Weight Loss Inc

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They all show the same scene – the lobby of a weight-loss store – but a few months pass between each panel. In every panel, a fat redheaded woman, a customer, talks to a thin blonde woman, a saleswoman.

PANEL 1

Through the display window, we can see a green, leafy tree. A couple of bags of money lie under the counter. The customer is wearing a floral sundress and cardigan, and is opening a purse full of cash as she talks to the saleswoman.

CUSTOMER: I’d really like to lose weight.

SALESWOMAN: We can help! It’s only $200 to start!

PANEL 2

The tree has now lost all its leaves, and the customer is returning, carrying a sack of cash and wearing winter clothing. There’s more money under the counter.

CUSTOMER: I lost a bit of weight, but I’d like to lose more.

SALESWOMAN: You got it! For a modest monthly subscription.

PANEL 3

It’s now spring, and there are little pink flowers on the tree. The customer, in stretchy pants and a loose fitting long-sleeved top, returns with a grocery cart filled with bags of money. The saleswoman is cheery, but the customer is downcast. There are now so many moneybags under the counter that some are spilling out the side.

CUSTOMER: Now I’ve gained all the weight back… And a little more.

SALESWOMAN: You need our super subscription plan. It comes with an app!

PANEL 4

The tree is full and green again. The customer is back, with the shopping cart piled so high with money that she’s mostly hidden behind it. The room is filled with money bags, and the saleswoman is lounging on the pile of money, smiling happily.

CUSTOMER: Does it worry you that your weight loss plans keep on failing?

SALESWOMAN: Oh, yes, definitely. So very concerned!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure cartoonists’ term for fun background details. There’s a poster on the wall which says “Love Yourself,” but in the first three panels we can’t see the complete poster because the saleswoman stands in front of it. In panel four, we can finally see the small print below “Love Yourself”: “Not yet. Later. Once there’s less of you.”

Weight Loss Inc. | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance |

AI Bubble

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by new guest artist Jamie Sale, who did a terrific job.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows a businessman in a suit grinning as he speaks to us.

PANEL 1

A close up of a businessman grinning. In the background, a bright blue sky with fluffy clouds.

MAN: A.I. Is the defining tech of our time! Microsoft and amazon and facebook and google have spent almost a trillion dollars on A.I.!

PANEL 2

The camera has pulled back a little. We can see the man is holding a bubble blower, bubbles streaming from it.

MAN: Has A.I. made a profit? Not yet, but… Someday we’ll figure out something A.I. can do that actually makes money! It definitely might could happen!

PANEL 3

The man continues grinning, pumping his fist, as the air around him turns gray and forbidding and the bubbles stream out.

MAN: In the meantime, We have to prepare! By spending more billions building more A.I. data centers so we can spend trillions more so that someday A.I. can do… Um…

PANEL 4

We can now see that the man is talking to a huge bubble floating in the air. The bubble has been packed fill with ordinary looking people, shoved in like sardines in a can. They looked panicked and unhappy.

MAN: Anyway, A.I. is certainly possibly maybe not going to pop and take down the whole economy! You’ve got nothing to worry about!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is old-fashioned cartoonist lingo for little extras in the art.

Panel 2 – In a tiny window in a cloud is a tiny, teeny silhouette of a spy with binoculars.

Panel 3 – One of the bubbles has a mouse in it.

Panel 4 – One of the bubbles has a “for rent” sign.

The A.I. Bubble | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

The Future of Journalism is Now!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Jenn Manley Lee and I.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

Two anchors on a TV news show are talking.

MALE ANCHOR: Breaking news – The sale of this network to a billionaire has been finalized!

FEMALE ANCHOR: Wow! It seems like that’s been happening to all the networks!

PANEL 2

A guy sits in his living room, practicing the guitar, while the news plays on his laptop.

MALE ANCHOR: Not just the networks – all the social media sites too!

FEMALE ANCHOR: So will things be changing here in the newsroom.

PANEL 3

The news plays on a wall-mounted TV in a laundromat.

MALE ANCHOR: Absolutely not! Our news division will remain independent!

FEMALE ANCHOR: You really think so?

PANEL 4

In the TV studio; we are behind the anchors, looking at the cameras and lights. A nervous looking intern winces away from a confident looking executive. The cue card the intern holds says “Of course! In fact, it’s good that journalism is owned by kindly oligarchs with only the public’s best interests at heart!”

MALE ANCHOR: Of course! In fact, it’s good that journalism is owned by kindly oligarchs with only the public’s best interests at heart!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is ancient cartoonist lingo for fun but unimportant details in the art.

PANEL 1 – In the skyline in the background, a caped superhero flies. The chyron says “Cahped Hero Spotted Over Skyline – only the most attentive viewers notice. End times sign?

PANEL 2 – The dog is very attentively watching the newscast. The book the man is looking at is called “Guitar Riffs for a Mid-Life Crisis.”

PANEL 3 – The chyron on TV says “Blah Blah Blah Blah. Blah? Yes, Blah!” and then “this particularly rapid unintelligible patter” (a Gilbert and Sullivan reference).

