Free Speech on Campus

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels. The first two panels are normal-sized, while the third panel is gigantic.

PANEL ONE

A man and a woman are walking together, the woman speaking. Neither of them are students, judging from their age and their professional dress.

The man has white-blonde hair and glasses, and is wearing a blue shirt with a black tie. He looks worried. The woman has a red blouse and a black skirt, and has her hair pulled up into a bun. She is holding up a finger in a “this is my point” gesture, and is calm but a bit fervent.

For this and the next panel, the background is blank.

WOMAN: Students have a right to speak their minds without fear of being shamed or shunned. free speech on campus is in danger of being wiped out!

PANEL TWO

The two continue walking. The woman, waving her arms a bit as she gets passionate and a bit angry, continues speaking.

WOMAN: At some schools, students protested and heckled speakers! We must protect free speech from woke student totalitarians!

PANEL THREE

The man and women have come to a stop, and are looking at a protest. The man, looking concerned, speaks to the woman. The woman looks over the protest with a pleased expression, her arms folded.

The main focus in this panel is the protest – and even more, the cops in full riot gear attacking the protest. A huge line of cops in formation are marching towards the protest. Cops are leading away handcuffed protesters; one protester is being held on the ground and beaten. The protesters who aren’t being arrested look terrified. Protest signs lie on the ground.

MAN: So is this a threat to free speech?

WOMAN: No, this is fine.


Free Speech on Campus | Patreon

Posted in Imperialism & War, Social Justice |

Deux Ex Machina, Suckers!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is another collaboration with awesome cartoonist Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. All of the panels take place in a blue sky with fluffy white clouds.

PANEL 1

A human man, with a beard and a flannel shirt, is standing on a cloud, looking up at God, who is on another, higher cloud. (And is also much larger physically than the human guy). God is drawn in the traditional way: He has a thick white beard and is wearing white robes, and there’s a halo behind His head.

God is grinning and spreading His hands wide in a welcoming manner.

GOD: Hi there, I’m God! Good news! Because I’m so infinitely loving, good and merciful, you get to go to Heaven!

MAN: Okay!

PANEL 2

A close up of God, who as Nadine draws Him has very pretty eyes. He is smiling and pressing his palms together and looking in the direction of the off-panel human.

GOD: But if you don’t love me, I’ll throw you into a lake of burning sulfur where you’ll be tormented day and night forever!

PANEL 3

God smiles down beatifically at the human, who has raised a finger to make a point.

MAN: But… That’s horrible! And it doesn’t make sense! A good god wouldn’t torture people forever!

PANEL 4

A close up of God, with a wailing expression, as He presses the back of His hand to His forehead. He is dissolving into ash, and has already disappeared from the upper chest down.

GOD: Gasp! By pointing out a paradox you’ve defeated me! Now I must turn into ash and die like in that Marvel movie!

PANEL 5

Nothing is left of God but a pyramid-shaped pile of black ash (the ash pile has a halo behind it). In the foreground, the human has mildly surprised body language, and is rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

MAN: Um…

PANEL 6

God, a merry expression on his face, has reappeared whole on His cloud. He’s crouching down and pointing at the human. Lightning shoots out of God’s finger, engulfing the human and instantly turning the human into a black, charred, and surprised looking skeleton.

GOD: I’m kidding! Have fun suffering in the abyss forever, loser! Hah hah!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an obsolete cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but entertaining details the cartoonist slips into the cartoon.

In this cartoon, in panel one, on the lower left, we can see a little dog sniffing at the cloud it’s standing on. The dog is wearing white robs and has a halo and white feathery wings.

We can’t see the cloud the dog is standing on again until panel five. In this panel, the dog is gone, but there’s a yellow puddle on the cloud where the dog was.


Deus Ex Machina, Suckers! | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Unions Have Always Done The Impossible!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

On a city sidewalk, a line of workers is standing. They are wearing identical t-shirts with a drawing of a coffee mug surrounded by a circle, and lettering in the circle says “Baristas United.” One of the workers holds up a sign that says “NO JUSTICE NO COFFEE.”

Two workers talk; the first worker is excited and grinner, spreading her arms in the air, and the second worker (who is holding the sign) is a bit annoyed and cynical.

FIRST WORKER: If workers all pull together, we can accomplish so much! Living wages! Four day work weeks! Universal basic income!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 2

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1950.

We are in a mine. Mine cart tracks are on the ground, disappearing into a tunnel in the background. It’s dim here, other than the lights attached to the fronts of the miners’ hats.

Two miners, one carrying a bucket of stones, the other holding a shovel, are talking as they examine the aftermath of a rock collapse.

FIRST WORKER: Worker safety laws!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 3

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1930.

Two women wearing old-fashioned looking blouses are seated at the same long table. In front of each woman is a sewing machine; each of them are working on sewing a piece. They both have long hair done up in buns. A high pile of folded clothe is on the table in front of them. They look hot and sweaty.

FIRST WORKER: We could abolish child labor!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 4

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1890.

Two farm workers with broad-brimmed hats are talking to each other. They’re wearing plain, rough-but-sturdy-looking clothing. The first worker is holding up a palm in the air in front of her, “I have a vision” style. The second worker is making a dismissive gesture. There is a wheelbarrow and straw baskets, all filled with some sort of unspecifically drawn picked vegetation.

FIRST WORKER: Eight hour days! Two days off every week!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old-fashioned cartoonist expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details in a cartoon.

In panel one, a piece of paper littering the ground says “I’m listening to ‘Doppleganger’ as I draw this cartoon.” (And I was! It’s a recent book by Naomi Klein. I enjoyed it.)

In panel two, if you look along the bottom edge of the panel, you can see the feet of an unfortunate minor sticking out from under the rock pile.

And in panel four, the big straw bag on the ground in front of the first worker has the head of a rather bewildered looking bunny sticking out of it.


Unions Have Always Done The Impossible | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, History, Labor rights & Unions |

It’s All About Caring, Fatsos

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels focus on the same character, a cheerful young man standing in a what looks like a home office. There’s a desk, a lamp, an armchair with an ottoman, and a photo hanging on the wall in an oval frame. A cat is relaxing on the ottoman.

