The Revising Old Novels Cycle

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon! A $1 or $2 pledge really helps.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels, without panel borders, orbiting a caption in the middle of the cartoon. The caption says, in a big friendly font, “THE REVISING OLD NOVELS CYCLE.”

Between each panel is a big red arrow, indicating that readers should read clockwise.

You could start reading this cartoon with any panel, but for purposes of this transcript, I’m going to say the one nearest the top is panel one.

PANEL 1

Two people are talking; an indignant man carrying a tablet and wearing a tee shirt with Superman’s “S” logo on it, and a woman with glasses and a red hairband, who is agreeing with him.

MAN: I can’t believe publishers are revising decades-old novels to make them “woke.” I’ve got a solution: If you don’t like a book, don’t buy it!

WOMAN: You’re right!

A red arrow leads from panel one to…

PANEL 2

The woman in the red hairband is looking at a book with an expression of distaste.

WOMAN: Ew… This old spy novel uses the “N word.” I’ll just buy something else!

A red arrow leads from panel two to…

PANEL: 3

A woman with her arms folded is talking to a man who is looking up something on his smartphone. (They are different characters from the ones in panels 1 and 2). Both of them are dressed in business wear.

WOMAN: People aren’t buying our classic spy novels because they don’t like the racism. We’ll have to revise.

And a red arrow leads from panel three back to the first panel.

Posted in Uncategorized |

How Sanctions Usually Work

Cartoon by Barry

This comic is drawn by Kevin Moore.

Posted in Imperialism & War, Kevin Moore collaborations |

The Party of Small Government

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows the same central character, a large white man – I’ll call him Big Man – with neatly combed brown hair, wearing a business suit with a red tie. When I say he’s “large,” I don’t mean he’s fat; I mean he’s powerfully built and about ten feet tall, looming high over all regular humans around him.

PANEL 1

We are in a standard doctor’s examination room, with all the usual accouterments. The large man has placed himself between a family (mom, dad, young teen) and a doctor. He’s pointing sternly at the teen, and facing that way, while his other hand is encompassing the doctor’s face as he pushes her back. The family looks horrified.

BIG MAN: No “gender affirming” care for YOU!

PANEL 2

We are in a school library; there are bookshelves and green beanbag chairs and a mural of green trees and sunshine covering one wall. A librarian sits at a desk, apparently interrupted in handing a book to a child. The Big Man, smugly smirking, is plucking the book away in his enormous hand, even as the child fruitlessly tries to grab it.

BIG MAN: Reading books? Not on MY watch!

PANEL 3

We’re now in the waiting room of a hospital or a large clinic. There’s uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, generic art on the walls, a receptionist at a desk, and a rope indicating where people can wait in line. In front of all that, Big Man has physically picked up a doctor by the scruff of his white doctor’s jacket, and is holding the doctor away from a teenage girl. With his other hand, he’s sticking his pointer finger into the girl’s face, as he talks to her with some anger.

BIG MAN: And I say you ARE going to have a baby!

PANEL 4

The Big Man is sitting in a room, with big patriotic red-white-and-blue banners hanging on the wall behind him. He’s sitting on a pile of people; if we look closely, we can see that these are all the people he’s been abusing in panels one through three. He’s smiling as he speaks, one hand waving grandly.

BIG MAN: We are so PROUD to be the party of SMALL GOVERNMENT!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Transphobe Bait and Switch (aka The Transphobe Motte and Bailey)

Cartoon by Barry

If you want to help us keep making these cartoons, my Patreon’s right here! And thanks.

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Did famous transphobes really say these awful things? Yes, they did. Receipts are here.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a little “content warning” panel above the top of the cartoon.

The little content warning panel shows a cartoon of Barry the cartoonist speaking directly to the reader.

CAPTION: Content Warning!

BARRY: This cartoon’s dialog is based on some hateful things respected real-life transphobes have said. Seriously, what’s wrong with these people?

PANEL ONE

Panels one through four show three people talking and walking through a park. From left to right, there’s a redheaded woman in a black skirt; a man with messy black hair wearing a plaid shirt; and a woman with long black hair, wearing a t-shirt with a drawing of the planet Saturn on it.

In panel one, REDHEAD looks smug; PLAID is yelling at SATURN, raising his hands in the air; and SATURN is walking away from the other two, looking irritated.

(Chicken fat watch: They’re walking near a stream, and a scuba diver and a fish are each sticking their heads out of the stream to watch. In the background, Walt from the comic strip “Gasoline Alley” is looking at a piece of paper.)

PLAID: The trans movement is one of the most evil movements in history! Puberty blockers are like Nazis experimenting on children in concentration camps!

PANEL TWO

A close-up of PLAID shows him yelling and waving his fists in the air.

PLAID: You’re child abusers! You prey upon impressionable children and indoctrinate them into your insane ideological cult. You are poison!

PANEL THREE

The “camera” pulls back out. REDHEAD continues looking smugly satisfied. PLAID is so angry that he’s pulling his own hair. SATURN has come to a stop, angered by what PLAID is saying.

