If Not Now, Then Never

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse video of this cartoon being drawn!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They mostly focus on two members of Congress. The first is a bald middle-aged man, usually wearing a collared shirt with a necktie. The second is a middle-aged woman, dressed mostly in skirt suits.

PANEL 1

The man, looking very intense, is waving a piece of paper that says “BILL” in large letters. The woman has her arms crossed and looks thoughtful. The Capitol Building can be seen behind them.

MAN: We must ban trans from participation in sports!

WOMAN (thought): If I give in on sports, it’ll be easier to resist future anti-trans bills.

PANEL 2

The same two, in different outfits, are now chatting in a hallway, with him standing in a doorway to an office.

MAN: Now that we’ve banned trans people from sports, we have to do bathrooms. Bathrooms are like locker rooms, so it’s really the same issue.

WOMAN (thought): I should give in on this too – people are sensitive about bathrooms.

PANEL 3

The two are in different outfits, standing in front of a fancy desk.

MAN: We need to ban changing gender on birth certificates and driver’s licenses to enforce our bathroom and sports bans, right?

WOMAN (thought): That does make sense…

PANEL 4

The woman is on a city sidewalk, talking to three angry-looking constituents. On of the constituents is holding up a newspaper, with a large headline saying “47th TRANS BAN BILL PASSES.”

WOMAN: I’m sorry. There was nothing I could have done to resist.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is long-dormant cartoonists’ vernacular for unimportant details we sneak into the drawings.

PANEL 1 – Woodstock from “Peanuts” is standing on top of the Capitol dome.

PANEL 2 – There’s a portrait on the wall of Commander T’Ana from “Star Trek: Lower Decks.”

Lower on the same wall, there’s a little recessed alcove. Standing in the alcove is a mouse wearing a collared shirt and tie, holding his morning coffee and contemplating the world.

PANEL 4 – The name of the newspaper is “Daily Opiate.” The subheadline says “Trans People Now Banned From Public Parks and Eating Ice Cream.” The story is accompanied by a photo of a Klansman giving a thumbs up. A different story at the bottom has the headline “Cartoonist Unsure of What to Fill Space With.”

If Not Now, Then Never | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Tragicomic Compromise

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was written by Rachel Swirsky, the much-awarded science fiction writer who also collaborates with me writing the scripts to the Wings of Fire graphic novels. This, by the way, is the second Shakespeare-themed cartoon Rachel and I have done together; we did one about copyright almost a decade ago.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

Three people stand on the stage of a theater. From the ladders and paint cans and junk strewn around, we can see that this isn’t a show, but preparation for a show.

A woman and a man yell angrily at each other, while a third person stands in the middle, holding a clipboard and looking exhausted.

WOMAN: Recasting Romeo and Juliet as lesbians is problematic! Gay people deserve happy endings too!

MAN: Romeo and Juliet is one of History’s Greatest Romances! Are you saying only cis-hets deserve enduring tragic beauty?

PANEL 2

A must closer shot shows the woman and man screaming with fury while the clipboard-holder facepalms.

WOMAN: It’s killing your gays!

MAN: Tragic beauty!

CLIPBOARD HOLDER: Look, let’s compromise.

PANEL 3

A shot of an audience, in dim lighting, watching a show. A woman looks wide-eyed and touched; the man next to her looks a bit annoyed and skeptical.

JULIET (speaking from off panel): Oh, happy dagger! This is thy sheath– But soft, through yonder breaks! A magic rift! I am– Wrested in twain–

MAN: Did… They just add an interdimensional rift to Romeo and Juliet?

WOMAN: Shhh!

PANEL 4

We are behind the same pair of audience members, looking over their shoulders at the brightly lit stage.

The stage has been divided in half by a prop shaped like a giant lightning bolt, which is hanging on wires from above. To the left of the lightning bolt, Romeo and Juliet are making out. To the right of the lightning bolt, Romeo and Juliet lie dead, Romeo with a poison bottle and Juliet with a dagger sticking out of her chest.

In the audience, the man’s annoyance has grown, while the woman is weeping and smiling.

MAKING OUT COUPLE: Mmmm! Mph!

MAN: What the hell?

WOMAN: It’s perfect!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an outdated cartoonists’ term for unimportant details that are still fun.

PANEL 1

On the label of the paint can, a man is wincing away from some paint that’s dripped down onto the label.

The woman has a tattoo that says “2B 2B,” with a circle with a diagonal line on top of the second “2B.”