The main character has blonde-orange hair that’s neatly combed and kind of puffy. He’s wearing glasses, a red t-shirt with a big exclamation point on it (which is sort of what I defer to when I have no idea what to draw on a character’s t-shirt), blue jeans, and red sneakers.

PANEL ONE

The man is standing and talking directly to the readers. He’s waving at us.

MAN: I saw this fat woman on YouTube. I left a comment and said “maybe you should try jogging… away from the donuts!” Ha ha!

PANEL TWO

The man, still grinning, is holding up a finger in a “wait, wait, there’s more!” gesture.

MAN: Then I commented “obesity is linked to conditions like diabetes… and virginity!” Haw haw!

PANEL THREE

In a close-up panel, he raises his hands, palms out, as he continues to grin and talk.

MAN: Then I said “You’re going to die of a heart attack by the time you’re 35.” Hah!

PANEL FOUR

The man, no longer grinning, is clasping his hands together as he tries to look very kind and sympathetic.

MAN: Of course, I said those things because I care so much about fat people’s health.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details cartoonists slip in.

We can’t see the background in panel 3 because it’s a close-up. But in the other panels, we can see a framed photo on the wall in the background. In panel one, the photo shows Fred Flintstone; in panel two, Freddy Kruger; and in panel four, Freddy Mercury.

There’s also a cat relaxing on the ottoman. In panel one, the cat is just napping. In panel two, the cat is reading a book; the book has the title “The Cat Who Read A Book.” The author name is in print that’s probably too tiny to be read and says “Tiny Print, M.D.” And in panel four, the cat is sitting up like a human, one leg crossed over the other, and smoking a cigarette.


It’s All About Caring, Fatsos | Patreon

Posted in Fat Acceptance |

The Measure of Intelligence

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man wearing a brown jacket over jeans and a v-neck t-shirt is sitting on a park bench, staring at something in his hands with great concentration. Let’s call him JACKET.

A red-headed man in a red smiley face t-shirt is on the path in front of the bench, looking at the first man with a dubious expression. Let’s call him REDHEAD.

REDHEAD: Er… Excuse me. What are you doing?

JACKET: A lot of my genius ideas get lost when I lose focus.

PANEL 2

A close-up on Jacket shows that his hands are filled with a stick, lumpy, gooey, dripping mess of green-gray ooze. He continues to stare at it with great concentration.

JACKET: So I invented “the idea net” by smooshing rubber cement, peanut butter, and used chewing gum. This way I’ll catch ideas before they escape.

PANEL 3

Redhead is responding, with a rather grumpy expression. Jacket doesn’t even glance at Redhead, continuing to study the mess in his hands.

REDHEAD: That’s gotta be the stupidest idea I’ve ever–

JACKET: I’m a billionaire.

PANEL 4

The scene has changed to an apartment. Redhead is seated on a sofa, mixing up some sticky goo in his hands. On the coffee table in front of him we can see an open peanut butter jar, an open bottle of rubber cement, and a bunch of little crumpled pieces of paper (presumably gum wrappers). He is staring at the mess in his hands and smiling.

Behind him, a blonde woman is watching what’s he’s doing with a very doubtful expression on her face.

REDHEAD: I know it looks stupid, but he’s a billionaire! His ideas must be good!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an old cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in a cartoon.

In panel one, hidden from the humans by a bush, a squirrel in a slouch hat and trenchcoat is standing next to a magpie with a bag of nuts. The magpie and the squirrel have their backs to each other and are studious ignoring each other.

In panel three, we can see that the squirrel and magpie are looking at each other. The squirrel has opened his trenchcoat to reveal a small bag labeled “catnip.” The magpie is holding out the bag of nuts to the squirrel.

In panel four, in the background, there is an open window. The magpie has landed on the windowsill, holding the bag of catnip. Below the windowsill, a gray housecat is making the “shh” gesture with one paw, and with the other paw is offering the magpie a shiny necklace.

Also in panel four, there are a couple of framed pictures on the wall. One of them is of the blonde woman; the other one is of the cat.


The Measure of Intelligence | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

The Celestial Politics of Trans Bans

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

A reporter is pushing their microphone right in front of the Governor’s face. The Governor is wearing a suit jacket over a turtleneck with a necklace on top of the shirt, and has obviously professionally done hair. She looks a little uncertain.

REPORTER: Governor, what’s your position on the gender affirming care ban?

GOVERNOR: The bill blocking doctors from treating trans kids? Um…

PANEL 2

A close-up on the governor’s face. Next to the governor, floating in the air, a little angel has appeared with a “POOF!” sound effect and a little white cloud. The governor is looking at the shoulder angel out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: This is an awful bill!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the shoulder angel let’s us see her outfit clearly. She has light purple hair combed to one side, and her head is buzzcut on the other side. She’s wearing a white leather jacket with metal studs and a zipper on the sleeve, a white skirt, fishnets, and white boots. She’s also got little white wings and a halo floating over her head.

She has her hands fisted and looks a little angry.

ANGEL: This bill is pandering to bigots! It’s giving in to a moral panic! And it’ll do so much harm to trans kids!

PANEL 4

A longer shot, allowing us to see the shoulder angel, the Governor, and – appearing on the opposite side of the Governor from the angel in a “POOF!” and a considerably darker cloud – a shoulder devil. The devil is a woman in a red two-piece suit over a yellow v-neck blouse, and heels to match the blouse. She has two horns, bat-like wings, and is carrying a trident.

The Governor looks thoughtful, hand on her chin, one eyebrow lifted, looking at the shoulder devil out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: All to solve a problem that doesn’t even exist!

DEVIL: Ahem

PANEL 5

The shoulder devil, raising her arms as if cheerleading, speaks to the Governor, who is now looking more directly at the devil. The angel’s eyes widen in dismay.

DEVIL: Fearmongering wins elections.

PANEL 6

Looking more confident, the Governor is now speaking into the microphone.  Her text is smaller sized and has no word balloon, indicating that it’s sort of a background detail. The angel has her arms crossed and is sitting (in mid air) with her legs crossed, looking at the Governor with annoyance.  The devil is holding her pitchfork above her head in both hands and practically dancing, a huge and evil grin, victorious.