(Chicken fat watch: Behind a bush in the foreground, Bert and Ernie are chatting with each other).

PLAID: Trans people are fucking blackface. You’re men who get sexual kicks from being treated like women. Fuck you, you pathetic, sick, fuck!

PANEL FOUR

REDHEAD and PLAID have turned and are now walking away from SATURN, who is well in the background, furious, swearing and giving them the finger. REDHEAD is talking cheerfully as she texts on her phone; PLAID is no longer yelling, but still looks angry.

(Chicken fat watch: A couple of huge worms are sticking their heads out of holes in the ground. One is looking wide-eyed at the characters, the other is grinning at the readers.)

REDHEAD: I’m telling people that trans activists are mad because you believe in biological sex.

PLAID: I was being so reasonable! “She” only got mad because she hates women.

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Media-Man to the Rescue!

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, and can spare it, please support my Patreon! A $2 pledge makes a big difference.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels, plus an extra tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

A superhero – in a classic blue-and-red outfit, a bit like Superman’s – is flying over a city, his arms extended in front of him. But instead of a head, he has a big flatscreen TV on top of his neck. The TV screen is showing a head-and-shoulders shot of a news anchorman type, wearing a brown suit and tie.

This character is Media-Man.

MEDIA-MAN (here and also in all the other panels, Media-Man speaks from the TV screen): Bored bored bored… If only there were some crime I could report!

PANEL 2

Media-Man looks downward, excited and glad, as a voice calls out from below.

VOICE: Media-Man! Help! I’m being robbed!

MEDIA-MAN: Yay!

PANEL 3

Media-Man is coming down for a landing on a sidewalk. Two women are on the sidewalk looking up at him. One of them is wearing a red tank top, a skirt, and sneakers. The other, who looks annoyed, is dressed more expensively, in a suit and heels.

TANK TOP: Media-Man! Thank god you’re here! My boss is refusing to pay me for all the hours I worked!

PANEL 4

Media-Man, an annoyed expression on his TV screen, holds up a palm in a “don’t bother me with this” gesture. The woman in the tank top is bewildered by Media-Man’s indifference, while the woman in the suit looks pleased.

MEDIA-MAN: Wage theft? Boring! I’m not gonna report on that!

TANK TOP: But– Wage theft costs $15 billion a year?

PANEL 5

Media-Man is once again flying high above a city. He looks bored, and is yawning, with one hand held over the mouth area on his TV screen. The voices of unseen people are coming up from below, but Media-Man pays them no attention.

VOICES (there are four voices, and they all say the same thing): Help! Wage theft!

TINY KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE COMIC STRIP

Media-Man, still looking annoyed, is talking to Barry (the cartoonist).

MEDIA-MAN: I only report important crimes! Like shoplifting!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Labor rights & Unions, Media criticism |

Rationing Health Care

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene.

PANEL ONE

A woman with spikey hair is standing in her living room. She’s holding a hand to her cheek, and lots of cartoon “pain stars” are floating near her cheek.  She’s wide-eyed and unhappy looking as she speaks into her cell phone. A dog sits on the floor nearby, looking at the woman adoringly.

WOMAN: What’s the point of an insurance plan that doesn’t cover dental?

VOICE FROM PHONE: We only cover essential treatments. Teeth aren’t that important.

PANEL TWO

Two people, a man and a woman, are on a city sidewalk. They are both looking with bewilderment at an enormous, unnaturally perfect hole in the man’s chest (it also goes through his tee shirt).

There’s litter on the sidewalk, including a newspaper called “The Cartoon Times” with a big headline saying “Man Reads Background Gag.” (I’d normally use an androgynous word like “person,” but the space was so tiny I had to opt for the three-letter word. :-p )

WOMAN: You should see a doctor about that.

MAN: Too expensive. Maybe it’ll get better by itself?

PANEL THREE

A woman wearing a black tank top and jeans sits on a sidewalk. She’s got very short, spikey hair and tattoos (including tattoos of Snoopy and Lucy). One of her legs has fallen off mid-calf; she’s got a bone sticking out, and her foot and the lower half of her calf (still in jeans) are lying on the street in front of her.

She grinning, trying to be cheerful, but she’s wide-eyed and sweating. She’s holding out one palm in a “no need” gesture.

Two emergency medical technicians in uniform are staring at her, surprised. In the background we can see their ambulance. Near the top of the ambulance, the company’s motto is printed: “We move broken peeps.”

WOMAN: I can’t afford an ambulance. I’ll just walk.

PANEL FOUR

Two women walk through a hilly park. There are trees in the background, a bush in the foreground, and a tree stump (Woodstock from Peanuts is standing on the stump). A single abandoned boot lies on the ground.

The first woman, blond with neck-length hair and waring shorts and a button-up short sleeved shirt, is in a panic. The second woman, wearing a hoodie and flip-flops, is rolling her eyes.

FIRST WOMAN: Universal government-paid health care? That’d be HORRIBLE! We’d have to start RATIONING HEALTH CARE!

