New Solutions to the Trolley Car Problem!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene with one character in it. And each panel has a caption, in large letters, at the top. A large caption over the top of the entire strip says NEW SOLUTIONS TO THE TROLLEY CAR PROBLEM.

PANEL ONE

CAPTION: REPUBLICANS

A smiling, well-dressed woman with long hair stands behind a podium, gesturing to indicate a trolley car parked behind her. The trolley car is gory with blood spattered all over the front, and we can see bodies in a pile under the car.

WOMAN: Cleaning blood off a trolley car is expensive! That’s why we’re proposing tax breaks for trolley car companies!

PANEL TWO

CAPTION: LIBERTARIANS

A man with a very thick orange beard, wearing a green knit cap and a plaid shirt, is sitting in his armchair at home and speaking directly to us, with an intense expression. He’s holding a joint in one hand and raising his I’m-making-an-important-point-now-forefinger with the other. Next to him one one side are a bunch of LP records stored in milk cartons; on the other side is a side table with a bottle of whisky, a whisky glass, and a thick book.

MAN: Trolley car companies need freedom to choose who to run over without bureaucrats getting in the way! Deregulate now!

PANEL THREE

CAPTION: DEMOCRATS

This is the same scene as panel one, but now a frightened looking old man, wearing huge glasses, a jacket and a bow tie, is behind the podium. He is shaking and sweating a bit as he talks to us. His dialogue is split into three balloons.

MAN: Something must be done! Er, someday. Maybe. If no one disagrees. Gotta stay bipartisan!

PANEL FOUR

CAPTION: TERFs

A woman wearing a blue pantsuit, and with nicely-done short white hair, is sitting on a park bench, looking thoughtful.

WOMAN (thought): One person’s life versus six people’s lives… Hmmm. Which choice hurts more trans people?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old-timey cartoonists’ expression for fun but irrelevant details the cartoonist puts in.

PANEL 1: The seal on the front of the Republican’s podium shows a stern Sam the Eagle from the Muppets, and the words going around the seal say “Resistance is Futile.”

PANEL 2: There’s the classic kitten hanging from a branch poster in the background, but instead of “hang in there” it says “just fall already.” The book on the side table has the title “The Featherhead.”

PANEL 3: The seal on the front of the Democrat’s podium shows a friendly Big Bird from the Muppets, and the words going around the seal say “Pretty Please Re-Elect Us.”

PANEL 4: A takeout container of poutine has spilled on the ground; two pigeons are posing by it and taking a selfie using a tiny phone on a tiny selfie stick.


New Solutions To The Trolley Car Problem! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Honest Miranda Warnings

Cartoon by Barry


Timelapse video of me drawing this cartoon.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each panel showing a different scene. A caption under the cartoon says HONEST MIRANDA WARNINGS.

PANEL 1

On a litter-covered city sidewalk, a cop is pushing a prisoner. The prisoner, a young Black man wearing an orange t-shirt with a cartoon cat on it, has his hands handcuffed behind his back.

COP: You have the right to remain silent. I have the right to brutalize or kill you, and even if there’s a video I’ll probably get away with it.

PANEL 2

We are in a tiny windowless room, where the arrested guy from panel one is sitting at a table, opposite a balding man wearing a suit. The arrested guy listens with a blank, somewhat surprised expression while the suit-wearing man talks to him, one palm held open in a “let me explain this” gesture.

SUIT GUY: You have the right to be provided with an insanely overworked public defender like me. I won’t have time or resources to defend you as well as I’d like, and I’ll tell you to take a plea bargain even if you’re innocent.

PANEL 3

We’re in a prison visiting area, the kind with a sheet of glass between prisoners and visitors. The same young man is on the prisoner’s side of the glass. On the visiting side of the glass is a woman with her black hair in a bun, wearing a business jacket over a black blouse and blue pinstriped pants. She’s pointing at the prisoner, and grinning as she talks.

WOMAN: As your prosecutor I have the right to lie in court to withhold key evidence, and basically to do everything I can to destroy you while I remain totally unaccountable.

PANEL 4

We’re in a prison cell. There are two prisoners here, our main character, who is still looking stunned, and his cellmate, a bald man whose arm and neck are covered with tattoos. The cellmate is lying with his eyes closed on the lower bunk of a bunk bed, and speaking. The main character is sitting on a plastic chair.

CELLMATE: We’ve got the right to be beaten by other prisoners and by the guards. We’ve got the right to be charged $50 a day for this crap.

MAIN CHARACTER (thought): Sometimes I want fewer rights.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an outdated cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing little gags and references in the art. Lots of chicken fat in this one, for some reason.

PANEL 1

On the main character’s t-shirt is a picture of Jiji, the cat from Kiki’s Delivery Service.

The cop’s tattoo shows a tic-tac-toe game in progress. “O” is a terrible player and “X” is guaranteed to win.

Graffiti on the wall behind them says “Barry was here.”

A newspaper page lying on the sidewalk says “Local News: Litter Bug Drops Paper.”

Other little scraps of paper say “Don’t read this” and “or this.”

There’s a single glove lying on the sidewalk. That’s not much of a gag, it’s just that I always see single gloves – or worse, single shoes! – lying on the ground and wonder how that came about.

PANEL 2

A sheet of paper the lawyer brought with him has the heading “Blah Blah” at the top.

The main character is wearing the same t-shirt, but the character on the shirt is now a different Studio Ghibli creature – a susuwatari from “My Neighbor Totoro.”

PANEL 3

A sign on the “visitors” side of the glass partition says “do not give prisoners cigarettes porn or hope.”

PANEL 4

Four books are stacked on a wall shelf. Their spines say “Snoopy” “Charlie” “Lucy” and “Linus.”

A poster on the wall behind the bunk bed shows an angry/determined looking superhero flying through the air in the classic Superman flying pose. The caption above the hero says “Super Hero Film Franchise.” The smaller caption below the hero says “The only kind of story anyone needs!”

A poster on a different wall shows Andy and Ellis from the movie “The Shawshank Redemption.” The large caption above them says “Please Don’t Move Poster.” The smaller lower caption says “There’s no hidden escape tunnel honest.” (The poster is obviously hiding a tunnel, we can see the sides of the tunnel where it’s wider than the poster.)


Honest Miranda Warnings | Patreon

Posted in Social Justice |

Gender Affirmation Isn’t Just For Trans People

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This single-panel cartoon shows two people, standing and talking directly to the viewer. There is a blonde woman with glasses and a nice layered haircut swept to one side; she’s wearing a blue jacket over a black blouse and a yellow skirt with tiny red dots, and wedge sandals. And there’s a redheaded man, rather muscular, with a red mustache, a striped izod shirt, and jeans. He’s holding a book and his arms are tattooed.