Signs on the wall: “WANTED: Flier writer. Must be able to write better fliers than this one.” “LOST: Innocence. If found do not return, I worked so hard to get rid of it.” “NOTICE: Soap sludge scraped off the bottom of washers is NOT edible.”

A koi fish is swimming around in the washing machine.

The Future of Journalism Is Now | Patreon

Posted in Media criticism |

Wanted

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A middle-aged man in a button-up shirt points directly at us, contempt on his face. He’s standing in a park.

MAN: You! Yeah, you! Face it – you’re a loser.

PANEL 2

The man continues berating us.

MAN: You’ve never accomplished much of anything, and you never will, because you’ve got nothing to contribute.

PANEL 3

We’re looking at a hand holding a smartphone; on the phone’s screen, the man continues his rant.

MAN: But you still think you’re better than most people. Especially the dark skinned ones. You’re basically a piece of shit and you want to hurt people.

PANEL 4

We switch scenes to a cluttered living room. Two women are relaxing on the sofa, one with her feet up on the other’s lap. The second woman is looking at her smartphone.

WOMAN 1: What on earth are you watching?

WOMAN 2: New ICE recruitment ad.

PHONE: Well, have I got a job for YOU!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is long-dead cartoonists’ slang for what the kids now call “Easter eggs.”

Panel two: In the hollow of a tree is a human skull. Through the eyeholes, we can see a bird sitting inside the skull.

And on the ground, an evil bunny glares and smokes a cig.

Panel three: Thumbnails of other videos are below the main image. The other videos are named “CATS,” “puppies,” “BOOBS,” “SPORTS!,” and “RAGE.”

Panel four: There are two framed pictures of the wall, one of a giant worm wearing a polo shirt, the other of the title character from the 1990s cartoon “Darla.”

The cat snoozing on the sofa is wearing glasses.

The first woman has a tattoo of an octopus with a mohawk, and also a snake winding around her arm.

The book on her lap says “BOOK TITLE, by Author Name.”

The second woman has a tattoo of Harold from Harold and the Purple Crayon. She’s wearing a t-shirt with the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” planet logo.

One coffee mug on the table has a picture of an apple with a worm hole. The other mug has a picture of a worm looking puzzled (I think it’s looking for its apple).

A book on the coffee table is entitled “GREG: Like God, but taller” by “A Horne,” a reference to the UK TV show “Taskmaster.”

Wanted | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Immigration |

I Can’t Believe They Deported Carol!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and new guest artist Mike Lawrence.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a frizzy-haired guy, and in each panel he’s in a different setting talking to a different person.

PANEL 1

Frizzy and a woman in a green shirt are on a downtown sidewalk.

WOMAN: I voted for Trump, but I didn’t know he’d deport good moms like Carol.

FRIZZY: And now that you know, you’ll vote for someone who’ll fix it, right?

WOMAN: Eh.

PANEL 2

Frizzy and a sad-looking man in a blue baseball cap and American flag t-shirt are sitting at a bar.

MAN: We all love Carol. She’s so honest and hard working. What they did to her is just awful.

FRIZZY: Exactly! So next time you’ll vote for someone for giving people like Carol legal ways to stay?

MAN: Well…

PANEL 3

Frizzy is standing in front of a church, talking to an anxious woman wearing a nice dress.

WOMAN: Carol’s a regular at church! And such a big heart! She doesn’t belong in a detention center.

FRIZZY: Um… So now you’ll vote differently?

WOMAN: I didn’t say that.

PANEL 4

In a park, a man in a plaid shirt looks a little downcast; Frizzy is yelling and in a panic.

MAN: I can’t believe they’re doing this to Carol. Poor Carol.

FRIZZY: SO NOW YOU’LL VOTE DIFFERENTLY RIGHT?!?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an archaic cartoonists’ term for unimportant but fun details in the art.

PANEL 1 – The bus sign says “14 to the cool people.” (Mike used to live near, and I still live near, the number 14 bus line).

The sign in the store window says “50% OFF! All 50% off signs now 50% off.”

A child in the store window is holding up a handmade sign saying “trapped plees call mommy.” An ad on the bus stop bench shows a grinning man, and says “LAWYER ready to sue your pants off since 2019.” Small print on the bench says “blah blah blah Bob Loblaws law blog blah money money gimmie gimmie (503) 867-5309.”

Poster on wall says “That Old Band From Your Youth – Surprisingly Still Alive Tour,” with a picture of a walker in a spotlight.

Another poster says “WANTED For Crimes Against Inking,” with a picture of a badly-drawn face surrounded by ink splatters.

A coffee cup on the ground says “Cap’n Boomer,” a Moby Dick reference.

PANEL 2 – A poster on the wall says “Putz Blue Ribbon swill.”

The mustache man has a tattoo of Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony. His hat has the logo of the UCI (University of California Irvine) Anteaters, except it says UTI. His beer is called “Lowlife.”

A man in the background is wearing a “KPop Demon Hunter.”

There’s gum stuck under the counter.