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Rationing Health Care | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Health care |

Being Foxy About Vaccines

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the anchors of a conservative news show, a man and a woman, both of whom are well-dressed and have very carefully styled hair. They’re sitting at a news desk and talking to the camera, with a backdrop of a cityscape behind them. A chyron (text) runs across the bottom of the screen.

PANEL 1

We’re in a darkened living room. We can see a TV dinner, partly eaten, on a tray in the foreground; in the background is a TV, surrounded by a liquor cabinet on the left and a houseplant on a chest of drawers on the right. The TV is turned on, providing the only bright colors in the panel. The male anchor is making air quotes with his fingers, while the female anchor is holding out her hand in a “stop!” gesture.

MAN: Unelected government “doctors” say we need this “vaccine.” but what aren’t they saying?

WOMAN: Don’t trust government! Don’t trust doctors!

PANEL 2

We are now seeing just what’s on the TV screen. The male anchor has turned towards the female anchor and is speaking to her, one hand waving in a sort of “angry questioning” motion. The female anchor has folded her hands on the desk in front of her and is speaking directly to the camera.

MAN: Who knows what horrible side effects these experimental “vaccines” have?

WOMAN: Stay tuned! We’ll be back in just a minute!

PANEL 3

Our vantage point has pulled back. We’re now obviously in a TV studio; we can see cameras and microphones pointing at the two anchors, and the slightly-raised platform the anchor desk sits on. There’s a large bright green screen behind them, instead of a cityscape.

Two people in nurse’s scrubs, both wearing face masks, have come up to the desk. Both anchors have taken their jackets off, and he’s rolled up a sleeve (her blouse is sleeveless). The nurses are injecting medicine into their arms.

The male anchor is smiling cheerfully, while the female anchor speaks to her nurse with a concerned expression.

MAN: Thanks. Better safe than sorry, right?

WOMAN: How long until the booster after this one?

PANEL 4

We’re once again looking at them as they appear on a TV screen; the cityscape backdrop is back. They’re both looking angry and gesturing towards the screen with extreme foreshortening; he’s holding a finger up near the screen, and she’s pointing straight at the screen like Uncle Sam.

MAN: These “needle Nazis” are trying to force you to take their so-called “vaccine”!

WOMAN: DON’T LET THEM!

CHYRONS

What the chyrons (the crawl of text across the bottom of the TV screen) say. (The second line of each chyron is cut off on one or both sides of the screen, to simulate the words scrolling across the screen.)

Panel 1: EXPERTS: VACCINE WILL KILL POPE

…t’s gonna happen any day now we’re triple sure this time…

Panel 2: DELILAH INNOCENT!

…vaccine, not haircut, caused Samson to lose his streng…

There’s no Chyron in panel 3.

Panel 4: ARE VACCINES FULL OF LIVE ANTS?

…re not saying they are but we’re not saying they aren’t…

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Being Foxy About Vaccines on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, COVID-19, Media criticism, Right-wingers |

Sheeple!

Cartoon by Barry

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It occurs to me that maybe not all of my readers are so immersed in online right-wing culture that they’re familiar with the word “sheeple.” So, just in case: Merriam-Webster defines sheeple as “people who are docile, compliant, or easily influenced: people likened to sheep.”

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Writer, artist, and comics scholar Frank M. Young, who colors around one-fourth of these cartoons (this one included) agreed to write a few words about his coloring process.  Check it out on Patreon!

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The setting is a bar; there’s a bar counter, patrons, framed pictures on the wall, a big window with the word “BAR” painted on it (it looks backwards, because we’re seeing it from the inside). For those who look closely at the little details, we can see that the people in the framed pictures are characters from The Muppet Show: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, and the Swedish Chef.

PANEL ONE

A red-headed man holding a beer is sitting at the bar ranting to a woman at the bar on his right. He’s dressed casually, in a ringer t-shirt. He doesn’t see that behind him, a man is walking up. The man is an anthropomorphic sheep, wearing a collared shirt and necktie with the collar unbuttoned and the necktie pulled down a bit, The Sheep speaks angrily, holding up an objecting forefinger.

REDHEAD: SHEEPLE! Liberals are SHEEPLE! They’re AFRAID to think for themselves!

SHEEPLE: HEY!

PANEL TWO

The redheaded man has turned to face the sheeple, and pulls back in total surprise. The sheeple continues to chew him out angrily.

REDHEAD: Oh! Um…

SHEEPLE: Stop spreading STEREOTYPES about SHEEPLE! I think whatever I want.

PANEL THREE

In a close-up shot of the sheeple, which was ridiculously fun for me to draw, abnd Frank told me it was fun for him to color too, the sheeple looks soulful and sad, rubbing his head with one palm.

SHEEPLE: It’s so EXHAUSTING, hearing the same bigoted NONSENSE about sheeple every day…

PANEL FOUR

The redheaded man is frantically apologizing. The Sheeple seems less mad – he’s no longer yelling – but he still looks angry, crossing his arms as he talks to the man.