The two of them are surrounded by about twenty little captions with arrows pointing to specific details.

WOMAN: Why can’t trans people just accept their bodies as they are?

MAN: “Gender affirmation” is woke crap! Normal people don’t do that!

CAPTIONS POINTED AT WOMAN:

Used to be brunette

Botox

Not her original nose

Nair

Makeup

Plucked brows

Boob job

Liposuction

Pieced ears

Spironolactone (reduces hair)

Spanx

Shaved legs

Heels

CAPTIONS POINTED AT MAN:

Hair Transplant Surgery

Finasteride (pointed at hair)

Carefully tended stubble

Not his original chin

“Old Spice deodorant for men”

Gynecomastia surgery (male breast reduction)

Keys for giant truck with never used cargo bed

Testosterone injections

(Pointing at the book he’s carrying): “Super Testosterone” by Andrew Tate.

Calf Implants

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dormant cartoonists’ term for unnecessary but hopefully amusing details in a cartoon.

In this case, we just have the man’s tattoos. They include a tattoo of a steaming mug of coffee; the mug has “unimportant details” printed on it. There’s also a happy striped snake, a hot dog, and Bender from the TV show Futurama.

On his other arm are tattoos of a teddy pig (like a teddy bear, but a pig) and Barry the cartoonist, both smiling and waving hi.


Gender Affirmation Isn’t Just For Trans People | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons |

The Absent Fatso

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has fourteen panels, so it’s kind of a long one.

PANEL 1

A drawing of Barry (the cartoonist) relaxing on a sofa, holding a tablet and talking directly at the readers with a friendly expression.

BARRY: Ever notice how lots of movies and TV shows tell fat jokes without showing fat people?

PANEL 2

A very fat woman with carefully-styled curly black curly hair is speaking, looking self-satisfied. Text identifies her as “Celesta Geyer, 1930s circus fat lady.”

CAPTION: In ye olden days, when folks wanted to laugh at fat people, they’d go to the circus. Today we’ve got reality TV for that.

CELESTA: “People laugh at me anyway, so I make them pay for the privilege.”

PANEL 3

Barry is talking to us, smiling and leaning an arm on the panel border.

BARRY: But some viewers find reality TV too vulgar. They want to laugh at fat jokes, but laughing directly at fat people feels too crude.

PANEL 4

Barry is looking at us and standing in front of a TV; he points a remote control at the TV as he speaks.

BARRY: So TV and movie writers have developed strategies for laughing at fat people without showing fat people.

PANEL 5

Big, friendly looking lettering takes up most of this panel; it says THE ABSENT FATSO. Barry leans over the top of the lettering, still talking to us.

BARRY: I call these strategies…

LETTERING: THE ABSENT FATSO

PANEL 6

A hand is holding a smartphone; on the smartphone is a picture of Homer Simpson eating a donut. Homer is speaking to us, continuing Barry’s dialog.

HOMER/BARRY: Strategies like… The Animated Fatso! Cartoon fatties are always safe to laugh at!

PANEL 7

A fat woman with her thick black hair tied back is standing at a kitchen counter, holding a large knife. She seems to be cutting a slice of bread off a fresh baked loaf. An open laptop lies on the counter nearby; dialog is coming out of the laptop, but it doesn’t have a word balloon, making it less like dialog and more like a background element.

CAPTION: Or The Off-Screen Fatso! Think of Howard’s Ma on “Big Bang Theory,” or Ugly Naked Guy on “Friends.”

LAPTOP: Ma doesn’t have a neck. Just chins and fat and feet.

PANEL 8

Two extremely happy looking fat women are cuddling a small baby. A laptop is on a countertop nearby, next to a feeding bottle. Small dialog is coming from the laptop, but no one’s paying it any attention.

CAPTION: Or the ex-fatso! This character supposedly used to be fat. But they’re played by a thin actor so fat jokes about them are okay. Like Will on “Will and Grace” or Monica on “Friends.”

LAPTOP: It’s a new band called “Will Is Fat.”

PANEL 9

This panel shows two versions of Barry, with a lightning-bolt-shaped graphic dividing them. On the left, actual Barry, in a t-shirt that says “flashback,” is talking to us and snapping his fingers. On the right, imaginary thin Barry is smiling as he talks to us; his t-shirt says “present.”

FAT BARRY: ( Annoyingly, the “ex-fatso” trope supports the myth that any fat person could simply choose to become and remain thin. )

THIN BARRY: So easy!

PANEL 10

A fat woman sits at a cafe table, with a coffee mug and book and muffin on the table. She’s got a drawing board propped up on the table, and is leaning forward as she draws, looking pleased with what she’s drawing. She has an undercut, many earrings and a nosering, and tattoos. She also has a cell phone propped up; dialog comes from the phone, but it’s small and she doesn’t seem to be paying it much attention.

PHONE: Thor, eat a salad!

PANEL 11

A fat man sits in an armchair, watching TV. He has a old cowboy movie style of dress, with an embroidered shirt and sideburns. His cat has jumped into his lap and is cautiously stepping onto his stomach to sniff at his nose; he smiles at the cat.

TV: Look at my titties, Austin Powers.

PANEL 12

We’re looking at a TV; a thermos is in front of the TV, and a sock is lying on top of the TV. On the TV, Barry is talking straight out at us, looking serious.

BARRY: If a real fat person played “Fat Bastard,” some (not all) viewers would have felt uncomfortable. That reminder that fat people are people could make things less fun.

PANEL 13

All the previous rows had three panels each; this row has two panels, so panels 13 and 14 are a bit larger than previous panels have been.

We are looking at the inside of a dim movie theater, looking at a section of the audience. There are about a dozen people in this panel, all fat, all watching the movie – except for Barry, seating in the middle of the group, who is talking to us, and the woman seated to his left, who has turned to face Barry.

BARRY: But even when Hollywood doesn’t show us, we’re still here. In the audience. Being sneered at by proxy. Can’t the studios just skip the fat jokes altogether? And also, hire more fat act–

WOMAN: Ssh!

PANEL 14

A well-lit, large office, with a large fancy-looking desk, and a big window overlooking a city. There are framed movie posters on the wall. An executive-looking man wearing a collared shirt and tie is sitting behind the desk, in a big leather-looking chair, and talking cheerfully into his phone. On his desk are a notebook (paper kind), an open laptop, a second phone, and a framed photo.

EXECUTIVE: Just a sec, gotta turn off some internet weirdo. So I got budget numbers on that fat suit comedy…

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dead term for the little bits of unimportant but hopefully amusing things cartoonists stick in the backgrounds of their comics.

