arms raised, and has a big grin.

GOP: Then we’ll give rich people and corporations HUGE tax cuts!

PANEL 4

The man is now leaning against the side of the cartoon with one hand. The other hand holds a piece of paper, which he’s glaring at.

MAN: Mysteriously, those tax cuts were followed by less tax revenue, which means…

(Panel 4 is followed by an arrow leading back to panel 1.)

PANEL 1

The man – who I’ll just call GOP – is looking at a piece of paper he’s holding and jumping up with a horrified expression on his face.

GOP: HORRORS! The U.S. is running a DEFICIT!


The GOP Tax Policy Cycle | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Service Animal Blues

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by the wonderful Nadine Scholtes!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

We’re looking at three characters on a train.

The first character is a attractive man in his 20s or 30s, wearing jeans and a button-up shirt with rolled-up sleeves. There’s a suitcase on the floor next to him.

He’s smiling and leaning down to talk to the second character, a very handsome dog – specifically, a black and white bi-colored Australian Shepherd. The dog is wearing a red harness which includes a sign on the front saying “service dog.” The dog is looking straight ahead with a serious expression.

The third character is the dog’s human, sitting (we know she belongs to the dog because she’s got the loop of the dog’s leash around one wrist). She’s dressed in desaturated red pants with a short of puffy fringe on the cuffs, a pink front-button blouse, and is holding a purse in her lap. Most importantly, she’s asleep; her head is leaning against a wall, and she’s drooling a bit.

MAN: Aww, who’s a good dog?

DOG (thought): Dude! C’mon! I’m at work!

PANEL 2

A close-up of the dog, who is leaning its head to one side, away from the man’s hand. The dog has an annoyed expression.

DOG (thought): I’ve got responsibilities here. Don’t distract me!

DOG (thought): Do I come up and pat your head at your job?

PANEL 3

The man’s hand is now firmly petting the dog on the top of its head. The dog closes its eyes and endures.

DOG (thought): You’re lucky I’m a professional, or I’d so growl at you right now.

DOG (thought): But I will be writing a very sternly worded letter to the editor!

PANEL 4

The setting has switched to a newspaper office. Two people – a 30 or 40ish bald man struggling to hold a bunch of papers, and a 50 or 60sh woman in a brown business outfit – are standing in front of an partly open door with a sign that says “editor.” The woman is holding a letter open in front of her, with the torn-open envelope in the same hand, and is looking at it with bewilderment.

MAN: What’s that?

WOMAN: It’s… A piece of paper covered in paw prints?


Service Animal Blues | Patreon

Posted in Ableism, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Reality vs Imagination, Trans Kids Edition

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon contains ten panels; the left half of the cartoon is a three-by-three grid, containing nine panels, while the right half is a single large panel.

A big caption above the left half of the cartoon says, in large friendly lettering:

HOW TRANSITIONING HAPPENS FOR KIDS

PANEL 1

A young man is speaking directly to the reader. He has hair that’s carefully combed on top and buzz-cut on the sides, a short beard, and is wearing a reddish tank top and a black leather wrist band. He’s smiling and friendly. Let’s call him “Bob,” because why not.

BOB: The process isn’t always the same, but here’s how it went for me.

PANEL 2

In the foreground, we can see a child with hair in a ponytail. The kid is sitting across a table from two people (presumably Bob’s parents), who both look stunned.

BOB (in a caption): When I was ten, I finally told mom and dad I’m a boy. They were, um… surprised.

PANEL 3

Bob is again speaking directly to the reader, smiling, hands on hips.

BOB: But eventually they got me an appointment with a trans-friendly therapist.

PANEL 4

Bob raises one hand in a classic “cartoon explaining hands” motion.

BOB: After months of sessions with the therapist, my parents agreed to the next step…

PANEL 5

A shot of kid Bob, in a short boy’s haircut, wearing an Elmo t-shirt, jeans shorts, and red high-top sneakers, grinning and glowing with pride, with his chest puffed out.