The sheeple doesn’t see that, behind him, a chicken woman has approached. She’s wearing a dress with a pattern of eggs on it, and looks angry, with her arms akimbo.

REDHEAD: I didn’t MEAN–

SHEEPLE: Just because I’m a SHEEPLE doesn’t make me a CHICKEN!

CHICKEN: HEY NOW!

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Sheeple! on Patreon

Posted in Uncategorized |

Someday I’ll Be Rich!

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL ONE

A teenager is sitting in a diner booth, smiling and talking directly to the reader. He has messy red hair and a brightly striped t-shirt. There’s a plate of food on the table in front of him, and a sign taped to the wall behind him says “Wanted: Background gag writer – low pay.”

REDHEAD: Someday I’ll invent something BIG! Like a cure for cancer or an app everyone uses… And then I’ll be so RICH!

PANEL TWO

A smiling adult man – somewhere in his thirties or forties, probably – stands in what looks like part of work building of some sort, probably an office, and speaks directly to the reader.

He’s an older version of the teen in panel one – he’s still got the red hair and round face, but now the hair is neatly combed in a part, and he’s got a van dyke beard and mustache. He’s wearing an izod shirt with a sedate stripe.

We can see an elevator in the background, and a water cooler next to him. (There’s a goldfish swimming in the water cooler).

REDHEAD: Or maybe I’ll win the lottery… people win every day! Or a rich relative I don’t know about will die leaving me BILLIONS!

PANEL THREE

The same red-haired man speaks to us again, but now he’s a senior citizen – he’s bald on top and his face is much more wrinkled. He’s wearing a button-up sweater open over a collared shirt, and he’s carrying a cane. He’s still smiling.

He appears to be at home – there’s a floral-patterned armchair behind him, and a decorative vase on a little table in front of a window. Outside the window is a tree and also a suspicious looking man wearing an old-fashioned hat and hiding behind a bush. (The suspicious looking man has no importance at all to this cartoon). There’s a framed photo of Albert the Alligator from “Pogo” on the wall.

REDHEAD: Lots of people get rich! Sooner or later it’s BOUND to be MY turn! And THEN the life I deserve will begin!

PANEL FOUR

We’re looking at a graveyard. A gravestone front and center says “R.I.P.” on it, and a thought balloon is coming from the grave.

THOUGHT FROM GRAVE: Any day now…

That’s the end of the comic strip, but there are some irrelevant details carved on headstones. The main headstone, under the big “R.I.P.” letters, says in much smaller letters: “Blah blah blah no one reads this.” A gravestone further in the background says “Hi There. I am past my expiration date.” Another one says “Dead Tired” and another one says “Here Lies Melvin.”

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Someday I’ll Be Rich! | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Uncategorized |

Right-Winger With A Zinger

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows the same man, a conservatively-dressed guy with short hair combed in part, wearing a polo shirt and gray slacks, standing on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

The man stands looking directly at the reader, smiling, his arms crossed.

CAPTION: Right-Winger.

PANEL 2

The man is now bursting with anger, raising a fist into the air and mouth open hugely as he yells.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger.

MAN (yelling): Stolen election! Groomers! Hunter Biden’s Laptop!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man is smirking as he speaks more softly directly to the reader. I did my very best to draw him with what’s referred to as “a punchable face.”

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger with a zinger.

MAN: My pronouns are screw and you!

PANEL 4

The camera has pulled back again. The man is thinking very hard, sweating, one hand on his chin, looking up into the air, frowning with effort.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger trying to think of a zinger that isn’t that stupid pronoun shit for the 1000000th time.

MAN (hesitantly): Um…  Uh…

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Turning Men Down In Public

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is a collaboration between Becky Hawkins and I.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Every panel focuses on the same central character, a red-haired woman with her hair in a bob, but each panel shows a different scene.

PANEL 1

The woman is in a public laundromat, picking up something out of one of the rolling baskets they have. She’s wearing dark gray leggings and a long blue shirt. We can see rows of washing machines or driers with round windowed doors on the front, and a table with some folded laundry on it. There’s a TV on the wall, showing a reporter speaking. The woman is looking at the TV with mild alarm – she has a “!” floating over her head.

TV: …shot by a co-worker after she repeatedly turned him down…

PANEL 2

The woman is now sitting near the corner seat of a New York City subway car. A man is standing near to her, leaning forward to peer at a subway map on the wall. The woman is wearing some nice-looking brown boots, jeans, and a brown leather jacket. She’s leaning away from the map-reader a bit. She’s balancing her backpack on her lap with one hand, and holding up her phone to read it in her other hand.

PHONE: …when the woman ignored his advances, police say he dragged her off the subway and…

PANEL 3

The woman is walking along a city sidewalk. It looks like NYC again – we can see, across the street, fire exits over a sushi restaurant. A bike delivery person pedals by, wearing a big blocky backpack that says “SNAX” on it. Across the street, a man in a white tee shirt is turning and calling something; he’s smiling.

The woman doesn’t seem to hear him. She’s wide-eyed now, listening to her phone through earbuds. She’s wearing jeans, brown high-top sneakers, and a red plaid shirt.

