Moving Out

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each panel shows a conversation between two men, one a young guy wearing a t-shirt, the other a middle-aged executive-looking man wearing a suit.

PANEL 1

Younger guy looks thoughtful as the older guy cheerfully makes a sales pitch.

OLDER: We’re cutting Medicaid, raising import taxes, huge tax cuts for billionaires, and Russia’s now our bestie. Also, we want to annex Canada.

PANEL 2

Younger holds up his palms, rejecting Older guy’s ideas. Older guy is smiling.

YOUNGER: But I don’t want any of that!

OLDER: We’ll also give you a couple of minorities to blame everything on and we’ll treat them like shit!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the Younger guy shows him looking thoughtful and a little blank. A panel on the side of his head opens.

PANEL 4

The panel opens further; we can now see it’s being opened by the Younger guy’s brain, which has eyes and limbs, and is squeezing out the opening.

PANEL 5

The brain jumps away, leaving an empty head behind.

PANEL 6

The Younger guy, an open panel still showing his empty head, is standing robotically and speaking too loudly. The Older guy smiles smugly.

YOUNGER: YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ slang for little details that are unimportant but fun.

Panel 1 – Younger guy’s t-shirt shows a big capital “T,” with hands coming out the “sleeves” and a collar drawn on top. In small print below the T it says “(get it?)”. A booklet lying on the sidewalk is entitled “How To Litter” with burst lettering saying “easy!” “fun” and “low cal!”

Panel 2 – The t-shirt now shows a chicken, with a thought balloon saying “Don’t call me fat.”

Panel 3 – The t-shirt now says “Lincoln Faked His Death.”

Panel 6 – The t-shirt now says “Down with Eastasia,” but “Eastasia” is crossed out and “Eurasia” written in.

Moving Out | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

We Can Disagree And Still Be Friends

Cartoon by Barry

Here’s a link to a timelapse drawing video for this cartoon!

I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each of which shows two characters on a sidewalk. One is a man in a yellow polo shirt, the other a woman in a striped tank top.

PANEL 1

MAN: Why do you liberals make everything so personal? I know folks whose own kids have cut them off because they voted for Trump!

PANEL 2

The woman has stopped to face the man, and is listening with a little smile. The man is smiling and talking, but his face has begun to fall off, like a mask.

MAN: Sure, we’ve got political disagreements. But we shouldn’t let them stop us from being friends, right?”

PANEL 3

The man’s face falls off, and under it is a monstrous, open-mouthed creature. His speech balloon has a creepy, intense font. The man’s human face, still visible as it falls, is laughing.

MAN (monster face): Black illegals eating our dogs get out trannies are pedos fuck voting rights Sieg Heil

MAN (fallen face): Oops! Ha ha!

PANEL 4

The man pushes his face back into place. The woman is in shock, eyes wide and hands over mouth.

MAN: Anyhow, let’s not let politics come between us.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is unimportant details slipped into the art for fun.

Panel 1: Mickey Mouse, drawn in the style of “Steamboat Willie,” the first Mickey Mouse cartoon, is emerging from a hole in the ground, holding up a note that says “public domain ha ha!”

Panel 2: A gravestone in the background has “Floppy Disks 1971-2011” inscribed on it.

Tattoos: The woman has a tattoo on her bicep. In panel 1, it’s a tattoo of a nut (like at a hardware store). In panel 2, it’s a tattoo of a nut (a peanut). In panel 4, it’s a tattoo of Jerry Lewis as “The Nutty Professor.”

We Can Disagree And Still Be Friends | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Trump Says He’s Gonna Shoot Your Dad In The Face!

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse drawing video for this cartoon! You get to see me get started on drawing it, then throw everything out so I can rewrite it and start over.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

In a park, a blonde woman with a panicked expression is talking to a young man wearing a MAGA cap and an older man, both of whom are amused.

WOMAN: Trump says he’s gonna shoot your dad in the face!

MAGA GUY: Silly liberal! He’s not coming after good dads like mine.

DAD: You tell ‘im, son!

PANEL 2

A huge sound effect – “BANG!” – dominates the panel. The older man flies back, his skull fragmenting into pieces and his brain falling out, while Maga Guy watches with a shocked expression.

PANEL 3

The woman and Maga Guy stare in shock at the father’s dead body.

PANEL 4

Maga Guy swings around, pointing accusingly at the woman and yelling.

MAGA GUY: This is BIDEN’S fault!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is long-dead cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant details stuck in the art for fun.

PANEL 1: Kermit the Frog is peering around a tree in the background. The woman has a tattoo of Beaker from The Muppet Show on her bicep.

PANEL 2: The grain of the log is forming a smiley face.

PANEL 3: A bird flying by has a moon-faced head with a grinning human face. An evil bunny stands in front of the tree, smoking and wearing a fedora. Heihei, the chicken from the Moana movies, is sticking his head out a hole in the tree. The woman’s tattoo is now of Fozzie Bear.

PANEL 4: A sunglasses-wearing snake is coming out of a hole in the ground. Big Bird is sticking his head out of the hole in the tree. The woman’s tattoo shows Scooter from the Muppets.