Under the counter are three rats. The first rat has a mustache and is holding a tiny beer bottle, like the mustache man above him. The second is playing darts. The third is exploring the inside of a mug.

PANEL 3 – The church has a “Church of Christian Love” sign with room for three notices to be pinned to it. The first notice: “Liberals, homos and trans stay out!” The second: “Monday Rapture.” The third: “Tuesday Potluck.”

PANEL 4 – There’s a person sitting high in a tree in the background. In the other tree, Beaker from the Muppets is peeking out of a hollow.

I Can’t Believe They Deported Carol | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Immigration, Right-wingers |

We’d All Miss Private Health Insurance

Cartoon by Barry

Another collab with the terrific R.E. Ryan.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all showing a protest in front of a state government capital building, with marchers holding placards. We’re focused on two people talking, on a thin blonde man in a suit, the other a fatter guy in a pink shirt, carrying a sign that says “MEDICARE FOR ALL.”

PANEL 1

Suit, with an annoyed expression, is talking at Pinkshirt.

SUIT: Medicare For All? Ridiculous! Did you know that most Medicare For All proposals ban private health insurance?

PANEL 2

Pinkshirt slaps a palm over his face and looks horrified. Suit is startled.

PINKSHIRT: No private insurance? Oh no! The horror! How could I stand not paying more than my rent for insurance that doesn’t even kick in until I’ve spent $5000?

PANEL 3

A close up of Pinkshirt, wide-eyed and sweating.

PINKSHIRT: How terrible if I could pick any doctor! Imagine the trauma of not losing health insurance if I lose my job! Sob!

PANEL 4

Pinkshirt had fallen dramatically to his knees. Suit scowls at Pinkshirt.

SUIT: I can tell you’re being sarcastic, you know.

PINKSHIRT: The poor insurance company executives! Why didn’t I think of the harm to them!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonist lingo for fun but irrelevant details in the art.

In panel 1, an inflatable frog costume has a frown on its face. In panel 2, the frog has started to blow up a balloon with zebra stripes. In panel 4, the inflatable zebra has joined the inflatable frog, and both are smiling.

The tattoo on Pinkshirt’s arm at first shows an egg in the nest. Then, in the next panel, cracks have appeared in the egg. In the final panel, an adorable chick has hatched.

Protest signs:

“generic background PROTEST sign, which isn’t important and you didn’t need to read this, but now you have.”

“Down with this sort of thing.”

“Proofreaders need health insurence,” with the “e” in the last word crossed out and replaced with an “a.”

“No!”

“Bad Doggie”

“Careful Now”

“I Can’t Afford My Spleen”

We’d All Miss Private Health Insurance | Patreon

Posted in Health care, R. E. Ryan collaborations |

ICE’s Get Out of Jail Free Card

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows two people on a sidewalk: One is a masked ICE agent, the other a woman carrying a protest sign which says “abolish ICE.”

PANEL 1

The ICE agent glares at the woman. The woman’s back is to him.

PANEL 2

The woman turns her head, spotting the ICE agent, who has angry body language.

PANEL 3

The ICE agent has drawn his gun and fires three times. The woman falls.

PANEL 4

The ICE agent speaks directly to us, pulling down his mask so we can see his gleeful expression. The woman’s corpse lies in the background.

ICE AGENT: Self-defense!

ICE’s Get Out of Jail Free Card | Patreon

Posted in Immigration, Social Justice |

Beware the Narco Terrorists

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels. They show two people, a Black woman wearing a white turtleneck, and a white woman wearing a red MAGA cap, talking in a park.

PANEL 1

Turtleneck is holding a smartphone and speaking angrily. Red Cap is taken a bit aback.

TURTLENECK: Look at this! Trump had the Navy shoot another boat of “narco-terrorists” in international waters! No evidence, no trial, just an execution!

PANEL 2

Turtleneck points at Red Cap accusingly; Red Cap raises her palms placatingly.

TURTLENECK: How can you condone this? What’s wrong with you?

RED CAP: Calm down! There’s no need to be uncivil! We can disagree and still be reasonable.

PANEL 3

Turtleneck, still angry, walks away muttering; Red Cap smiles and waves bye.

TURTLENECK: Mumble grumble stupidnazi fascists

RED CAP: Go touch some grass. Bye!

PANEL 4

Red Cap continues smiling and waving bye.

PANEL 5

Still smiling and waving, Red Cap is making a call on her cell phone.

RED CAP: Hello, U.S. Navy? I’m calling to report a narco-terrorist.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ lingo for Eater Eggs.

PANEL 1 – A happy little mouse is holding a pink balloon. Far in the background, a bird soars.

PANEL 2 – The mouse, now sad, has lost its balloon, which floats into the sky. The bird flies to the balloon.

PANEL 3 – The bird returns the balloon to the again-happy mouse.

PANEL 4 – The MAGA hat reads “Make America Spell Agian”

PANEL 5 – The MAGA hat reads “Mash America’s Grapes Again”

Beware The Narco Terrorists | Patreon

Posted in Imperialism & War, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Bankruptcy Lane

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all showing the sidewalk and part of the street in front of a store called “The Furniture KING.”