BOB (in a caption): A new name, new clothes and a new haircut!

PANEL 6

A hand is sticking into the panel, holding up a letter. The letter says “Dear Doc, YUP! HE TRANS! yrs, Therapist”

BOB (in a caption): Armed with letters from two therapists, we contacted a gender clinic…

PANEL 7

Bob – narrator Bob now, not kid Bob – is sort of emerging from a calendar, leaning his head on one arm. He looks a bit sad.

BOB: But there was a waiting list… I lived as myself over a year before I got in.

PANEL 8

A hand is holding a prescription bottle, although it looks a bit more complicated than most pill bottles do, with an oversize cap, and we can see it has a big stopper. (This is because it contains injectable liquid, not pills.) We can see that the bottle is labeled “Leuprolide.”

PANEL 9

We’re now seeing Bob from head to toe, as if the camera is backing away. He’s continuing to talk, but each successive word balloon has slightly smaller lettering, as if it’s fading into the distance.

BOB: That was only the start! It was years before I began hormones.

BOB: So next I…

BOB: And then…

PANEL 10

This is a huge panel, taking up the entire right half of the cartoon. A small girl, with her hair in pigtails and holding a teddy in one hand, is in what’s obviously a medical office of some kind, standing in front of the counter and talking to the person behind the counter.  Her eyes are wide.

The woman behind the counter is leaning forward, almost over the counter, and looks rather predatory. She’s wearing blue scrubs over a black shirt.

A big caption at the bottom of the panel says “HOW THEY IMAGINE IT HAPPENS.”

LITTLE GIRL: My teacher says I’m a tomboy.

WOMAN BEHIND COUNTER: That means you’re a boy! We’ll start you on hormones right now!


Reality vs Imagination, Trans Kids Edition | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Diets Don’t Work Therefore You Must Diet!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon was written by Barry and drawn by Becky Hawkins.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

Panel 1

A doctor (surgical scrubs, white lab coat, standing in a standard doctor’s examination room and holding a manila folder filled with papers) talks directly to us. He is neatly groomed and very likable and trustworthy looking, with a very friendly expression.

DOCTOR: The way public health experts think about weight is changing! Here’s some things we now all accept:

PANEL 2

Although the doctor’s monologue continues, we don’t see him in this panel; instead we see a collage. There’s a desert with a road sign saying “Next Food 1200 Miles”; a DNA helix; a prescription pill bottle with “side effects may include weight gain” on the label; Sigmund Freud, reading a notepad and holding a cigar; and a cupcake.

DOCTOR: People are fat for a wide variety of reasons.

PANEL 3

The doctor is holding a pamphlet out to us (which due to foreshortening takes up most of the panel). The pamphlet cover says “BMI: How do YOU compare to a small group of white male Europeans 200 years ago?”

DOCTOR: BMI is an imperfect measure of health.

PANEL 4

A couple of happy-looking fat people are cooking; in the foreground, a woman chops onions, while in the background we can see a man flipping the stir-fry in a frying pan like a pancake. In the background, we can see the Doctor on a tablet screen on a shelf.

DOCTOR: Health markers like blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol can be improved without weight loss.

PANEL 5

A close-up of the tablet, with the Doctor talking on the screen, now with a concerned expression.

DOCTOR: The vast majority of diets fail because people regain weight. Losing and regaining over and over can harm your health.

DOCTOR: And most importantly…

PANEL 6

In a contrast to how calm the Doctor has been up to now, he’s now screaming in panic and waving his hands like Kermit the Frog.

DOCTOR: EVERY FAT PERSON MUST LOSE WEIGHT! LOSE IT NOW! NOOOOOW!


Diets Don’t Work Therefore You Must Diet | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance |

Self-Made Billionaire!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. There’s an enormous main panel, the size of the whole cartoon, and then there are five small “inset” panels floating at different angles on top of the main panel.

