Two Toms Talking Theology
July 10th, 2026 Barry Posted in History, R. E. Ryan collaborations | No Comments »
This comic was drawn by R.E. Ryan, who did a great job rendering my silly version of Colonial America.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels, plus a “kicker” panel underneath.
PANEL 1
In colonial times, Thomas Jefferson is walking after Thomas Paine, holding up an open bible.
JEFFERSON: Hey Thomas Paine — check this out!
PAINE: Hey yourself, Thomas Jefferson. It’s the Bible, but… you’ve cut it up?
PANEL 2
A close-up on Jefferson. We can now see that his copy of the Bible has been cut up; Jefferson is holding scissors in his other hand.
JEFFERSON: Precisely! I cut out the bullshit: miracles, the virgin birth, Jesus being God. What’s left is the good stuff—love your neighbor, give to charity.
PANEL 3
Jefferson tucks his bible under his arm. Paine looks very conceited.
JEFFERSON: I call it “separating diamonds from dunghills.”
PAINE: Nice! You’ve obviously been reading MY work. “Religion was invented to enslave people.”
PANEL 4
We switch to the current day; we are looking at a hand holding a smartphone. On the phone’s screen is a YouTube-style app, playing a video of someone sitting in his car yelling at his camera.
MAN: FACT! The Founding Fathers meant the USA to be a CHRISTIAN nation devoted to our lord JESUS CHRIST!
KICKER PANEL
Paine folds his arms and looks at Jefferson sternly. Jefferson looks abashed and turns away.
PAINE: So Jefferson — have you freed your slaves yet?
JEFFERSON: Oh dear, I’m suddenly needed in Monticello.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is an obscure term once used by cartoonists for irrelevant but fun details in the art.
PANEL 2: A bird on the fence is wearing a white wig with elaborate curls, aka a Founding Father wig. Graffiti on the fence shows a heart with “GB + US 4VR” written inside but the heart is crossed out.
PANEL 3: A beer cart is in the background, with a sign saying “BEER: It’s what’s for breakfast.” A drunk child sits against the cart, drinking from an enormous mug. On the cart’s other side, a cat is lapping at some spilled beer, while a drunk rat has passed out. A smaller sign on the cart says “HEAD CHEESE – Made from REAL calf head!”
PANEL 4: The website is called “ScrewLoose.” The video channel is named “MrBased.” The thumbnails for other videos say: “ANGER: I will NOT let them CANCEL me,” “FEAR: How WOKE is COMING for your KIDS,” and “BUY VITAMINS: THEY don’t want you to KNOW about these PILLS!”