GOVERNOR: …protect children from perverts blah blah blah…

ANGEL: Well, this sucks.

DEVIL: This is great! Next let’s do a law forcing teachers to out trans students!


Celestial Politics of Trans Bans | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Hey did you hear? Biden is old!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus an additional “kicker’ panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

Each panel features the same central character, who I’ll call “Media.” Media is a white man wearing a suit and tie, and carrying a microphone. But instead of a head, he has a flatscreen TV on top of his neck, and on the TV is a picture of a TV anchorman-type against a background of static.

In the first three panels Media is standing against a background of abstract and colorful pop-art shapes.

PANEL 1

Media is leaning forward a bit and has a concerned expression.

MEDIA: Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is old. Biden’s old. Biden’s so old. Biden’s old. Biden is old.

PANEL 2

A closer shot of Media, now with a cheerful, chatty manner.

MEDIA: Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is old old old. Biden’s old. Biden is old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is too old.

MEDIA: Trump’s old too.

PANEL 3

Media now looks a little panicked, spreading his arms and almost jumping up and down.

MEDIA: Biden Biden Biden! OLD OLD OLD!

PANEL 4

The scene now changes to a coffee shop. Media’s body is in casual clothes – slacks and a black polo shirt. (Although Media’s head and shoulders, on the tv screen, is still wearing a suit.) Media is sitting at a table, with a coffee mug in front of him, looking annoyed as he vents to a friend.

MEDIA: How can these people call me biased? Didn’t they hear me call Trump old, too?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Media is talking, a bit angrily, to Barry the Cartoonist.

MEDIA: I’m pretending you said I shouldn’t report on Biden’s age at all. And I’m appalled you’d say that!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is cartoonist slang for unimportant details the cartoonist sticks in for the fun of it. In this case, all the chicken fat is in panel four. First of all, on the shelves behind the counter in the background is the decapitated head of Charlie Brown from “Peanuts.” (Poor ol’ Charlie Brown.) Secondly, on the wall is a framed picture of Zoidberg from the TV show “Futurama.” (I’m a big fan of both Peanuts and Futurama).


Media: Biden is Old Old Old Oldy McOldface | Patreon

Posted in Media criticism |

Let’s Outlaw Being Homeless! That’ll Work!

Cartoon by Barry


A cartoon by me and R.E. Ryan.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show a gritty commercial doorway – the kind that’s recessed a few feet into the building – on a city sidewalk. There’s litter and graffiti here.

There are two characters in the comic strip. The first character is a homeless man sleeping in the doorway, wearing a zip-up sweatshirt over a t-shirt and a dull red knit cap, and with a full beard.  The other character is a muscular-looking cop dressed in a police uniform and carrying a baton. In defiance of tradition, he is cleanshaven. I’ll call these two characters KNITCAP and COP.

PANEL 1

Knitcap, covered by a brown blanket and with his head pillowed on some rolled-up clothes, is lying in a doorway, apparently asleep. The cop is using his baton to poke knitcap in the side. The cop has a somewhat sadistic grin.

COP: Hey, you! Get up! We’ve outlawed sleeping in public! You’re not allowed anymore!

PANEL 2

Knitcap is sitting up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes with one hand. He speaks calmly. The cop watches, smirking, arms akimbo.

KNITCAP: In that case, I guess I’ll sleep in a hotel tonight.

PANEL 3

A close-up of Knitcap. He’s stroking his chin with a hand, as if thinking through his options.

KNITCAP: Or should I sleep in my townhouse instead? Or my Hamptons place? I’ll call my butler and ask what he thinks!

PANEL 4

Knitcap, grinning, is now holding a hand next to his face, thumb and pinky finger extended, pretending it’s a phone as he talks. The cop is glaring and slapping his baton against his palm.

KNITCAP: Smithers? Smithers old boy! My super fun street sleeping holiday is done. Which of my mansions shall I sleep in tonight.

COP (thought): Next step: Outlaw sarcasm.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat are unimportant but fun details cartoonists sometimes sneak into comic strips.

In panel one, in the lower-right-hand corner of the panel, two rats are sitting, holding playing cards and apparently playing poker, or some similar card game. In panel two, a cat walks in, apparently stalking the rats. The rats look at the cat. And in panel four, the cat has been dealt in and is playing the game with them.

In all the panels, Knitcap is wearing a t-shirt with some words that are hard to make out. But what it says is “No, you’re Spartacus.”

In panel three, there’s a lot of mostly-unintelligible graffiti, but just below the doorknob someone has painted “BACKGROUND DETAILS RULZ.”


Let’s Outlaw Being Homeless! That’ll Work! | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons, Social Justice |

Free Trade Is For Peasants, Not Cartoonists

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eight panels.

PANEL 1

This panel shows Barry (that is, me), wearing an expensive-looking three piece suit. He’s sitting in a big armchair, legs crossed at the knee, waving at us with one hand and holding a cigar in the other. Next to the armchair is a small glass fishbowl with a gold-colored fish in it.

BARRY: Hi! I’m Barry, and I’ll be your cartoonist today. You ever wonder why cartoonists like me make so much money?

PANEL 2

Barry is holding out a big globe as he speaks.

BARRY: “After all,” you say, “There are well-trained cartoonists all over the world willing to take U.S. qualification exams and draw cartoons for much less.”

PANEL 3

Barry is pontificating and looks pretentious, one hand holding a lapel of his jacket, the other holding a forefinger up in a “giving a lecture” sort of way. Behind him, the fish is watching.

BARRY: True! Luckily, the U.S. limits how many foreign cartoonists can work here. Despite the severe problems caused by the cartoonist shortage.

PANEL 4

Barry is now in the famous “Uncle Sam Wants You” poster pose, pointing a finger at the reader, and wearing an Uncle Sam top hat.

BARRY: According to Uncle Sam, “free trade” and competition driving down pay isn’t for me. It’s for unimportant non-cartoonist people like you.