A newspaper lying on the floor, “The Daily Background,” has two headlines: “Coup In Denmark” and “Julius Seize Her.”

PANEL 3

Stuart Little – the anthropomorphic mouse character – is sitting in the audience in front of our focus characters.

Tragicomic Compromise | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Rachel Swirsky collaborations |

They Walk Among Us

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all of the same scene: Two women are waiting at a bus stop, talking. One woman, who I’ll call, oh, I dunno, I’ll just randomly say CHAYA, is wearing a modest purple dress and has long brown hair. The other woman, who I’ll call HAIRCLIP, is wearing a yellow front-button shirt and blue tights. And she has a hair clip. 🙂

PANEL 1

Both women are seated on the bus stop bench. Chaya is holding her smartphone in front of Hairclip’s face; Hairclip is leaning away, taken by surprise.

CHAYA: Look at this! It’s a picture of a greeter at a children’s museum!

HAIRCLIP: Um… so?

PANEL 2

Chaya has stood and is pushing the smartphone at Hairclip, who has raised a hand to push the smartphone away. Chaya is yelling a bit.

CHAYA: Well, I think this person looks trans! Isn’t that awful? Doesn’t it make you feel panic and rage?

PANEL 3

Hairclip has stood and is chewing out Chaya, who sits back down.

HAIRCLIP: No, of course not! It’s just someone doing their job! What’s wrong with you?

PANEL 4

Hairclip stomps off angrily. Behind her, Chaya looks happy, even serene, as she looks at her smartphone screen.

HAIRCLIP (thought): Jerk! Good thing no one would listen to a clown like that.

A large arrow-shaped caption points at Chaya. The caption says “3.5 million followers.”

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obsolete cartoonists’ term for amusing but unnecessary details the cartoonist puts into the cartoon.

In this cartoon, there’s an ad on the public bench they’re sitting on. No single panel shows the whole bench, but if you look at all of them you can determine that the ad says “#1 New York Times Bestseller I HAVE BEEN SILENCED!, with an image of the guy from this cartoon.

The bus stop sign has an image of a rocket ship instead of a bus.

In panel 4, a newspaper is lying on the ground. The newspaper is called “Background Post.” The headline says “TRAGIC!,” and the subhead says “Artist fails to leave enuf room for text, nation mourns.”

They Walk Among Us | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Transphobes Are The Real Victims

Cartoon by Barry

Once again, there’s a timelapse drawing video! Go watch me change my mind again… and again… and again!

Transphobes Are The Real Victims | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

New Solutions to the Trolley Car Problem!

Cartoon by Barry

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Gender Affirmation Isn’t Just For Trans People

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This single-panel cartoon shows two people, standing and talking directly to the viewer. There is a blonde woman with glasses and a nice layered haircut swept to one side; she’s wearing a blue jacket over a black blouse and a yellow skirt with tiny red dots, and wedge sandals. And there’s a redheaded man, rather muscular, with a red mustache, a striped izod shirt, and jeans. He’s holding a book and his arms are tattooed.

The two of them are surrounded by about twenty little captions with arrows pointing to specific details.

WOMAN: Why can’t trans people just accept their bodies as they are?

MAN: “Gender affirmation” is woke crap! Normal people don’t do that!

CAPTIONS POINTED AT WOMAN:

Used to be brunette

Botox

Not her original nose

Nair

Makeup

Plucked brows

Boob job

Liposuction

Pieced ears

Spironolactone (reduces hair)

Spanx

Shaved legs

Heels

CAPTIONS POINTED AT MAN:

Hair Transplant Surgery

Finasteride (pointed at hair)

Carefully tended stubble

Not his original chin

“Old Spice deodorant for men”

Gynecomastia surgery (male breast reduction)

Keys for giant truck with never used cargo bed

Testosterone injections

(Pointing at the book he’s carrying): “Super Testosterone” by Andrew Tate.

Calf Implants

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dormant cartoonists’ term for unnecessary but hopefully amusing details in a cartoon.

In this case, we just have the man’s tattoos. They include a tattoo of a steaming mug of coffee; the mug has “unimportant details” printed on it. There’s also a happy striped snake, a hot dog, and Bender from the TV show Futurama.

On his other arm are tattoos of a teddy pig (like a teddy bear, but a pig) and Barry the cartoonist, both smiling and waving hi.