MAIN PANEL

The main panel shows a smiling, self-satisfied looking white man, wearing casual-but-nice clothes – a long sleeved short shirt tucked into brown pants, with a light blue suit jacket worn on top. He’s holding the lapels of his jacket as he speaks. The last three words of his dialog are printed in much larger lettering, acting as the title of the comic strip.

He is standing thigh-deep in an enormous pile of green dollar bills (presumably of high denominations, although my drawing isn’t detailed enough to show that). Each of the small panels has dollars pouring out of the panel and falling to join the big money pile at the bottom of the cartoon.

MAN: I’m proud to be a SELF-MADE BILLIONAIRE!

INSET PANEL 1

CAPTION: Government Subsidies

A very traditionally-drawn Uncle Sam, grinning, is holding a bucket upside down, and money is pouring out of the bucket.

INSET PANEL 2

CAPTION: Inherited Wealth

A baby in a onesie is napping blissfully on a big pile of brown bags with a “$” printed on each bag.

INSET PANEL 3

CAPTION: Tax Loopholes

A sort of organic-looking hole tunnels into an abstract surface. Money is shooting out of the hole and falling out of the panel, towards the big money pile.

I originally tried drawing this panel as a more literal loophole, made of thread, but somehow that seemed to illustrate the concept less well than a totally abstract approach.

INSET PANEL 4

CAPTION: Publicly Funded Infrastructure

A highway overpass is passing over a lower highway overpass. Cars and trucks are driving on both levels of overpasses, including a large truck with its rear doors open; money is flowing out of the rear doors towards the big money pile.

INSET PANEL 5

This is the final inset panel of the cartoon.

CAPTION: Exploited Workers.

Two workers – one wearing a blue vest over a white shirt, and an orange cap, the other wearing a polo shirt and carrying a large cardboard box, look irritated. Money is flying out of their pockets to join the big money pile.


Self-Made Billionaire | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

So Where Are You From?

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon drawn by Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows the same two youngish (20s or maybe 30s) women chatting at an outdoor party (there are lights strung in the air, and people milling about in the background). Both women are holding drinks. The sky is dark blue with stars faintly showing, indicating early evening.

The first woman is white. She’s wearing a red blouse, glasses, and has fashionably-cut straight hair, a bit long than shoulder length, with bangs. She’s holding a martini glass. Let’s call her “Glasses.”

The second woman looks like she has south Asian heritage. Her hair, also straight and fashionably cut, is parted on one side and ends an inch above her shoulders. She’s wearing a purple dress with a pattern of off-white flecks, and is carrying a brown saddlebag style purse over one shoulder. She’s drinking something out of a plain glass. Let’s call her “Dress.”

PANEL 1

Both women smile as they chat.

GLASSES: So where are you from?

DRESS: New York.

PANEL 2

Glasses, still smiling and maybe laughing a little, waves one hand in a dismissive manner. Dress is looking away, in a “can I get out of this conversation politely” sort of way.

GLASSES: No, where are you really from?

DRESS: Brooklyn. Look, just because I’m Asian doesn’t mean I’m not from America.

PANEL 3

An awkward moment. Both women take a sip from their drinks; Glasses looks away a bit, muttering.

GLASSES (small): Oh, right. Sorry…

PANEL 4

Smiling big again, Glasses rallies and asks Dress another question. Dress facepalms.

GLASSES: So where’d you learn to speak English so well?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE CARTOON

Barry the cartoonist, looking awkward and holding a drink with a slice of lime on the edge of the glass, is being talked at by Glasses, who has an aggrieved expression.

GLASSES: Why is she offended? It was a compliment.


So Where Are You From? | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Racism & Racists |

Shoving It Down Our Throats

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by new collaborator R. E. Ryan!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The storyline focuses on two women; one with curly brown hair falling down her back, rectangular glasses, and a purple t-shirt which says “Jesus Saves” in large letters. I’ll call her “Curly.” The other woman has straight brown hair, cross-shaped earrings, and is wearing an orange t-shirt which also says “Jesus Saves.” I’ll call her “Straight.”