Trump Says He’s Gonna Shoot Your Dad In The Face! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Keep Government Out of the Economy!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different person listening to a pundit on Fox News.

PANEL 1

We are looking at a closeup of someone’s hand holding a smartphone. On the screen, we can see PUNDITHEAD, a white man in a suit, talking to the camera.

PUNDITHEAD: The most important thing to understand about government and the economy is, government should stay out of the economy! Government should also ban fake meat and subsidize farms, but that’s it!

PANEL 2

A red-haired woman is sitting at a table eating with a tablet on the table in front of her. Pundithead is on the screen.

PUNDITHEAD: Except for laws making it harder for workers to unionize. Those are cool.

PANEL 3

A man jogs through a park while wearing headphones. Pundithead’s voice comes from the headphones.

PUNDITHEAD: And subsidize pharma, too. And ethanol. And Elon. And, uh… what was I saying?

PANEL 4

A woman sits in a coffee shop, a laptop open in front of her. She’s laughing. Pundithead’s voice comes from the laptop.

PUNDITHEAD: Oh, right. Government should never, ever interfere with the economy!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ terminology for unimportant details the cartoonist puts in for the fun of it.

PANEL 1 – The Fox News channel logo says “Pox News cough.” The chyron at the bottom of the screen says “Nobody but you has ever read this text. You’re the only one who really appreciates this cartoon.”

In the background is Linus from “Peanuts,” leaning on the iconic brick wall.

PANEL 2 – the Fox News channel logo now says “Cow Moos channel.” The chyron says “Study confirms: Cyanide deadly poison. 46 graduate students perish proving the very obvious.”

A book lying on the table is entitled “101 background gags” by “J. R. R. Toke.” The publisher’s symbol on the book cover spine is Charlie Brown’s head surrounded by laurels.

Her coffee mug says “T.M.” in big letters. In tiny letters next to that “TM,” is another “TM” in small letters. In an even tinier font next to the second “TM” is the little copyright symbol.

The food on her plate, a sort of lumpy mass (I was thinking of it as mashed potatoes) has two wide eyes and a mouth, and looks distressed.

A big dog has laid its head on the table and is looking pleadingly at the woman. A cat is lying on top of the dog’s head, also looking pleadingly at the woman. A bird sits atop the cat’s head.

The woman’s shirt has a pattern with lots of little “Lucy” (from “Peanuts”) heads.

PANEL 3 – The jogger’s shirt has a picture of a skull wearing a white founding father wig, with the caption “George Washington. Rested & Ready.”

An evil bunny, wearing an eyepatch and smoking a cigarette, is in the foreground.

PANEL 4 – A sign taped to the wall says “$500 charge if you read this sign. Cash only.”

It’s hard to make out, but the little branding symbol on the back of the laptop is an image of the evil bunny from panel 3.

On the woman’s cell phone screen is a stickfigure smiling and giving us the finger.

The tattoos on her left arm are a coffee mug with “I am 89% coffee” written on it; a happy worm in a fedora crawling out of an apple; and “My other arm is a Mercedes.” The tattoo on her right arm is a Mercedes symbol.

Keep Government Out of the Economy! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Echo Echo Echo Fox Fox Fox

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

We’re looking at an open laptop. On the laptop screen we can see a Fox News show, where two hosts are speaking with a guest.

HOST: Thanks for joining us on Fox! Now, you’ve written a book about woke liberal echo chambers?

GUEST: I have! You see, woke liberals spend all their time in places where only liberal opinions are heard.

PANEL 2

The Fox show is showing an image of a book. The title is “Inside the Woke Bubble Wrap Safe Space Echo Chamber Bubble.”

GUEST: They have their own websites, their own cable networks. They’re aware that other opinions exist, but they don’t trust any news source outside their own bubble.

PANEL 3

The guest author shrugs.

HOST: Is there no way of changing liberals’ minds?

GUEST: Not while they stay safe within their echo chamber.

PANEL 4

We see a woman watching the laptop; she has an amused expression.

HOST: So sad! Good thing conservatives aren’t like that.

GUEST: Yes, exactly!

HOST 2: I agree too!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an antediluvian cartoonists’ term for little details that are unimportant to the cartoon but which are amusing, at least to ourselves.

PANEL 1 – There’s a cat asleep behind the laptop. On the front of the laptop, the branding just says “LOGO.” The Fox News logo says “Faux News channel.” The chyron (the line of text at the bottom of news shows) says “Study: Your ears look kinda funny.”

PANEL 2 – The Fox logo now says “Lox News on bagels.” The chyron says “Global Warming: myth, plot or scam?”

PANEL 3 – The Fox logo now says “Over Look these words.” The chyron says “Oprah uses time machine, kills Christ.”

PANEL 4 – The back of the laptop has the planet sticking its tongue out, from the front cover of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, on it. The cat is now wearing glasses and smoking a cigarette. The woman’s coffee mug has an illustration on it of a handgun firing; below the drawing are the words “Get it? It’s a mug shot.”

Echo Echo Echo Fox Fox Fox | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Door to Door Policy Salesman

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the same scene and the same two characters. We are outside a middle-class looking house, looking at the front door. The door is open, and a 1950s-housewife-looking woman, with a bouffant hairdo and a green dress, is standing in the doorway. She’s talking to a man in a gray suit, with a matching fedora, carrying a brown suitcase.