PANEL 1

A guy in a green jacket is taking a bag out the back of his hatchback. In the background, The Furniture King’s huge display windows are completely covered with signs such as “Call You Mayor We Need All 4 Lanes” and “How Will YOU Get Home?” There’s a tree with pretty autumn leaves.

GREEN JACKET: I can’t wait for the new bike lanes.

STORE OWNER: Noooo!

PANEL 2

The store owner has grabbed the Green Jacket’s shirt and is yelling at him.

STORE OWNER: The new bike lane is supposed to pass right in front of my store! How are my customers supposed to get in? How?

PANEL 3

Green Jacket tries to reassure the store owner, who has fallen to his knees and is weeping.

GREEN JACKET: Er, I don’t think it’ll be-

STORE OWNER: Six months from now my poor store will be out of business! BANKRUPT!

PANEL 4

The same scene, but now the tree leaves are green, and a green bike lane has been installed in front of the store. There are pedestrians and bikers. Store Owner stands on the sidewalk, talking into a bullhorn and shaking a fist in the air.

CAPTION: Two Years Later

STORE OWNER: If they build that new bus lane, it will definitely destroy my store!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is old fashioned cartoonist parlance for what we now call “Easter Eggs.”

PANEL 1 – The back of the man’s jacket shows a bowling ball lovingly hugging a bowling pin. The rear view mirror of a car is completely filled with a green monster eye, a reference to the famous “Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear” Far Side cartoon.

PANEL 4 – The customer walking into the store in the background, is Green Jacket guy from the first three panels.

Bankruptcy Lane | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Uncategorized |

Reasons To Support Trump

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels.

PANEL 1

A grinning man stands in his living room.

MAN: That TV Star billionaire son of a billionaire is an underdog like me!

PANEL 2

A woman standing behind a fence gestures at her phone.

WOMAN: Trump kills random Venezuelans on boats with no trial or evidence… But Democrats seem smug, which is much worse.

PANEL 3

A man in a suit is overcome with fury and shouting.

MAN: Because filthy pet-eating invaders are poisoning America with their dirty blood! (But I’ve got nothing against immigrants).

PANEL 4

A man in a compound surrounded by barbed wire hugs a gigantic gun and yells.

MAN: Because Democrats wanna take our guns!

PANEL 5

This central panel contains the title, “Reasons To Support Trump.” Below that, a nice looking smiling woman talks, and in the background a Klansman adds something.

WOMAN: Not because I’m a closet white supremacist! Heck no!

KLANSMAN: Same!

PANEL 6

A housewife in an apron, surrounded by children, happily talks.

HOUSEWIFE: I like that the President has traditional family values! Like Donald with Ivana Marla Melania.

PANEL 7

A man looks up from reading a newspaper.

MAN: Because Trump is fighting “cancel culture” by getting people we don’t like fired or deported!

PANEL 8

A man in a suit gestures towards a teacher in the background, who looks indignant.

MAN: Because woke “teachers” indoctrinate our kids into being trans!

TEACHER (thought): Yeah, right. I can’t even get them to use deodorant.

PANEL 9

An woman in her living room talks to us angrily.

WOMAN: Liberals are evil terrorist loving pathetic loser cucks who hate freedom! And they say such mean things about Trump!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is long-dormant cartoonist speak for irrelevant details we stick in because it amuses us.

Panel 1: Igor, Marty Feldman’s Young Frankenstein character, is peering in the window. (He’s drawn in black and white, like the film). There’s a framed picture of Montgomery Burns on the wall. The man’s sports shirt says “42,” a reference to the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy novels.

Panel 2: A flyer taped to the tree says “WANTED: A poem as lovely as this tree. Contact Joyce.” A groundhog wearing a top hat and a scarf has popped out from the ground.

Panel 4: A poster taped to the wall shows an adorable mom holding a gun; the caption says “My other mom is the NRA.” One of the gun crates has a sign on it saying “Caution: Bang! Bang!”

Panel 6: A surprised looking infant hangs from one of the hooks on the wall. One of the children is smoking a cigarette. One is Little Orphan Annie, as she looked early in that comic strip. One has a t-shirt with a superhero named “I.P. Man.”

Panel 7: The newspaper, entitled “The Right News,” has a giant headline saying “Is Zohran Secretly Hamas?” A smaller subhead says “We imply yes!”

Panel 8: On the blackboard, below a complex looking algebra equation, it says “You’re right. You’ll never use this math in real life. Ha ha suckers!” Elsewhere, it says “E=M.C. Hammer” and, in a list format, “1. Fee 2. Fie 3. Foe 4. Fum”.

Panel 9: The cat is a pirate, with a big loop earring in one ear, an eyepatch, and a peg leg. The vase has Charlie Brown’s shirt’s stripe on it.

Reasons To Support Trump | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

The Benefit of Colorblindness

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They all so two people – BOB, a white guy with glasses, and JOE, a Black guy wearing a tan zip jacket – talking as they walk on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

BOB: I’ve got the solution to racism: Colorblindness!