Gender Affirmation Isn’t Just For Trans People | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

The Celestial Politics of Trans Bans

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

A reporter is pushing their microphone right in front of the Governor’s face. The Governor is wearing a suit jacket over a turtleneck with a necklace on top of the shirt, and has obviously professionally done hair. She looks a little uncertain.

REPORTER: Governor, what’s your position on the gender affirming care ban?

GOVERNOR: The bill blocking doctors from treating trans kids? Um…

PANEL 2

A close-up on the governor’s face. Next to the governor, floating in the air, a little angel has appeared with a “POOF!” sound effect and a little white cloud. The governor is looking at the shoulder angel out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: This is an awful bill!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the shoulder angel let’s us see her outfit clearly. She has light purple hair combed to one side, and her head is buzzcut on the other side. She’s wearing a white leather jacket with metal studs and a zipper on the sleeve, a white skirt, fishnets, and white boots. She’s also got little white wings and a halo floating over her head.

She has her hands fisted and looks a little angry.

ANGEL: This bill is pandering to bigots! It’s giving in to a moral panic! And it’ll do so much harm to trans kids!

PANEL 4

A longer shot, allowing us to see the shoulder angel, the Governor, and – appearing on the opposite side of the Governor from the angel in a “POOF!” and a considerably darker cloud – a shoulder devil. The devil is a woman in a red two-piece suit over a yellow v-neck blouse, and heels to match the blouse. She has two horns, bat-like wings, and is carrying a trident.

The Governor looks thoughtful, hand on her chin, one eyebrow lifted, looking at the shoulder devil out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: All to solve a problem that doesn’t even exist!

DEVIL: Ahem

PANEL 5

The shoulder devil, raising her arms as if cheerleading, speaks to the Governor, who is now looking more directly at the devil. The angel’s eyes widen in dismay.

DEVIL: Fearmongering wins elections.

PANEL 6

Looking more confident, the Governor is now speaking into the microphone.  Her text is smaller sized and has no word balloon, indicating that it’s sort of a background detail. The angel has her arms crossed and is sitting (in mid air) with her legs crossed, looking at the Governor with annoyance.  The devil is holding her pitchfork above her head in both hands and practically dancing, a huge and evil grin, victorious.

GOVERNOR: …protect children from perverts blah blah blah…

ANGEL: Well, this sucks.

DEVIL: This is great! Next let’s do a law forcing teachers to out trans students!

Celestial Politics of Trans Bans | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes .

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man in a blue turtleneck, wearing a name tag, sits behind a desk marked “customer service,” hand on forehead, looking like he’s very annoyed. Also behind the customer service desk, a woman who looks like a manager – silver hair, blouse and jacket – is leaning over his shoulder and haranguing him. I’m going to name the woman “Manager.”

MANAGER: Can you just confirm that you’ve got a vagina? Just say it! Say “I have lady bits.” Say it!

PANEL 2

We’re now in a warehouse or back storage area, with many large boxes on industrial shelving. She is talking, with a condescending attitude, to a worker wearing a hardhat and yellow vest, who is carrying a couple of boxes stacked. The employee looks like they really, really wish they were anywhere else.

MANAGER: “Non-Binary?” Ha! No such thing! Thinking you’re non-binary means you’re insane!

PANEL 3

We’re in what looks like a backroom employee break area – water cooler, cheap folding chair at a table. The manager stands between a tall woman and the women’s room door, deliberately blocking the way. The woman being blocked has a restrained anger expression and her arms folded.

MANAGER: So-called “transwomen” only want access to women’s bathrooms to commit rape!

PANEL 4

Manager is standing gently crying, holding a handkerchief to one eye (no tears are actually visible). A hand comes in from out-of-panel, holding a professional-looking microphone – i.e., the manager is being interviewed for a news show. A logo in the lower right corner says “4,” so presumably this is on channel 4.

REPORTER: So you were fired for saying “sex is real”?

MANAGER: That’s what happened.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in comics.

In panel 1, there are a series of fliers, all with the same picture of a startled-looking cat, taped to the wall. The first one says “Lost Cat!” The second says “Never mind! Found it!” And the third says “Cat for sale!”

In panel 2, a poster taped to a shelving unit says “FORKLIFT IN USE” in large red letters, and in smaller letters below that, says “If crushed remember to clock out!”

In panel 3, a poster taped to the wall has a lot of little pink hearts and the lettering “The company loves you!”