PANEL 5

Barry and a woman are in the panel. Barry has grabbed her purse and is pulling cash out of it; the woman looks annoyed.

BARRY: All of this means cartoonists can charge more for cartoons. It’s like a tax you pay so I can be richer.

PANEL 6

Still in the fishbowl on the little table, the goldfish speaks, with a slightly distressed expression. Barry is very shocked by this development, jumping up and eyes popping.

GOLDY: Hold on, that can’t be true!

BARRY: Goldy? You can talk?

PANEL 7

A close-up on Goldy as she sticks her head out above the water to speak. She looks worried.

GOLDY:  Don’t change the subject. Does Uncle Sam really make us all pay more so you can be richer?

BARRY: Nah, I was fibbing. They don’t do that for cartoonists.

PANEL 8

Goldy, smiling, is relieved. Barry shrugs as he cheerfully goes on.

GOLDY: I knew it! Protectionism for the rich would be totally against the U.S.’s ideas of fairness and free tra-

BARRY: They just do it for doctors, dentists, and lawyers.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for unimportant but hopefully fun details in a cartoon that readers could easily miss.

In panel one, a little label pointing to Rich Barry’s cufflink says “gold cufflinks.” In panel two, when Rich Barry holds up a globe, a little caption pointing to it says “Golden Globe.” And in panel three, a similar little caption pointing to the fish says “Gold Fish.”

In panel two, if you look closely at the continents on the globe Rich Barry is holding, one is shaped like Pac-Man and two are shaped like Ghosts fleeing Pac-Man.

In panel six, when Barry’s glasses pop off in cartoon surprise, his eyeballs remain in the glasses rather than staying on his face.


Free Trade Is For Peasants, Not Cartoonists | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes .


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man in a blue turtleneck, wearing a name tag, sits behind a desk marked “customer service,” hand on forehead, looking like he’s very annoyed. Also behind the customer service desk, a woman who looks like a manager – silver hair, blouse and jacket – is leaning over his shoulder and haranguing him. I’m going to name the woman “Manager.”

MANAGER: Can you just confirm that you’ve got a vagina? Just say it! Say “I have lady bits.” Say it!

PANEL 2

We’re now in a warehouse or back storage area, with many large boxes on industrial shelving. She is talking, with a condescending attitude, to a worker wearing a hardhat and yellow vest, who is carrying a couple of boxes stacked. The employee looks like they really, really wish they were anywhere else.

MANAGER: “Non-Binary?” Ha! No such thing! Thinking you’re non-binary means you’re insane!

PANEL 3

We’re in what looks like a backroom employee break area – water cooler, cheap folding chair at a table. The manager stands between a tall woman and the women’s room door, deliberately blocking the way. The woman being blocked has a restrained anger expression and her arms folded.

MANAGER: So-called “transwomen” only want access to women’s bathrooms to commit rape!

PANEL 4

Manager is standing gently crying, holding a handkerchief to one eye (no tears are actually visible). A hand comes in from out-of-panel, holding a professional-looking microphone – i.e., the manager is being interviewed for a news show. A logo in the lower right corner says “4,” so presumably this is on channel 4.

REPORTER: So you were fired for saying “sex is real”?

MANAGER: That’s what happened.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in comics.

In panel 1, there are a series of fliers, all with the same picture of a startled-looking cat, taped to the wall. The first one says “Lost Cat!” The second says “Never mind! Found it!” And the third says “Cat for sale!”

In panel 2, a poster taped to a shelving unit says “FORKLIFT IN USE” in large red letters, and in smaller letters below that, says “If crushed remember to clock out!”

In panel 3, a poster taped to the wall has a lot of little pink hearts and the lettering “The company loves you!”

And in panel 4,  a chyron scroll (that little scrolling text with allegedly breaking news at the bottom of news broadcasts) says “Chyron writers vote to unioni…,” and then on a second line in smaller lettering, “Networks announce new “AI Chyron” project will soon take…”


“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Appealing to Trump Voters by Getting Tough on Immigration!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All of them feature the same character, who I’ll call “DEMOCRAT,” an older man with neatly combed, thick gray hair, rectangular glasses, and is usually wearing a suit and tie.

PANEL 1

Democrat is facing a big crowd of very angry people (mostly male, mostly white). They’re so crowded together that most of them seem like just a pile of faces. In the lead, a man wearing a short-sleeved collared shirt with a necktie shakes a fist in the air as he SCREAMS at Democrat. His face is a picture of rage.

Democrat listens calmly, rubbing his chin with a hand.

ANGRY MAN: SECURE THE BORDER YOU COWARDS!

DEMOCRAT (thought balloon): I want people like them to vote for Democrats, so I’ll give them what they want.

PANEL 2

Democrat is now in an office, seated behind a large and fancy desk. This looks like a pretty nice office. Democrat is on the phone, yelling at someone and pounding his fist on the desk.

DEMOCRAT: Forget helping the Dreamers! From now on Democrats support border security! Make it tougher! Send away asylum seekers! Hire more border guards!

PANEL 3

Democrat is now on stage, standing behind a podium with a microphone pointed at him, giving a speech. A spotlight shines on him. He’s grinning.

DEMOCRAT: Our new bill is the toughest border security bill ever!

PANEL 4

This panel, much like the first panel, shows Democrat facing a crowd of very angry people, with the same dude leading them. That dude is pointing a finger at Democrat and is yelling, his face just as furious as in panel 1. Democrat is talking to him with a smile, bent forward a little with his hands clasped together.

DEMOCRAT: So you like Democrats better now, right?

ANGRY MAN: SECURE THE BORDER YOU COWARDS!!!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for fun but meaningless details slipped into a cartoon.

In panel one, the person in the foreground with his back to us is a self-portrait.

In panel two, there are a number of books on shelves in the backgrounds. Titles of these books include “Duck Soup,” “A Night At The Opera,” and “Horse Feathers” – for those of you who don’t know, those are all titles of Marx Brothers movies. Another book just has “TITLE” written on the spine in big letters. Another says “Covfefe! The Musical.” And two more, shelved next to each other, are titled “Tiny Lettering” and “Tiny Lettering 2.”