JOE: Where we all pretend not to see race? That won’t fix things like police brutality or the racial wealth gap.

PANEL 2

Bob raises a finger to make a point.

BOB: But is the problem really nonwhites being treated badly by police and employers and banks and landlords and so on?

PANEL 3

A close up on a pleased-looking Bob.

BOB: Or is the real problem that when whites like me hear about racism we feel implicated and we resent that?

PANEL 4

Joe folds his arms, annoyed, while Bob looks very smug.

JOE: I’m guessing you’re gonna say the second one is the problem.

BOB: Not out loud.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ lingo for fun but unimportant details in the art. I’m determined to bring it back. (“Gretchen, stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen, it’s NOT going to happen!”)

Panel 1: A flyer stapled to a tree shows a dog wearing a yellow bowtie, with the caption “LOST DOG.” The same dog, with a sneaky expression, peeks out from behind the tree.

Panel 2: A sun-headed and a moon-headed person are sitting at a bus stop in the background, both just reading their phones.

Panel 4: The dog from panel 1 flees as a butterfly net reaches for it.

The Benefit of Colorblindness | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Racism & Racists |

Crap You Hear In A Wheelchair

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels. In the center of the cartoon is the title: CRAP YOU HEAR IN A WHEELCHAIR

PANEL 1

A woman in a cardigan spreads her hands beatifically.

WOMAN: Open your heart and Jesus will heal your legs!

PANEL 2

A passenger sitting on a plane grouses to the person next to him.

MAN: I saw this guy get pushed onto the plane in a wheelchair and then he stood up! This whole “disability” thing is a scam!

PANEL 3

A man rushes through an airport, rolling a suitcase:

MAN: You’re so lucky you don’t have to walk places like normal people!

PANEL 4

A man points and laughs.

MAN: You got a license for that thing? Haw haw!

PANEL 5

Below the title of the strip, a smiling woman clasps her hands.

WOMAN: You’re so brave!

PANEL 6

A woman in a wheelchair angrily speaks to a cheery woman pushing the chair.

WOMAN: Let go of me!

PUSHER: But I’m helping you!

PANEL 7

A man rubs his chin as he rambles. He’s drawn in front of his words, so we can’t see every word.

MAN: Have you really tried to walk? Have you tried seeing a doctor? Have you tried yoga? Have you tried going gluten free? Have you tried exercise? Or this thing I saw on YouTube? Have you tried positivity? Have you tried healing crystals? Have you… alkaline water? Maybe… diet? Have you tried… more water? …for Munchausens? …essential oils? …superfoods can… have you…

PANEL 8

A woman smiles eagerly and leans in.

WOMAN: So can you have sex?

PANEL 9

Two men walk away from a store carrying a bunch of grocery bags, and looking at a disabled parking sign. Nearby, a wheelchair user overhears and looks annoyed.

MAN: Man, I wish I was disabled!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obsolete but beloved (by me) term for fun but unimportant details in a cartoon.

In panel 3, the sign shows a flying saucer next to the bus and rental car icons.

In panel 6, the sign to the bus has an arrow that, instead of pointing in one direction, shows a circuitous and zigzagging route, because public space is not designed with the convenience of transit riders in mind!

Crap You Hear In A Wheelchair | Patreon

Posted in Ableism, Becky Hawkins collaborations |

Blame Immigrants!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all set in an industrial-looking urban area.

PANEL 1

Two characters – a wealthy businessman, and a worker – are speaking. The businessman is dropping a couple of coins into the worker’s palm, and the worker is angry.

BOSS: Here’s this week’s pay.

WORKER: I can’t live on this, you greedy-

PANEL 2

The Bossman puts his arm around the worker’s shoulders and points to another man standing a little distance off. That man, who has brown skin, is facing another way and reading his phone.

BOSS: Whoa! Listen, friend, I’m on your side! It’s not me keeping your pay low! It’s immigrants like that guy!

PANEL 3

The Bossman gets right in the worker’s face as he rattles off things he’s blaming the immigrant for. The Worker looks panicked.

BOSS: He’s stealing the good jobs! Taking all the housing! He’s lazy! Doesn’t even work! Living off welfare! Eating your pets! Doing all the crime!

PANEL 4

The worker is now lying prone on the pavement, with the Bossman’s foot on his back. The worker angrily shakes his fist at the immigrant, and yells.

WORKER: HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU! GET OUT!

BOSS: Good boy.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an archaic cartoonists’ term for unimportant and often silly things drawn into comics.

The signs in the background are filled with references to the classic children’s novel Charlotte’s Web: “Some Pig,” “Terrific,” “Radiant,” and “Humble” are things Charlotte writes about Wilber the pig with her webbing. The names of three characters from Charlotte’s Web – Wilbur, Templeton Rat, and Fern – are also on signage.

In panel one, a rat examines a beer bottle on the sidewalk. In panel two, the rat guzzles from the bottle. In panel four, the rat has passed out with a big stupid grin.