We’ll call these two characters “Housewife” and “Salesman.”

In addition to the four panels, there’s a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

The salesman stands talking to the housewife, one hand outspread in a friendly fashion. The housewife looks nervous and has a hand resting on her chest in an “oh my” gesture.

SALESMAN Good morning, ma’am. I’m a door to door domestic policy salesman, and–

HOUSEWIFE: I’m sorry, we just can’t afford anything.

PANEL 2

The salesman, smiling in a friendly way, is holding his case out and open to display his wares. The housewife turns her head away, holding up one palm in a “no no no” gesture.

SALESMAN: But I’ve got universal health care. Very popular – lots of nations have it.

HOUSEWIFE: No no. We could never afford anything like that.

PANEL 3

Warming to his own sales pitch, the salesman is jubilantly holding a bunch of pamphlets, raising some of them towards the sky. The housewife looks very flustered.

SALESMAN: I’ve got policies for your kids that’ll save you money in the long run. Universal pre-K, lead removal…

HOUSEWIFE: Oh, gosh no. We couldn’t afford anything like that.

PANEL 4

The salesman, looking disappointed, has turned away and is looking at his pamphlets to see what else he can offer. Behind him, the housewife is smiling big with an excited expression, and holding two huge bags of money (we know it’s money because the bags are labeled ” $ “) to offer the salesman.

SALESMAN: Hmm… I’ve also got a big increase in policing and prisons. But it’s expen-”

HOUSEWIFE (very large font): WE’LL TAKER IT!

TINY “KICKER” PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

A similar but different salesman (gray hair, brown fedora) is speaking to the same housewife, as he raises his hat in greeting. The housewife is eager, and her eye is drawn as a heart.

SALESMAN: Good morning, ma’am. I’m a door to door war salesman.

HOUSEWIFE: Just give me a sec to mortgage my house.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure and outdated cartoonist expression for meaningless but hopefully entertaining details in a cartoon. This cartoon has two pieces of chicken fat:

Panel 1: A balding man is peering over a fence in the background.

Panel 3: On the lawn in the background, a rat, wearing pink cats-eye sunglasses, is sunbathing lying on a rat-sized outdoor chaise lounge.

Door to Door Policy Salesman | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Health care, Right-wingers |

New Solutions to the Trolley Car Problem!

Cartoon by Barry

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

HOMOPHOBIC WOKE PARENTS ARE TURNING GAY KIDS TRANS!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel depicts a TV talk show, called “The JAQ Off.”  There are a couple of plants (with “The JAQ Off” written on their pots), and between them a desk with “Just Asking Questions” painted in large letters on the front. We can see big TV lights pointing at the desk.

Two women are seated behind the desk. On the left is the host of the show, who has short, nicely styled brown hair, and is wearing a suit jacket over a green blouse. On the right is the guest, an older woman with long white hair wearing a blue turtleneck. We’ll call them HOST and DEEMS.

PANEL 1

The Host is smiling and speaking to the camera as she gestures at her guest. Deems is speaking and holding her palms up as if denying an accusation.

HOST: Our guest is Doctor Debbie Deems of the prestigious American Medical Association! She’s here to talk about protecting gay teens.

DEEMS: Technically, we’re the American Medical Approximation. It’s a common mix-up we’re certainly not trying to encourage.

PANEL 2

The host takes a sip of her water while she makes a shrug with her other arm. The guest lifts herself up from her seat a little, her expression conveying urgency.

HOST: Tomayto tomahto. What’s the main danger gay teens face?

DEEMS: The big danger is they’re being force to turn trans.

PANEL 3

A close-up on Deems as she makes a point to the camera, a forefinger upheld. She looks pretty frantic.

DEEMS: There’s an epidemic of homophobic woke parent who can’t stand their kids being gay so they turn their kids trans! This is definitely something that happens verifiably and for real!

PANEL 4

The host has put a hand over her mouth, looking concerned. Deems is calm and very composed all of a sudden.

HOST: That’s terrible! Do you have any examples you can tell us about?

DEEMS: No.

HOST: Well, I’m convinced!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for little gags and details that the cartoonist put in that don’t actually matter, but are fun anyway.

In this strip, the “chicken fat” in in panel three, where there are a few chyron lines crawling across the bottom of the panel. (Chyrons are the text scrolling across the bottom of news networks).  Chyron line one just says “Coming Up.” Line two says “Expert: trans people peed on her cat, sofa” and line three says “Did Soros invent the trans activist movement? We imply yes!”

Homophobic Woke Parents Are Turning Gay Kids Trans! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Biden Stuffed Ballot Boxes in Boise!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. There are two main characters. The first is a woman with dark red hair going to a bit below her shoulders, glasses with fashionably thick arms, and a short black peacoat over jeans and a blouse. We’ll call her GLASSES.

The other character is a woman with very short, somewhat spikey blonde hair, wearing a red puffy vest over a long-sleeved shirt and baggy black pants. We’ll call her VEST.

The two of them are talking on a suburban looking sidewalk, with a house, a bush and a tree in the background.