PHONE: …five year old boy was thrown off a third floor balcony at Mall of America. The man was angry because multiple women at the mall had turned him down…

PANEL 4

The woman now appears to be at home, in her kitchen; she’s sitting at a table, leaning on one hand and looking attentive but also tired. She’s wearing a blue tee shirt. On the other side of the table, a blonde man with a full beard – probably a husband or boyfriend – is grinning as he waves a hand dismissively.

MAN: If someone hits on you, just tell him “no.” What’s so frightening?

Turning Men Down In Public | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Sexism & Misogyny |

Radical Feminism Has Changed

Cartoon by Barry

Please support these cartoons on Patreon! I make a living off of lots of people supporting the cartoons, mostly with $1 or $2 pledges, and I think that’s really awesome.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Every panel shows a caricature of me, Barry, meeting a different person in each panel.

PANEL ONE

CAPTION: Meeting a Christian, 1990

Barry – a fat guy with glasses and long, big, curly hair – is shaking hands with a somewhat conservatively dressed (long sleeves, long skirt) woman with long, straight blonde hair. She’s wearing a necklace with a cross on it and is carrying a purse. Both people are smiling.

BARRY (thought balloon): A Christian? Hope she’s not a homophobe.

PANEL TWO

CAPTION: Meeting a Radical Feminist, 1990

Barry, looking the same as in panel 1 but wearing a different outfit, is making a small wave towards a woman with short hair and a buttoned-up shirt. Barry has a backpack and the woman is carrying a book.

BARRY (thought balloon): A radical feminist? Cool!

PANEL THREE

CAPTION: Meeting a Christian Today

Barry now has much less hair, tied back in a tiny little ponytail, and his beard is shorter and more salt-and-pepper than black. He'[s listening to cheerful-looking man with a full beard. The man is carrying a cell phone.

BARRY (thought): A Christian? I hope he’s not a transphobe.

PANEL FOUR

CAPTION: Meeting a Radical Feminist Today

Barry, looking the same age as in panel three, is facing a woman who is wearing a blazer over a striped shirt and is carrying an umbrella. She has short, slightly spiky hair on top, buzzed on the sides.

BARRY (thought balloon): A radical feminist? Hope she’s not a transphobe.

Radical Feminism Has Changed | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

The Myth of William F Buckley And The John Birch Society

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins. I had no idea she was going to do the flaming eyes in panel 2, but I laughed aloud when I saw the sketch. 🙂

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL ONE

The top of this panel has a huge caption, in “vintage” style lettering, that says 1962.

Below that an older man, with a bald head and white hair sticking out on the sides, and wearing an old-fashioned brown suit with a yellow bow-tie, is pressing his hands and face against the audience-facing side of the panel, as if he’s pressing against a sheet of clear glass. His eyes are bulging and mismatched in size and he’s talking aggressively at the readers. We’ll call him “Bircher.”

BIRCHER: President Eisenhower is secretly in the pay of COMMIES!

BIRCHER: A shadowy America-hating CABAL controls the CIA AND the schools!

PANEL TWO

Bircher is now in full on rant mode, his yelling mouth HUGE, his head turning red, flames literally coming out of his eyes. Behind him, William F. Buckley Jr walks up, a corrective forefinger raised; Buckley raises his voice but remains calm.

BIRCHER: Teachers are recruiting YOUR kids into COMMUNISM SATANISM and SEXUAL PERVERSION!

BUCKLEY: HALT, John Birch Society! I, William F Buckley Jr, DENOUNCE you.

PANEL THREE

Bircher falls to his knees, weeping. Buckley dramatically points, arms straight, in an unmistakable “get out of here” gesture.

BIRCHER: I’ve been denounced? NOOOOO!

BUCKLEY: BEGONE! Trouble conservatism’s respectability NO LONGER!

PANEL FOUR

Bircher walks out of the panel with a bent over I’m-so-sad posture. Buckley, looking smug and self-satisfied, walks away in the other direction, doing the “brushing dust off my palms after doing some work” gesture.

BUCKLEY: Now the conservative movement will NEVER AGAIN be ruled by CONSPIRACY MONGERS and IRRATIONALISTS!

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Buckley, smiling, talks directly to the viewer.

BUCKLEY: Finally conservatives can focus on RATIONAL goals… Like protecting the white race from negros!

The Myth of William F Buckley And The John Birch Society | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives |

The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, and if you’re inclined to, and if you have the money, and if doing so wouldn’t break any religious rules or local laws, you can support my Patreon. I make a living from lots of people pledging just one or two dollars, and I think that’s really neat.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels.

PANEL ONE

At the top of the panel, there is a large caption, which says: THE DEBT CEILING HOSTAGE CRISIS.

The panel shows a middle-aged man, wearing a brown suit with a red necktie, standing in a deep trench that’s been cut into the floor. It’s reminiscent of defensive trenches dug by soldiers during war, but it’s very clean and abstract, rather than being a realistic trench.