PANEL 1

Straight and Curly are in a parking lot. Curly is cheerfully putting a yellow flier under a car’s windshield wiper, while Straight is holding a small pile of yellow fliers in her hands. We can read the top of a flier over Straight’s shoulder; it has a large heading which says “Jesus is the Answer.”

STRAIGHT: We’re gonna need more fliers!

PANEL 2

On a city sidewalk, a man wearing a hoodie walks stiffly past Curly and Straight, purposely not engaging with them. Straight is wearing a signboard, decorated with flames painted coming up from the bottom, which says “Only JESUS can save you from the Lake of Fire.” She’s holding a flier towards the man walking away from her. Curly is talking to Straight, looking excited and happy, and holding up her smartphone with the screen facing Straight.

STRAIGHT: Excuse me, have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?

CURLY: Hey, look what just went up!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the smartphone screen (we can also see a bit of Curly’s hand holding it). The screen shows a photo of a large billboard, with a central image of Jesus with a halo, and the words “JESUS is coming soon! Are YOU ready?”

STRAIGHT: Wow! Our new billboard looks AMAZING!

PANEL 4

Curly and Straight (straight is still wearing her signboard) are standing on the sidewalk, watching a pedestrian walk by. Curly leans to the side to whisper something to Straight.

The pedestrian has pink/purple hair shaved on one side, and is wearing a t-shirt that says “Trans Pride” over an image of a heart in trans flag colors.

CURLY: You know what I hate about trans people? The way they shove their ideology down everybody’s throats!


Shoving It Down Our Throats | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

Eventually You Gotta Inhale

Cartoon by Barry


As far as I know, I’m the only political cartoonist who regularly does cartoons about fat acceptance! If you like that these cartoons exist, and can spare it, please support my Patreon. A $1 or $2 pledge really helps!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid. The cartoon has two characters. The first character is a fat woman with a pixie haircut and glasses, wearing a polka dot shirt and a skirt. Let’s call her “DOT.”

(I don’t know if I’ve EVER seen anyone in real life wear a polka-dot shirt, but Bill Watterson sometimes drew adult characters in polka-dot shirts, and as longtime readers know it’s my firm opinion that if Watterson did it then it by definition is good cartooning).

The second character is a thin character with curly hair, wearing a button-up shirt with large black buttons. Let’s call her CURLY.

PANEL 1

Dot has her hands raised – open hands facing inward, a tiny bit above elbow height, which is so much the go-to for cartoonists trying to show a character explaining something that the cartoonist Joe Matt once drew this pose with a caption arrow pointing towards the hands saying  “Good ol’ explaining hands.” Curly is cheerful and smiling, and holding one hand out with palm down in a dismissive gesture.

DOT: DIETS DON’T WORK! Studies show that for nearly everyone the weight comes back.

CURLY: Nonsense! Eat less and you’ll lose weight! That’s physics!

PANEL 2

Dot continues explaining, now using a pointing finger, while Curly eagerly leans forward, hands clasping each other, and her eyes replaced with dollar signs.

DOT: While I reply, could you hold your breath? I’ll pay you $1000 if you do it till you faint!

CURLY: $1000? Okay!

PANEL 3

Dot continues explaining; Curly is holding her breath and looking confident.

DOT: Physics says you can do it… if you don’t breathe in, oxygen can’t get to your system, and you’ll pass out.

PANEL 4

A close-up of Curly, still smiling, with her cheeks puffed out, but her eyes are widening. Dot speaks from off-panel for this and the following three panels.

DOT: But this is about biology, not physics. Right now, your brain is sending chemical signals to your body saying “inhale!”

PANEL 5

Curly is still smiling, but she’s obviously straining a bit to keep holding her breath.

DOT: The same thing happens when you diet. The brain thinks you’re starving and sends out signals saying “you’re hungry! EAT!” It’ll send those signals for years if it has to.