PANEL 1: There is a framed photo of Garnet, from the TV show “Steven Universe,” on the wall. On the sidetable is a magazine called “NO IDEAS MAGAZINE,” with a front cover photo of a stick figure man shrugging, and a coffee mug with “I’m actually a fork” printed on it.

PANEL 3: Barry’s tshirt says “allergic to sunshine.”

PANEL 4: Barry’s tshirt now has a picture of a very muscular arm flexing, above the large letters TOUGH GUY. If you zoom in, you can read the small letters, which make it say “not a TOUGH GUY you can easily take me down.”

PANEL 6: Homer’s t-shirt has a picture of Binky from “Life In Hell,” the comic strip Matt Groening did before he created The Simpsons.

PANEL 8: One woman’s arm has tattoos of two Steven Universe characters, Garnet and Pearl. The other woman has many visible tattoos, including a sort of demonic skeleton Micky Mouse, and a coffee mug saying “cofee = god.”

PANEL 10: The woman’s tattoos include a dancing banana and a ring of keys. The book on her table says, on the front cover, “A Book by an Author,” and on the spine it says “a Spine.”

PANEL 12: A book lying next to the TV has READ THIS written on the spine.

PANEL 13: In the audience, all the way at top left of the panel, is Uncle Iroh from “Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

PANEL 14: The movie posters on the wall are for the movies “MOVIE POSTER” and its sequel, “MOVIE POSTER 2.”


The Absent Fatso | Patreon

Posted in Fat Acceptance, Media criticism |

Who Would You Rather Meet In The Forest?

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels, arranged as a four-panel strip, and then an “extra” panel below the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

We’re in the break room in an office building. There’s a poster on the wall, a counter, a coffee maker. There are two people who both look to be in their 20s or early 30s, both wearing office-appropriate clothing. There’s a woman with pink hair, wearing a white blouse and a dark gray suit, and a man wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a dark gray tie. Both are holding coffee mugs.

There’s a bottle of honey on the windowsill.

The man is asking a question, just making small talk; the woman is looking a little surprised by his question.

MAN: So if you were alone in a forest, would you rather run into a strange man… or a bear?

PANEL 2

The woman, looking a little pensive, speaks. The man replies to her with an angry expression and body language.

In the window behind them, unnoticed by either of them, a large brown bear is stealing the jar of honey, and watching the humans with a slightly surprised expression.

WOMAN: Oh, hmm… I think, the bear.

MAN: How can you SAY that?

PANEL 3

The man is now full on yelling, waving his coffee mug. The woman winces back, holding her hands protectively over her chest. In the window, the bear looks frightened, and ducks away.

MAN: You’re demonizing men! It’s MISANDRY!!

PANEL 4

The women walks away, her back to the man, an irritated expression on her face. The man doesn’t seem to catch that she’s being sarcastic; he’s smiling and calm, happy to have (in his mind) won the argument. The bear, and the honey pot, are both gone.

WOMAN: Good point. Why would I ever fear men’s reactions?

MAN: Exactly!

MAN: …where did the honey go?

EXTRA PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

The bear and the woman are talking. The woman holds out her coffee mug for the bear to put some honey in.

WOMAN: At least if you maul me, people won’t say I made it up or I’m misinterpreting.

BEAR: I hear you.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a long-dead cartoonists term for unimportant but hopefully amusing details.

PANEL 1: A workplace-motivation style poster on the wall shows a cartoon raccoon wearing a striped shirt like a cartoon criminal. It’s holding a coffee mug in one hand, giving us a thumbs up with the other, and winking. The caption on the poster says “Long coffee breaks rob the company.”

The man’s coffee mug has “Nice Guy” printed on it.

PANEL 2: The motivational poster has changed It now shows The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland glaring at us and pointing to his oversized pocket watch. A large caption at the top says “WORK!” and a subcaption at the bottom says “don’t waste time reading posters.”

PANEL 3: In the first two panels, the man was holding a spoon in one hand (to stir his coffee). In this panel, we can see that in his anger he bends the spoon in his hand.


Who Would You Rather Meet In The Forest? | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Sexism & Misogyny |

Free Speech on Campus

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels. The first two panels are normal-sized, while the third panel is gigantic.

PANEL ONE

A man and a woman are walking together, the woman speaking. Neither of them are students, judging from their age and their professional dress.

The man has white-blonde hair and glasses, and is wearing a blue shirt with a black tie. He looks worried. The woman has a red blouse and a black skirt, and has her hair pulled up into a bun. She is holding up a finger in a “this is my point” gesture, and is calm but a bit fervent.

For this and the next panel, the background is blank.

WOMAN: Students have a right to speak their minds without fear of being shamed or shunned. free speech on campus is in danger of being wiped out!

PANEL TWO

The two continue walking. The woman, waving her arms a bit as she gets passionate and a bit angry, continues speaking.

WOMAN: At some schools, students protested and heckled speakers! We must protect free speech from woke student totalitarians!

PANEL THREE

The man and women have come to a stop, and are looking at a protest. The man, looking concerned, speaks to the woman. The woman looks over the protest with a pleased expression, her arms folded.

The main focus in this panel is the protest – and even more, the cops in full riot gear attacking the protest. A huge line of cops in formation are marching towards the protest. Cops are leading away handcuffed protesters; one protester is being held on the ground and beaten. The protesters who aren’t being arrested look terrified. Protest signs lie on the ground.

MAN: So is this a threat to free speech?

WOMAN: No, this is fine.


Free Speech on Campus | Patreon

Posted in Imperialism & War, Social Justice |

Deux Ex Machina, Suckers!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is another collaboration with awesome cartoonist Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. All of the panels take place in a blue sky with fluffy white clouds.

PANEL 1

A human man, with a beard and a flannel shirt, is standing on a cloud, looking up at God, who is on another, higher cloud. (And is also much larger physically than the human guy). God is drawn in the traditional way: He has a thick white beard and is wearing white robes, and there’s a halo behind His head.

God is grinning and spreading His hands wide in a welcoming manner.

GOD: Hi there, I’m God! Good news! Because I’m so infinitely loving, good and merciful, you get to go to Heaven!

MAN: Okay!

PANEL 2

A close up of God, who as Nadine draws Him has very pretty eyes. He is smiling and pressing his palms together and looking in the direction of the off-panel human.

GOD: But if you don’t love me, I’ll throw you into a lake of burning sulfur where you’ll be tormented day and night forever!

PANEL 3

God smiles down beatifically at the human, who has raised a finger to make a point.