And in panel 4,  a chyron scroll (that little scrolling text with allegedly breaking news at the bottom of news broadcasts) says “Chyron writers vote to unioni…,” and then on a second line in smaller lettering, “Networks announce new “AI Chyron” project will soon take…”

“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

HOMOPHOBIC WOKE PARENTS ARE TURNING GAY KIDS TRANS!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel depicts a TV talk show, called “The JAQ Off.”  There are a couple of plants (with “The JAQ Off” written on their pots), and between them a desk with “Just Asking Questions” painted in large letters on the front. We can see big TV lights pointing at the desk.

Two women are seated behind the desk. On the left is the host of the show, who has short, nicely styled brown hair, and is wearing a suit jacket over a green blouse. On the right is the guest, an older woman with long white hair wearing a blue turtleneck. We’ll call them HOST and DEEMS.

PANEL 1

The Host is smiling and speaking to the camera as she gestures at her guest. Deems is speaking and holding her palms up as if denying an accusation.

HOST: Our guest is Doctor Debbie Deems of the prestigious American Medical Association! She’s here to talk about protecting gay teens.

DEEMS: Technically, we’re the American Medical Approximation. It’s a common mix-up we’re certainly not trying to encourage.

PANEL 2

The host takes a sip of her water while she makes a shrug with her other arm. The guest lifts herself up from her seat a little, her expression conveying urgency.

HOST: Tomayto tomahto. What’s the main danger gay teens face?

DEEMS: The big danger is they’re being force to turn trans.

PANEL 3

A close-up on Deems as she makes a point to the camera, a forefinger upheld. She looks pretty frantic.

DEEMS: There’s an epidemic of homophobic woke parent who can’t stand their kids being gay so they turn their kids trans! This is definitely something that happens verifiably and for real!

PANEL 4

The host has put a hand over her mouth, looking concerned. Deems is calm and very composed all of a sudden.

HOST: That’s terrible! Do you have any examples you can tell us about?

DEEMS: No.

HOST: Well, I’m convinced!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for little gags and details that the cartoonist put in that don’t actually matter, but are fun anyway.

In this strip, the “chicken fat” in in panel three, where there are a few chyron lines crawling across the bottom of the panel. (Chyrons are the text scrolling across the bottom of news networks).  Chyron line one just says “Coming Up.” Line two says “Expert: trans people peed on her cat, sofa” and line three says “Did Soros invent the trans activist movement? We imply yes!”

Homophobic Woke Parents Are Turning Gay Kids Trans! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Nonbinaries Don’t Care About Your Bullshit

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The first three panels show a man sitting on a sofa in front of his coffee table, and with a laptop on his, er, lap. Let’s call him “Big Doug.” He has his blonde hair combed back neatly, and is wearing a dark button-down shirt over blue jeans. A carton of take-out Chinese food, a soda, and a TV remote sit on the coffee table. His home, or what we can see of it, is large and nice, but also severely underdecorated (there are no pictures on the walls) and the lighting is desaturated and dull.

In each of the first three panels, the top of the panel is taken up by an image of the tweet Big Doug has just posted. (We can see on the tweets that “Big Doug” is the name he uses for his Twitter account.)

PANEL 1

Big Doug leans forward with an eager expression as he types on his laptop. Big Doug has just posted a tweet which says…

TWEET: There is no such thing as “non-binary.” It is a recent invention by people who want to identify as “Look at me.” That is all.

BIG DOUG: Hah! That’ll really piss the little freaks off!

PANEL 2

Big Doug leans back with his arms folded and an expression of someone who is happy with the job he’s done. He winks.

TWEET: Non-binary is the way ‘normies’ get to include themselves in the alphabet soup. That is all.

BIG DOUG: Maybe I “triggered” them and they’re too sad to reply. Ha! I bet the non-binaries are crying!

PANEL 3

A long shot shows Big Doug dwarfed by his high-ceilinged den. He looks puzzled.

TWEET: ‘Non-binary people must be respected.’ No, they do not. Reality must be respected, not delusions. That is all.

BIG DOUG (thought): Still nothing? Where are the non-binaries?

PANEL 4

We are outdoors; the sky is a bright blue with some small fluffy white clouds, and green trees frame the panel. Two young people are seated on a park bench, and a third, with pink hair peeking out from under a brown cap, leans over from behind the bench to show them something on their smartphone. All of them are dressed in bright colors (tending towards pastels in the case of one of them), and seem engaged and cheerful.

PINK HAIR: There’s a new k-pop dance. Wanna learn it?

PURPLE JACKET: Yes!