In panel one, a scrap of paper on the sidewalk has a picture of Matt Feazell’s character Cynicalman. A newspaper lying on the sidewalk, entitled “The Daily Weekly,” has a headline that says “Study: 91% of Headlines on Litter Not Germane.” A subheadline says “Subheadlines also found meaningless.”

Blame The Immigrants! | Patreon

Posted in Immigration |

What Freedom Looks Like

Cartoon by Barry

Another collab between me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all showing the same two people talking in a park.

PANEL 1

A bearded man wearing a red MAGA cap is talking to a earnest young woman. The MAGA man is angry, waving his hands in the air.

WOMAN: If guns are legal at all, they need to be regulated.

MAGA: GUN REGULATION IS AUTHORITARIAN!

PANEL 2

An older man with a cane is handing out fliers; the same MAGA guy, furious, slaps a flier to the ground.

CANE MAN: We’re holding a rally for universal health care.

MAGA: UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS FASCISM.

PANEL 3

A nonbinary person wearing a pinback that says “THEY / THEM” is a bit bewildered as the MAGA guy points at the pinback, hiding his face like he’s frightened.

MAGA: PREFERRED PRONOUNS ARE TOTALITARIAN!

PANEL 4

All three of the characters from the previous panels, looking panicked, are yelling in unison. The MAGA guy calmly laughs it off.

THREE CHARACTERS: MASKED GOVERNMENT AGENTS ARE DISAPPEARING PEOPLE!

MAGA: That’s what freedom looks like.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is a long-dormant cartoonists’ term for unimportant but perhaps amusing details.

Panel 1 – In the background, a pigeon paints an owl’s portrait.

Panel 2 – The pigeon, painting tucked under one wing, runs away from a cat. The MAGA cap now says “Make ‘Merica Mate Mermen.” The flier the MAGA guy slapped says “Reading this tiny print makes you special & smart!”

Panel 3 – The pigeon has stopped to show the painting to the cat, who is surprised and impressed. The MAGA cap says “Make America Grout Again.”

Panel 4 – The cat poses as the pigeon paints its portrait. In the tree above, the owl sits next to where it’s hung the pigeon’s painting of the owl. The MAGA cap says “Erica’s A Hen.”

What Freedom Looks Like | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Why Are You Singling Out Israel?

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

An outdoor park environment. In the background, a bearded man with a blue shirt holds a “Save Gaza” sign. In the foreground, a man in a polo shirt and a woman in a red skirt and black vest are talking about the bearded man.

POLO: Why does that guy single out Israel for criticism? Lots of countries do bad things!

VEST: I’ll ask him.

PANEL 2

The woman in the vest has approached the bearded man. From this angle, we can see that under the vest, she’s wearing a shirt with the Israeli flag on it.

VEST: There are so many evil governments, and yet you’ve decided to protest the only Jewish state. Do you have something against Jews?

PANEL 3

The bearded man earnestly replies.

BEARD: Huh. I guess I was raised to care about Israel. We talked about Israel a lot in Hebrew school. When other kids fundraised for UNICEF we donated our allowances for growing trees in Israel.

PANEL 4

The bearded man looks angrier.

BEARD: Also, I’m American. We give tons of weapons to Israel. So when Israel commits genocide, my tax dollars enable it.

PANEL 5

The bearded man smiles; the vest woman looks unconvinced.

BEARD: Besides, no one can focus equally on everything. I bet you pay more attention to Israel. If it’s okay for you to prioritize some issues, why isn’t it okay for me?

PANEL 6

The vest woman has returned to talking with the guy in the polo shirt.

POLO: So what did he say?

VEST: It’s like we thought, he just hates Jews.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is antiquated cartoonists’ slang for amusing but unimportant details in the art.

SHIRT: The bearded guy’s t-shirt has an image of a lit candle, then an image of a light bulb, then an image of the sun.

TATTOOS: The tattoos on bearded guy’s arms tell a little five panel story, showing a baby bunny growing up, falling in love, having oodles of babies, and finally dying.

PANEL 2: Charlie Brown is in the background.

PANEL 3: A flyer tapes to the tree says “LOST: Bad Dog,” in in smaller print, “Bad bad doggie! No! If found, do not give treats.” The photo shows a dog smoking a cigarette.

PANEL 6: The plant on the windowsill is Audrey II from “Little Shop of Horrors.”

Graffiti on the wall says “Why are you reading this?” and “BG is here.” (BG stands for “background”). It’s impossible to read, but the graffiti behind the woman says “Bilbo Lives.”

Why Are You Singling Out Israel? | Patreon

Posted in Imperialism & War |

They Think They Own The Road!

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A car and a pickup truck are pulled over on the side of an overpass. There’s an exit ramp with white and green stripes going across it, which in some cities indicates pedestrian and bicyclist crossings. The driver of the car, a woman in an orange top, is walking towards the driver of the pickup, who has gotten out of the truck. He’s wearing a blue cap and a red tshirt.

WOMAN: Hey there. I see you’re pulled over. You need me to call for help?
MAN: Thanks. I’m having the worst day ever!

PANEL 2

A closer shot of the truck driver as he rants. His face is framed by two yellow caution signs with bicycle icons and arrows pointing to the green and white crosswalk lines. The concerned woman is behind him.

