The GOP Tax Policy Cycle!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is laid out in a circle, with each panel having an arrow leading the reader to the next panel. So in principle, any of these four panels could be panel one. But for purposes of this transcript, I’ll start out with the topmost panel.

Each panel shows the same powerful-looking middle-aged man, wearing a suit with a red striped tie.

In the middle of the cartoon is the title, printed in large friendly letters. The title i: THE GOP TAX POLICY CYCLE.

PANEL 1

The man – who I’ll just call GOP – is looking at a piece of paper he’s holding and jumping up with a horrified expression on his face.

GOP: HORRORS! The U.S. is running a DEFICIT!

PANEL 2

The man steeples his fingers in front of him and has a big smirk, as he closes his eyes. He looks very content.

GOP: We HAVE to make BIG cuts to social welfare programs!

PANEL 3

The man is now dancing in place, one foot kicked off the ground, arms raised, and has a big grin.

GOP: Then we’ll give rich people and corporations HUGE tax cuts!

PANEL 4

The man is now leaning against the side of the cartoon with one hand. The other hand holds a piece of paper, which he’s glaring at.

MAN: Mysteriously, those tax cuts were followed by less tax revenue, which means…

(Panel 4 is followed by an arrow leading back to panel 1.)

PANEL 1

The man – who I’ll just call GOP – is looking at a piece of paper he’s holding and jumping up with a horrified expression on his face.

GOP: HORRORS! The U.S. is running a DEFICIT!


The GOP Tax Policy Cycle | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Shoving It Down Our Throats

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by new collaborator R. E. Ryan!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The storyline focuses on two women; one with curly brown hair falling down her back, rectangular glasses, and a purple t-shirt which says “Jesus Saves” in large letters. I’ll call her “Curly.” The other woman has straight brown hair, cross-shaped earrings, and is wearing an orange t-shirt which also says “Jesus Saves.” I’ll call her “Straight.”

PANEL 1

Straight and Curly are in a parking lot. Curly is cheerfully putting a yellow flier under a car’s windshield wiper, while Straight is holding a small pile of yellow fliers in her hands. We can read the top of a flier over Straight’s shoulder; it has a large heading which says “Jesus is the Answer.”

STRAIGHT: We’re gonna need more fliers!

PANEL 2

On a city sidewalk, a man wearing a hoodie walks stiffly past Curly and Straight, purposely not engaging with them. Straight is wearing a signboard, decorated with flames painted coming up from the bottom, which says “Only JESUS can save you from the Lake of Fire.” She’s holding a flier towards the man walking away from her. Curly is talking to Straight, looking excited and happy, and holding up her smartphone with the screen facing Straight.

STRAIGHT: Excuse me, have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?

CURLY: Hey, look what just went up!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the smartphone screen (we can also see a bit of Curly’s hand holding it). The screen shows a photo of a large billboard, with a central image of Jesus with a halo, and the words “JESUS is coming soon! Are YOU ready?”

STRAIGHT: Wow! Our new billboard looks AMAZING!

PANEL 4

Curly and Straight (straight is still wearing her signboard) are standing on the sidewalk, watching a pedestrian walk by. Curly leans to the side to whisper something to Straight.

The pedestrian has pink/purple hair shaved on one side, and is wearing a t-shirt that says “Trans Pride” over an image of a heart in trans flag colors.

CURLY: You know what I hate about trans people? The way they shove their ideology down everybody’s throats!


Shoving It Down Our Throats | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

The GOP’s Dream Speech

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by Kevin Moore.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny fifth “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Dr Martin Luther King Jr, dressed in a gray 1960s suit with a black tie, stands behind a podium, with an array of microphones positioned to catch his words. Behind him we can see a crowd of Black supporters listening. MLK is holding up a finger to emphasize his point.

Behind him, a white MAGA dude, wearing a polo shirt with a big green stripe, green shorts, and a red MAGA cap, is emerging out of some sort of sci-fi portal hanging in the air. The MAGA dude is holding out a hand in a “STOP!” gesture and has an urgent, wide-eyed expression.

MLK: I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by—

MAGA: STOP! Dr. King, we gotta talk!

PANEL 2

Dr King looks a bit annoyed at the interruption, but remains courteous, speaking softly to the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, not seeming to notice King’s annoyance, grins hugely and puts a hand on King’s shoulder.

MLK: Er… Excuse me, my friend. I’m giving a speech right now.

MAGA: I know! The 21st century GOP sent me back in a Time Machine to tell you to stop.

PANEL 3

MLK, taken aback, turns to face the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, still grinning hugely, explains.

MLK: Pardon me?

MAGA: The “character not skin” bit? SUPER DUPER! But you said so many things that aren’t good for us! Like reparations, and socialism, and anti-war. Be a pal and quit?

PANEL 4

MLK is amused, clearly holding back a laugh. The MAGA dude is now the one taken aback.

MLK: So you think I’ll be silent because a white man from the future says my words are inconvenient for him?

MAGA: Uh… Yeah. Why, is that a problem?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE CARTOON

MLK: You don’t know the first thing about me, do you?

MAGA: Nope! And I’d like to keep it that way!


The GOP’s Dream Speech | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Kevin Moore collaborations, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Dragscrolling

Cartoon by Barry


Welcome to new collaborator Nadine Scholtes!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels, all showing the same thing: A woman, seated at a desk in what looks like an apartment, clicking a mouse as she looks at her computer. Her blonde hair is held out of her face by a purple hairband, and she’s wearing a dark blue blouse with pink trim shaped like flower petals, and capri jeans.

PANEL 1

From behind, we see the woman looking at her monitor as she clicks her mouse (SFX: click click click). An orange and white cat sits on the floor, patting her leg with a paw to try and get attention. A window behind her shows daylight.

WOMAN (thought): There’s always a new one up…

PANEL 2

The woman leans her face on one hand, looking a bit frustrated and still manipulating her mouse (SFX: scroll scroll scroll). The cat is climbing up the chair, and the window behind her is getting darker.

WOMAN (thought): Where IS it?

PANEL 3

The woman continues to search (SFX:click scroll click), while the cat sits on the desk, tapping her on her arm with one paw.

WOMAN (thought): C’mon… I’ll find one somewhere.

PANEL 4

The woman leans forward a little, still looking annoyed. The cat, also annoyed, glares at her. It’s even darker outside.

WOMAN (thought): I’ll check the newsgroup.

PANEL 5

The woman rubs a hand through her hair, now looking not just frustrated but a little  mad as she keeps searching (SFX: scroll scroll scoll click). Her cat, unnoticed, jumps off the desk.

PANEL 6

The camera zooms in closer as the woman, fully angry now, pounds her fist on the desk. Behind her, we can see that it’s full dark and there are stars in the sky.

PANEL 7

This panel is larger than the other panels. The woman pushes her chair back, pointing a finger at the screen, and yells angrily. In the foreground, the cat walks away but looks back at her resentfully.

WOMAN: AHA! A picture of a MAN in a DRESS! WHY must they SHOVE it in my face?


Dragscrolling | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

The Party of Small Government

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows the same central character, a large white man – I’ll call him Big Man – with neatly combed brown hair, wearing a business suit with a red tie. When I say he’s “large,” I don’t mean he’s fat; I mean he’s powerfully built and about ten feet tall, looming high over all regular humans around him.

PANEL 1

We are in a standard doctor’s examination room, with all the usual accouterments. The large man has placed himself between a family (mom, dad, young teen) and a doctor. He’s pointing sternly at the teen, and facing that way, while his other hand is encompassing the doctor’s face as he pushes her back. The family looks horrified.

BIG MAN: No “gender affirming” care for YOU!

PANEL 2

We are in a school library; there are bookshelves and green beanbag chairs and a mural of green trees and sunshine covering one wall. A librarian sits at a desk, apparently interrupted in handing a book to a child. The Big Man, smugly smirking, is plucking the book away in his enormous hand, even as the child fruitlessly tries to grab it.

BIG MAN: Reading books? Not on MY watch!

PANEL 3

We’re now in the waiting room of a hospital or a large clinic. There’s uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, generic art on the walls, a receptionist at a desk, and a rope indicating where people can wait in line. In front of all that, Big Man has physically picked up a doctor by the scruff of his white doctor’s jacket, and is holding the doctor away from a teenage girl. With his other hand, he’s sticking his pointer finger into the girl’s face, as he talks to her with some anger.

BIG MAN: And I say you ARE going to have a baby!

PANEL 4

The Big Man is sitting in a room, with big patriotic red-white-and-blue banners hanging on the wall behind him. He’s sitting on a pile of people; if we look closely, we can see that these are all the people he’s been abusing in panels one through three. He’s smiling as he speaks, one hand waving grandly.

BIG MAN: We are so PROUD to be the party of SMALL GOVERNMENT!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Being Foxy About Vaccines

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the anchors of a conservative news show, a man and a woman, both of whom are well-dressed and have very carefully styled hair. They’re sitting at a news desk and talking to the camera, with a backdrop of a cityscape behind them. A chyron (text) runs across the bottom of the screen.

PANEL 1

We’re in a darkened living room. We can see a TV dinner, partly eaten, on a tray in the foreground; in the background is a TV, surrounded by a liquor cabinet on the left and a houseplant on a chest of drawers on the right. The TV is turned on, providing the only bright colors in the panel. The male anchor is making air quotes with his fingers, while the female anchor is holding out her hand in a “stop!” gesture.

MAN: Unelected government “doctors” say we need this “vaccine.” but what aren’t they saying?

WOMAN: Don’t trust government! Don’t trust doctors!

PANEL 2

We are now seeing just what’s on the TV screen. The male anchor has turned towards the female anchor and is speaking to her, one hand waving in a sort of “angry questioning” motion. The female anchor has folded her hands on the desk in front of her and is speaking directly to the camera.

MAN: Who knows what horrible side effects these experimental “vaccines” have?

WOMAN: Stay tuned! We’ll be back in just a minute!

PANEL 3

Our vantage point has pulled back. We’re now obviously in a TV studio; we can see cameras and microphones pointing at the two anchors, and the slightly-raised platform the anchor desk sits on. There’s a large bright green screen behind them, instead of a cityscape.

Two people in nurse’s scrubs, both wearing face masks, have come up to the desk. Both anchors have taken their jackets off, and he’s rolled up a sleeve (her blouse is sleeveless). The nurses are injecting medicine into their arms.

The male anchor is smiling cheerfully, while the female anchor speaks to her nurse with a concerned expression.

MAN: Thanks. Better safe than sorry, right?

WOMAN: How long until the booster after this one?

PANEL 4

We’re once again looking at them as they appear on a TV screen; the cityscape backdrop is back. They’re both looking angry and gesturing towards the screen with extreme foreshortening; he’s holding a finger up near the screen, and she’s pointing straight at the screen like Uncle Sam.

MAN: These “needle Nazis” are trying to force you to take their so-called “vaccine”!

WOMAN: DON’T LET THEM!

CHYRONS

What the chyrons (the crawl of text across the bottom of the TV screen) say. (The second line of each chyron is cut off on one or both sides of the screen, to simulate the words scrolling across the screen.)

Panel 1: EXPERTS: VACCINE WILL KILL POPE

…t’s gonna happen any day now we’re triple sure this time…

Panel 2: DELILAH INNOCENT!

…vaccine, not haircut, caused Samson to lose his streng…

There’s no Chyron in panel 3.

Panel 4: ARE VACCINES FULL OF LIVE ANTS?

…re not saying they are but we’re not saying they aren’t…

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Being Foxy About Vaccines on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, COVID-19, Media criticism, Right-wingers |

Right-Winger With A Zinger

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows the same man, a conservatively-dressed guy with short hair combed in part, wearing a polo shirt and gray slacks, standing on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

The man stands looking directly at the reader, smiling, his arms crossed.

CAPTION: Right-Winger.

PANEL 2

The man is now bursting with anger, raising a fist into the air and mouth open hugely as he yells.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger.

MAN (yelling): Stolen election! Groomers! Hunter Biden’s Laptop!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man is smirking as he speaks more softly directly to the reader. I did my very best to draw him with what’s referred to as “a punchable face.”

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger with a zinger.

MAN: My pronouns are screw and you!

PANEL 4

The camera has pulled back again. The man is thinking very hard, sweating, one hand on his chin, looking up into the air, frowning with effort.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger trying to think of a zinger that isn’t that stupid pronoun shit for the 1000000th time.

MAN (hesitantly): Um…  Uh…

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Myth of William F Buckley And The John Birch Society

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins. I had no idea she was going to do the flaming eyes in panel 2, but I laughed aloud when I saw the sketch. 🙂


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL ONE

The top of this panel has a huge caption, in “vintage” style lettering, that says 1962.

Below that an older man, with a bald head and white hair sticking out on the sides, and wearing an old-fashioned brown suit with a yellow bow-tie, is pressing his hands and face against the audience-facing side of the panel, as if he’s pressing against a sheet of clear glass. His eyes are bulging and mismatched in size and he’s talking aggressively at the readers. We’ll call him “Bircher.”

BIRCHER: President Eisenhower is secretly in the pay of COMMIES!

BIRCHER: A shadowy America-hating CABAL controls the CIA AND the schools!

PANEL TWO

Bircher is now in full on rant mode, his yelling mouth HUGE, his head turning red, flames literally coming out of his eyes. Behind him, William F. Buckley Jr walks up, a corrective forefinger raised; Buckley raises his voice but remains calm.

BIRCHER: Teachers are recruiting YOUR kids into COMMUNISM SATANISM and SEXUAL PERVERSION!

BUCKLEY: HALT, John Birch Society! I, William F Buckley Jr, DENOUNCE you.

PANEL THREE

Bircher falls to his knees, weeping. Buckley dramatically points, arms straight, in an unmistakable “get out of here” gesture.

BIRCHER: I’ve been denounced? NOOOOO!

BUCKLEY: BEGONE! Trouble conservatism’s respectability NO LONGER!

PANEL FOUR

Bircher walks out of the panel with a bent over I’m-so-sad posture. Buckley, looking smug and self-satisfied, walks away in the other direction, doing the “brushing dust off my palms after doing some work” gesture.

BUCKLEY: Now the conservative movement will NEVER AGAIN be ruled by CONSPIRACY MONGERS and IRRATIONALISTS!

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Buckley, smiling, talks directly to the viewer.

BUCKLEY: Finally conservatives can focus on RATIONAL goals… Like protecting the white race from negros!


The Myth of William F Buckley And The John Birch Society | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives |

The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis

Cartoon by Barry


If you like these cartoons, and if you’re inclined to, and if you have the money, and if doing so wouldn’t break any religious rules or local laws, you can support my Patreon. I make a living from lots of people pledging just one or two dollars, and I think that’s really neat.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels.

PANEL ONE

At the top of the panel, there is a large caption, which says: THE DEBT CEILING HOSTAGE CRISIS.

The panel shows a middle-aged man, wearing a brown suit with a red necktie, standing in a deep trench that’s been cut into the floor. It’s reminiscent of defensive trenches dug by soldiers during war, but it’s very clean and abstract, rather than being a realistic trench.

The man is holding an old-fashioned comic book bomb – a perfectly round black sphere with a burning fuse – in one hand, and shaking a fist with the other. He’s yelling and looks angry.

MAN: Give me what I want – or I’ll blow us ALL up!

PANEL TWO

A far shot lets us see that there are actually two trenches here. In one trench is the man from panel one; in the other is a white-haired woman wearing a blue blazer over a red blouse. The two of them are facing each other.

WOMAN: What do you want?

PANEL THREE

The man holds up the bomb higher, and holds up the forefinger of his other hand. He’s still yelling angrily.

MAN: I want BIG cuts in Social Security and Medicare.

PANEL FOUR

Pretty much the same scene, except now we’re seeing the angry-looking man in profile.

MAN: I ALSO want big cuts for climate change spending. AND the IRS. AND welfare.