Nonbinaries Don’t Care About Your Bullshit | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Right-wingers |

Some Things Straight People Can Stop Saying

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Becky Hawkins and I.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid, with nine different brightly-colored backgrounds making a sort of patchwork effect. Each panel shows a single character talking directly to the reader.

Below the bottom of the cartoon is an additional tiny “kicker” panel.

PANEL 1

A smug-looking guy with a beard and curly hair is waving a miniature queer pride flag (specifically, the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag, which has a circle on top of a series of triangles on top of colored stripes) as he speaks.

GUY: Look at what a great ally I am! I totally get what you people go through!

PANEL 2

A blond guy with wide eyes is pointing back and forth at us (as if moving his pointing finger rapidly between two people), and is grinning past a hand held in front of his mouth.

BLOND: So who’s the man and who’s the woman?

PANEL 3

A large man with spikey brown hair and a chin-only beard is waving a hand, his other hand on his hip, as he speaks with a somewhat aggrieved expression.

MAN: When’s straight pride? Huh?

PANEL 4

A young woman with her brown hair in a high ponytail, and with a tattoo of a fairy (er, the magical creature) on her upper arm, sticks her tongue out and makes a disgusted expression.

WOMAN: That’s so gay.

PANEL 5

This is the center panel, and a bit over half of it is taken up by large, friendly lettering which says: SOME THINGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE CAN STOP SAYING

Below that, an older woman with gray hair and glasses looks a little bit confused.

WOMAN: But you don’t look gay.

PANEL 6

A young woman (or a teen) with blonde hair is talking to us with a big grin and pointing rapidly at three different off-panel people.

GIRL: Do you think he’s hot?

GIRL: How about him?

GIRL: How about him?

PANEL 7

A woman sporting carefully done hair, cascading down to below her shoulders, a made-up face, and large earrings, looks confused as she speaks to us.

WOMAN: Can you explain to me why lesbians don’t want to look good?

PANEL 8

A middle-aged man wearing a polo shirt grins lasciviously at us, one eyebrow raised, as he pulls at the side of his collar in a “wow it’s hot in here” gesture.

MAN: You’re a lesbian? Man, what a waste.

PANEL 9

A woman with an annoyed expression is holding two children – a baby in one arm, and a toddler in the other. The baby’s onesie has “Heartbreaker” printed on the front, and the toddler’s t-shirt says “Ladies Man.”

WOMAN: Why must you people flaunt it?

TINY KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

A man wearing glasses and a green shirt is talking to Barry. He’s pointing up and to the left (towards panel one). Barry is looking really nervous as he replies.

MAN: By making this cartoon, aren’t you like panel one?

BARRY: It’s different because… um…

Some Things Straight People Can Stop Saying | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Why We Need Don’t Say Gay Laws

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was drawn by the wonderful Nadine Scholtes. The unicorns and rainbows were Nadine’s idea, and I love them.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon ahs four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Two teenagers are standing in a library, and talking directly to the reader. Billy, the boy, is wearing a football uniform and carrying a football. The girl, Sally, is wearing a cheerleader outfit. Billy has his arm around Sally’s shoulders, and Sally is affectionately holding the arm.

BILLY: Hi! I’m Billy Allamerican, and this is my girlfriend Sally.

SALLY: We’re both extremely typical heterosexual high schoolers!

PANEL 2

A person wearing a rainbow-colored sweatshirt, matching their rainbox colored hair, and wearing a big peace sign pendant, and a pinback which says “THEY THEM,” comes in, talking to Billy and Sally. They’re holding up a book with a sparkling cover with the title BE GAY. Billy looks surprised, and Sally looks puzzled.

BILLY: Oh look, it’s Ms Woke, our school librarian!

WOKE: Hi, Kids! Have you read this gay book?

SALLY: What’s “Gay”?

PANEL 3

This panel has a large caption at the top, which says “LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER” in pink lettering.

The panel shows Billy and Sally, standing out on a field. There are smiling unicorns with rainbow manes and tails rearing up on either side of them, and a rainbow behind them. Everything is sparkling.

Billy is now dressed and posed as a stereotypical flaming gay man, wearing a pink shirt and tan capris. Sally is wearing black boots with big buckles and dark shorts and shirt, and is holding an electric razor and shaving one side of her head. Even though it’s been barely a day and her legs were totally hairless in panel one, we can see hair growing on her legs.

BILLY: Now that we’re gay, Sally, I’ve quit the football team to become a communist florist!

SALLY: That’s so cool, Billy! I’m going to shave my head and become a witch!