MAN: I was just driving along and bam! A bike came out of nowhere! No chance for me to see it coming! Stupid bike riders think they own the road!

PANEL 3

Looking worried, the man points to a dent on his truck’s front grill.

MAN: I got a big truck so I’d be safe on the road — and see what happens? Just look at this ding on my truck!

PANEL 4

From the ground in front of the truck, a hand comes up, forefinger raised to get attention. The woman is shocked; the man is annoyed.

BIKER (weak shaky voice): Sorry to interrupt but could you call me an ambulance?
MAN: Hey! It’s not all about you!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is obsolete cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant but amusing details in the art.

PANEL 2: A highway sign says “Highway to Heck.” The font is called “Highway Gothic.”
(“Highway to heck” is a reference to a Foxtrot comic. “Some songs just weren’t made for Muzak.” “Some ears weren’t, either.”)

PANEL 3: The logo on the front of the truck says “Dodge SLAM.”

They Think They Own The Road! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations |

Doin’ Discourse With Ezra and Charlie

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all featuring the same three characters. Charlie, a white man in a suit and tie. Ezra, a white man in more casual clothing. And Reader, a Latina wearing shorts and a black tank.

PANEL 1

Charlie and Ezra are walking together. Nearby, Reader sits at the base of a tree, reading a book, and overhears.

CHARLIE: We need Nuremberg-style trials for tranny-affirming clinic doctors.

EZRA: As a liberal centrist, I can’t agree with that. But what matters is that we’re talking.

PANEL 2

The woman looks annoyed.

CHARLIE: Democrats want Mexicans to overrun us because they hate America and wanna see it become less white and collapse!

EZRA: That’s not true. But again, we’re talking! Thank you for practicing politics the right way!

PANEL 3

The woman stands up, yelling angrily at the two men.

CHARLIE: You know what happens in the cities? Blacks prowl around attacking white people for fun! Haitians rape your women and hunt you!

EZRA: Again, I can’t agree. But I–

READER: Fuck that racist bullcrap!

PANEL 4

Ezra and Charlie walk on, not speaking to the woman, who watches them leave with an annoyed expression.

EZRA: Tsk! So uncivil! That’s the kind of intolerance that’s ruining America.

CHARLIE: They should deport her!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is forgotten cartoonist lingo for unimportant but hopefully amusing stuff in the art.

PANEL 1: A notice taped to the tree says “DON’T don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t forget about me baby,” a reference to a song by Simple Minds made famous in The Breakfast Club.

PANEL 4: A heart carved into the tree trunk says “N.L. + S.T.” Another heart says “J.T. + J.B.,” but has been crossed out. A third heart says “A.H. + J.B.” All of these hearts refer to one of my favorite musicals, Sweeney Todd.
Beaker from The Muppets is sticking his head out a hole in the ground.
A rat is walking on the street next to the sidewalk, looking distressed as it reads something on its phone. It’s wearing a shirt with a hearts pattern.
A piece of litter on the ground says “REPENT. Panel 4 is upon us!”

Doin’ Discourse With Ezra and Charlie | Patreon

Posted in Media criticism, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

The Cities Are Full Of, uh, “Crime”

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

PANEL 1

A white man wearing a baseball cap looks around nervously as he walks on a city sidewalk. Behind him, we can see storefronts and pedestrians. All the people are brown-skinned, enjoying their day, including an adorable family with a toddler riding on her mom’s shoulders.

PANEL 2

A residential city neighborhood. The same white man presses against a wall, trying not to be seen, as he watches a little girl playing hopscotch, while another girl sits on a stoop reading a book. Nearby, a middle-aged woman waters some potted plants on a low wall. Again, the white guy is the only white person in the panel.

PANEL 3

The white guy peers out from behind a tree at a piragua cart, where the piragua vender is smiling as he talks to a customer. In the background, we see a man walking a three-legged pitbull, and a couple of people playing basketball. Again, everyone but the white guy is a person of color.

PANEL 4

We see the white guy in a professional-looking podcast studio, clenching a fist and talking intently into the microphone.

WHITE GUY: I’ve been to the city, and it was full of, uh, crime.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is bygone cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant details snuck into the art.

PANEL 2 – The woman’s bathrobe and turban in p2 are modeled after one of Barbara Howard’s outfits in the season two finale of the TV show Abbott Elementary.

PANEL 3 -A tree by the piragua cart has #avanine carved into the trunk. Avanine is a portmanteau of Ava and Janine, used by the small but enthusiastic number of Abbott Elementary fans who think that the plucky teacher and chaotic principal should date. The piragua guy looks like Lin Manuel Miranda as “Piragua Guy” in the movie version of In The Heights.

PANEL 4 – A poster on the wall shows an extremely muscular shirtless Donald Trump in a royal crown and wrestling belt, carrying a scepter with a carved American eagle head on top. Another poster shows a cartoon narwhal saying “If EDUCATION Makes People SMART, Why Are Most Educated People LIBERAL?” And a paper taped to the wall says “SCHEDULE. 10am: Anger. 11am: Pissed. Noon: Fury. 1pm: Lunch. 2pm: Wrath.”