PANEL 1

Glasses is holding up her smartphone to display the screen to Vest, and pointing to the phone with her other hand.  She looks distressed.

Vest is pissed off – waving her arms and yelling.

GLASSES: In Nevada in 2020, 1,500 dead people voted for Biden! And 4,000 illegal aliens voted! I read it on Facebook!

VEST: Oh come ON!!! Just because someone says something doesn’t make it TRUE!

PANEL 2

Vest is leaning forward, holding her fist in front of her (but not in a threatening way, just angry). Glasses, smiling, holds up her hands, palms out, in a peacemaking gesture.

VEST (still yelling): I could say there’s a video of Joe Biden personally stuffing ballot boxes in Boise! That doesn’t mean it happened!

GLASSES: Hey, no need for raised voices. Let’s agree to disagree.

PANEL 3

In the foreground, Vest, muttering to herself, is walking away, pushing up her own hair angrily and biting her lip. In the background, Glasses has her back to Vest but has turned her head to watch Vest depart.

VEST (muttering): mumble grr stupid maga idiot @%$*!

PANEL 4

A shot of Glasses alone. She’s looking distressed again, and is anxiously and rapidly tapping on her phone as she types into it. In her thought balloon we can see what it is she’s typing. (By the way, the typo is on purpose. Well, it wasn’t originally on purpose, but I noticed the typo before I posted the cartoon and decided to leave it in,, so in that sense it’s on purpose).

GLASSES (typing into phone): BIG news! EXLCUSIVE! Dem source says VIDEO has emerged of BIDEN HIMSELF PERSONALLY STUFFING BALLOT BOXES in BOISE! #FakeElection #cheatingJoeBiden

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. There are two bits of chicken fat in this comic. In panel one, in the background, there’s a house, and if you look carefully in the window you’ll see Homer Simpson looking out. And in panel two, in the lower left corner, we can see that someone hidden in the bushes is spying on the characters’ conversation.

Biden Stuffed Ballot Boxes in Boise! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Elections, Right-wingers |

Crackpots: Left vs Right

Cartoon by Barry

Did you spot all the little background details Becky Hawkins slipped in?

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is dominated by a large title, going horizontally across the image, which says “CRACKPOTS LEFT vs RIGHT.” The title lettering divides the cartoon in two, with two panels above the lettering, and two panels below it.

PANEL 1

A woman with green hair and an undercut is typing furiously on her phone. She’s wearing a black collar with spikes, has a pierced nose, and tattoos. Her face is radiating anger. A word balloon coming from the phone shows what she’s typing.

PHONE: 9/11 was CLEARLY an INSIDE job. Bin Laden WORKED for the CIA! Controlled demolition! Insider trading! HALIBURTON! #911truth #insidejob #wakeup

PANEL 2

The same woman turns to talk to someone who is off-panel, her face and demeanor now calm as she looks away from her phone. We can now see that she’s behind the counter in a coffee shop.

OFF-PANEL CUSTOMER: Excuse me, can I get my coffee refilled?

BARISTA: Coming right up!

PANEL 3

We are looking at a blonde woman in extreme close-up as she types on her phone. Her face is so angry she looks like she’s about to have an embolism. A word balloon coming from her phone shows us what she’s typing.

PHONE: 1/6 was a FALSE FLAG op jointly run by ANTIFA & the FBI to DISTRACT us from HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP!! #J6files #fakenews #wakeup

PANEL 4

The “camera” has pulled back and we can now see that the woman is wearing a conservative blue skirt-suit and matching high heels. She’s in an expensive looking office, leaning back in a large brown leather desk chair, and resting her feet on the desk. She’s talking to an off-panel assistant, and she’s now quite calm and maybe even a little bored.

OFF-CAMERA ASSISTANT: Pardon me, Congresswoman? Time for your FOX interview.

CONGRESSWOMAN: Coming!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this cartoon, all of the chicken fat was made up by Becky (yay Becky!).

Panel 1: Her tattoos include a Mickey Mouse silhouette with blood spattered across it a la the Watchmen symbol, and a donut shaped like an infinity symbol, which today I learned is a thing.

Panel 2: A chalkboard on the wall in the background says “All Coffee Are Beautiful,” arranged so that if you read the first letters downwards, they spell “ACAB.” Another chalkboard says “Daily Special – Salted Caramel – Pumpkin Spice – White Tears.” The IPAD they use as a register has a “Cool S” symbol on its face. (Today I learned that no one actually knows the origin of that symbol.)

Panel 4: Behind the congresswoman is a variation on the American flag, with a bald eagle in profile in front of the stripes, and a white cross in place of the stars. On her desk is a take-out coffee container with the “don’t tread on me” snake on it, and a coffee mug with “Liberal Tears” written on it.

Crackpots: Left vs Right | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Nonbinaries Don’t Care About Your Bullshit

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The first three panels show a man sitting on a sofa in front of his coffee table, and with a laptop on his, er, lap. Let’s call him “Big Doug.” He has his blonde hair combed back neatly, and is wearing a dark button-down shirt over blue jeans. A carton of take-out Chinese food, a soda, and a TV remote sit on the coffee table. His home, or what we can see of it, is large and nice, but also severely underdecorated (there are no pictures on the walls) and the lighting is desaturated and dull.