The panel border between panels 3 and 4 is a thought balloon.

PANEL 4

The right panel border of panel 3 is a thought balloon border, which leads to the head of the first speaker in panel 4 (indicating that panel 3 was in his imagination). There are two guys here; they’re sitting at a bar, with beers in mugs.

The first man is a gray-haired man with a beard and mustache, wearing a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a red necktie. He’s holding up one finger as if he’s making a point. We’ll call him NECKTIE.

The second man is bald and a little chubby, with a beard and mustache, and wearing a red plaid shirt. We’ll call him PLAID.

NECKTIE: And THAT’S why we need “Don’t Say Gay” laws!

PLAID: Makes sense.

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Necktie and Sally (with a crew-cut and wearing dark makeup) are talking; Necktie is in a panic, while Sally is cheerful.

NECKTIE: Why would anyone be straight if we let them know there are other options?

SALLY: Exactly!

Why We Need Don’t Say Gay Laws | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Right-wingers |

Reality vs Imagination, Trans Kids Edition

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon contains ten panels; the left half of the cartoon is a three-by-three grid, containing nine panels, while the right half is a single large panel.

A big caption above the left half of the cartoon says, in large friendly lettering:

HOW TRANSITIONING HAPPENS FOR KIDS

PANEL 1

A young man is speaking directly to the reader. He has hair that’s carefully combed on top and buzz-cut on the sides, a short beard, and is wearing a reddish tank top and a black leather wrist band. He’s smiling and friendly. Let’s call him “Bob,” because why not.

BOB: The process isn’t always the same, but here’s how it went for me.

PANEL 2

In the foreground, we can see a child with hair in a ponytail. The kid is sitting across a table from two people (presumably Bob’s parents), who both look stunned.

BOB (in a caption): When I was ten, I finally told mom and dad I’m a boy. They were, um… surprised.

PANEL 3

Bob is again speaking directly to the reader, smiling, hands on hips.

BOB: But eventually they got me an appointment with a trans-friendly therapist.

PANEL 4

Bob raises one hand in a classic “cartoon explaining hands” motion.

BOB: After months of sessions with the therapist, my parents agreed to the next step…

PANEL 5

A shot of kid Bob, in a short boy’s haircut, wearing an Elmo t-shirt, jeans shorts, and red high-top sneakers, grinning and glowing with pride, with his chest puffed out.

BOB (in a caption): A new name, new clothes and a new haircut!

PANEL 6

A hand is sticking into the panel, holding up a letter. The letter says “Dear Doc, YUP! HE TRANS! yrs, Therapist”

BOB (in a caption): Armed with letters from two therapists, we contacted a gender clinic…

PANEL 7

Bob – narrator Bob now, not kid Bob – is sort of emerging from a calendar, leaning his head on one arm. He looks a bit sad.

BOB: But there was a waiting list… I lived as myself over a year before I got in.

PANEL 8

A hand is holding a prescription bottle, although it looks a bit more complicated than most pill bottles do, with an oversize cap, and we can see it has a big stopper. (This is because it contains injectable liquid, not pills.) We can see that the bottle is labeled “Leuprolide.”

PANEL 9

We’re now seeing Bob from head to toe, as if the camera is backing away. He’s continuing to talk, but each successive word balloon has slightly smaller lettering, as if it’s fading into the distance.

BOB: That was only the start! It was years before I began hormones.

BOB: So next I…

BOB: And then…

PANEL 10

This is a huge panel, taking up the entire right half of the cartoon. A small girl, with her hair in pigtails and holding a teddy in one hand, is in what’s obviously a medical office of some kind, standing in front of the counter and talking to the person behind the counter.  Her eyes are wide.

The woman behind the counter is leaning forward, almost over the counter, and looks rather predatory. She’s wearing blue scrubs over a black shirt.

A big caption at the bottom of the panel says “HOW THEY IMAGINE IT HAPPENS.”

LITTLE GIRL: My teacher says I’m a tomboy.

WOMAN BEHIND COUNTER: That means you’re a boy! We’ll start you on hormones right now!

Reality vs Imagination, Trans Kids Edition | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Shoving It Down Our Throats

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by new collaborator R. E. Ryan!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The storyline focuses on two women; one with curly brown hair falling down her back, rectangular glasses, and a purple t-shirt which says “Jesus Saves” in large letters. I’ll call her “Curly.” The other woman has straight brown hair, cross-shaped earrings, and is wearing an orange t-shirt which also says “Jesus Saves.” I’ll call her “Straight.”