MAN: But… That’s horrible! And it doesn’t make sense! A good god wouldn’t torture people forever!

PANEL 4

A close up of God, with a wailing expression, as He presses the back of His hand to His forehead. He is dissolving into ash, and has already disappeared from the upper chest down.

GOD: Gasp! By pointing out a paradox you’ve defeated me! Now I must turn into ash and die like in that Marvel movie!

PANEL 5

Nothing is left of God but a pyramid-shaped pile of black ash (the ash pile has a halo behind it). In the foreground, the human has mildly surprised body language, and is rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

MAN: Um…

PANEL 6

God, a merry expression on his face, has reappeared whole on His cloud. He’s crouching down and pointing at the human. Lightning shoots out of God’s finger, engulfing the human and instantly turning the human into a black, charred, and surprised looking skeleton.

GOD: I’m kidding! Have fun suffering in the abyss forever, loser! Hah hah!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an obsolete cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but entertaining details the cartoonist slips into the cartoon.

In this cartoon, in panel one, on the lower left, we can see a little dog sniffing at the cloud it’s standing on. The dog is wearing white robs and has a halo and white feathery wings.

We can’t see the cloud the dog is standing on again until panel five. In this panel, the dog is gone, but there’s a yellow puddle on the cloud where the dog was.


Deus Ex Machina, Suckers! | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Unions Have Always Done The Impossible!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

On a city sidewalk, a line of workers is standing. They are wearing identical t-shirts with a drawing of a coffee mug surrounded by a circle, and lettering in the circle says “Baristas United.” One of the workers holds up a sign that says “NO JUSTICE NO COFFEE.”

Two workers talk; the first worker is excited and grinner, spreading her arms in the air, and the second worker (who is holding the sign) is a bit annoyed and cynical.

FIRST WORKER: If workers all pull together, we can accomplish so much! Living wages! Four day work weeks! Universal basic income!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 2

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1950.

We are in a mine. Mine cart tracks are on the ground, disappearing into a tunnel in the background. It’s dim here, other than the lights attached to the fronts of the miners’ hats.

Two miners, one carrying a bucket of stones, the other holding a shovel, are talking as they examine the aftermath of a rock collapse.

FIRST WORKER: Worker safety laws!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 3

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1930.

Two women wearing old-fashioned looking blouses are seated at the same long table. In front of each woman is a sewing machine; each of them are working on sewing a piece. They both have long hair done up in buns. A high pile of folded clothe is on the table in front of them. They look hot and sweaty.

FIRST WORKER: We could abolish child labor!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

PANEL 4

A large caption at the top of the panel says 1890.

Two farm workers with broad-brimmed hats are talking to each other. They’re wearing plain, rough-but-sturdy-looking clothing. The first worker is holding up a palm in the air in front of her, “I have a vision” style. The second worker is making a dismissive gesture. There is a wheelbarrow and straw baskets, all filled with some sort of unspecifically drawn picked vegetation.

FIRST WORKER: Eight hour days! Two days off every week!

SECOND WORKER: Forget it! It’ll never happen!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old-fashioned cartoonist expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details in a cartoon.

In panel one, a piece of paper littering the ground says “I’m listening to ‘Doppleganger’ as I draw this cartoon.” (And I was! It’s a recent book by Naomi Klein. I enjoyed it.)

In panel two, if you look along the bottom edge of the panel, you can see the feet of an unfortunate minor sticking out from under the rock pile.

And in panel four, the big straw bag on the ground in front of the first worker has the head of a rather bewildered looking bunny sticking out of it.


Unions Have Always Done The Impossible | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, History, Labor rights & Unions |

It’s All About Caring, Fatsos

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels focus on the same character, a cheerful young man standing in a what looks like a home office. There’s a desk, a lamp, an armchair with an ottoman, and a photo hanging on the wall in an oval frame. A cat is relaxing on the ottoman.

The main character has blonde-orange hair that’s neatly combed and kind of puffy. He’s wearing glasses, a red t-shirt with a big exclamation point on it (which is sort of what I defer to when I have no idea what to draw on a character’s t-shirt), blue jeans, and red sneakers.

PANEL ONE

The man is standing and talking directly to the readers. He’s waving at us.

MAN: I saw this fat woman on YouTube. I left a comment and said “maybe you should try jogging… away from the donuts!” Ha ha!

PANEL TWO

The man, still grinning, is holding up a finger in a “wait, wait, there’s more!” gesture.

MAN: Then I commented “obesity is linked to conditions like diabetes… and virginity!” Haw haw!

PANEL THREE

In a close-up panel, he raises his hands, palms out, as he continues to grin and talk.

MAN: Then I said “You’re going to die of a heart attack by the time you’re 35.” Hah!

PANEL FOUR

The man, no longer grinning, is clasping his hands together as he tries to look very kind and sympathetic.

MAN: Of course, I said those things because I care so much about fat people’s health.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an old cartoonists’ expression for unimportant but hopefully amusing details cartoonists slip in.

We can’t see the background in panel 3 because it’s a close-up. But in the other panels, we can see a framed photo on the wall in the background. In panel one, the photo shows Fred Flintstone; in panel two, Freddy Kruger; and in panel four, Freddy Mercury.

There’s also a cat relaxing on the ottoman. In panel one, the cat is just napping. In panel two, the cat is reading a book; the book has the title “The Cat Who Read A Book.” The author name is in print that’s probably too tiny to be read and says “Tiny Print, M.D.” And in panel four, the cat is sitting up like a human, one leg crossed over the other, and smoking a cigarette.


It’s All About Caring, Fatsos | Patreon

Posted in Fat Acceptance |

The Measure of Intelligence

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man wearing a brown jacket over jeans and a v-neck t-shirt is sitting on a park bench, staring at something in his hands with great concentration. Let’s call him JACKET.

A red-headed man in a red smiley face t-shirt is on the path in front of the bench, looking at the first man with a dubious expression. Let’s call him REDHEAD.

REDHEAD: Er… Excuse me. What are you doing?

JACKET: A lot of my genius ideas get lost when I lose focus.

PANEL 2

A close-up on Jacket shows that his hands are filled with a stick, lumpy, gooey, dripping mess of green-gray ooze. He continues to stare at it with great concentration.

JACKET: So I invented “the idea net” by smooshing rubber cement, peanut butter, and used chewing gum. This way I’ll catch ideas before they escape.

PANEL 3

Redhead is responding, with a rather grumpy expression. Jacket doesn’t even glance at Redhead, continuing to study the mess in his hands.

REDHEAD: That’s gotta be the stupidest idea I’ve ever–

JACKET: I’m a billionaire.