In each of the first three panels, the top of the panel is taken up by an image of the tweet Big Doug has just posted. (We can see on the tweets that “Big Doug” is the name he uses for his Twitter account.)

PANEL 1

Big Doug leans forward with an eager expression as he types on his laptop. Big Doug has just posted a tweet which says…

TWEET: There is no such thing as “non-binary.” It is a recent invention by people who want to identify as “Look at me.” That is all.

BIG DOUG: Hah! That’ll really piss the little freaks off!

PANEL 2

Big Doug leans back with his arms folded and an expression of someone who is happy with the job he’s done. He winks.

TWEET: Non-binary is the way ‘normies’ get to include themselves in the alphabet soup. That is all.

BIG DOUG: Maybe I “triggered” them and they’re too sad to reply. Ha! I bet the non-binaries are crying!

PANEL 3

A long shot shows Big Doug dwarfed by his high-ceilinged den. He looks puzzled.

TWEET: ‘Non-binary people must be respected.’ No, they do not. Reality must be respected, not delusions. That is all.

BIG DOUG (thought): Still nothing? Where are the non-binaries?

PANEL 4

We are outdoors; the sky is a bright blue with some small fluffy white clouds, and green trees frame the panel. Two young people are seated on a park bench, and a third, with pink hair peeking out from under a brown cap, leans over from behind the bench to show them something on their smartphone. All of them are dressed in bright colors (tending towards pastels in the case of one of them), and seem engaged and cheerful.

PINK HAIR: There’s a new k-pop dance. Wanna learn it?

PURPLE JACKET: Yes!

Nonbinaries Don’t Care About Your Bullshit | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Right-wingers |

G.O.P. Approved History

Cartoon by Barry

Welcome back to artist R. E. Ryan! This is the second cartoon he’s done with me; I certainly hope there’ll be more.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

A bald white man wearing a brown suit is speaking directly to the reader. He has a gun-shaped flame lighter in one hand, a flame coming out the end, and a book in the other hand. The book’s title is “Woke Gender Stuff,” and the book is on fire.

MAN: You’ve probably heard woke liberal media lies about Republicans banning books from schools. But we love learning! We just want students to hear the truth! So sit down and learn some G.O.P. APPROVED HISTORY.

(The last three words of the Man’s dialog are in huge, friendly letters, forming the title of this strip.)

PANEL 2

Two Black men are wearing Victorian-era suits and ties; one is wearing a tall black top hat. They are seated in plush armchairs in what looks like an exclusive men’s club; they are smoking cigars and drinking from wine glasses.

The first man grins as he speaks to us; the second man is leaning forward in his chair, as if he’s intent on us getting this point.

1st MAN: I’m a Black African in 1526! My friends and I created the intercontinental slave trade and whites had nothing to do with it!

2nd MAN: Remember that, kids – whites are totally innocent!

PANEL 3

A modern-looking boxing ring. There are two boxers in the ring. The one on the left, who doesn’t look very strong, is wearing a royal crown over a white powdered wig, red boxing gloves, and a “Che” t-shirt. The one on the right has red hair, is shirtless (and has huge muscles), has stars-and-bars themed boxing gloves and shorts, and has a giant tattoo covering his back which says “We The People” in the distinctive handwriting of the Declaration of Independence.

Let’s call them KING GEORGE and THOMAS JEFFERSON. George looks tired, while Thomas looks very energetic and is grinning at us.

KING GEORGE: I’m King George (they/them), here to fight Tom Jefferson!

JEFFERSON: I’m Tom Jefferson! I invented freedom. I’m so kind to my slaves, and did I mention I’m definitely not a rapist?

PANEL 4

Abe Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, and Jesus have their arms around each other as they smile out at us. Abe is wearing his signature top hat and holding a can of beer. Jesus has a halo floating over his tricorn hat, is gently glowing all over, and is wearing a yellow “Don’t Tread On Me” t-shirt.

LINCOLN: I’m Abe Lincoln, and I’m a Republican! That’s all you need to know about me.

REAGAN: I’m Abe’s best friend Ronald Reagan!

JESUS: And I’m Jesus! We’re all Republicans!

GOP Approved History | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, History, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Why We Need Don’t Say Gay Laws

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was drawn by the wonderful Nadine Scholtes. The unicorns and rainbows were Nadine’s idea, and I love them.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon ahs four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Two teenagers are standing in a library, and talking directly to the reader. Billy, the boy, is wearing a football uniform and carrying a football. The girl, Sally, is wearing a cheerleader outfit. Billy has his arm around Sally’s shoulders, and Sally is affectionately holding the arm.

BILLY: Hi! I’m Billy Allamerican, and this is my girlfriend Sally.

SALLY: We’re both extremely typical heterosexual high schoolers!

PANEL 2

A person wearing a rainbow-colored sweatshirt, matching their rainbox colored hair, and wearing a big peace sign pendant, and a pinback which says “THEY THEM,” comes in, talking to Billy and Sally. They’re holding up a book with a sparkling cover with the title BE GAY. Billy looks surprised, and Sally looks puzzled.