PANEL 6

Curly isn’t smiling and doesn’t look confident. She’s still holding her breath, but has balled her hands into fists and is trembling.

DOT: The brain also releases hormones to make your body hold onto more fat. we evolved that way to get through famines.

PANEL 7

Curly has her hands on her cheeks now, and is trembling a lot more, and her eyes are huge and almost popping out.

DOT: And a tiny fraction of people lose weight forever! But for most people, no matter how much willpower they’ve got, eventually…

PANEL 8

In the foreground, Dot looks – let’s face it – a bit smug as she smiles. The panel is mainly taken up by Curly, who has opened her mouth hugely and is gasping. A huge sound effect, drawn so that the letters are converging towards Curly’s open mouth, says “GASP.”

PANEL 9

Dot is back to explaining hands, but with one forefinger pointed up. Curly has turned her back on Dot, arms folded, and has a sour grapes expression.

DOT: THAT’S biology! See my point?

CURLY: Screw THIS! I’m getting a lung bypass!


Eventually You Gotta Inhale | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Fat Acceptance |

MORE Things To Stop Telling Autistic People!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon was written by Barry and drawn by Becky Hawkins.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three-by-three grid. Each panel shows a different person speaking to the reader.

The exception is the central panel, which has the words “MORE THINGS TO STOP TELLING AUTISTIC PEOPLE” written in large, friendly lettering.

PANEL 1

A woman wearing a blue shirt and librarian glasses, with her hair in a bun, is leaning down to talk to us (i.e., we’re in a child’s perspective). We can see from the background that this is a classroom for small children.

WOMAN: If you’d just act normal you wouldn’t GET bullied.

PANEL 2

A man with freckles speaks to us with a dubious expression on his face and his arms folded.

MAN: You’re ALLOWED to drive?

PANEL 3

An older woman, wide-eyed with white hair pushed high on her head by a wrap, speaks to us, a concerned expression on her face.

WOMAN: You must be VERY high functioning.

PANEL 4

A cheerful woman wearing a button-up sweater open over a shirt shrugs.

WOMAN: Isn’t EVERYONE a little autistic?

PANEL 5

This is the central panel; there’s nothing in it but the title of the strip, “More Things To Stop Telling Autistic People,” in large letters.

PANEL 6

This panel shows the inside of a crowded subway car. There’s a lot of people; there’s a screaming baby, there’s a hot dog with scent lines coming off it, there’s a grumpy child with a spiked turtle shell backpack, and mainly there’s just a ton of people packed shoulder-to-shoulder. A bald man with a hip little chin beard holds on to a ceiling strap with one hand as he speaks to us, smiling.

MAN: Just don’t LET it bother you.

PANEL 7

An older woman, with white hair flowing down onto her shoulders, puts a finger on her chin as she speaks cheerily to us. In the background, we can see a dreamcatcher hanging on the wall, near a poster of a wolf howling in front of a full moon, and a big candle shaped like a headless Venus of Willendorf statue, with the wick coming out of the neck. (Becky: “Inspired by a candle I saw at People’s Food Co-op.”)

WOMAN: I bet YOU were vaccinated as a child, right?

PANEL 8

An older man, bald and wearing a short-sleeved polo shirt, grins at us.

MAN: You’re autistic? COOL! Quick, what’s 241 times 672.5?

PANEL 9

A man speaks with great intensity, his face looming so close in the panel that the bottom and top of his head are out of panel. He has wide, staring eyes.

MAN: I can’t trust anyone who won’t look me in the EYES.


More Things To Stop Telling Autistic People | Patreon

Posted in Ableism, Becky Hawkins collaborations |

Gender Affirming Care Is Evil Except When It’s Not

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of them shows the same two characters walking through a park. The character on the left has a gender-ambiguous look, with short hair on the sides and a big puff on top, glasses, jeans, and a purple plaid flannel shirt open over a blue t-shirt. We’ll call them “Flannel.”