PANEL 4

The scene has changed to an apartment. Redhead is seated on a sofa, mixing up some sticky goo in his hands. On the coffee table in front of him we can see an open peanut butter jar, an open bottle of rubber cement, and a bunch of little crumpled pieces of paper (presumably gum wrappers). He is staring at the mess in his hands and smiling.

Behind him, a blonde woman is watching what’s he’s doing with a very doubtful expression on her face.

REDHEAD: I know it looks stupid, but he’s a billionaire! His ideas must be good!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an old cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in a cartoon.

In panel one, hidden from the humans by a bush, a squirrel in a slouch hat and trenchcoat is standing next to a magpie with a bag of nuts. The magpie and the squirrel have their backs to each other and are studious ignoring each other.

In panel three, we can see that the squirrel and magpie are looking at each other. The squirrel has opened his trenchcoat to reveal a small bag labeled “catnip.” The magpie is holding out the bag of nuts to the squirrel.

In panel four, in the background, there is an open window. The magpie has landed on the windowsill, holding the bag of catnip. Below the windowsill, a gray housecat is making the “shh” gesture with one paw, and with the other paw is offering the magpie a shiny necklace.

Also in panel four, there are a couple of framed pictures on the wall. One of them is of the blonde woman; the other one is of the cat.


The Measure of Intelligence | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

The Celestial Politics of Trans Bans

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

A reporter is pushing their microphone right in front of the Governor’s face. The Governor is wearing a suit jacket over a turtleneck with a necklace on top of the shirt, and has obviously professionally done hair. She looks a little uncertain.

REPORTER: Governor, what’s your position on the gender affirming care ban?

GOVERNOR: The bill blocking doctors from treating trans kids? Um…

PANEL 2

A close-up on the governor’s face. Next to the governor, floating in the air, a little angel has appeared with a “POOF!” sound effect and a little white cloud. The governor is looking at the shoulder angel out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: This is an awful bill!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the shoulder angel let’s us see her outfit clearly. She has light purple hair combed to one side, and her head is buzzcut on the other side. She’s wearing a white leather jacket with metal studs and a zipper on the sleeve, a white skirt, fishnets, and white boots. She’s also got little white wings and a halo floating over her head.

She has her hands fisted and looks a little angry.

ANGEL: This bill is pandering to bigots! It’s giving in to a moral panic! And it’ll do so much harm to trans kids!

PANEL 4

A longer shot, allowing us to see the shoulder angel, the Governor, and – appearing on the opposite side of the Governor from the angel in a “POOF!” and a considerably darker cloud – a shoulder devil. The devil is a woman in a red two-piece suit over a yellow v-neck blouse, and heels to match the blouse. She has two horns, bat-like wings, and is carrying a trident.

The Governor looks thoughtful, hand on her chin, one eyebrow lifted, looking at the shoulder devil out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: All to solve a problem that doesn’t even exist!

DEVIL: Ahem

PANEL 5

The shoulder devil, raising her arms as if cheerleading, speaks to the Governor, who is now looking more directly at the devil. The angel’s eyes widen in dismay.

DEVIL: Fearmongering wins elections.

PANEL 6

Looking more confident, the Governor is now speaking into the microphone.  Her text is smaller sized and has no word balloon, indicating that it’s sort of a background detail. The angel has her arms crossed and is sitting (in mid air) with her legs crossed, looking at the Governor with annoyance.  The devil is holding her pitchfork above her head in both hands and practically dancing, a huge and evil grin, victorious.

GOVERNOR: …protect children from perverts blah blah blah…

ANGEL: Well, this sucks.

DEVIL: This is great! Next let’s do a law forcing teachers to out trans students!


Celestial Politics of Trans Bans | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Hey did you hear? Biden is old!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus an additional “kicker’ panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

Each panel features the same central character, who I’ll call “Media.” Media is a white man wearing a suit and tie, and carrying a microphone. But instead of a head, he has a flatscreen TV on top of his neck, and on the TV is a picture of a TV anchorman-type against a background of static.

In the first three panels Media is standing against a background of abstract and colorful pop-art shapes.

PANEL 1

Media is leaning forward a bit and has a concerned expression.

MEDIA: Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is old. Biden’s old. Biden’s so old. Biden’s old. Biden is old.

PANEL 2

A closer shot of Media, now with a cheerful, chatty manner.

MEDIA: Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is old old old. Biden’s old. Biden is old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden’s old. Biden is too old.

MEDIA: Trump’s old too.

PANEL 3

Media now looks a little panicked, spreading his arms and almost jumping up and down.

MEDIA: Biden Biden Biden! OLD OLD OLD!

PANEL 4

The scene now changes to a coffee shop. Media’s body is in casual clothes – slacks and a black polo shirt. (Although Media’s head and shoulders, on the tv screen, is still wearing a suit.) Media is sitting at a table, with a coffee mug in front of him, looking annoyed as he vents to a friend.

MEDIA: How can these people call me biased? Didn’t they hear me call Trump old, too?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Media is talking, a bit angrily, to Barry the Cartoonist.

MEDIA: I’m pretending you said I shouldn’t report on Biden’s age at all. And I’m appalled you’d say that!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken Fat” is cartoonist slang for unimportant details the cartoonist sticks in for the fun of it. In this case, all the chicken fat is in panel four. First of all, on the shelves behind the counter in the background is the decapitated head of Charlie Brown from “Peanuts.” (Poor ol’ Charlie Brown.) Secondly, on the wall is a framed picture of Zoidberg from the TV show “Futurama.” (I’m a big fan of both Peanuts and Futurama).


Media: Biden is Old Old Old Oldy McOldface | Patreon

Posted in Media criticism |

Let’s Outlaw Being Homeless! That’ll Work!

Cartoon by Barry


A cartoon by me and R.E. Ryan.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show a gritty commercial doorway – the kind that’s recessed a few feet into the building – on a city sidewalk. There’s litter and graffiti here.

There are two characters in the comic strip. The first character is a homeless man sleeping in the doorway, wearing a zip-up sweatshirt over a t-shirt and a dull red knit cap, and with a full beard.  The other character is a muscular-looking cop dressed in a police uniform and carrying a baton. In defiance of tradition, he is cleanshaven. I’ll call these two characters KNITCAP and COP.

PANEL 1

Knitcap, covered by a brown blanket and with his head pillowed on some rolled-up clothes, is lying in a doorway, apparently asleep. The cop is using his baton to poke knitcap in the side. The cop has a somewhat sadistic grin.

COP: Hey, you! Get up! We’ve outlawed sleeping in public! You’re not allowed anymore!

PANEL 2

Knitcap is sitting up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes with one hand. He speaks calmly. The cop watches, smirking, arms akimbo.