Also on the shelves is a bottle of booze and a decapitated head.  Finally, in the tiny space under one of the shelves, a rat is reading a book.

In panel three, the seal on the front of the podium has the words “colorless green ideas sleep furiously,” which is a sentence “composed by Noam Chomsky in his 1957 book Syntactic Structures as an example of a sentence that is grammatically well-formed, but semantically nonsensical.” (There’s an entire wikipedia article about this sentence.)

The bird on the seal, which would usually be an eagle, is Opus the Penguin from Bloom County,

In panel four, there are two familiar faces seeded among the sea of angry faces: Bert from Sesame Street, and Frankenstein.


Appealing To Trump Voters | Patreon

Posted in Elections, Immigration |

HOMOPHOBIC WOKE PARENTS ARE TURNING GAY KIDS TRANS!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel depicts a TV talk show, called “The JAQ Off.”  There are a couple of plants (with “The JAQ Off” written on their pots), and between them a desk with “Just Asking Questions” painted in large letters on the front. We can see big TV lights pointing at the desk.

Two women are seated behind the desk. On the left is the host of the show, who has short, nicely styled brown hair, and is wearing a suit jacket over a green blouse. On the right is the guest, an older woman with long white hair wearing a blue turtleneck. We’ll call them HOST and DEEMS.

PANEL 1

The Host is smiling and speaking to the camera as she gestures at her guest. Deems is speaking and holding her palms up as if denying an accusation.

HOST: Our guest is Doctor Debbie Deems of the prestigious American Medical Association! She’s here to talk about protecting gay teens.

DEEMS: Technically, we’re the American Medical Approximation. It’s a common mix-up we’re certainly not trying to encourage.

PANEL 2

The host takes a sip of her water while she makes a shrug with her other arm. The guest lifts herself up from her seat a little, her expression conveying urgency.

HOST: Tomayto tomahto. What’s the main danger gay teens face?

DEEMS: The big danger is they’re being force to turn trans.

PANEL 3

A close-up on Deems as she makes a point to the camera, a forefinger upheld. She looks pretty frantic.

DEEMS: There’s an epidemic of homophobic woke parent who can’t stand their kids being gay so they turn their kids trans! This is definitely something that happens verifiably and for real!

PANEL 4

The host has put a hand over her mouth, looking concerned. Deems is calm and very composed all of a sudden.

HOST: That’s terrible! Do you have any examples you can tell us about?

DEEMS: No.

HOST: Well, I’m convinced!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for little gags and details that the cartoonist put in that don’t actually matter, but are fun anyway.

In this strip, the “chicken fat” in in panel three, where there are a few chyron lines crawling across the bottom of the panel. (Chyrons are the text scrolling across the bottom of news networks).  Chyron line one just says “Coming Up.” Line two says “Expert: trans people peed on her cat, sofa” and line three says “Did Soros invent the trans activist movement? We imply yes!”


Homophobic Woke Parents Are Turning Gay Kids Trans! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Biden Stuffed Ballot Boxes in Boise!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. There are two main characters. The first is a woman with dark red hair going to a bit below her shoulders, glasses with fashionably thick arms, and a short black peacoat over jeans and a blouse. We’ll call her GLASSES.

The other character is a woman with very short, somewhat spikey blonde hair, wearing a red puffy vest over a long-sleeved shirt and baggy black pants. We’ll call her VEST.

The two of them are talking on a suburban looking sidewalk, with a house, a bush and a tree in the background.

PANEL 1

Glasses is holding up her smartphone to display the screen to Vest, and pointing to the phone with her other hand.  She looks distressed.

Vest is pissed off – waving her arms and yelling.

GLASSES: In Nevada in 2020, 1,500 dead people voted for Biden! And 4,000 illegal aliens voted! I read it on Facebook!

VEST: Oh come ON!!! Just because someone says something doesn’t make it TRUE!

PANEL 2

Vest is leaning forward, holding her fist in front of her (but not in a threatening way, just angry). Glasses, smiling, holds up her hands, palms out, in a peacemaking gesture.

VEST (still yelling): I could say there’s a video of Joe Biden personally stuffing ballot boxes in Boise! That doesn’t mean it happened!

GLASSES: Hey, no need for raised voices. Let’s agree to disagree.

PANEL 3

In the foreground, Vest, muttering to herself, is walking away, pushing up her own hair angrily and biting her lip. In the background, Glasses has her back to Vest but has turned her head to watch Vest depart.

VEST (muttering): mumble grr stupid maga idiot @%$*!

PANEL 4

A shot of Glasses alone. She’s looking distressed again, and is anxiously and rapidly tapping on her phone as she types into it. In her thought balloon we can see what it is she’s typing. (By the way, the typo is on purpose. Well, it wasn’t originally on purpose, but I noticed the typo before I posted the cartoon and decided to leave it in,, so in that sense it’s on purpose).

GLASSES (typing into phone): BIG news! EXLCUSIVE! Dem source says VIDEO has emerged of BIDEN HIMSELF PERSONALLY STUFFING BALLOT BOXES in BOISE! #FakeElection #cheatingJoeBiden

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. There are two bits of chicken fat in this comic. In panel one, in the background, there’s a house, and if you look carefully in the window you’ll see Homer Simpson looking out. And in panel two, in the lower left corner, we can see that someone hidden in the bushes is spying on the characters’ conversation.


Biden Stuffed Ballot Boxes in Boise! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Elections, Right-wingers |

Crackpots: Left vs Right

Cartoon by Barry


Did you spot all the little background details Becky Hawkins slipped in?


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is dominated by a large title, going horizontally across the image, which says “CRACKPOTS LEFT vs RIGHT.” The title lettering divides the cartoon in two, with two panels above the lettering, and two panels below it.

PANEL 1

A woman with green hair and an undercut is typing furiously on her phone. She’s wearing a black collar with spikes, has a pierced nose, and tattoos. Her face is radiating anger. A word balloon coming from the phone shows what she’s typing.

PHONE: 9/11 was CLEARLY an INSIDE job. Bin Laden WORKED for the CIA! Controlled demolition! Insider trading! HALIBURTON! #911truth #insidejob #wakeup

PANEL 2

The same woman turns to talk to someone who is off-panel, her face and demeanor now calm as she looks away from her phone. We can now see that she’s behind the counter in a coffee shop.

OFF-PANEL CUSTOMER: Excuse me, can I get my coffee refilled?

BARISTA: Coming right up!

PANEL 3

We are looking at a blonde woman in extreme close-up as she types on her phone. Her face is so angry she looks like she’s about to have an embolism. A word balloon coming from her phone shows us what she’s typing.

PHONE: 1/6 was a FALSE FLAG op jointly run by ANTIFA & the FBI to DISTRACT us from HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP!! #J6files #fakenews #wakeup

PANEL 4

The “camera” has pulled back and we can now see that the woman is wearing a conservative blue skirt-suit and matching high heels. She’s in an expensive looking office, leaning back in a large brown leather desk chair, and resting her feet on the desk. She’s talking to an off-panel assistant, and she’s now quite calm and maybe even a little bored.

OFF-CAMERA ASSISTANT: Pardon me, Congresswoman? Time for your FOX interview.

CONGRESSWOMAN: Coming!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this cartoon, all of the chicken fat was made up by Becky (yay Becky!).

Panel 1: Her tattoos include a Mickey Mouse silhouette with blood spattered across it a la the Watchmen symbol, and a donut shaped like an infinity symbol, which today I learned is a thing.

Panel 2: A chalkboard on the wall in the background says “All Coffee Are Beautiful,” arranged so that if you read the first letters downwards, they spell “ACAB.” Another chalkboard says “Daily Special – Salted Caramel – Pumpkin Spice – White Tears.” The IPAD they use as a register has a “Cool S” symbol on its face. (Today I learned that no one actually knows the origin of that symbol.)

Panel 4: Behind the congresswoman is a variation on the American flag, with a bald eagle in profile in front of the stripes, and a white cross in place of the stars. On her desk is a take-out coffee container with the “don’t tread on me” snake on it, and a coffee mug with “Liberal Tears” written on it.


Crackpots: Left vs Right | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Self-Medicating My ADHD

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same character, from the same angle. A woman sits at a messy table, in front of an open laptop. On the table are some crumpled napkins, an open Chinese food takeout container, random papers, random mugs (one near her elbow, presumably her current mug, and a few more pushed to the back), and an orange cat with a white chin and belly. The cat is either a large kitten or a small adult.

The woman has a green shirt with darker green sleeves, round glasses, and brunette hair tied back.

PANEL 1

The woman leans on one hand, with a frustrated expression; her other hand is in a fist on the table.

WOMAN (thought): Aaargh! Why can’t I be productive? Stupid ADHD!

PANEL 2

A hatch opens up on top of her head, and her brain – complete with cartoony eyes, a smiling mouth, and stick arms – pops out and speaks cheerfully. The woman seems unsurprised by this, leaning back and folding her arms.

BRAIN: I have an idea – why not beat yourself up about it?

WOMAN: Really, brain? We’ve tried that for decades. And it’s never worked!

PANEL 3

The Brain cheerfully hands the woman a mallet; the woman reaches a hand up to take it. She’s looking cheerful now.

BRAIN: That’s because you haven’t been beating yourself hard enough. This time it’ll work.

WOMAN: Oh, okay.

PANEL 4

The woman AND her brain are now both covered with bruises and bumps from being beaten so much; the woman has cracked her glasses and is missing a tooth. Both of them are cheerful, and both their word balloons are shaky looking.

BRAIN: It’ll start working aaany second now.

WOMAN: Thanks, brain!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this cartoon, the chicken fat involves cats, both in the foreground and in the background.

In the foreground, in panel one, the cat is looking a bit anxiously at the woman as it moves towards the open Chinese food container.

In panel two, the cat is leaning over the container, and her head is almost entirely within the container.

In panel three, the cat is licking its lips, with a deeply satisfied expression and a little heart floating over its head.

In panel four, the cat is busily licking its own butthole.

In the background, there’s a cat motivational poster on the wall. What’s cool is, the poster changes every panel, in response to the events happening with the main character.

These gags were contributed by Nadine, and I’ll quote bits of her comments about the posters.

In panel one, the cat is turning to look, coughing and cross-eyed. A “computer is loading” icon is above its head “like the brain is stuck.” The caption says UUUHHHH…

In panel two, a new cat has an expression of huge surprise on its face, like it’s surprised by the brain popping out. Caption says “WHAT?!”

In panel three, yet another cat – a fluffy white cat wearing round glasses and a bow tie – is staring out. The caption says “GENIUS!” Naomi explains, “because the brain has a ‘genius’ idea.”

In panel four, we have the hang in there cat, “because never give up!”


Self-Medicating My ADHD | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Uncategorized |

In My Day, Young Women Never Dressed Like That

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins.


TRANSCRIPT  OF CARTOON
This cartoon has nine panels. 
The center panel (what you might call the Paul Lynde panel) is taken up mostly by large red lettering on a scroll. The lettering says IN MY DAY, YOUNG WOMEN NEVER DRESSED LIKE THAT. Each of the remaining eight panels shows a single speaker.
 
PANEL 1
A middle-aged woman who looks like a successful politician – blue suit jacket over a red blouse, and slightly wavy hair that’s clearly been done by a professional – speaks at a podium, her hands on her hips. She has an annoyed, judgmental expression. 
WOMAN: I hate how young women today flaunt their bodies by wearing revealing clothing! Can’t they dress like we did?
 