BILLY: Oh look, it’s Ms Woke, our school librarian!

WOKE: Hi, Kids! Have you read this gay book?

SALLY: What’s “Gay”?

PANEL 3

This panel has a large caption at the top, which says “LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER” in pink lettering.

The panel shows Billy and Sally, standing out on a field. There are smiling unicorns with rainbow manes and tails rearing up on either side of them, and a rainbow behind them. Everything is sparkling.

Billy is now dressed and posed as a stereotypical flaming gay man, wearing a pink shirt and tan capris. Sally is wearing black boots with big buckles and dark shorts and shirt, and is holding an electric razor and shaving one side of her head. Even though it’s been barely a day and her legs were totally hairless in panel one, we can see hair growing on her legs.

BILLY: Now that we’re gay, Sally, I’ve quit the football team to become a communist florist!

SALLY: That’s so cool, Billy! I’m going to shave my head and become a witch!

The panel border between panels 3 and 4 is a thought balloon.

PANEL 4

The right panel border of panel 3 is a thought balloon border, which leads to the head of the first speaker in panel 4 (indicating that panel 3 was in his imagination). There are two guys here; they’re sitting at a bar, with beers in mugs.

The first man is a gray-haired man with a beard and mustache, wearing a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a red necktie. He’s holding up one finger as if he’s making a point. We’ll call him NECKTIE.

The second man is bald and a little chubby, with a beard and mustache, and wearing a red plaid shirt. We’ll call him PLAID.

NECKTIE: And THAT’S why we need “Don’t Say Gay” laws!

PLAID: Makes sense.

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Necktie and Sally (with a crew-cut and wearing dark makeup) are talking; Necktie is in a panic, while Sally is cheerful.

NECKTIE: Why would anyone be straight if we let them know there are other options?

SALLY: Exactly!

Why We Need Don’t Say Gay Laws | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Right-wingers |

The GOP Tax Policy Cycle!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is laid out in a circle, with each panel having an arrow leading the reader to the next panel. So in principle, any of these four panels could be panel one. But for purposes of this transcript, I’ll start out with the topmost panel.

Each panel shows the same powerful-looking middle-aged man, wearing a suit with a red striped tie.

In the middle of the cartoon is the title, printed in large friendly letters. The title i: THE GOP TAX POLICY CYCLE.

PANEL 1

The man – who I’ll just call GOP – is looking at a piece of paper he’s holding and jumping up with a horrified expression on his face.

GOP: HORRORS! The U.S. is running a DEFICIT!

PANEL 2

The man steeples his fingers in front of him and has a big smirk, as he closes his eyes. He looks very content.

GOP: We HAVE to make BIG cuts to social welfare programs!

PANEL 3

The man is now dancing in place, one foot kicked off the ground, arms raised, and has a big grin.

GOP: Then we’ll give rich people and corporations HUGE tax cuts!

PANEL 4

The man is now leaning against the side of the cartoon with one hand. The other hand holds a piece of paper, which he’s glaring at.

MAN: Mysteriously, those tax cuts were followed by less tax revenue, which means…

(Panel 4 is followed by an arrow leading back to panel 1.)

PANEL 1

The man – who I’ll just call GOP – is looking at a piece of paper he’s holding and jumping up with a horrified expression on his face.

GOP: HORRORS! The U.S. is running a DEFICIT!

The GOP Tax Policy Cycle | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

The GOP’s Dream Speech

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by Kevin Moore.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny fifth “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Dr Martin Luther King Jr, dressed in a gray 1960s suit with a black tie, stands behind a podium, with an array of microphones positioned to catch his words. Behind him we can see a crowd of Black supporters listening. MLK is holding up a finger to emphasize his point.

Behind him, a white MAGA dude, wearing a polo shirt with a big green stripe, green shorts, and a red MAGA cap, is emerging out of some sort of sci-fi portal hanging in the air. The MAGA dude is holding out a hand in a “STOP!” gesture and has an urgent, wide-eyed expression.

MLK: I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by—

MAGA: STOP! Dr. King, we gotta talk!

PANEL 2

Dr King looks a bit annoyed at the interruption, but remains courteous, speaking softly to the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, not seeming to notice King’s annoyance, grins hugely and puts a hand on King’s shoulder.

MLK: Er… Excuse me, my friend. I’m giving a speech right now.

MAGA: I know! The 21st century GOP sent me back in a Time Machine to tell you to stop.

PANEL 3

MLK, taken aback, turns to face the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, still grinning hugely, explains.

MLK: Pardon me?

MAGA: The “character not skin” bit? SUPER DUPER! But you said so many things that aren’t good for us! Like reparations, and socialism, and anti-war. Be a pal and quit?

PANEL 4

MLK is amused, clearly holding back a laugh. The MAGA dude is now the one taken aback.

MLK: So you think I’ll be silent because a white man from the future says my words are inconvenient for him?

MAGA: Uh… Yeah. Why, is that a problem?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE CARTOON

MLK: You don’t know the first thing about me, do you?

MAGA: Nope! And I’d like to keep it that way!