The Cities Are Full Of, uh, “Crime” | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Racism & Racists |

Slashing Medicaid: Your Loss Our Gain

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each featuring the same two characters: A representative of the Republican party, a middle-aged man wearing a jacket and tie, and a diabetic with spiky red hair. I’ll call them “Tie” and “Spike.”

PANEL 1

We’re in a grassy area, with trees and a fence in the background. Tie is speaking to Spike sternly, and Spike replies anxiously.

TIE: You know how much insulin costs? Throwing freeloaders like you off Medicaid will save tons of money!

SPIKE: But if I can’t afford insulin, I’ll wind up in the E.R., which costs a lot more!

PANEL 2

As they continue talking, they are now in the E.R..

SPIKE: Since I won’t be able to pay, the costs will be passed onto hospitals, other patients, and state governments.

PANEL 3

Spike is now in a hospice bed, wearing a patient’s gown. Tie is by Spike’s bedside, still speaking sternly.

SPIKE: And the sicker I get, the less I can work and contribute to the economy, right?

TIE: Maybe that’s all true.

PANEL 4

We’re back in the grassy area. Tie is grinning hugely and skipping. Spike has been replaced by a gravestone marked “R.I.P.”.

TIE: But have you considered how huge my tax cuts will be?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is moribund cartoonists’ jargon for little extras in the artwork.

PANEL 1 – A tree has a sign saying “Do not climb – tree is only a drawing.” Below the sign is an evil bunny smoking a cigarette.

PANEL 2 – There are framed portraits of Dr. Hibbert from The Simpsons and Dr. Benson Honeydew from the Muppets. A spy with a walkie-talkie is peering out from a hole in the floor.

PANEL 3 – Outside the window, we can see the Grim Reaper approaching. Woodstock from Peanuts sits on the window frame. A hand holding a lit cigarette is sticking out of a drawer. One of the flowers has a smiling face. A sign on the wall says “Sign all forms before dying.”

PANEL 4 – The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland is perched in the tree. A sign on the tree says “FOR SALE: “For sale” sign. Barely used on smoke-free tree. Will trade for weed.” The small print on Spike’s gravestone says “suffered a politically illustrative demise.”

Slashing Medicaid: Your Loss Our Gain | Patreon

Posted in Health care |

You Only THINK You Liked It

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip. Each panel features two women talking on a suburban sidewalk. One woman has glasses and a red t-shirt; the other has short dark hair and torn jeans. I’ll call them “RED” and “TORN.”

PANEL 1

Red, angry, is holding out a comic book towards Torn. Torn crouches to examine the comic.

RED: Look! A “diverse” artist’s comic book won an award, but their work is garbage!

TORN: I liked that comic.

PANEL 2

Red tosses the comic away over her shoulder, while producing another comic and handing it to Torn.

RED: You only think you liked it!

RED: No one actually liked it. They just said they did because they’re afraid. Here, read my award-winning comic, it’s actually good.

TORN: Um… Okay.

PANEL 3

In the foreground, we see Torn is reading the comic. In the background, Red continues to rant.

RED: You know why they give awards to middling “diverse” artists? White guilt! It’s pathetic!

PANEL 4

Torn, amused, hands the comic back to Red. Red looks suspicious.

TORN: Have you noticed that when middling white artists win awards, no one thinks that needs an explanation?

RED: Sure, but– Wait, what are you implying?

TINY KICKER PANEL

Torn talks to Barry the cartoonist.

TORN: You’d know all about middling white cartoonists winning awards, right Barry?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ terminology for unimportant (but hopefully fun) details in the artwork.

PANEL 1 – The comic book’s title is “Minor Detail Comix,” and has a sedate dog on the cover. One of the spies from “Spy vs. Spy” is in a hole in a tree in the background. An open can on the ground is labeled “Ant Food” and has a trail of ants leading to it.

PANEL 2 – The dog on the cover of the comic being tossed away now has a panicked expression. The new comic she’s holding out is entitled “Changing Details Comix,” with a skeleton in a suit on the cover.

PANEL 3 – We see some of the panels of the comic Torn is reading. “Hey, wanna have some ill-advised sex? But in an artsy and highbrow way.” “No, I’d rather do it with Mr. Stephen Sondheim.” “I understand. He is the greatest songwriter ever. Maybe I could have sex with Andrew Lloyd Webber instead?”

Also, the Evil Bunny – a character I frequently draw into backgrounds – can be seen in panel 1 of the comic-in-a-comic.

PANEL 4 – The comic now shows the famous painting “The Scream,” and is entitled “Still Changing Comix.”

TATTOO – The tattoo on Torn’s left arm forms a three panel comic strip. In panel one, a moon and a sun, both with smiling faces, face each other across the arm. In panel two, they’re dancing with each other, holding hands, with little hearts floating in the air. In panel four, they’ve floated apart and look heartbroken.

You Only Think You Liked It! | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Racism & Racists |