PANEL 2
A blonde woman sits at a desk with a laptop open in front of her. There’s a nice but also kind of fussy lamp on the desk, her blonde hair is combed to the side without a strand out of place, and her red blouse is buttoned to the top button; she gives the impression of being extremely straight-laced.
WOMAN: “Women nowadays dress too sexy in see-through tops, bare mid-riffs, halters and tube tops.” –Chicago Tribune, July 2000
 
PANEL 3
A man in a brown suit and tie, carrying a newspaper rolled up under his arm, makes an angry, dismissive gesture as he speaks. His short hair and his brown fedora look 1950s.
MAN: “American women have too much of themselves showing — that would never do in Europe.” –Capital Times, 1954
 
PANEL 4
An older woman wearing a blue cloche hat and a brown coat with a thick fur collar is holding a hanky to her eye as she cries.
WOMAN: “Women dress too scantily! Lately the sights that meet the eye on streets makes self-respecting women feel ashamed!” –Evening Sun, 1934
 
PANEL 5
This is the center panel. It’s mostly filled by large red lettering on a scroll. The lettering says IN MY DAY, YOUNG WOMEN NEVER DRESSED LIKE THAT. 
The scroll has two young women leaning on it. The woman on the left wears a flapper dress with a sailor’s collar and a cloche, both mint green with pink highlights.
The woman on the right is extremely contemporary – a long coat with holes exposing her shoulders, a short skirt, bare midriff, cool clunky boots, and dyed green hair in an undercut.
 
PANEL 6
A white haired man with an impressively groomed white gray mustache raises a forefinger as he speaks, like a professor making a point. He’s lifting one eyebrow like Spock, but we know that he would never be as cool as Spock was, let alone as cool as Leonard Nimoy was.
“I condemn the scantily-clad, jazzing flapper. To whom a dance, a new hat, or a man with a car, are of more importance than the fate of nations.” –Dr. R. Murray-Leslie, 1920
 
PANEL 7
A cheerful-looking older woman squints. She’s wearing oval glasses, a blue bonnet, a short gray cape around her shoulders, and a blue long-sleeved blouse. One of her hands holds a Bible, while she’s pressing the fingers of the other hand into the center of her chest in an “oh dearie me” gesture. Other than her face and hands, not a millimeter of skin is exposed.
CARRIE NATION: “Women dress too gaily.  They should be more Modest and wear clothes something like what I’m wearing.” –Carrie Nation, 1901.
 
Panel 8
A middle-aged man wearing one of those gray curly wigs that upper-class aristocrats used to wear speaks with angry, wide-eyed fervor.  He’s wearing dark gray judge’s robes.
JOHN WESLEY: “Gay and costly apparel creates and inflames lust. It kindles a flame that will plunge you and your admirers into THE FLAMES OF HELL!” –John Wesley, 1786
 
Panel 9
A middle-aged man with a thick brown beard holds an open scroll and is reading it. He’s wearing brown robes and a light brown head wrapping, and looks extremely stern.
TERTULLIAN: “Make-up is fittingly called womanly disgrace. The care of hair and of those parts of the body that attract the eye is prostitution!” –Tertullian, 197 A.D. 

In My Day, Young Women Never Dressed Like That | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, History, Sexism & Misogyny |

Too Petty To Talk About

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is drawn by R. E. Ryan!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. All of them show different scenes, but all of them focus on the same character – a thirtyish, square-jawed guy with short light brown hair and a seemingly permanent scowl on his face. Let’s call him SCOW (short for scowl).

PANEL 1

Scow is sitting and typing at a computer in his apartment. He’s wearing an undershirt. In the background we can see city buildings and the sun high in a blue sky.

A word balloon shows us what Scow is typing.

SCOW: Why are you talking about racism in music? There are more important things!

PANEL 2

Scow is now sitting up in bed (he has a nice bedroom, with dark wood furniture and framed art on the wall), wearing red jammies and intently typing on his phone.

SCOW: Time spent talking about race could be spent talking about something important!

PANEL 3

Scow is apparently at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner – there’s a big turkey on the table. He’s wearing an argyle sweater vest and talking intently to the unfortunate 12-ish looking girl sitting next to him. (His mouth is full, and little bits of food are coming out.) The girl looks annoyed and is rolling her eyes.

SCOW: Who cares about race and casting? There are more crucial things to talk about!

PANEL 4

Scow is now back in his apartment – it looks like a living room – wearing VR googles and (presumably) talking to someone in VR. He’s waving his arms as he speaks.

SCOW: Why do they always make a white character Black when they remake movies? They’re obsessed with race!

PANEL 5

This is the same scene as panel 1 – Scow is sitting in his apartment typing on his computer. The window in the background now shows stars and a moon. Scow is leaning his head heavily on one hand, presumably because he’s exhausted but well into the “I can’t go to bed, somebody is wrong on the internet” zone.

SCOW: Don’t we have more important things to focus on?

PANEL 6

Scow and a friend are sitting on a park bench hanging out. Scow is talking to the friend; the friend is reading his book and seemingly paying no attention to Scow. (I mean, I’m assuming that the guy is Scow’s friend, because that’s what I said when I wrote the script, but nothing in the panel establishes that, maybe this is just some random stranger that Scow sat down next to and started ranting at, in which case, wince.)

SCOW: And these ridiculous people spend all their time talking about the same unimportant things!

SCOW: Over and over!

SCOW: They never stop!


Too Petty To Talk About | Patreon

Posted in Racism & Racists |

THEY MURDERED MY CHILDHOOD!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by Jenn Manley Lee and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

The first three panels feature the same two women in each panel. Or maybe a woman and a teenager. They’re both dressed in stylized Roman soldier outfits. The older woman, on the left, is dressed in what the artist called a “bondage adjacent costume,” with straps and high heels and a skimpy one-piece made of brown leather. She’s wearing pteruges – you know, straps hanging down from her waist to sort of form a skirt.  She also has an amazing mane of red hair cleverly arranged to resemble a Roman Galea helmet.

The younger woman, on the right, is wearing a brown leather vest over a dark green bodysuit, flat boots, and a Roman Galea helmet. She has protective armor on her forearms and calves.

Both of them wear red capes and carry round shields and swords. The older woman’s shield features a stylized letter “G” in yellow on a red background; the same symbol, in the same colors, is on the younger woman’s belt. I’ll call the two characters “Original G” and “New G.”

PANEL 1

The two women are back-to-back and in a battle, fending off swords left and right. They’re in a building with pillars. In the background, we can see ancient buildings, an active volcano, and what I think is a dragon flying.