The character on the right is a guy, has short, neat hair, and is wearing a thick zip-up hoodie over a white t-shirt. We’ll call him “Hoodie.”

PANEL 1

The two are walking along a paved footpath through a park, Hoodie in front. Both of them are calm.

HOODIE: So-called “gender affirming care” is an atrocity!

FLANNEL: So a cis girl with PCOS shouldn’t get medicine to reduce facial hair?

HOODIE: I don’t mean that.

PANEL 2

A closer shot from the front; the two are still walking along without facing each other (Hoodie’s back is to Flannel), and still calm.

FLANNEL: Are you against breast reduction surgery for cis boys with gynecomastia?

HOODIE: Nope.

PANEL 3

The same scene as they walk on.

FLANNEL: Cis women getting laser hair removal? Cis men taking testosterone? Boob jobs for cis teens? Rogaine and Viagra for cis men?

HOODIE: All those are fine.

PANEL 4

Hoodie suddenly turns around, leaning forward, angry and yelling; Flannel, surprised, leans back.

FLANNEL: How about when a trans person–

HOODIE: THAT’S EVIL AND MUST BE BANNED!


Gender Affirming Care: Evil Except When It’s Not | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

5 Things Congress Says When It Plans To Cut Social Security

Cartoon by Barry


If you enjoy these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon! A $2 pledge really helps.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels. The first six panels are a two-by-three grid taking up the left half of the cartoon; the seventh panel takes up the entire right half of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

This panel is empty except for the title of the cartoon, printed in large, friendly looking letters.

5 THINGS CONGRESS SAYS WHEN IT PLANS TO CUT SOCIAL SECURITY

PANEL 2

A red haired man wearing a brown suit, and a dark tie with red dots, is speaking directly to the reader, looking a little anxious.

MAN: Cuts? NEVER! We only want to… er… “raise the retirement age.”

PANEL 3

A smiling man, wearing a suit with a red striped tie, worries his hands in front of his chin as he talks to the reader.

MAN: We’ll just take billions out of Social Security funds to play the stock market! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

PANEL 4

A man with a salesman’s grin, wearing a cream-colored jacket over a light blue shirt and red tie, holds his lapels as he talks to the reader.

MAN: Social Security should “sunset” every five years unless Congress re-passes it. (Sunsets can’t be bad! They’re so pretty!)

PANEL 5

A well-dressed woman wearing a red jacket over a v-neck gray blouse is looking a bit up into the air as she searches for the right word. Her expression is uncertain.

WOMAN: Overhaul! Wait that sounds bad… Reform! No… um…

PANEL 6

An older man, but still quite strong looking, has white hair parted on one side and is wearing a white button down shirt with a black necktie. He has a stern expression as he speaks to the reader.

MAN: Our debt limit plan won’t cut Social Security! It’ll just force Social Security cuts. That’s totally different!

PANEL 7

This panel has a large caption at the top, in the same font as panel one, which says:

1 THING IT NEVER SAYS

The red-haired man from panel two is back, talking directly to the reader and making a chopping motion with one hand. His expression is stern. Behind him we can see the U.S. Capitol Building (although the Statue of Freedom on top of the building has been replaced by a statue of Woodstock from Peanuts).

MAN: We plan to cut Social Security.


5 Things Congress Says When It Plans To Cut Social Security | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

The Time Before Gender Ideology

Cartoon by Barry


Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different scene.

PANEL 1

Three children are playing on the carpeted floor; behind them we can see a wooden dresser, one drawer left open, and wallpaper with a pattern of hearts. There’s a jewelry box open on the floor with them, and they are wearing dresses (and in one case, a slip) over their ordinary clothing, opera gloves, a hat with a veil attached, etc.. Judging by hair length, they are two girls and one boy.

OFF-PANEL ADULT VOICE: Bobby, take that OFF! Dresses are for GIRLS!