PANEL 1

Straight and Curly are in a parking lot. Curly is cheerfully putting a yellow flier under a car’s windshield wiper, while Straight is holding a small pile of yellow fliers in her hands. We can read the top of a flier over Straight’s shoulder; it has a large heading which says “Jesus is the Answer.”

STRAIGHT: We’re gonna need more fliers!

PANEL 2

On a city sidewalk, a man wearing a hoodie walks stiffly past Curly and Straight, purposely not engaging with them. Straight is wearing a signboard, decorated with flames painted coming up from the bottom, which says “Only JESUS can save you from the Lake of Fire.” She’s holding a flier towards the man walking away from her. Curly is talking to Straight, looking excited and happy, and holding up her smartphone with the screen facing Straight.

STRAIGHT: Excuse me, have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?

CURLY: Hey, look what just went up!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the smartphone screen (we can also see a bit of Curly’s hand holding it). The screen shows a photo of a large billboard, with a central image of Jesus with a halo, and the words “JESUS is coming soon! Are YOU ready?”

STRAIGHT: Wow! Our new billboard looks AMAZING!

PANEL 4

Curly and Straight (straight is still wearing her signboard) are standing on the sidewalk, watching a pedestrian walk by. Curly leans to the side to whisper something to Straight.

The pedestrian has pink/purple hair shaved on one side, and is wearing a t-shirt that says “Trans Pride” over an image of a heart in trans flag colors.

CURLY: You know what I hate about trans people? The way they shove their ideology down everybody’s throats!

Shoving It Down Our Throats | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

Gender Affirming Care Is Evil Except When It’s Not

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I.

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

The Time Before Gender Ideology

Cartoon by Barry

Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Sexism & Misogyny |

Dragscrolling

Cartoon by Barry

Welcome to new collaborator Nadine Scholtes!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels, all showing the same thing: A woman, seated at a desk in what looks like an apartment, clicking a mouse as she looks at her computer. Her blonde hair is held out of her face by a purple hairband, and she’s wearing a dark blue blouse with pink trim shaped like flower petals, and capri jeans.

PANEL 1

From behind, we see the woman looking at her monitor as she clicks her mouse (SFX: click click click). An orange and white cat sits on the floor, patting her leg with a paw to try and get attention. A window behind her shows daylight.

WOMAN (thought): There’s always a new one up…

PANEL 2

The woman leans her face on one hand, looking a bit frustrated and still manipulating her mouse (SFX: scroll scroll scroll). The cat is climbing up the chair, and the window behind her is getting darker.

WOMAN (thought): Where IS it?

PANEL 3

The woman continues to search (SFX:click scroll click), while the cat sits on the desk, tapping her on her arm with one paw.

WOMAN (thought): C’mon… I’ll find one somewhere.

PANEL 4

The woman leans forward a little, still looking annoyed. The cat, also annoyed, glares at her. It’s even darker outside.

WOMAN (thought): I’ll check the newsgroup.

PANEL 5

The woman rubs a hand through her hair, now looking not just frustrated but a little  mad as she keeps searching (SFX: scroll scroll scoll click). Her cat, unnoticed, jumps off the desk.

PANEL 6

The camera zooms in closer as the woman, fully angry now, pounds her fist on the desk. Behind her, we can see that it’s full dark and there are stars in the sky.

PANEL 7

This panel is larger than the other panels. The woman pushes her chair back, pointing a finger at the screen, and yells angrily. In the foreground, the cat walks away but looks back at her resentfully.

WOMAN: AHA! A picture of a MAN in a DRESS! WHY must they SHOVE it in my face?

Dragscrolling | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

The Party of Small Government

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows the same central character, a large white man – I’ll call him Big Man – with neatly combed brown hair, wearing a business suit with a red tie. When I say he’s “large,” I don’t mean he’s fat; I mean he’s powerfully built and about ten feet tall, looming high over all regular humans around him.

PANEL 1

We are in a standard doctor’s examination room, with all the usual accouterments. The large man has placed himself between a family (mom, dad, young teen) and a doctor. He’s pointing sternly at the teen, and facing that way, while his other hand is encompassing the doctor’s face as he pushes her back. The family looks horrified.

BIG MAN: No “gender affirming” care for YOU!