Despite all this, the two women are calmly and cheerfully chatting with each other. (I love that, and that was all Jenn.)

ORIGINAL G: Who are you? You look familiar…

NEW G: I’m you! A redesigned version of you, anyway.

PANEL 2

The two women are now at a little table in front of the display window of a modern comic book store. They’re both carrying coffee. Original G is sitting down, while New G is already seated, legs crossed at the ankles, looking relaxed.

ORIGINAL G: So does this mean I don’t exist anymore?

NEW G: Nope – there are thousands of toys and comics and animations with you that no one can take away! But now my version of you exists, too!

PANEL 3

Original G leans towards the display window, tapping on it like people tap on goldfish bowls. On the other side of the window, we can see action figures of both versions of G, displayed on pillars.

ORIGINAL G: I get it. This way, we can entertain different audiences, right?

NEW G: Exactly! Who could complain?

PANEL 4

We’re now looking at the cashier counter in a comic book store. A tired-looking cashier leans on one elbow, rolling her eyes. In front of the counter, two adult men are screaming in horror. One man, in a green shirt, is holding out a comic book with the “G” symbol on the front cover, wide eyes staring at it. The other man is actually sitting on the floor, hands tearing at his hair, legs kicking like an unhappy toddler, as he stares at an action figure of New G.

GREEN SHIRT: THEY MURDERED MY CHILDHOOD!

HAIR PULLER: THIS IS THE WORST ATROCITY OF ALL TIME!


They Murdered My Childhood! | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Media criticism |

The Union’s Demands Are Impossible!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

The entire strip features the same two characters walking and talking. The first character is a woman who keeps her black hair pulled into a bun; she has large round glasses and is carrying a smartphone. Let’s call her BUN. The second character has brown hair in a sort of pageboy with bangs, so we’ll call her BANGS.

PANEL 1

Bun and Bangs are walking on a suburban sidewalk. Bun is holding out her smartphone to show Bangs some story she’s just been reading; Bangs is reading something on her own cell phone. Bun is looking a little panicked.

BUN: Have you seen these striking auto workers’ demands? The raises they want are literally impossible!

BANGS: Actually, the news just said the car companies agreed to the union’s terms.

PANEL 2

A close up of Bun, holding up a forefinger and looking just a little smug and pleased as she makes a prediction. Behind her we can see a blue sky with fluffy white clouds.

BUN: Yeah? Well, just you wait—a year from now, all the auto companies will be out of business!

PANEL 3

A big caption at the top of panel 3 says ONE YEAAR LATER.

Time has passed, but Bun and Bangs look much the same, although they’re now in different clothing, and it’s now nighttime. They’re walking on top of a hill and talking. Both of them are cheerful in this panel.

BANGS: So last year you said auto companies would be out of business by now. Since that didn’t happen, have you rethought anything?

BUN: I never said that.

PANEL 4

Bangs is taken totally aback. Bun is looking at her smartphone and finding something new to panic about.

BANGS: What? But you—

BUN: Hey, fast food workers are on strike! A year from now, a Big Mac will definitely cost $40!


The Union’s Demands Are Impossible! | Patreon

Posted in Labor rights & Unions |

Only Some Can Be Objective

Cartoon by Barry


A cartoon by me and Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels – although the final panel is divided into two sub-panels, as we shall see.

PANEL 1

In a newsroom (we can see a desk, and framed front-page stories on the wall), an older reporter, who is white and male, is talking to a younger Black reporter. The older reporter is wearing an off-white shirt with a red necktie; the younger reporter is a bit more casually dressed in a gray polo shirt. Let’s call the older reporter “NECKTIE.”

Necktie has his arms folded behind his back, and a condescending expression.

NECKTIE: Percy, you can’t write about police violence. You’re not objective.

PANEL 2

We are looking at Necktie again. In the background, we can see a young male reporter, with a red shirt and glasses, and a younger female reporter, wearing a jacket over a light pink blouse, both sitting behind desks.

NECKTIE: Just like Joey can’t write about trans issues.

NECKTIE: And Alicia tweeted about being sexually assaulted. So she can’t write sex crime stories. Reporters must be objective!

PANEL 3

This panel is divided into two sub-panels. The first panel shows Alicia, having stood up, speaking critically to Necktie; Necktie has his arms folded and is grinning.

ALICIA: But by that standard, isn’t everyone “biased”?

NECKTIE: Not quite everyone.

A thought balloon leads from Necktie’s head to the second (and larger) sub-panel. This panel shows Necktie, now wearing a jacket, a crown, and a sash that has “cis white male” printed on it, standing on a little platform so he’s above the other three reporters. The other three reporters are enthusiastically cheering for Necktie, and Alicia is swooning a bit with little hearts in the air around her head.

Behind Necktie is an enormous lit-up sign – the kind with a border made of light bulbs. The sign says, in large letters, “ALWAYS OBJECTIVE.” Balloons and confetti and roses fall from above. The balloons have lettering, which say things like “upper class” “white” “cis” “male” “abled” “thin” and “straight.”

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this case, the chicken fat can be found in the framed newspapers on the walls in the background.

In panel 1, there are two such newspapers, each partly blocked by foreground elements and by word balloons. Both of them are for a newspaper named “Background Tribune.”

The first is almost entirely blocked by Necktie standing in front of it. But since I wrote it, I know that it says “NO ONE CAN READ THIS! Virtually Entire Text Hidden By Drawings.”

The second article is less blocked, and says “KISSINGER DEAD. Sun Shines Bright, Babies And Unicorns Celebrating.” (Although I wrote the script for this cartoon years ago, I added in the chicken fat on November 29 2023, the day Henry Kissinger died.)

In panel 2, the newspapers on the wall are such tiny elements of the background that I doubt anyone will be able to read them online (although they might be legible in the eventual book collection). The first says “NO ONE CAN READ THIS! This Text Is Simply Too Tiny To Be Legible.” The second says “NO ONE CAN READ THIS ONE EITHER. This Gag Is The Same As The Other One.”


Only Some Can Be Objective | Patreon

Posted in Media criticism, Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Racism & Racists, Sexism & Misogyny |