PANEL 2

A girl’s bedroom; posters on the wall, a bed with a pink blanket matching the pink phone and lamp on the nightstand, snacks and backpacks lying on the floor. Three girls are on the floor, lying on bedrolls, dressed in sleep clothing (we can see Ariel from The Little Mermaid on the back on one’s shirt, and a rearing unicorn on another‘s). A fourth girl is lying on the bed. The girl on the bed is speaking to one of the girls on a bedroll; the girl on bed is cheerful, the girl on the bedroll looks nervous.

GIRL ON BED: Which boy do you like?

GIRL WITH UNICORN SHIRT: Keep in mind that your answer WILL be dissected by us and you’ll be ostracized if we don’t like it.

PANEL 3

A schoolyard or sports field; green mown grass, bleachers in the background. Three boys, standing, are surrounding and making fun of a fourth boy, who is sitting cross-legged on the ground and holding a book protectively. Two of the bully boys are grinning; a fourth is yelling loudly.

1st BULLY: Roger is weak and bad at sports and he reads a lot.

YELLING BULLY: UNACCEPTABLE! Let’s hit him and tell everyone he’s gay!

PANEL 4

We’re in an Apple Store, or something similar; white walls, widely-spaced counters displaying tablets, phones and laptops. A middle-aged man, scowling, with close-cropped hair and a dark tee shirt, is glowering at a couple of younger people. The two younger people are a bit gender-ambiguous in their dress. One is wearing a newspaper boy style cap with a rainbow-striped crop top shirt, suspenders, and big clunky purple shoes; they’re giving the middle-aged man the finger. The other has long hair, a van dyke beard, and is wearing a green floral jumper.

SCOWLING MAN: There was never any “gender ideology” when I was a kid!


In The Time Before Gender Ideology Existed | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Sexism & Misogyny |

The GOP’s Dream Speech

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by Kevin Moore.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny fifth “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Dr Martin Luther King Jr, dressed in a gray 1960s suit with a black tie, stands behind a podium, with an array of microphones positioned to catch his words. Behind him we can see a crowd of Black supporters listening. MLK is holding up a finger to emphasize his point.

Behind him, a white MAGA dude, wearing a polo shirt with a big green stripe, green shorts, and a red MAGA cap, is emerging out of some sort of sci-fi portal hanging in the air. The MAGA dude is holding out a hand in a “STOP!” gesture and has an urgent, wide-eyed expression.

MLK: I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by—

MAGA: STOP! Dr. King, we gotta talk!

PANEL 2

Dr King looks a bit annoyed at the interruption, but remains courteous, speaking softly to the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, not seeming to notice King’s annoyance, grins hugely and puts a hand on King’s shoulder.

MLK: Er… Excuse me, my friend. I’m giving a speech right now.

MAGA: I know! The 21st century GOP sent me back in a Time Machine to tell you to stop.

PANEL 3

MLK, taken aback, turns to face the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, still grinning hugely, explains.

MLK: Pardon me?

MAGA: The “character not skin” bit? SUPER DUPER! But you said so many things that aren’t good for us! Like reparations, and socialism, and anti-war. Be a pal and quit?

PANEL 4

MLK is amused, clearly holding back a laugh. The MAGA dude is now the one taken aback.

MLK: So you think I’ll be silent because a white man from the future says my words are inconvenient for him?

MAGA: Uh… Yeah. Why, is that a problem?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE CARTOON

MLK: You don’t know the first thing about me, do you?

MAGA: Nope! And I’d like to keep it that way!


The GOP’s Dream Speech | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Kevin Moore collaborations, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Dragscrolling

Cartoon by Barry


Welcome to new collaborator Nadine Scholtes!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels, all showing the same thing: A woman, seated at a desk in what looks like an apartment, clicking a mouse as she looks at her computer. Her blonde hair is held out of her face by a purple hairband, and she’s wearing a dark blue blouse with pink trim shaped like flower petals, and capri jeans.