PANEL FIVE

A close-up of the man as he smiles.

MAN: Basically, if it’s not defense spending or tax cuts for the rich, I want it slashed.

PANEL SIX

The “camera” pulls back so we can see both trenches; the woman is in the foreground, the man (still grinning and holding up the bomb) is in the background.

MAN: And if I DON’T get EVERYTHING I want, I’m blowing up the economy!

MAN: Do we have a deal?

PANEL SEVEN

A shot of the woman, who has an angry expression as she stares at the man, her arms crossed.

WOMAN: No.

PANEL EIGHT

A shot of the two of them staring at each other, with the back of the woman’s head in the foreground. The man is thinking things over.

PANEL NINE

A shot of the man in his trench, looking a little surprised, and also like his feelings have been hurt.

MAN: You’re not even going to negotiate?


The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Why Won’t Leftists Just Be Civil?

Cartoon by Barry


Imagine a world without these political cartoons. Would life even be worth living? Obviously not. We’d all just sit around staring blankly at our piles of unwashed dishes and laundry waiting to die because nothing means anything. Oh, and, uh, patreon support blah blah blah.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has two panels. Both of the panels show a white woman with a stylish haircut, wearing a striped shirt with a calf-length skirt and black tights. She speaks directly to the reader.

PANEL 1

The woman looks sad and distraught. She’s holding one palm up in a bewildered fashion, and has her other palm pressed against the side of her face.

WOMAN: I was arguing with a liberal and she said…

WOMAN: I can hardly even SAY it, it was so AWFUL!

WOMAN: She said my argument was “RACIST.”

WOMAN: She actually used THAT word! About ME! How can anybody be so MEAN?

PANEL 2

The woman now looks angry, her hands balled up into fists.

WOMAN: Why won’t these lying libtard soyboy cuck groomer baby-killing totalitarian leftists just be CIVIL?


Why Won’t Leftists Just Be Civil? | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives |

Somewhere South of the Broder Inside MAGA Brains

Cartoon by Barry


If you want to help us keep making cartoons, you should construct a time machine, become politically important in mid 1960s New York, and then before my birth in October 1968 lead the National Guard to attack the secret alien base in Long Island where their ADHD beam is located. Do not destroy the beam, because destroying it will cause an explosion of ADHD rays that will cover the entire earth and then no one anywhere will ever get anything done on time. Instead, sink it into the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean, because the secret giant squids are already ADHD and the rays can’t harm them. Also, while you’re at it, go into the near future from 2022 and write down some lottery numbers for me, thanks really appreciated we should do lunch.

Also, you can buy the book collections. Makes an acceptable Christmas gift, maybe!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A large caption at the top of the panel says “SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF THE BORDER.”

Two cheerful-looking people are standing outside and talking. One is a woman with dark hair drawn back into a ponytail, glasses, and a polka-dot skirt; let’s call her GLASSES. She’d holding out a smartphone.

The other person is a man with a mustache and a broad-brimmed straw hat, smoking a cigar. He also has dark hair, but his is a little reddish. Let’s call him CIGAR.

GLASSES: Joe my friend who’s a Democrat in the USA just called and invited us to sneak over the border! He says it’s easy!

CIGAR: We’ve got no pressing need to leave, but let’s go anyway!

PANEL 2

Glasses and Cigar are now at the US border, which we know is the US border because there’s a signpost that says “USA” with an arrow pointing. A grinning man with short-cropped blonde hair, waring a border patrol uniform and sunglasses, is running towards them with helium balloons.

A huge sign is hanging over everyone, which says “WELCOME IMMIGRANTS” in huge letters (the “i” is dotted with a heart), and in smaller letters below that says “Don’t Forget To Vote!”

GLASSES: Wow. We can just walk right in!

CIGAR: Look at that huge welcome sign!

BORDER PATROL DUDE: Welcome to Texas!

PANEL 3

Apparently some time has passed, because Glasses and Cigar are now in different outfits. Cigar is relaxing in a reclining chair next to a swimming pool; Glasses is walking up to Cigar and proudly pointing a thumb at herself. (Glasses is now pregnant.)

GLASSES: I just stole a job from a decent hard-working American!

CIGAR: I’m not even working! The government is just giving me welfare cash! Ha ha!

PANEL 4

The border between panels 3 and 4 is a thought balloon, leading to the head of a character in panel 4 (indicating that the entirety of the first three panels were in his imagination).

We’re now looking at two entirely different characters. Both are white. One, wearing a red MAGA cap, is punching his fist into his palm and looks angry. The other, wearing a necktie and button-down shirt, is rearing his head back and yelling as he shakes a hand at the sky.

MAGA DUDE: I’m sure that’s how it happens!

NECKTIE (very loudly): DAMN YOU LIBERALS!!


Somewhere South of the Border Inside MAGA Brains | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Immigration, Racism & Racists |

The Secret Private Lives of Teachers

Cartoon by Barry


Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins, who really went all-out with drawing classroom environments!


When you support the Patreon, you not only get the warm feeling of supporting the making of more swellish policartoons, you also get the warm feeling of an extra arm growing out between your shoulderblades, and admittedly I can’t think of a single situation in which that would be pragmatically useful but what a conversation piece!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a schoolroom, although not always the same schoolroom. There’s also a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

A schoolroom (I know, I know, I just said that). In the background, A freckled, red-headed little girl wearing a red shirt is peering into a fishtank. There are big windows, and outside the windows we can see the tops of green trees.

In the foreground, BILLY, a reddish-blonde-haired little boy, is smiling as he talks to the teacher, Billy’s wearing a black v-neck tee shirt and green shorts. The teacher, MRS ABEL, is also smiling, leaning down to talk to Billy.

All three of them have feathered early-80s hair.

BILLY: Do you remember me from last year, Miss Thompson?

MRS ABEL: Of course, Billy! But I got married this summer, so now you should call me Mrs. Abel.

PANEL 2

A different classroom and a different teacher – but we’re still looking at Billy and his freckled classmate. They’re both leaning on the teacher’s desk; Billy is pointing to a framed family photo on the teacher’s desk. Freckles is wearing a red vest over a collared shirt, and Billy is wearing a green shirt.

The teacher is smiling and gesturing with an open hand as he replies to Billy. In the background, there are large classroom windows, and out the windows we can see the trees are yellow and orange – it’s now Fall.

BILLY: Mr. Smith? Who are the people in this picture?

MR SMITH: They’re my family, Billy!

PANEL 3

We’re back in Mrs Abel’s classroom, looking at the same people as panel 1 – Billy, his freckled classmate, and Mrs Abel. But time has passed; the trees out the window are green again. Also, Mrs Abel is now very obviously pregnant, and has a hand on her belly as she talks to Billy. It looks like Freckles was playing with a toy school bus, but she’s paused to listen to Billy and Mrs Able.

The girl in the background is wearing a red shirt under jeans overalls, and Billy is wearing the same green shirt, but with different pants.

BILLY: But why won’t you be teaching us next month, Mrs Abel?

MRS ABEL: Because I’m having a baby, Billy!

PANEL 4

A caption box at the top of the panel says “BILLY, FORTY YEARS LATER.”

An adult Billy, with a tidy beard and mustache and his hair going white at the temples, is in a classroom, yelling at a teacher, waving his arms. Billy has green pants.

The teacher, who has short red hair, freckles, and is wearing a button-up red shirt, is leaning back against her desk, away from Billy. She looks unhappy and surprised. On her desk, there’s a photo of her with a woman, presumably her wife, and two children.

BILLY (yelling): When we were kids, we never knew anything about teachers’ private lives!

TINY ADDITIONAL PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Adult Billy is talking to the panel 4 teacher, looking a bit histrionic.

TEACHER: But we always knew about–

BILLY: We didn’t! That would have destroyed our childhood innocence!


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

A Right-Winger’s Guide to Labor Economics

Cartoon by Barry


For want of a shoe the shoelace was lost. For want of a shoelace the shoefly was lost. For want of a shoefly the flyover states were lost. For want of the flyover states the state of grace was lost. And the only way to get the state of grace back is to support these cartoons on Patreon. Weird how that works.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Every panel shows the same man, a white man with a mustache and thick hair that’s going white around the temples, who is speaking to the reader in front of an abstract color backgound. He’s wearing tan slacks, a light blue collared shirt, and a red striped necktie.

PANEL 1

A caption at the top of the panel, in big red letters, says:

A RIGHT-WINGER’S GUIDE TO LABOR ECONOMICS

The man in the necktie is looking sincere, his hands pressed together in front of him almost like he’s praying.

MAN: CEOs are infallible and holy and the government must get out of their way.

PANEL 2

The same man is suddenly exploding with anger, stomping his feet and waving his hands and yelling.

MAN: Workers are the worst! They need the constant threat of unemployment, homelessness and starvation to do anything!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man looks out at the reader with an expression of bewilderment, as he shrugs.

MAN: If Luisa’s boss is illegally paying her $3.50 an hour, then $3.50 is exactly what she’s worth! I can think of no other explanation!

PANEL 4

Now the man has switched into a wise-professor-explaining pose, face calm, a finger raised to emphasize his point as he speaks.

MAN: High unemployment happens when millions of people get lazy all at once. It stays high until they all suddenly stop being lazy. Until the next recession, when they’re lazy again.

PANEL 5

A sudden, extreme closeup shows the man‘s face contorted with furry as he yells. (Wait, no, contorted with “fury,” not “furry.” I don’t know or want to know what being ”contorted with furry” is.) We can see that he’s trembling, and a little caption with an arrow pointing at him says “trembling with rage.”

The background, which up until now has mostly been a cool light purple, is bright red/pink in this panel.

MAN (yelling): When unions force rich people to pay employees more, that’s literal armed robbery!

PANEL 6

The “camera” pulls back to a full-figure shot, and his expression is now calm and smiling and a little smug. He’s got his arms crossed and is standing with one foot on the heel in a jaunty sort of pose.

MAN: Everything I say is the objective truth because I am super logical and definitely not just rationalizing my ideological beliefs and if you don’t agree then you suck at economics! LOL!


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons |

Fight Medical Tyranny!

Cartoon by Barry


If you’re enjoying these cartoons, you might also enjoy being on a lush tropical island where friendly locals come up to you with a dish of fresh strawberries, which is for themselves, because they’re not here to serve you and mean sheesh why would you even assume something like that? Anyway, those locals all support my patreon, and maybe if you did too they’d give you a strawberry.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel features the same character: A white guy with a windbreaker (one of the ones where the sleeves are a different color than the body), open over a t-shirt with a big number “1” on it. He’s talking directly to the reader.

PANEL 1

This panel shows the man on a blank background, speaking directly to the viewer, raising his hands for emphasis. He has an aggrieved expression.

MAN: A forced vaccine mandate is a slippery slope to totalitarianism!

PANEL 2

The same man, but now he’s holding a shield (painting in an American flag motif), which he’s using to fend off a HUGE vaccination needle being aimed at him by a GIGANTIC hand. The hand is wearing a blue latex glove, of the kind that many nurses and doctors wear. His word balloons are at an askew angle, for drama or something, but also because doing it that way let me fit in the word balloons without blocking off the drawing of the giant needle. Cartooning secrets revealed!

MAN: We can’t allow liberals to steal our right to make our own medical choices, based on our own values and religious beliefs!

MAN: Everyone must stand against tyranny!

PANEL 3

The man leans very close to the “camera,” so close that the top of his head and the bottom of his chin are both cut off by panel borders. He now looks angry, and he’s raised his voice. The background has turned red, reflecting his anger.

MAN: Even if the vaccine saves lives, government still doesn’t have a right to deprive individuals of our freedom!

MAN: Never! Never ever EVER!

PANEL 4

The main is smiling gently and raising a palm at the reader. The background appears to be a cozy living room; we can see framed pictures on the wall, a comfy couch with a couple of throw pillows on it, a side table and a potted cactus on the floor.

MAN: Unless they’re pregnant, of course.


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Conservatives, Right-wingers, Sexism & Misogyny |

There’s Never Been a Worse Time for Free Speech!

Cartoon by Barry


Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!


If you like these cartoons, you can help make more happen by moving to Portland, Oregon, and specifically into the shed next to my house, and every morning wake up and break into my house and stand over me saying “write! write! draw! draw you scum draw!” over and over, for hours, until I break, and don’t forget to support the Patreon.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels. Each panel shows a different scene from a different era, with the first panel set in the 1890s, and each subsequent panel set in a later time period, until the final panel which is set in the present day.

PANEL 1

A bright summer day in the 1890s. In the foreground, a Black woman is watching three white men with an aggrieved posture. She’s wearing a blue dress. In the background, a uniformed police officer is talking to two other white men, one in a brown three-piece suit with matching bowler hat, while the other man looks more working-class with a white button-up shirt, no necktie, and suspenders.

Behind the men, we can see the still-smoking ruin of what was once a building.

MAN IN SUIT: We only burned down Ida Wells’ newspaper because she wrote against lynching.

COP: That seems reasonable.

PANEL 2

In the background, we can see a group of suffragettes in 1910s dresses and hats, crowded together and looking calm but nervous.  A couple of them are wearing sashes that read “votes for women.” Most of the suffragettes we see are white, but one is Black and another is Asian. The Asian woman is wearing a traditional Japanese kimono and hairstyle (modeled on Komako Kimura’s outfit and hair photographed at a 1917 suffragette march).

In the foreground, with their backs to us (so facing the women), a couple of cops are talking. One of them is slapping a palm with a billy club.

COP 1: These suffragettes were picketing the White House.

COP 2: Let the beatings begin!

PANEL 3

A wealthy looking couple, dressed in 1920s fashion (her in a blue hat with a red ribbon with flower decoration, and a matching blue jacket with puffy off-white cuffs and neck; him in an off-white suit, a straw boater with a red ribbon, blue necktie and red vest) are looking at the building across the street with some distress.

The building across the street has a sign saying “Apollo Theatre” over a revolving door entrance. A big theatre marquee over the entrances tells us that “The God of Vengeance” is playing, although the words are partly blocked by a word balloon. Another nearby sign says “Times Sq.”

WOMAN: A play with Jewish lesbians kissing?

MAN: Let’s call the police!

PANEL 4

An Asian man sits in a chair, holding up a sheet of paper. So many long horizontal strips have been sliced out of the paper that it’s made as much of holes as it is of paper. He’s wearing a collared blue shirt.

Behind him, an Asian woman leans forward to look over his shoulder. She’s wearing a red skirt and buttoned-up blouse, with a blue sweater over it. The hairstyle and clothing suggest the 1940s.

WOMAN: What’s that?

MAN: Letter from my friend Takashi in the internment camp.

PANEL 5

This panel shows two cops, a postman, and a woman in a dress. In the background, we can see a small but well-kept looking yellow house, with a tree in front and a planter under the front window.

One of the cops is putting the woman into the back seat of a police car. Judging from the woman’s hairstyle and pink, high-collared dress, this is the 1960s.

In the foreground, the postman is talking to the other cop, while pointing backwards with his thumb towards the woman. The cop is taking notes.

POSTMAN: We opened Virginia Prince’s mail and found lesbian love letters and something called “Transvestia Magazine”!

PANEL 6

We are looking at a TV set, on a table. Judging from the make of the TV and the style of the tablecloth under the TV, this is the 1970s.

On the TV a dignified-looking Black man, with white hair styled to be high on top of his head, black round glasses, and wearing a suit and tie, is speaking. (The man is Bayard Rustin.)

RUSTIN: I was arrested in the 1940s for being anti-war… In the 50s for being gay… And in the 60s for protesting Jim Crow.

PANEL 7

A current-day TV studio. Cameras and lights point at two people sitting at a table, one a middle-aged man wearing a gray suit with a blue tie, the other a younger-looking woman with black hair, glasses, and a blue short-sleeved dress. The man is spreading his arms out in an annoyed fashion while speaking, and the woman is pounding a fist on the table in front of her.  “Clap clap clap” sound effects on the bottom right of the panel indicate that the unseen audience is clapping for what the woman is saying.