The man is holding an old-fashioned comic book bomb – a perfectly round black sphere with a burning fuse – in one hand, and shaking a fist with the other. He’s yelling and looks angry.

MAN: Give me what I want – or I’ll blow us ALL up!

PANEL TWO

A far shot lets us see that there are actually two trenches here. In one trench is the man from panel one; in the other is a white-haired woman wearing a blue blazer over a red blouse. The two of them are facing each other.

WOMAN: What do you want?

PANEL THREE

The man holds up the bomb higher, and holds up the forefinger of his other hand. He’s still yelling angrily.

MAN: I want BIG cuts in Social Security and Medicare.

PANEL FOUR

Pretty much the same scene, except now we’re seeing the angry-looking man in profile.

MAN: I ALSO want big cuts for climate change spending. AND the IRS. AND welfare.

PANEL FIVE

A close-up of the man as he smiles.

MAN: Basically, if it’s not defense spending or tax cuts for the rich, I want it slashed.

PANEL SIX

The “camera” pulls back so we can see both trenches; the woman is in the foreground, the man (still grinning and holding up the bomb) is in the background.

MAN: And if I DON’T get EVERYTHING I want, I’m blowing up the economy!

MAN: Do we have a deal?

PANEL SEVEN

A shot of the woman, who has an angry expression as she stares at the man, her arms crossed.

WOMAN: No.

PANEL EIGHT

A shot of the two of them staring at each other, with the back of the woman’s head in the foreground. The man is thinking things over.

PANEL NINE

A shot of the man in his trench, looking a little surprised, and also like his feelings have been hurt.

MAN: You’re not even going to negotiate?

The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Might As Well Face It, We’re Addicted To Fear

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon has four panels. They all show the same scene: A middle-aged man, balding and with a beard, is watching (and yelling at) his television set. He appears to be at home; he’s sitting in a cozy armchair, and we can see a little side table with a lamp on it. The room seems pretty barren otherwise.

PANEL 1

The man squirms in his chair as he angrily yells at the TV.

TV: Stay tuned for nuanced reporting about crime, with important context and reasonable statistics.

MAN: No! That’s NOT what you’ve conditioned me to want!

PANEL 2

The man is now standing on the seat of his armchair, leaning forward and waving the remote control in a threatening manner as he yells. The TV leans away from the man as it responds.

MAN: I’LL CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

TV: But… Don’t you think accurate news is important.

PANEL 3

A closer shot of the man as he jumps up above his chair, yelling even bigger than before. (The TV speaks from off-panel). The remote control, forgotten, flies into the air near his hand.

The coloring in this panel is done in shades of red, emphasizing the man’s fury.

MAN: You KNOW what I want!

MAN: GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

TV: Okay! Okay!

PANEL 4

The TV, leaning forward aggressively, speaks in red lettering. The man, looking sated and happy, collapses back into his cozy chair.

TV: YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY VIOLENT CRIME! YOU’RE IN DANGER! YOUNG PEOPLE WILL RANDOMLY MURDER YOU!

MAN (thought balloon): Ahhhh… THAT’S the stuff.

Posted in Barry's favorites, Media criticism |

Things We Can Stop Saying To Fat People Already

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, help us keep making more by waring blue on alternate Tuesdays of anniversaries of the ending of important wars and sporting events and also any day that  you’re wearing an odd number of shoes. That’s not a typo; I’m not saying you should wear blue, I’m saying you should beware blue. Hide from the sky, the sky is out to get you, so the nicer the day the more crucial unbrellas are. And for God’s sake never watch Blue’s Clues, no matter how your children beg. This will be your only warning.

Drawing tattoo sleeves is always fun.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels. The central panel (panel five) has the words “THINGS WE CAN STOP SAYING TO FAT PEOPLE ALREADY” written in large, friendly, somewhat psychedelic-style lettering.

Other than the center panel, each panel features a different scene showing one or two characters speaking.

In addition to the nine panels, there’s a small additional “kicker” panel under the bottom of the comic strip.

PANEL 1

A thin woman stands outdoors, wearing a plush winter vest over a plaid shirt, with a knit hat. She’s smiling too large and clasping her hands together in front of her chin. Behind her we can see pine trees on a snow-covered hill.

WOMAN: You’re not fat! You’re gorgeous!

PANEL 2

On a sidewalk in front of a storefront, a man in green pants and a polo shirt looks very surprised, eyes wide, one hand against his cheek. He’s speaking to a fat woman with a rolled-up yoga mat strapped over her back, and a gym bag; she’s wearing athletic shorts and a tank top. She looks somewhat taken aback.

MAN: You do yoga?

PANEL 3

A woman stands in a kitchen, looking at the reader with a face full of concern, her forefinger pressed against her chin.

WOMAN: Are you sure you should eat that?

PANEL 4

A man stands in front of a shoulder-high brick wall. There’s a grassy area, the height of the wall, on the other side of the wall; there are bushes and trees and a wide-eyed dog. The man is holding a hand up in a “no big deal” gesture and looks certain.