KNITCAP: In that case, I guess I’ll sleep in a hotel tonight.

PANEL 3

A close-up of Knitcap. He’s stroking his chin with a hand, as if thinking through his options.

KNITCAP: Or should I sleep in my townhouse instead? Or my Hamptons place? I’ll call my butler and ask what he thinks!

PANEL 4

Knitcap, grinning, is now holding a hand next to his face, thumb and pinky finger extended, pretending it’s a phone as he talks. The cop is glaring and slapping his baton against his palm.

KNITCAP: Smithers? Smithers old boy! My super fun street sleeping holiday is done. Which of my mansions shall I sleep in tonight.

COP (thought): Next step: Outlaw sarcasm.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat are unimportant but fun details cartoonists sometimes sneak into comic strips.

In panel one, in the lower-right-hand corner of the panel, two rats are sitting, holding playing cards and apparently playing poker, or some similar card game. In panel two, a cat walks in, apparently stalking the rats. The rats look at the cat. And in panel four, the cat has been dealt in and is playing the game with them.

In all the panels, Knitcap is wearing a t-shirt with some words that are hard to make out. But what it says is “No, you’re Spartacus.”

In panel three, there’s a lot of mostly-unintelligible graffiti, but just below the doorknob someone has painted “BACKGROUND DETAILS RULZ.”


Let’s Outlaw Being Homeless! That’ll Work! | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons, Social Justice |

Free Trade Is For Peasants, Not Cartoonists

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eight panels.

PANEL 1

This panel shows Barry (that is, me), wearing an expensive-looking three piece suit. He’s sitting in a big armchair, legs crossed at the knee, waving at us with one hand and holding a cigar in the other. Next to the armchair is a small glass fishbowl with a gold-colored fish in it.

BARRY: Hi! I’m Barry, and I’ll be your cartoonist today. You ever wonder why cartoonists like me make so much money?

PANEL 2

Barry is holding out a big globe as he speaks.

BARRY: “After all,” you say, “There are well-trained cartoonists all over the world willing to take U.S. qualification exams and draw cartoons for much less.”

PANEL 3

Barry is pontificating and looks pretentious, one hand holding a lapel of his jacket, the other holding a forefinger up in a “giving a lecture” sort of way. Behind him, the fish is watching.

BARRY: True! Luckily, the U.S. limits how many foreign cartoonists can work here. Despite the severe problems caused by the cartoonist shortage.

PANEL 4

Barry is now in the famous “Uncle Sam Wants You” poster pose, pointing a finger at the reader, and wearing an Uncle Sam top hat.

BARRY: According to Uncle Sam, “free trade” and competition driving down pay isn’t for me. It’s for unimportant non-cartoonist people like you.

PANEL 5

Barry and a woman are in the panel. Barry has grabbed her purse and is pulling cash out of it; the woman looks annoyed.

BARRY: All of this means cartoonists can charge more for cartoons. It’s like a tax you pay so I can be richer.

PANEL 6

Still in the fishbowl on the little table, the goldfish speaks, with a slightly distressed expression. Barry is very shocked by this development, jumping up and eyes popping.

GOLDY: Hold on, that can’t be true!

BARRY: Goldy? You can talk?

PANEL 7

A close-up on Goldy as she sticks her head out above the water to speak. She looks worried.

GOLDY:  Don’t change the subject. Does Uncle Sam really make us all pay more so you can be richer?

BARRY: Nah, I was fibbing. They don’t do that for cartoonists.

PANEL 8

Goldy, smiling, is relieved. Barry shrugs as he cheerfully goes on.

GOLDY: I knew it! Protectionism for the rich would be totally against the U.S.’s ideas of fairness and free tra-

BARRY: They just do it for doctors, dentists, and lawyers.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for unimportant but hopefully fun details in a cartoon that readers could easily miss.

In panel one, a little label pointing to Rich Barry’s cufflink says “gold cufflinks.” In panel two, when Rich Barry holds up a globe, a little caption pointing to it says “Golden Globe.” And in panel three, a similar little caption pointing to the fish says “Gold Fish.”

In panel two, if you look closely at the continents on the globe Rich Barry is holding, one is shaped like Pac-Man and two are shaped like Ghosts fleeing Pac-Man.

In panel six, when Barry’s glasses pop off in cartoon surprise, his eyeballs remain in the glasses rather than staying on his face.


Free Trade Is For Peasants, Not Cartoonists | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes .


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man in a blue turtleneck, wearing a name tag, sits behind a desk marked “customer service,” hand on forehead, looking like he’s very annoyed. Also behind the customer service desk, a woman who looks like a manager – silver hair, blouse and jacket – is leaning over his shoulder and haranguing him. I’m going to name the woman “Manager.”

MANAGER: Can you just confirm that you’ve got a vagina? Just say it! Say “I have lady bits.” Say it!

PANEL 2

We’re now in a warehouse or back storage area, with many large boxes on industrial shelving. She is talking, with a condescending attitude, to a worker wearing a hardhat and yellow vest, who is carrying a couple of boxes stacked. The employee looks like they really, really wish they were anywhere else.

MANAGER: “Non-Binary?” Ha! No such thing! Thinking you’re non-binary means you’re insane!

PANEL 3

We’re in what looks like a backroom employee break area – water cooler, cheap folding chair at a table. The manager stands between a tall woman and the women’s room door, deliberately blocking the way. The woman being blocked has a restrained anger expression and her arms folded.

MANAGER: So-called “transwomen” only want access to women’s bathrooms to commit rape!

PANEL 4

Manager is standing gently crying, holding a handkerchief to one eye (no tears are actually visible). A hand comes in from out-of-panel, holding a professional-looking microphone – i.e., the manager is being interviewed for a news show. A logo in the lower right corner says “4,” so presumably this is on channel 4.

REPORTER: So you were fired for saying “sex is real”?

MANAGER: That’s what happened.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonists’ expression for meaningless but fun details in comics.

In panel 1, there are a series of fliers, all with the same picture of a startled-looking cat, taped to the wall. The first one says “Lost Cat!” The second says “Never mind! Found it!” And the third says “Cat for sale!”

In panel 2, a poster taped to a shelving unit says “FORKLIFT IN USE” in large red letters, and in smaller letters below that, says “If crushed remember to clock out!”

In panel 3, a poster taped to the wall has a lot of little pink hearts and the lettering “The company loves you!”