MAN: Nowadays straight white men can’t say anything without being criticized!

WOMAN: There’s never been a worse time for freedom of speech!

SFX: Clap clap clap clap


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Racism & Racists, Sexism & Misogyny, Social Justice |

You Can’t Call Me a Homophobe if I’m Not Afraid

Cartoon by Barry


Another collab with Becky Hawkins!


If you like these cartoons, then you’re an exceptionally refined person and people all over the world are clamoring to know you to such an extent that it’s actually become difficult for you to go out in public unless you wear like, a slouch hat and big sunglasses, but that just makes you look like a spy and other spies come up to you and try to exchange briefcases and it’s just awkward and also support the patreon.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a white man speaking directly to the reader; he has curly orange-ish hair and is wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt,

PANEL 1

MAN: Here’s a newsflash for you stupid lefties! Sometimes words aren’t literally true!

PANEL 2

The man smirks big and makes air quotes with his fingers.

MAN: Like when you call me a “homophobe” or “transphobe” just because I want those people fired from schools!

MAN: Idiot lefties! “Phobia” means “fear” but I’m not literally afraid! lol lol lol!

PANEL 3

He holds up a forefinger to emphasize his point. He’s grinning big.

MAN: You called me “white supremacist” when I said Blacks are genetically stupid…

MAN: But I think Asians are better at math than whites! So I don’t think whites are “supreme.” lolol!

PANEL 4

The man leans closer to the camera, widening his eyes and pursing his lips in a “oooh spooky” expression, while making the “mind blown” gesture with his hands on each side of his head.

MAN: The “big apple” is not a fruit! “Boxing rings” are square! “Hot dogs” aren’t dogs!

MAN: Aren’t you amazed at how clever I am? Is your mind blooown?


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

We Must Protect Their Delicate Feelings

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is a collaboration between me and Becky Hawkins!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, and they all show the same three characters. There’s also a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

1. There’s a woman with an undercut, wearing a jeans jacket, a black shirt with a cut-off bottom, torn pants and boots. She’s carrying a shoulder bag with pins or badges on it. We’ll call her “Undercut.”

2. There’s a man wearing a red t-shirt, red baseball cap, and red-and-white sneakers. He’s got a blonde van dyke beard. He’s either bald, or his hair is short enough to be hidden by the baseball cap. We’ll call him “Redcap.”

3. And there’s a well-dressed woman with a purple blouse, light green pants, and purple wedges. She carries a purse and has shoulder-length brown hair. We’ll call her “Wedges.”

The characters are standing on a sidewalk, by a bus stop sign; there’s a patch of green grass, a tall wooden fence, and a telephone pole behind them.

PANEL 1

Redcap and Undercut both seem to be waiting for a bus. Redcap is yammering on as Undercut listens. Wedges is walking into the panel from the side.

REDCAP: No one cares what WHITE people want… but when BLM protested, the police were like “sorry, Black people, we’ll do whatever you want!”

PANEL 2

Undercut, looking a little heated, begins to respond, but Wedges steps between her and Redcap, holding up her hands and interrupting.

UNDERCUT: WHAT?!? That’s the most ridiculous—

WEDGES: before you reply, consider that if you’re harsh and combative that will make him dig in and he’ll go even further right.

PANEL 3

Undercut looks up and scratches her chin, clearly making an effort. Wedges cuts her off again, putting a hand on Redcap’s shoulder and gesturing towards him with her other hand.

UNDERCUT: Ooookaaaayyy… If you look back at actual news stories, there are tons of examples of—

WEDGES: Research shows people aren’t swayed by evidence. You should center his feelings.

PANEL 4

Undercut explodes with anger, waving her hands and yelling. Wedges and Redcap walk away, Wedges with a comforting hand on Redcap’s back as a single tear rolls down Redcap’s sad face. Wedges speaks to Redcap, a sympathetic expression on her face.

UNDERCUT (yelling): ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

WEDGES: See, this is why Trump beat Hillary.

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Wedges, looking rather smug, raises a finger in a “I’m the teacher” manner as she speaks to Undercut. Undercut looks furious and yanks at her own hair.

WEDGES: Clearly you haven’t spent enough time in midwestern diners.


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Elections |

Nobody Back Then Knew Slavery Was Wrong!

Cartoon by Barry


If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting my Patreon! Or by casting helpful spells!


This cartoon is, of course, drawn by Becky Hawkins, who did her usual wonderful job.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels; each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

A caption at the top of the panel says “1710.”

A Black woman sits on the front steps of a ramshackle wooden house; a small boy is sitting next to her on the steps, and she’s bandaging an injury on his hand. She’s wearing a yellow kerchief wrapped around her hair and tied in back, and speaking to the viewer with an earnest expression.

Standing next to her is another Black woman, speaking a bit angrily to the viewer, with her fists on her hips. She’s wearing a red kerchief over her hair, tied on top, and a yellow dress with an apron.

Both of the dresses are modest and plain, and look old-fashioned by today’s standards.

RED KERCHIEF: Slavery is crushing our lives, our children’s lives…

YELLOW KERCHIEF: It’s simply evil!

PANEL 2

A caption at the top of the panel says “1776.”

The panel shows Thomas Jefferson and George Washington standing in Independence Hall, dressed in revolutionary-era men’s finery. Jefferson is smirking while leaning back against a table, and Washington is speaking more seriously, spreading his arms to make his point.