MAN: My cousin’s friend’s wife’s barista lost 200 pounds by drinking one less coke a day.

PANEL 5

This is the center panel. It contains the title of the strip, “THINGS WE CAN STOP SAYING TO FAT PEOPLE ALREADY,” written in large, friendly letters.

PANEL 6

In a supermarket, a thin, older woman is pushing her cart next to the the cart of a fat man wearing a baseball cap. The woman  is leaning over to examine the contents of the man’s cart. (Sharp-eyed readers might notice that the two carts contain exactly the same food items.)

The woman is smiling, the man looks taken aback.

WOMAN: Well, that explains things.

PANEL 7

Two men, one thin and one fat, are jogging next to each other on a suburban looking sidewalk. The fat man, who has a shaved head, is wearing two layers of shirt (a black tee shirt over a mustard-brown long-sleeved tee shirt) and sweatpants. The thin man is wearing running shorts and a striped tee shirt. The thin man’s expression  is surprised and maybe a little hostile; the fat man’s expression is annoyed.

THIN MAN: You’re not trying to lose weight? Really?

PANEL 8

In the foreground, we see a fat woman riding a bike and looking annoyed. Nearby, in the street, a driver is leaning out of his car window to yell at the woman. His expression is hostile.

MAN:  You’re FAT!

A small caption at the bottom of the panel says “this really happens!” (And it does! It’s happened to me numerous times! I have no idea why people are like this.)

PANEL 9

A thin man is holding out his palms and speaking directly to the reader, looking puzzled and concerned. He appears to be in a den or living room – we can see a little table with a tea cup and flowers, and a comfy looking armchair, in the background. The man is wearing a button-up shirt with a polka dot pattern open over a black tee shirt.

MAN: Have you heard of eating less and exercising more?

SMALL KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

A thin man wearing a black shirt is talking to a fat man with a beard and a pony-tail who looks like Barry (the cartoonist). Both of them have friendly, smiling expressions.

THIN MAN: I’m sure they didn’t mean anything. You’re being too sensitive.

BARRY: You can stop saying that, too.

Things We Can Stop Saying To Fat People Already | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Fat Acceptance |

Why Won’t Leftists Just Be Civil?

Cartoon by Barry

Imagine a world without these political cartoons. Would life even be worth living? Obviously not. We’d all just sit around staring blankly at our piles of unwashed dishes and laundry waiting to die because nothing means anything. Oh, and, uh, patreon support blah blah blah.

This cartoon has two panels. Both of the panels show a white woman with a stylish haircut, wearing a striped shirt with a calf-length skirt and black tights. She speaks directly to the reader.

PANEL 1

The woman looks sad and distraught. She’s holding one palm up in a bewildered fashion, and has her other palm pressed against the side of her face.

WOMAN: I was arguing with a liberal and she said…

WOMAN: I can hardly even SAY it, it was so AWFUL!

WOMAN: She said my argument was “RACIST.”

WOMAN: She actually used THAT word! About ME! How can anybody be so MEAN?

PANEL 2

The woman now looks angry, her hands balled up into fists.

WOMAN: Why won’t these lying libtard soyboy cuck groomer baby-killing totalitarian leftists just be CIVIL?

Why Won’t Leftists Just Be Civil? | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives |

The Knife Cuts Both Ways

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, please support them on Patreon!

Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same scene: Two women on a sidewalk talking to each other. They’re standing in front of a storefront. Posters on the storefront read “Peace, Mindfulness, a smaller BUTT” and “YOGA – Because YOU could be BENDIER.”

The woman on the left is fat. She has reddish-brown hair, tied loosely on top, and is wearing a green blouse with a floral pattern paired with a brown skirt and low-heeled boots. Let’s call her FLOWERS.

The woman on the right is thin. She has blonde hair, cut just above the shoulders, is wearing a purple tank top and blue capris, and is carrying a rolled-up yoga mat strapped to her back. Let’s call her MAT.

PANEL 1

Flower is talking on her cell phone, looking annoyed as she tells a story, one fist on her hip. Mat, overhearing, eagerly jumps in, one finger raised high.

FLOWER: My doctor gave me this total sales pitch for bariatric surgery. I told her “hell no.”

MAT: Surgery to make you thinner? You should do it!

PANEL 2

Flower lowers her phone, calm but annoyed. Mat keeps on cheerfully explaining, her hands held in front of her, palms-up, in classic “explaining hands” gesture.

FLOWER: Excuse me?

MAT: Why be stuck with your body, when doctors can fix it?  You’ll be so much happier!

PANEL 3

Flower puts the hand holding the cell phone on her hip, and makes a negatory “stop” gesture with her other hand. Mat rolls her eyes and holds her hands in front of her in an “all right, all right, I give up” gesture. (There are so many hand gestures! Seriously, I use them all the time, and Becky does too – everyone in our comics talks with their hands.)

FLOWER: I’m fine with my weight. Okay?

MAT: Sigh. Okay.

PANEL 4

Flower talks, for the first time looking eager and happy. Mat looks horrified. Both of them make appropriate palms-up gestures.