And in panel 4,  a chyron scroll (that little scrolling text with allegedly breaking news at the bottom of news broadcasts) says “Chyron writers vote to unioni…,” and then on a second line in smaller lettering, “Networks announce new “AI Chyron” project will soon take…”


“Sex Is Real” Is A Euphemism | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

Appealing to Trump Voters by Getting Tough on Immigration!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All of them feature the same character, who I’ll call “DEMOCRAT,” an older man with neatly combed, thick gray hair, rectangular glasses, and is usually wearing a suit and tie.

PANEL 1

Democrat is facing a big crowd of very angry people (mostly male, mostly white). They’re so crowded together that most of them seem like just a pile of faces. In the lead, a man wearing a short-sleeved collared shirt with a necktie shakes a fist in the air as he SCREAMS at Democrat. His face is a picture of rage.

Democrat listens calmly, rubbing his chin with a hand.

ANGRY MAN: SECURE THE BORDER YOU COWARDS!

DEMOCRAT (thought balloon): I want people like them to vote for Democrats, so I’ll give them what they want.

PANEL 2

Democrat is now in an office, seated behind a large and fancy desk. This looks like a pretty nice office. Democrat is on the phone, yelling at someone and pounding his fist on the desk.

DEMOCRAT: Forget helping the Dreamers! From now on Democrats support border security! Make it tougher! Send away asylum seekers! Hire more border guards!

PANEL 3

Democrat is now on stage, standing behind a podium with a microphone pointed at him, giving a speech. A spotlight shines on him. He’s grinning.

DEMOCRAT: Our new bill is the toughest border security bill ever!

PANEL 4

This panel, much like the first panel, shows Democrat facing a crowd of very angry people, with the same dude leading them. That dude is pointing a finger at Democrat and is yelling, his face just as furious as in panel 1. Democrat is talking to him with a smile, bent forward a little with his hands clasped together.

DEMOCRAT: So you like Democrats better now, right?

ANGRY MAN: SECURE THE BORDER YOU COWARDS!!!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for fun but meaningless details slipped into a cartoon.

In panel one, the person in the foreground with his back to us is a self-portrait.

In panel two, there are a number of books on shelves in the backgrounds. Titles of these books include “Duck Soup,” “A Night At The Opera,” and “Horse Feathers” – for those of you who don’t know, those are all titles of Marx Brothers movies. Another book just has “TITLE” written on the spine in big letters. Another says “Covfefe! The Musical.” And two more, shelved next to each other, are titled “Tiny Lettering” and “Tiny Lettering 2.”

Also on the shelves is a bottle of booze and a decapitated head.  Finally, in the tiny space under one of the shelves, a rat is reading a book.

In panel three, the seal on the front of the podium has the words “colorless green ideas sleep furiously,” which is a sentence “composed by Noam Chomsky in his 1957 book Syntactic Structures as an example of a sentence that is grammatically well-formed, but semantically nonsensical.” (There’s an entire wikipedia article about this sentence.)

The bird on the seal, which would usually be an eagle, is Opus the Penguin from Bloom County,

In panel four, there are two familiar faces seeded among the sea of angry faces: Bert from Sesame Street, and Frankenstein.


Appealing To Trump Voters | Patreon

Posted in Elections, Immigration |

HOMOPHOBIC WOKE PARENTS ARE TURNING GAY KIDS TRANS!

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel depicts a TV talk show, called “The JAQ Off.”  There are a couple of plants (with “The JAQ Off” written on their pots), and between them a desk with “Just Asking Questions” painted in large letters on the front. We can see big TV lights pointing at the desk.

Two women are seated behind the desk. On the left is the host of the show, who has short, nicely styled brown hair, and is wearing a suit jacket over a green blouse. On the right is the guest, an older woman with long white hair wearing a blue turtleneck. We’ll call them HOST and DEEMS.

PANEL 1

The Host is smiling and speaking to the camera as she gestures at her guest. Deems is speaking and holding her palms up as if denying an accusation.

HOST: Our guest is Doctor Debbie Deems of the prestigious American Medical Association! She’s here to talk about protecting gay teens.

DEEMS: Technically, we’re the American Medical Approximation. It’s a common mix-up we’re certainly not trying to encourage.

PANEL 2

The host takes a sip of her water while she makes a shrug with her other arm. The guest lifts herself up from her seat a little, her expression conveying urgency.

HOST: Tomayto tomahto. What’s the main danger gay teens face?

DEEMS: The big danger is they’re being force to turn trans.

PANEL 3

A close-up on Deems as she makes a point to the camera, a forefinger upheld. She looks pretty frantic.

DEEMS: There’s an epidemic of homophobic woke parent who can’t stand their kids being gay so they turn their kids trans! This is definitely something that happens verifiably and for real!

PANEL 4

The host has put a hand over her mouth, looking concerned. Deems is calm and very composed all of a sudden.

HOST: That’s terrible! Do you have any examples you can tell us about?

DEEMS: No.

HOST: Well, I’m convinced!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for little gags and details that the cartoonist put in that don’t actually matter, but are fun anyway.

In this strip, the “chicken fat” in in panel three, where there are a few chyron lines crawling across the bottom of the panel. (Chyrons are the text scrolling across the bottom of news networks).  Chyron line one just says “Coming Up.” Line two says “Expert: trans people peed on her cat, sofa” and line three says “Did Soros invent the trans activist movement? We imply yes!”


Homophobic Woke Parents Are Turning Gay Kids Trans! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Biden Stuffed Ballot Boxes in Boise!

Cartoon by Barry


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. There are two main characters. The first is a woman with dark red hair going to a bit below her shoulders, glasses with fashionably thick arms, and a short black peacoat over jeans and a blouse. We’ll call her GLASSES.

The other character is a woman with very short, somewhat spikey blonde hair, wearing a red puffy vest over a long-sleeved shirt and baggy black pants. We’ll call her VEST.

The two of them are talking on a suburban looking sidewalk, with a house, a bush and a tree in the background.

PANEL 1

Glasses is holding up her smartphone to display the screen to Vest, and pointing to the phone with her other hand.  She looks distressed.

Vest is pissed off – waving her arms and yelling.

GLASSES: In Nevada in 2020, 1,500 dead people voted for Biden! And 4,000 illegal aliens voted! I read it on Facebook!

VEST: Oh come ON!!! Just because someone says something doesn’t make it TRUE!

PANEL 2

Vest is leaning forward, holding her fist in front of her (but not in a threatening way, just angry). Glasses, smiling, holds up her hands, palms out, in a peacemaking gesture.

VEST (still yelling): I could say there’s a video of Joe Biden personally stuffing ballot boxes in Boise! That doesn’t mean it happened!

GLASSES: Hey, no need for raised voices. Let’s agree to disagree.