The GOP’s Dream Speech | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Kevin Moore collaborations, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

The Party of Small Government

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows the same central character, a large white man – I’ll call him Big Man – with neatly combed brown hair, wearing a business suit with a red tie. When I say he’s “large,” I don’t mean he’s fat; I mean he’s powerfully built and about ten feet tall, looming high over all regular humans around him.

PANEL 1

We are in a standard doctor’s examination room, with all the usual accouterments. The large man has placed himself between a family (mom, dad, young teen) and a doctor. He’s pointing sternly at the teen, and facing that way, while his other hand is encompassing the doctor’s face as he pushes her back. The family looks horrified.

BIG MAN: No “gender affirming” care for YOU!

PANEL 2

We are in a school library; there are bookshelves and green beanbag chairs and a mural of green trees and sunshine covering one wall. A librarian sits at a desk, apparently interrupted in handing a book to a child. The Big Man, smugly smirking, is plucking the book away in his enormous hand, even as the child fruitlessly tries to grab it.

BIG MAN: Reading books? Not on MY watch!

PANEL 3

We’re now in the waiting room of a hospital or a large clinic. There’s uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, generic art on the walls, a receptionist at a desk, and a rope indicating where people can wait in line. In front of all that, Big Man has physically picked up a doctor by the scruff of his white doctor’s jacket, and is holding the doctor away from a teenage girl. With his other hand, he’s sticking his pointer finger into the girl’s face, as he talks to her with some anger.

BIG MAN: And I say you ARE going to have a baby!

PANEL 4

The Big Man is sitting in a room, with big patriotic red-white-and-blue banners hanging on the wall behind him. He’s sitting on a pile of people; if we look closely, we can see that these are all the people he’s been abusing in panels one through three. He’s smiling as he speaks, one hand waving grandly.

BIG MAN: We are so PROUD to be the party of SMALL GOVERNMENT!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Being Foxy About Vaccines

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the anchors of a conservative news show, a man and a woman, both of whom are well-dressed and have very carefully styled hair. They’re sitting at a news desk and talking to the camera, with a backdrop of a cityscape behind them. A chyron (text) runs across the bottom of the screen.

PANEL 1

We’re in a darkened living room. We can see a TV dinner, partly eaten, on a tray in the foreground; in the background is a TV, surrounded by a liquor cabinet on the left and a houseplant on a chest of drawers on the right. The TV is turned on, providing the only bright colors in the panel. The male anchor is making air quotes with his fingers, while the female anchor is holding out her hand in a “stop!” gesture.

MAN: Unelected government “doctors” say we need this “vaccine.” but what aren’t they saying?

WOMAN: Don’t trust government! Don’t trust doctors!

PANEL 2

We are now seeing just what’s on the TV screen. The male anchor has turned towards the female anchor and is speaking to her, one hand waving in a sort of “angry questioning” motion. The female anchor has folded her hands on the desk in front of her and is speaking directly to the camera.

MAN: Who knows what horrible side effects these experimental “vaccines” have?

WOMAN: Stay tuned! We’ll be back in just a minute!

PANEL 3

Our vantage point has pulled back. We’re now obviously in a TV studio; we can see cameras and microphones pointing at the two anchors, and the slightly-raised platform the anchor desk sits on. There’s a large bright green screen behind them, instead of a cityscape.

Two people in nurse’s scrubs, both wearing face masks, have come up to the desk. Both anchors have taken their jackets off, and he’s rolled up a sleeve (her blouse is sleeveless). The nurses are injecting medicine into their arms.

The male anchor is smiling cheerfully, while the female anchor speaks to her nurse with a concerned expression.

MAN: Thanks. Better safe than sorry, right?

WOMAN: How long until the booster after this one?

PANEL 4

We’re once again looking at them as they appear on a TV screen; the cityscape backdrop is back. They’re both looking angry and gesturing towards the screen with extreme foreshortening; he’s holding a finger up near the screen, and she’s pointing straight at the screen like Uncle Sam.

MAN: These “needle Nazis” are trying to force you to take their so-called “vaccine”!

WOMAN: DON’T LET THEM!

CHYRONS

What the chyrons (the crawl of text across the bottom of the TV screen) say. (The second line of each chyron is cut off on one or both sides of the screen, to simulate the words scrolling across the screen.)

Panel 1: EXPERTS: VACCINE WILL KILL POPE

…t’s gonna happen any day now we’re triple sure this time…

Panel 2: DELILAH INNOCENT!

…vaccine, not haircut, caused Samson to lose his streng…

There’s no Chyron in panel 3.

Panel 4: ARE VACCINES FULL OF LIVE ANTS?

…re not saying they are but we’re not saying they aren’t…

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Being Foxy About Vaccines on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, COVID-19, Media criticism, Right-wingers |

Right-Winger With A Zinger

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows the same man, a conservatively-dressed guy with short hair combed in part, wearing a polo shirt and gray slacks, standing on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

The man stands looking directly at the reader, smiling, his arms crossed.

CAPTION: Right-Winger.

PANEL 2

The man is now bursting with anger, raising a fist into the air and mouth open hugely as he yells.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger.

MAN (yelling): Stolen election! Groomers! Hunter Biden’s Laptop!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man is smirking as he speaks more softly directly to the reader. I did my very best to draw him with what’s referred to as “a punchable face.”