JEFFERSON: Even we know slavery is a horror!

WASHINGTON: And we’re super racist slaveowners!

PANEL 3

A caption at the top of the panel says “1859.”

Frederick Douglass, wearing a fine looking suit, and John Brown, wearing a rougher looking outfit and carrying a rifle, are standing in a clearing in a wooded area, talking to the viewer. Douglass has a serious expression; with one hand he’s covering his mouth, as if to keep Brown from hearing what he says, and with his other hand he’s pointing to Brown with a thumb. Brown is grinning and pumping a fist into the air.

BROWN: I hate slavery! So I’m gonna capture an armory and start a huge slave rebellion!

DOUGLASS: I’d do anything to end slavery. Except his stupid plan, because it won’t work and he’ll definitely be killed.

BROWN: Worth it!

PANEL 4

A caption at the top of the panel says “TODAY.”

A man with a shaved head and a scruffy beard is speaking to a smartphone mounted on a tripod. The tripod is also holding a ring light. There’s a blue sheet behind the man providing a background – what I’m saying is, this guy is a podcaster. He has an orange t shirt with an image of a hand with a raised middle finger and the caption “Cancel This.” The podcaster is holding one hand palm up, and pointing up with his other hand, as if to make a point.

SCRUFFY: It’s unfair to judge slave owners by today’s standards! Nobody back then knew slavery was wrong!


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Another Reason Campus Conservatives are Afraid

Cartoon by Barry


Help me make more cartoons by robbing a bank and pledging all the money to my Patreon!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show the same thing: A man in an orange button-up shirt, seated at a table. There’s a laptop, a cell phone, and a coffee mug on the table. He’s wearing big headphones, and a professional-looking microphone suspended on a metal arm is pointed towards his mouth. In other words, he’s a podcaster.

In all four panels, the man appears to be yelling loudly, and is drawn with huge, popping eyes.

PANEL 1

MAN: These radical “woke” professors running colleges hate conservatives! That’s why conservative students are bullied and cancelled!

PANEL 2

MAN: You know it’s true because Newsmax and Fox and OAN and radio hosts and magazine columnists and podcasters have told you so! Again and again!

PANEL 3

Although the other panels all show the man in medium shot, this panel is such an extreme close-up that his entire head doesn’t even fit in panel; he’s cut off mid-mouth.

MAN: We’ve all told you — the woke at college are inhuman totalitarian monsters who will destroy your life if they ever find out your real views!

PANEL 4

The man has picked up his cell phone and is looking at its screen as he speaks.

MAN: And look at this! A new survey says conservative  students are afraid to say what they think!


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives |

How The 2nd Amendment Saves Us From Tyranny

Cartoon by Barry


If you enjoy these cartoons, help us make more by supporting my Patreon! Supporting my Patreon will make you taller, better looking, improve your posture, and small children and dogs will stop hating you quite so much.


This cartoon’s gag is kind of obvious, but it made me laugh, especially after seeing Kevin Moore’s art on it. The “ye-e-es” dude in panel three especially cracks me up. (The “ye-e-es!” was entirely Kevin’s idea, btw. I find it hilarious, but I wouldn’t have thought of myself.)


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows two people – The President of the United States and an assistant of some sort – in the oval office. The angles chosen for each shot makes it impossible to see the President’s face: We can make out that he’s a white male with brown hair, but that’s it. In other words, he’s a generic white male President.

The assistant is wearing a blue suit with a red tie. He’s balding on top and has neatly combed salt-and-pepper hair on the sides.

PANEL 1

In the foreground, we see the President’s hand and arm; he’s sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office. The assistant stand in front of the desk, talking to the President; he is grinning and doing a fist-pump with one hand, and holding a folder in the other.

PRESIDENT: We’ve had enough freedom! It’s tyranny time in America! How many soldiers do we have?

ASSISTANT: Yes sir, Mr President! We’ve got over a million troops.

PANEL 2

A similar angle shows the President’s hand and shoulder. The assistant is holding up a forefinger, listing things off, and looks very smug.

PRESIDENT: Excellent. And how about firepower?

ASSISTANT: We have six thousand tanks, thirteen thousand aircraft, forty thousand armored vehicles and almost four thousand nukes, Mr President.

PANEL 3

In the foreground, we can see the President pointing in a dramatic “go make it happen!” gesture. The drama is heightened by the extreme foreshortening on the arm, making the pointing hand look huge.

In the background, the assistant looks so thrilled that it’s frankly a bit disturbing; he’s pumping both his fists, grinning hugely, has huge wide eyes, and is hissing “ye-e-es!” Also, his folder has disappeared. Did he drop it? Maybe I’ll get in touch with Kevin and ask him to add a folder tucked under an arm to this panel.

PRESIDENT: Send them in and wipe out freedom immediately!

PANEL 4

The assistant is talking to the President, but now he looks very worried, wringing his hands with sweat flying off his forehead. In the foreground, we can see enough of the president to know that he’s also sweating, and has clasped his hands to his head, mussing his hair.

CAPTION: A few hours later

ASSISTANT: Mr President, the army has encountered some civilians armed with rifles and handguns.

PRESIDENT: Oh no! My evil plot is doomed! Abort! ABORT!

CAPTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON: How The Second Amendment Saves Us From Tyranny


This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Kevin Moore collaborations, Right-wingers |