PANEL 1

From behind, we see the woman looking at her monitor as she clicks her mouse (SFX: click click click). An orange and white cat sits on the floor, patting her leg with a paw to try and get attention. A window behind her shows daylight.

WOMAN (thought): There’s always a new one up…

PANEL 2

The woman leans her face on one hand, looking a bit frustrated and still manipulating her mouse (SFX: scroll scroll scroll). The cat is climbing up the chair, and the window behind her is getting darker.

WOMAN (thought): Where IS it?

PANEL 3

The woman continues to search (SFX:click scroll click), while the cat sits on the desk, tapping her on her arm with one paw.

WOMAN (thought): C’mon… I’ll find one somewhere.

PANEL 4

The woman leans forward a little, still looking annoyed. The cat, also annoyed, glares at her. It’s even darker outside.

WOMAN (thought): I’ll check the newsgroup.

PANEL 5

The woman rubs a hand through her hair, now looking not just frustrated but a little  mad as she keeps searching (SFX: scroll scroll scoll click). Her cat, unnoticed, jumps off the desk.

PANEL 6

The camera zooms in closer as the woman, fully angry now, pounds her fist on the desk. Behind her, we can see that it’s full dark and there are stars in the sky.

PANEL 7

This panel is larger than the other panels. The woman pushes her chair back, pointing a finger at the screen, and yells angrily. In the foreground, the cat walks away but looks back at her resentfully.

WOMAN: AHA! A picture of a MAN in a DRESS! WHY must they SHOVE it in my face?


Dragscrolling | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

What I Said CAN’T Be Racist Because…

Cartoon by Barry


By Becky Hawkins and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eight panels, each of which shows a single white person speaking directly to the reader. An additional ninth panel – the center panel of the grid – has nothing in it but a large caption, written in a distorted font. The caption says:

WHAT I SAID CAN’T BE RACIST BECAUSE

PANEL 1

A fashionable looking woman, with an undercut hairstyle, cats eye glasses and a septum piercing, waves a hand dismissively.

WOMAN: Liberals can’t be racist. Everyone knows that.

PANEL 2

A man dressed like an academic, including a bow tie and a jacket with elbow patches, is standing in front of a blackboard, pointing to the blackboard with a, er, pointer. The blackboard is covered with complicated looking math equations, and at the bottom there’s a simple drawing of the academic’s face, and a drawing of a devil face, with a not equal sign (“≠”) between the two faces.

MAN: Because racists are bad bad people, and I’m a good person. Q.E.D.!

PANEL 3

A red-haired man, wearing a collared shirt with a nametag, points to himself. He has a pleased and proud expression. There’s a footnote at the bottom of the panel.

MAN: I’ve got a Black friend!*

FOOTNOTE: *work acquaintance

PANEL 4

A good-looking man in his twenties, wearing an open plaid shirt over a white t shirt, is speaking to us.

MAN: I’m not white! Family legend says that great great great Grandma was an Indian!

PANEL 5

This is the central panel. It has nothing in it but the words “WHAT I SAID CAN’T BE RACIST BECAUSE” in large distressed letters.

PANEL 6

A man talks to us, wearing blackface makeup and holding a banana. He’s shrugging.

MAN: I was only joking! That makes it okay!

PANEL 7

A blonde woman holding a drink makes the “come here” gesture towards people who are out of panel.

WOMAN: I adopted three children of color! THREE!

WOMAN: Prop, Shield and Excuse, come here so I can show these folks.

PANEL 8

A woman speaks to us. She looks as if she’s about to cry, and is holding a handkerchief in one hand.

WOMAN: If you say something I said is racist I might start crying and no one wants that.

PANEL 9

A person (could be either female or male) closes their eyes and holds their hands in front of them, as if praying. They are wearing blue robes. There is a halo shining out from behind their head, drawn as if in stained glass.

PERSON: My intentions were pure.


What I Said Can’t Be Racist Because… | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Racism & Racists |