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger with a zinger.

MAN: My pronouns are screw and you!

PANEL 4

The camera has pulled back again. The man is thinking very hard, sweating, one hand on his chin, looking up into the air, frowning with effort.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger trying to think of a zinger that isn’t that stupid pronoun shit for the 1000000th time.

MAN (hesitantly): Um…  Uh…

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, and if you’re inclined to, and if you have the money, and if doing so wouldn’t break any religious rules or local laws, you can support my Patreon. I make a living from lots of people pledging just one or two dollars, and I think that’s really neat.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels.

PANEL ONE

At the top of the panel, there is a large caption, which says: THE DEBT CEILING HOSTAGE CRISIS.

The panel shows a middle-aged man, wearing a brown suit with a red necktie, standing in a deep trench that’s been cut into the floor. It’s reminiscent of defensive trenches dug by soldiers during war, but it’s very clean and abstract, rather than being a realistic trench.

The man is holding an old-fashioned comic book bomb – a perfectly round black sphere with a burning fuse – in one hand, and shaking a fist with the other. He’s yelling and looks angry.

MAN: Give me what I want – or I’ll blow us ALL up!

PANEL TWO

A far shot lets us see that there are actually two trenches here. In one trench is the man from panel one; in the other is a white-haired woman wearing a blue blazer over a red blouse. The two of them are facing each other.

WOMAN: What do you want?

PANEL THREE

The man holds up the bomb higher, and holds up the forefinger of his other hand. He’s still yelling angrily.

MAN: I want BIG cuts in Social Security and Medicare.

PANEL FOUR

Pretty much the same scene, except now we’re seeing the angry-looking man in profile.

MAN: I ALSO want big cuts for climate change spending. AND the IRS. AND welfare.

PANEL FIVE

A close-up of the man as he smiles.

MAN: Basically, if it’s not defense spending or tax cuts for the rich, I want it slashed.

PANEL SIX

The “camera” pulls back so we can see both trenches; the woman is in the foreground, the man (still grinning and holding up the bomb) is in the background.

MAN: And if I DON’T get EVERYTHING I want, I’m blowing up the economy!

MAN: Do we have a deal?

PANEL SEVEN

A shot of the woman, who has an angry expression as she stares at the man, her arms crossed.

WOMAN: No.

PANEL EIGHT

A shot of the two of them staring at each other, with the back of the woman’s head in the foreground. The man is thinking things over.

PANEL NINE

A shot of the man in his trench, looking a little surprised, and also like his feelings have been hurt.

MAN: You’re not even going to negotiate?

The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Free Speech Absolutist

Cartoon by Barry

Please, please pass me that water, he said. Oh sure I said but first have you considered supporting my Patreon? Water for God’s sake just pass me the water he said. Absolutely! But by the way, you can pledge really low amounts, I’m talking just one dollar. God dammit I don’t care about your patreon I’m literally on fire burning to death here, he said. And doesn’t that make you want to support some swell political cartoons?, I asked. Then he died.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each panel shows the same two people walking through a hilly park area while talking.

One character, who I’ll call “Glasses,” is wearing glasses (imagine that!), a cable knit sweater, and black jeans with the cuffs rolled up. She has long reddish hair falling in front of her shoulders, and some of it is in a bun on top. The other character, who I’ll call “Hat,” is wearing a light green hat with a black band and a brim. She’s also wearing a button-down collared shirt, in off-white, and a black skirt.  She has curly black hair falling down the back of her neck.

PANEL 1

Glasses and Hat are walking on a path through a hilly park area, talking cheerfully as they walk. They’re walking one in front of the other, not facing each other.

HAT: I’m a free speech absolutist!

GLASSES: That’s great! Me too!

PANEL 2

Glasses is talking eagerly, while Hat shrugs, looking a little bewildered.

GLASSES: So you speak out against prison censorship?

HAT: I’m not sure what that is.

PANEL 3

Glasses eagerly raises a forefinger, as if to say “this is it,” while Hat (still not looking back at Glasses) has a neutral to bored expression.

GLASSES: Okay… So you want to stop copyright law being used for censorship?

HAT: Meh.

PANEL 4

Glasses now looks a little puzzled rather than happy, rubbing a hand against her chin. Hat glances back, now looking a bit annoyed.

GLASSES: Do you want labor laws protecting workers from being fired for off-work speech?

HAT: Nah. But the people criticizing the speech should shut up.

PANEL 5

A much closer shot of the two of them; in fact, Hat is mostly off-panel, and we only see the back of her head. Glasses is looking annoyed, and leans forward a bit towards Hat’s back to press her point.

GLASSES: Immigrants targeted by I.C.E. for their speech? Sex workers silenced by credit card companies?

HAT: Don’t know, don’t care.

PANEL 6

The “camera” pulls way out, so we’re seeing both characters in full figure. They’re on the top of a hill, with blue sky behind them. Glasses has shoved her hands into her pockets in a glum way, while Hat is grinning and raising her hands into the air, clearly energized and excited by her issue.

GLASSES: Er… So what makes you a “free speech absolutist?”

HAT: I want students who heckle speakers expelled!

This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Right-wingers, Social Justice |