FLOWER: What I asked for is gender confirmation surgery.

MAT: Gasp! NO!! You can’t let doctors mutilate your sacred body!

The Knife Cuts Both Ways | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance, LGBT cartoons |

Selective Heartlessness, aka, On Employers Who “Can’t Afford” Paying A Living Wage

Cartoon by Barry

The fall of Rome was caused by not enough Romans supporting my Patreon. So sad! If only there were some way of preventing our civilization from suffering the same terrible fate…

I know in real life people seldom walk around in vests. But I really like drawing vests.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same two people chatting as they walk through a hilly park. One, the person walking in front, is wearing a vest and tie, and has one of those beards that’s done with a very thin strip of beard. (There’s probably a word for it?) The other is an older woman, with curly white hair, a striped shirt, a calf-length skirt, and cat-eye glasses. Let’s call them VEST and SKIRT.

PANEL 1

Vest is in front, taking big strides and scowling a little as he talks. Skirt follows a few steps behind, listening with a look of concentration.

VEST: Workers who aren’t paid a so-called “living wage” aren’t earning one! If they can’t handle wages set by the free market, a more productive worker will take their place.

PANEL 2

A close-up of Vest’s face; over his shoulder, still several steps behind, we can see Skirt holding up a finger to make a point. Vest looks crabby, and honestly, Skirt looks a little crabby too. These two may not be destined to be close friends.

VEST: I can’t stay in business if I pay my employees more than I have to!

SKIRT: Think of it this way…

PANEL 3

A close-up of Skirt, who is holding up both hands at shoulder height, “talking with her hands,” and smiling as she gets into what she’s saying.

SKIRT: If an employer can’t figure out how to pay a living wage, they don’t deserve to stay in business. A more productive entrepreneur will take their place, right?

PANEL 4

For the first time in the strip, Vest has turned around to face Skirt. He looks very distressed, his eyes huge, and he’s yelling. Skirt, startled, takes a step back.

VEST: HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS?!?

On Employers Who Can’t Afford Paying A Living Wage | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons, Labor rights & Unions |

Somewhere South of the Broder Inside MAGA Brains

Cartoon by Barry

If you want to help us keep making cartoons, you should construct a time machine, become politically important in mid 1960s New York, and then before my birth in October 1968 lead the National Guard to attack the secret alien base in Long Island where their ADHD beam is located. Do not destroy the beam, because destroying it will cause an explosion of ADHD rays that will cover the entire earth and then no one anywhere will ever get anything done on time. Instead, sink it into the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean, because the secret giant squids are already ADHD and the rays can’t harm them. Also, while you’re at it, go into the near future from 2022 and write down some lottery numbers for me, thanks really appreciated we should do lunch.

Also, you can buy the book collections. Makes an acceptable Christmas gift, maybe!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A large caption at the top of the panel says “SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF THE BORDER.”

Two cheerful-looking people are standing outside and talking. One is a woman with dark hair drawn back into a ponytail, glasses, and a polka-dot skirt; let’s call her GLASSES. She’d holding out a smartphone.

The other person is a man with a mustache and a broad-brimmed straw hat, smoking a cigar. He also has dark hair, but his is a little reddish. Let’s call him CIGAR.

GLASSES: Joe my friend who’s a Democrat in the USA just called and invited us to sneak over the border! He says it’s easy!

CIGAR: We’ve got no pressing need to leave, but let’s go anyway!

PANEL 2

Glasses and Cigar are now at the US border, which we know is the US border because there’s a signpost that says “USA” with an arrow pointing. A grinning man with short-cropped blonde hair, waring a border patrol uniform and sunglasses, is running towards them with helium balloons.

A huge sign is hanging over everyone, which says “WELCOME IMMIGRANTS” in huge letters (the “i” is dotted with a heart), and in smaller letters below that says “Don’t Forget To Vote!”

GLASSES: Wow. We can just walk right in!

CIGAR: Look at that huge welcome sign!

BORDER PATROL DUDE: Welcome to Texas!

PANEL 3

Apparently some time has passed, because Glasses and Cigar are now in different outfits. Cigar is relaxing in a reclining chair next to a swimming pool; Glasses is walking up to Cigar and proudly pointing a thumb at herself. (Glasses is now pregnant.)

GLASSES: I just stole a job from a decent hard-working American!

CIGAR: I’m not even working! The government is just giving me welfare cash! Ha ha!

PANEL 4

The border between panels 3 and 4 is a thought balloon, leading to the head of a character in panel 4 (indicating that the entirety of the first three panels were in his imagination).

We’re now looking at two entirely different characters. Both are white. One, wearing a red MAGA cap, is punching his fist into his palm and looks angry. The other, wearing a necktie and button-down shirt, is rearing his head back and yelling as he shakes a hand at the sky.

MAGA DUDE: I’m sure that’s how it happens!

NECKTIE (very loudly): DAMN YOU LIBERALS!!

Posted in Conservatives, Immigration, Racism & Racists |