PANEL 3

In the foreground, Vest, muttering to herself, is walking away, pushing up her own hair angrily and biting her lip. In the background, Glasses has her back to Vest but has turned her head to watch Vest depart.

VEST (muttering): mumble grr stupid maga idiot @%$*!

PANEL 4

A shot of Glasses alone. She’s looking distressed again, and is anxiously and rapidly tapping on her phone as she types into it. In her thought balloon we can see what it is she’s typing. (By the way, the typo is on purpose. Well, it wasn’t originally on purpose, but I noticed the typo before I posted the cartoon and decided to leave it in,, so in that sense it’s on purpose).

GLASSES (typing into phone): BIG news! EXLCUSIVE! Dem source says VIDEO has emerged of BIDEN HIMSELF PERSONALLY STUFFING BALLOT BOXES in BOISE! #FakeElection #cheatingJoeBiden

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. There are two bits of chicken fat in this comic. In panel one, in the background, there’s a house, and if you look carefully in the window you’ll see Homer Simpson looking out. And in panel two, in the lower left corner, we can see that someone hidden in the bushes is spying on the characters’ conversation.


Biden Stuffed Ballot Boxes in Boise! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Elections, Right-wingers |

Crackpots: Left vs Right

Cartoon by Barry


Did you spot all the little background details Becky Hawkins slipped in?


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is dominated by a large title, going horizontally across the image, which says “CRACKPOTS LEFT vs RIGHT.” The title lettering divides the cartoon in two, with two panels above the lettering, and two panels below it.

PANEL 1

A woman with green hair and an undercut is typing furiously on her phone. She’s wearing a black collar with spikes, has a pierced nose, and tattoos. Her face is radiating anger. A word balloon coming from the phone shows what she’s typing.

PHONE: 9/11 was CLEARLY an INSIDE job. Bin Laden WORKED for the CIA! Controlled demolition! Insider trading! HALIBURTON! #911truth #insidejob #wakeup

PANEL 2

The same woman turns to talk to someone who is off-panel, her face and demeanor now calm as she looks away from her phone. We can now see that she’s behind the counter in a coffee shop.

OFF-PANEL CUSTOMER: Excuse me, can I get my coffee refilled?

BARISTA: Coming right up!

PANEL 3

We are looking at a blonde woman in extreme close-up as she types on her phone. Her face is so angry she looks like she’s about to have an embolism. A word balloon coming from her phone shows us what she’s typing.

PHONE: 1/6 was a FALSE FLAG op jointly run by ANTIFA & the FBI to DISTRACT us from HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP!! #J6files #fakenews #wakeup

PANEL 4

The “camera” has pulled back and we can now see that the woman is wearing a conservative blue skirt-suit and matching high heels. She’s in an expensive looking office, leaning back in a large brown leather desk chair, and resting her feet on the desk. She’s talking to an off-panel assistant, and she’s now quite calm and maybe even a little bored.

OFF-CAMERA ASSISTANT: Pardon me, Congresswoman? Time for your FOX interview.

CONGRESSWOMAN: Coming!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this cartoon, all of the chicken fat was made up by Becky (yay Becky!).

Panel 1: Her tattoos include a Mickey Mouse silhouette with blood spattered across it a la the Watchmen symbol, and a donut shaped like an infinity symbol, which today I learned is a thing.

Panel 2: A chalkboard on the wall in the background says “All Coffee Are Beautiful,” arranged so that if you read the first letters downwards, they spell “ACAB.” Another chalkboard says “Daily Special – Salted Caramel – Pumpkin Spice – White Tears.” The IPAD they use as a register has a “Cool S” symbol on its face. (Today I learned that no one actually knows the origin of that symbol.)

Panel 4: Behind the congresswoman is a variation on the American flag, with a bald eagle in profile in front of the stripes, and a white cross in place of the stars. On her desk is a take-out coffee container with the “don’t tread on me” snake on it, and a coffee mug with “Liberal Tears” written on it.


Crackpots: Left vs Right | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Self-Medicating My ADHD

Cartoon by Barry


This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I.


TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same character, from the same angle. A woman sits at a messy table, in front of an open laptop. On the table are some crumpled napkins, an open Chinese food takeout container, random papers, random mugs (one near her elbow, presumably her current mug, and a few more pushed to the back), and an orange cat with a white chin and belly. The cat is either a large kitten or a small adult.

The woman has a green shirt with darker green sleeves, round glasses, and brunette hair tied back.

PANEL 1

The woman leans on one hand, with a frustrated expression; her other hand is in a fist on the table.

WOMAN (thought): Aaargh! Why can’t I be productive? Stupid ADHD!

PANEL 2

A hatch opens up on top of her head, and her brain – complete with cartoony eyes, a smiling mouth, and stick arms – pops out and speaks cheerfully. The woman seems unsurprised by this, leaning back and folding her arms.

BRAIN: I have an idea – why not beat yourself up about it?

WOMAN: Really, brain? We’ve tried that for decades. And it’s never worked!

PANEL 3

The Brain cheerfully hands the woman a mallet; the woman reaches a hand up to take it. She’s looking cheerful now.

BRAIN: That’s because you haven’t been beating yourself hard enough. This time it’ll work.

WOMAN: Oh, okay.

PANEL 4

The woman AND her brain are now both covered with bruises and bumps from being beaten so much; the woman has cracked her glasses and is missing a tooth. Both of them are cheerful, and both their word balloons are shaky looking.

BRAIN: It’ll start working aaany second now.

WOMAN: Thanks, brain!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this cartoon, the chicken fat involves cats, both in the foreground and in the background.

In the foreground, in panel one, the cat is looking a bit anxiously at the woman as it moves towards the open Chinese food container.

In panel two, the cat is leaning over the container, and her head is almost entirely within the container.

In panel three, the cat is licking its lips, with a deeply satisfied expression and a little heart floating over its head.

In panel four, the cat is busily licking its own butthole.

In the background, there’s a cat motivational poster on the wall. What’s cool is, the poster changes every panel, in response to the events happening with the main character.

These gags were contributed by Nadine, and I’ll quote bits of her comments about the posters.

In panel one, the cat is turning to look, coughing and cross-eyed. A “computer is loading” icon is above its head “like the brain is stuck.” The caption says UUUHHHH…

In panel two, a new cat has an expression of huge surprise on its face, like it’s surprised by the brain popping out. Caption says “WHAT?!”

In panel three, yet another cat – a fluffy white cat wearing round glasses and a bow tie – is staring out. The caption says “GENIUS!” Naomi explains, “because the brain has a ‘genius’ idea.”

In panel four, we have the hang in there cat, “because never give up!”


Self-Medicating My ADHD | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Uncategorized |