PANEL 2

We are in a school library; there are bookshelves and green beanbag chairs and a mural of green trees and sunshine covering one wall. A librarian sits at a desk, apparently interrupted in handing a book to a child. The Big Man, smugly smirking, is plucking the book away in his enormous hand, even as the child fruitlessly tries to grab it.

BIG MAN: Reading books? Not on MY watch!

PANEL 3

We’re now in the waiting room of a hospital or a large clinic. There’s uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, generic art on the walls, a receptionist at a desk, and a rope indicating where people can wait in line. In front of all that, Big Man has physically picked up a doctor by the scruff of his white doctor’s jacket, and is holding the doctor away from a teenage girl. With his other hand, he’s sticking his pointer finger into the girl’s face, as he talks to her with some anger.

BIG MAN: And I say you ARE going to have a baby!

PANEL 4

The Big Man is sitting in a room, with big patriotic red-white-and-blue banners hanging on the wall behind him. He’s sitting on a pile of people; if we look closely, we can see that these are all the people he’s been abusing in panels one through three. He’s smiling as he speaks, one hand waving grandly.

BIG MAN: We are so PROUD to be the party of SMALL GOVERNMENT!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Transphobe Bait and Switch (aka The Transphobe Motte and Bailey)

Cartoon by Barry

If you want to help us keep making these cartoons, my Patreon’s right here! And thanks.

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Did famous transphobes really say these awful things? Yes, they did. Receipts are here.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a little “content warning” panel above the top of the cartoon.

The little content warning panel shows a cartoon of Barry the cartoonist speaking directly to the reader.

CAPTION: Content Warning!

BARRY: This cartoon’s dialog is based on some hateful things respected real-life transphobes have said. Seriously, what’s wrong with these people?

PANEL ONE

Panels one through four show three people talking and walking through a park. From left to right, there’s a redheaded woman in a black skirt; a man with messy black hair wearing a plaid shirt; and a woman with long black hair, wearing a t-shirt with a drawing of the planet Saturn on it.

In panel one, REDHEAD looks smug; PLAID is yelling at SATURN, raising his hands in the air; and SATURN is walking away from the other two, looking irritated.

(Chicken fat watch: They’re walking near a stream, and a scuba diver and a fish are each sticking their heads out of the stream to watch. In the background, Walt from the comic strip “Gasoline Alley” is looking at a piece of paper.)

PLAID: The trans movement is one of the most evil movements in history! Puberty blockers are like Nazis experimenting on children in concentration camps!

PANEL TWO

A close-up of PLAID shows him yelling and waving his fists in the air.

PLAID: You’re child abusers! You prey upon impressionable children and indoctrinate them into your insane ideological cult. You are poison!

PANEL THREE

The “camera” pulls back out. REDHEAD continues looking smugly satisfied. PLAID is so angry that he’s pulling his own hair. SATURN has come to a stop, angered by what PLAID is saying.

(Chicken fat watch: Behind a bush in the foreground, Bert and Ernie are chatting with each other).

PLAID: Trans people are fucking blackface. You’re men who get sexual kicks from being treated like women. Fuck you, you pathetic, sick, fuck!

PANEL FOUR

REDHEAD and PLAID have turned and are now walking away from SATURN, who is well in the background, furious, swearing and giving them the finger. REDHEAD is talking cheerfully as she texts on her phone; PLAID is no longer yelling, but still looks angry.

(Chicken fat watch: A couple of huge worms are sticking their heads out of holes in the ground. One is looking wide-eyed at the characters, the other is grinning at the readers.)

REDHEAD: I’m telling people that trans activists are mad because you believe in biological sex.

PLAID: I was being so reasonable! “She” only got mad because she hates women.

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Right-Winger With A Zinger

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows the same man, a conservatively-dressed guy with short hair combed in part, wearing a polo shirt and gray slacks, standing on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

The man stands looking directly at the reader, smiling, his arms crossed.

CAPTION: Right-Winger.

PANEL 2

The man is now bursting with anger, raising a fist into the air and mouth open hugely as he yells.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger.

MAN (yelling): Stolen election! Groomers! Hunter Biden’s Laptop!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man is smirking as he speaks more softly directly to the reader. I did my very best to draw him with what’s referred to as “a punchable face.”

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger with a zinger.

MAN: My pronouns are screw and you!

PANEL 4

The camera has pulled back again. The man is thinking very hard, sweating, one hand on his chin, looking up into the air, frowning with effort.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger trying to think of a zinger that isn’t that stupid pronoun shit for the 1000000th time.

MAN (hesitantly): Um…  Uh…

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |