Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins. (The final panel, which I love, was all Becky’s idea.)

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eleven panels. The central panel says, in large friendly letters, “Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars.”

Panel 1

An angry woman gestures at a computer screen.

Woman: “Emissions” were made up by China to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive!

Panel 2

A cheerful man wearing a big, sparkling watch smiles as he explains.

Man: How else will strangers know I’ve got money to burn?

Panel 3

A woman lies on a sofa as if she’s getting therapy.

Woman on couch: My big car gives me a sense of security, power, and control, which I know is pathetic, which makes me feel weak, which makes me want an even bigger car.

Panel 4

A person is looking a bit up into space, crying with joy.

Person: Someday someone will ask me to move a piano and on that day I will be ready! It’s coming! Any day now…

Panel 5

Man smiling wryly: Because shooting bikers and pedestrians is illegal. … For now.

Panel 6

This is the center panel, and is dominated by the title: Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars.

Below that, a small girl flees in terror from a huge SUV.

SUV Driver: The higher the car, the closer to Heaven!

Panel 7

A man wearing a red baseball cap backwards pumps his fist in the air.

Man: If we don’t burn as many fossil fuels as fast as possible the woke DEI liberals win! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Panel 8

A cheerful guitarist on stage speaks to the audience.

Guitarist: If Jesus had a big truck the Romans would never have caught him!

Panel 9

A thin man is smiling and saluting at us. A U.S. flag, but with a swole arm instead of stars, is being projected onto him.

Man: It makes me a real man and a real American.

Panel 10

A woman in a business suit looks at us derisively.

Woman: A compact? What am I, five?

Panel 11

A harried looking woman driving seven women in an SUV.

Woman: Gotta keep my kids safe from all the giant cars people drive!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a neglected cartoonists’ term for fun little details the cartoonist puts into the art.

Panel 1: A sticking-tongue-out emoji is on the coffee cup.

Panel 2: The man’s t-shirt says “Thorsteid Veblen was RIGHT.”

Panel 4: The person’s shirt says “I ❤️ Band.” They’ve got a full tattoo sleeve, showing a lighthouse, a bear, a sneaker, a bat, and piano keys. Becky explains:

I started with piano keys because this person wants to move a piano, so they probably like music (hence the I ❤️ band shirt). The other tattoos are a product of free association. I don’t have any tattoos, but I’d hypothetically get a Pittsburgh skyline on one calf and a Portland skyline on the other, since they’re both bridges-on-a-river cities that are important to me. My initial attempts to draw a legible skyline on a small cartoon character’s arm while on a deadline were unsuccessful. I tried drawing a bridge, but soon decided a lighthouse would be easier and just as effective. Bears are fun and great, so I drew a baby bear. Apparently bear bodies are easier to draw than bear faces, so after a few tries, I placed the tattoo where the face would be out of sight. I had a coworker who was known for wearing Converse All Stars, so much so that on his 60th birthday, the hostess gave away little sneaker keychains as party favors. A former housemate of mine had a vampire teeth tattoo, but I think I’ve drawn someone with that on a different cartoon, so I drew a bat instead.

Panel 5: Although the girl is getting away from the SUV, she’s lost a flip-flop, which is flying into the SUV’s grill.

Panel 11: So much detail here! This is one of those SUVs with three rows of seats. In the back-back, a toddler drawing hashmarks on the window with a red marker. A girl is shouting to be heard by another girl, who has headphones on.

In the middle row, a baby is playing with its foot, as babies do. Another girl with headphones is staring at an iPad. And a boy in the middle is shouting for the boy in the front passenger seat to pass him a bag of snacks, which the boy is doing.

Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Environmental cartoons |

The Trump Voter

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse drawing video for this cartoon!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

The cartoon shows a giant Donald Trump stomping through a ruined landscape, holding a giant axe. Elon Musk grows from Trump’s side, doing a Nazi salute. A monstrously huge snake, with J.D. Vance’s head, slithers alongside Trump. A smoking ruin of a city is in the background; there are giant insects; the ground is littered with skulls, decapitated heads, burning or buried books.

Two people sit on the ground against a wall, hiding from Trump’s view. They are wearing ragged clothing. One of them says:

“You must admit, things would have been worse under Harris.”

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obscure cartoonists’ lingo for little unimportant details in a cartoon.

The chicken fat in this cartoon includes:

An airplane is about to crash into the city.

A person has just jumped off a skyscraper in the background.

There is a giant spider and a giant cockroach in the background.

There are three gravestones, with “Free Press,” “Free Speech,” and “Free Bird” written on them.

A spy wearing sunglasses is watching from near the giant spider.

Mickey Mouse, smiling, is marching alongside Trump. But he doesn’t look well; his smile is desperate and nervous, one shoe is torn (as is one ear), a button is missing, and he has a bandaged stump in place of his right hand.

A broken mug on the wall says “life is good.”

A poster taped to the wall says: “NOTICE: FAILURE to report your woke friends and relatives for deportation makes YOU a woke traitor and you WILL be deported.”

Near the poster, a lone sock lies on the ground. I just find it neat when I see single shoes or socks lying on the ground.

An open can on the ground is labeled “Can of Suck. All Purpose.”

There’s a hole with three books buried in it. The books are entitled “Bury My Book At Wounded Knee” and “Title of Book.” On the spines, one says “Hi There!” and another says “Goodbye.”

A giant, content-looking rat sits on the wall drinking a cup of tea.

A newspaper lying nearby, “The Non Fake Times,” says “Science Says: Enormous Tea-Drinking Rats a Myth.” A subheadline says “Everything under Trump is perfect please don’t deport my children.”

There are three beheaded heads lying on the ground, in a little tribute to great facial hair: Groucho Mar, Abe Lincoln (oddly happy looking), and Ron Swanson. There’s also Iron Man’s hand lying on the ground nearby, because in the movies he has a great beard, too.

There’s a hole in the ground with a bare foot sticking out of it, and a sign that says “No Vacancy.”

The Trump Voter | Patreon

Posted in Elections |

One Big Family

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse drawing video for this cartoon!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the fourth panel.

PANEL 1

An executive type leans against his desk as he smiles and talks to us.

EXEC: At our company, nothing matters more than our employees!

PANEL 2

The same executive is now outdoors, holding a shovel next to a hole for a tree that’s to be planted.

EXEC: Treating every worker as a partner in the company isn’t just the right thing to do, it’s good business!

PANEL 3

The executive, still grinning and talking to us, is now in a corporate mailroom. A worker with a nametag stands next to him, smiling, and he has an avuncular hand on her shoulder.

EXEC: From board members like me to the folks in the mailroom, we’re all one big family.

PANEL 4

The worker, still smiling, has turned to talk to the exec. He smiles at her, but it’s sadistic looking.

WORKER: That’s great to hear! Because we’ve decided to start a union!

EXEC: Go jump in a meat grinder.

TINY KICKER PANEL AT THE BOTTOM

The exec talks to Barry the cartoonist.

EXEC: What I meant was, nothing matters more than our employees… knowing their place.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is yea olde cartoonists’ term for unimportant details hidden in a cartoon.

PANEL 1 – There are framed portraits of Daddy Warbucks and The Monopoly Man on the wall. There’s a corpse hidden behind the desk. The mug on the desk says “I ♥ $.” The front of the desk has two panels with fancy embedded art, the left panel showing a dog with a halo, and the right panel showing a cat with devil horns.

PANEL 2 – While the Exec’s shovel is perfectly clean, there’s a sweaty worker in the background with a dirt-covered shover. Albert Einstein is inside the hole in the tree. There’s a realistic duck near the hole, but it’s wearing Uncle Scrooge’s glasses and top hat. An evil bunny is on the right of the panel, smoking a cig and carrying a knife.

PANEL 3 – The shelves on the left contain a live rat, a human hand (or maybe it’s Thing from the Addams Family), a mug with a picture of a cracking egg, an eyeball, and a book with the title “Background.” The shelves on the right contain a decapitated head (who looks unhappy) and a box with a “this way up” arrow pointed down.

There are two posters on the wall. The first says “DIVERSITY is against company policy. Report any seen to management. All hail Trump.” The second has an illustration of a Kiwi, and the words “NOTICE. Do not accidently mail yourself to New Zealand. They’re on to that trick.”

PANEL 4 – The shelves on the left now contain a goldfish in a bowl, who is smoking a cig. A little birthday cupcake with a lit candle. And the mug’s picture now shows a hatched egg with a baby bird. The shelf on the left now has a human skull where the decapitated head was, and the arrow on the box is labeled “down” but is pointing up.

The first poster says “NOTICE. Hey you! The person bothering to read the tiny background text. You are awesome! You’re smart and swell and everyone agrees you smell good.” The second poster has an illustration of a smiling, friendly looking sun. The words say “I WORK AT THE INSPIRATIONAL POSTER FACTORY,” then in smaller print “where every day we pray today will be the day the sun explodes.”

One Big Family | Patreon

Posted in Labor rights & Unions |

Left Handitude Is On The Rise!

Cartoon by Barry

The guest artist for this strip is Naomi Rubin! Naomi is a longtime friend of mine and a wonderful cartoonist. Her work is much more influenced by Japanese comics than mine or Becky’s, which provides a neat visual change of pace.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show a 1950s or 1960s married couple at breakfast at their kitchen table; the husband is reading a newspaper.

PANEL 1

A big caption at the top says “1955.”

HUSBAND: Oh no!

WIFE: What’s wrong?

HUSBAND: Left Handitude is on the rise!

PANEL 2

The husband holds up the newspaper, which has a graph showing rapidly increasing left-handedness.

HUSBAND: Look at this! When I was a kid in the twenties, you hardly ever met a left hander! Now five times as many self-identify as (choke! gasp!) leftwardsly!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the husband, looking disturbed and suspicous.

HUSBAND: What could be causing this unnatural increase? It must be a social contagion! Or sinistrous adults grooming naive youth with their sick southpaw ideology!

PANEL 4

The wife has a hand on her chin, looking thoughtful; the husband makes a dismissive gesture.

WIFE: Maybe it’s because we stopped whipping kids who write with their left hand?

HUSBAND: Don’t be ridiculous.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

PANEL 1 – The character Link from Legend of Zelda is sitting on a shelf. Link is known to be left-handed.

There’s a phrenology head sculpture on a lower shelf.

The back of the newspaper says “IKE IN LEFTY SCANDAL!”

PANEL 2 – The newspaper is called “Right-Washed Tribune,” with the tag line “Right News Writing For Rightly Right-Thinking Righties.” The main story is “Leftism Epidemic! President Calls for Widespread Panic.” Another story is “Has Leftism Gone Too Far? Six Normal-Handed Writers Opine.” Another story: “Study: Left Handed Scissors More Stabby.” And finally, in the smallest print: “Cartoonist blames text too tiny to read on left handed typesetters.”

PANEL 3 – There’s a pattern of left hands holding pencils in the background.

PANEL 4 – A Scottish Fold (which Naomi informs me is a breed of cat) is lying on the table, reading a copy of “Cat Fancy,” with the story “My human was a left hander! Fuzzle Winkles explains her secret pain.”

A picture on the wall is the “Flamel” symbol from Full Metal Alchemist.

Another picture is Ned Flanders from The Simpsons (famously left handed). His left hand is mysteriously moving in front of the picture frame.

A self-portrait of Naomi as a jack ‘o lantern is peering in the window.

The newspaper the husband is reading now says “Readers go blind straining to read tiny upside down text. Might it be a lefty plot?”

Left Handitude Is On The Rise! | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

The Myth of Plastic Recycling

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. There’s also a tiny “kicker” panel under the strip.

PANEL 1

A researcher wearing a white lab coat and carrying a thick bound report walks into an executive’s office. The executive is sitting with his feet on a big desk.

RESEARCHER: Here’s my report on plastic recycling… I’m afraid it’s bad news. Recycling plastic just won’t work.

PANEL 2

A close up of the researcher, who looks very nervous.

RESEARCHER: Recycling plastic costs so much that recycled plastic will never compete with new plastic. The only thing it might do is deceive the public into thinking there’s no problem.

PANEL 3

The executive is now holding the report. Behind the researcher, two toughs are creeping up, one raising a bludgeoning tool up to hit the researcher, the other holding out a sack big enough to hide a body.

RESEARCHER: To avoid an ecological crisis, we have to stop making so much plastic.

EXECUTIVE: I see. By the way, is this the only copy of the report?

RESEARCHER: Yes, why?

PANEL 4

CAPTION: And so, for the next fifty years…

A spokesmodel woman stands in front of cameras, next to a table overflowing with plastic products.

SPOKESMODEL: Use all the plastic you want! We’ll recycle!

TINY KICKER PANEL

The spokesmodel yells at Barry.

SPOKESMODEL: Use somewhat less plastic? You want us to live like cavemen?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ jargon for unimportant but fun details.

PANEL 1 – A framed graph on the wall seems to show profits moving up. The caption under the graph says “Sales of profit/loss charts up 47%”

PANEL 2 – One of the pens in the researcher’s breast pocket is actually a little test tube containing bubbling green liquid.

PANEL 4 – The backdrop says “Plastic: It’s what’s for dinner.” A little toy plastic car is being driven by a plastic kitten and unicorn. A label of a large bottle says “5 GAL background details.”

The Myth of Plastic Recycling | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Environmental cartoons |

Moving Out

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each panel shows a conversation between two men, one a young guy wearing a t-shirt, the other a middle-aged executive-looking man wearing a suit.

PANEL 1

Younger guy looks thoughtful as the older guy cheerfully makes a sales pitch.

OLDER: We’re cutting Medicaid, raising import taxes, huge tax cuts for billionaires, and Russia’s now our bestie. Also, we want to annex Canada.

PANEL 2

Younger holds up his palms, rejecting Older guy’s ideas. Older guy is smiling.

YOUNGER: But I don’t want any of that!

OLDER: We’ll also give you a couple of minorities to blame everything on and we’ll treat them like shit!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the Younger guy shows him looking thoughtful and a little blank. A panel on the side of his head opens.

PANEL 4

The panel opens further; we can now see it’s being opened by the Younger guy’s brain, which has eyes and limbs, and is squeezing out the opening.

PANEL 5

The brain jumps away, leaving an empty head behind.

PANEL 6

The Younger guy, an open panel still showing his empty head, is standing robotically and speaking too loudly. The Older guy smiles smugly.

YOUNGER: YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ slang for little details that are unimportant but fun.

Panel 1 – Younger guy’s t-shirt shows a big capital “T,” with hands coming out the “sleeves” and a collar drawn on top. In small print below the T it says “(get it?)”. A booklet lying on the sidewalk is entitled “How To Litter” with burst lettering saying “easy!” “fun” and “low cal!”

Panel 2 – The t-shirt now shows a chicken, with a thought balloon saying “Don’t call me fat.”

Panel 3 – The t-shirt now says “Lincoln Faked His Death.”

Panel 6 – The t-shirt now says “Down with Eastasia,” but “Eastasia” is crossed out and “Eurasia” written in.

Moving Out | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Respecting the Decision

Cartoon by Barry

This one is by me and Grace Alden.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all showing two people standing on a mini stage in a public park. A small crowd is watching them. The first speaker is a grinning woman in a business suit. The second speaker, “John,” is bald with short hair on the sides, wearing a t-shirt and slacks. John looks nervous and unhappy.

PANEL 1

WOMAN: This is John. John used to be “trans” and called himself “Joan,” but he knows better now.

JOHN: It’s just been really difficult for me…

PANEL 2

WOMAN: The trans cult puts so much pressure on people to transition these days! But John knows his own mind!

JOHN: I got so much blowback when I transitioned… It’s hard not to let that pressure get to me.

PANEL 3

The woman keeps talking with a pious expression. “John” – now Joan – is suddenly very happy, spreading her arms wide in a gesture of acceptance.

WOMAN: What matters is that all of us respect John’s choice.

JOAN: I can’t do this anymore… I am Joan! I am!

PANEL 4

The woman, looking angry, kicks a surprised Joan off the platform.

WOMAN: No, you’re not.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is what an earlier generation of cartoonists called extras we’d now call “Easter eggs.”

PANEL 1 – Woodstock from “Peanuts” is perched on a tree.

People watching in the audience include Little Orphan Annie, Mr. Spock, and Spider-Man. A bald person has the planet sticking its tongue out from “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” tattooed on their head. Someone else is wearing a cap for the Portland Pickles (a real minor league baseball team with a pickle for a mascot). A woman has “this space for rent” tattooed on her shoulder.

PANEL 3 – An evil bunny, smoking a cig, is in the background. Way in the background, a gigantic squirrel is climbing the side of a skyscraper.

PANEL 4 – Someone in the audience is missing the top of their head, and we can see their brain (a call-out to an earlier cartoon by Grace and I).

A flyer taped to the stage says “LOST!” in big letters. Below that, in lettering that’s almost too small to be read, it says “innocence, generation, hope, the battle, my way, paradise, boys, steam, cause, virginity, my religion, and found, time, it, touch, in translation, tv show, no big, at sea, in space, for words, loved and, sleep, and my dog.”

T SHIRT IN ALL FOUR PANELS: In panel one, Joan’s t-shirt shows a snowman. In panel 2, the snowman has turned to look at the sun. In panel 3, the snowman is melting. In panel 4, the shirt just shows the sun and some puddles.

Respecting The Decision | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Taking Away His Incentive To Work

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

Two well-dressed women and a panhandler wearing a blue knit hat are on a sidewalk; the panhandler is sitting on a piece of cardboard, with a cardboard sign saying “please give,” and his dog napping next to him. One of the women is handing him a dollar.

WOMAN 1: If you give him money, he won’t have any incentive to find a job.

WOMAN 2: It’s only a dollar.

PANHANDLER: Thank you.

PANEL 2

The panhandler, tossing his “please give” sign aside, grins hugely as he stares at the dollar.

PANHANDLER: Hee hee

PANEL 3

Still grinning and staring at the dollar bill, the panhandler walks past a little grocery. Someone in the shop doorway points to him and calls out.

SHOP OWNER: Hey, you — want a job?

PANHANDLER: Hee hee hah!

PANEL 4

The panhandler and his dog are enjoying the waters of some island paradise, floating on inflatable rings. He’s now wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses, although he’s still wearing his blue knit hat. A little floating table next to him has a drink with a tiny umbrella in it.

He’s still holding the dollar bill, which he’s gazing out with satisfaction.

PANHANDLER: Aaaah…

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obscure cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant but funny details.

In panel 3, one of the posters in the grocery window shows a canned drink with a skull on the label.

In panel 4, there’s a rubby ducky wearing sunglasses floating in the water next to them. The dog is wearing a new diamond-studded dog collar. There’s a little table floating next to the dog with a dog bone in it.

Taking Away His Incentive To Work | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Economic cartoons |

We Can Disagree And Still Be Friends

Cartoon by Barry

Here’s a link to a timelapse drawing video for this cartoon!

I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each of which shows two characters on a sidewalk. One is a man in a yellow polo shirt, the other a woman in a striped tank top.

PANEL 1

MAN: Why do you liberals make everything so personal? I know folks whose own kids have cut them off because they voted for Trump!

PANEL 2

The woman has stopped to face the man, and is listening with a little smile. The man is smiling and talking, but his face has begun to fall off, like a mask.

MAN: Sure, we’ve got political disagreements. But we shouldn’t let them stop us from being friends, right?”

PANEL 3

The man’s face falls off, and under it is a monstrous, open-mouthed creature. His speech balloon has a creepy, intense font. The man’s human face, still visible as it falls, is laughing.

MAN (monster face): Black illegals eating our dogs get out trannies are pedos fuck voting rights Sieg Heil

MAN (fallen face): Oops! Ha ha!

PANEL 4

The man pushes his face back into place. The woman is in shock, eyes wide and hands over mouth.

MAN: Anyhow, let’s not let politics come between us.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is unimportant details slipped into the art for fun.

Panel 1: Mickey Mouse, drawn in the style of “Steamboat Willie,” the first Mickey Mouse cartoon, is emerging from a hole in the ground, holding up a note that says “public domain ha ha!”

Panel 2: A gravestone in the background has “Floppy Disks 1971-2011” inscribed on it.

Tattoos: The woman has a tattoo on her bicep. In panel 1, it’s a tattoo of a nut (like at a hardware store). In panel 2, it’s a tattoo of a nut (a peanut). In panel 4, it’s a tattoo of Jerry Lewis as “The Nutty Professor.”

We Can Disagree And Still Be Friends | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

Trump Says He’s Gonna Shoot Your Dad In The Face!

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse drawing video for this cartoon! You get to see me get started on drawing it, then throw everything out so I can rewrite it and start over.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

In a park, a blonde woman with a panicked expression is talking to a young man wearing a MAGA cap and an older man, both of whom are amused.

WOMAN: Trump says he’s gonna shoot your dad in the face!

MAGA GUY: Silly liberal! He’s not coming after good dads like mine.

DAD: You tell ‘im, son!

PANEL 2

A huge sound effect – “BANG!” – dominates the panel. The older man flies back, his skull fragmenting into pieces and his brain falling out, while Maga Guy watches with a shocked expression.

PANEL 3

The woman and Maga Guy stare in shock at the father’s dead body.

PANEL 4

Maga Guy swings around, pointing accusingly at the woman and yelling.

MAGA GUY: This is BIDEN’S fault!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is long-dead cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant details stuck in the art for fun.

PANEL 1: Kermit the Frog is peering around a tree in the background. The woman has a tattoo of Beaker from The Muppet Show on her bicep.

PANEL 2: The grain of the log is forming a smiley face.

PANEL 3: A bird flying by has a moon-faced head with a grinning human face. An evil bunny stands in front of the tree, smoking and wearing a fedora. Heihei, the chicken from the Moana movies, is sticking his head out a hole in the tree. The woman’s tattoo is now of Fozzie Bear.

PANEL 4: A sunglasses-wearing snake is coming out of a hole in the ground. Big Bird is sticking his head out of the hole in the tree. The woman’s tattoo shows Scooter from the Muppets.

Trump Says He’s Gonna Shoot Your Dad In The Face! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |

The Getting Tough on Crime Cycle

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse drawing video for this one!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

A large, shadowy, and vaguely monstrous businessman looms in the background, counting a wad of money, representing the private prison industry. Three smaller scenes play out in front of this menacing figure, each featuring a police officer interacting with Uncle Sam, who is seated behind a desk. Arrows lead from scene to scene.

• Panel 1 (Left): Uncle Sam looks frustrated, gesturing with his hand as if explaining a problem.  He says, “We have to reduce crime – which means being tough on crime! Put more people in jail!” A police officer listens.
• Panel 2 (Top): The cop reports back to Uncle Sam, “Good news! We’ve put way more people in prison than any other country!” Uncle Sam gleefully responds, “Excellent! So now we’ve got the lowest crime rates?”
• Panel 3 (Bottom): The cop says, “No, we’ve got much more violent crime than other rich countries.” Sam looks let down.

  An arrow leads from panel three back to panel one.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is ye olde cartoonists’ talk for unimportant details we put in for funsies.

PANEL 1: A mouse is peeking out from below the desk. A big jug marked “XXX” is on the desk. The circular design on the front of the desk says “Official seal of the United States,” and shows a head of a proud seal. Uncle’s Sam’s shirt has a pattern of Lisa Simpson heads.

PANEL 2 – The circular seal in front of the desk now has a drawing of a smiling Stephen Sondheim, and the words say “Sondheim the G.O.A.T.” Uncle Sam’s shirt is kind of incomprehensible this time – it’s a pattern of a straight razor crossing a rolling pin, a reference to Sondheim’s amazing musical Sweeney Todd.

PANEL 3 – Uncle Sam’s shirt has a pattern of Sally heads (Sally from “Peanuts”). The mug on his desk says “World’s Best Hegemon.” The magazine on his desk, in print way too tiny to read, is named “Exceptionalism Weekly.” The main story is “40 ways we’re better than everyone.” The secondary story is “We Want To Believe Our Murder Rate Isn’t Caused By Guns – and therefore it isn’t!” The magazine cover also has a photo of a grinning person waving a giant foam hand with “#1” printed on it.

BIG DUDE IN BACKGROUND – The tiny print on the money says “Feed Me Seymour.” The portrait on the front is a portrait of Groucho Marx.

The Getting Tough On Crime Cycle | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites |

If Not Now, Then Never

Cartoon by Barry

Check out the timelapse video of this cartoon being drawn!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They mostly focus on two members of Congress. The first is a bald middle-aged man, usually wearing a collared shirt with a necktie. The second is a middle-aged woman, dressed mostly in skirt suits.

PANEL 1

The man, looking very intense, is waving a piece of paper that says “BILL” in large letters. The woman has her arms crossed and looks thoughtful. The Capitol Building can be seen behind them.

MAN: We must ban trans from participation in sports!

WOMAN (thought): If I give in on sports, it’ll be easier to resist future anti-trans bills.

PANEL 2

The same two, in different outfits, are now chatting in a hallway, with him standing in a doorway to an office.

MAN: Now that we’ve banned trans people from sports, we have to do bathrooms. Bathrooms are like locker rooms, so it’s really the same issue.

WOMAN (thought): I should give in on this too – people are sensitive about bathrooms.

PANEL 3

The two are in different outfits, standing in front of a fancy desk.

MAN: We need to ban changing gender on birth certificates and driver’s licenses to enforce our bathroom and sports bans, right?

WOMAN (thought): That does make sense…

PANEL 4

The woman is on a city sidewalk, talking to three angry-looking constituents. On of the constituents is holding up a newspaper, with a large headline saying “47th TRANS BAN BILL PASSES.”

WOMAN: I’m sorry. There was nothing I could have done to resist.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is long-dormant cartoonists’ vernacular for unimportant details we sneak into the drawings.

PANEL 1 – Woodstock from “Peanuts” is standing on top of the Capitol dome.

PANEL 2 – There’s a portrait on the wall of Commander T’Ana from “Star Trek: Lower Decks.”

Lower on the same wall, there’s a little recessed alcove. Standing in the alcove is a mouse wearing a collared shirt and tie, holding his morning coffee and contemplating the world.

PANEL 4 – The name of the newspaper is “Daily Opiate.” The subheadline says “Trans People Now Banned From Public Parks and Eating Ice Cream.” The story is accompanied by a photo of a Klansman giving a thumbs up. A different story at the bottom has the headline “Cartoonist Unsure of What to Fill Space With.”

If Not Now, Then Never | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

God Bless

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels, all taking place at the counter of a computer repair shop. There are two characters, a youthful customer wearing a red t-shirt, and a middle-aged man behind the counter, wearing a blue front-button shirt with a nametag.

PANEL 1

The clerk is smiling as he talks to the customer.

CLERK: We’ll try to have your computer fixed by Tuesday.

CUSTOMER: Thanks.

CLERK: God bless you.

PANEL 2

The customer looks like he’s internally debating something.

PANEL 3

The customer crosses his arms and looks grumpy.

CUSTOMER: I really hate it when people turn a business transaction into a religious one.

PANEL 4

The customer is getting more irate.

CUSTOMER: “God bless you?” What does that even mean? Which god? Why would he she or it want to “bless” me? Do you really think God’s plan for me changes based on you blessing me?

PANEL 5

The customer leans into the clerk’s face and pokes him in the chest; the clerk, taken aback, leans back.

CUSTOMER: Religious people should stop pushing your beliefs in my face! Can I get that blessing?

The right panel border is a thought balloon, leading to the customer character in panel six, indicating that the customer has been imagining this.

PANEL 6

The customer walks away, smiling and waving goodbye. The clerk watches him leave, smiling benevolently.

CUSTOMER: Have a nice day.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure bit of cartoonists’ jargon for unimportant details that we put in for fun.

PANEL 1 – A poster on the wall shows an anime girl holding a video game controller, under the caption “Anime and Video Games.” A smaller caption at the bottom says “You only don’t like them because you’re old.”

An adorable kitten on the counter is swiping at a computer mouse.

The customer has a tattoo of Snoopy on his right bicep.

PANEL 2 – The customer’s tattoo now shows Scooby Doo.

PANEL 3 – The customer’s tattoo shows Odie, the dog from “Garfield.”

PANEL 6 – The customer’s tattoo shows Jake, the dog from “Adventure Time.”

The poster on the wall has changed and now shows a sad looking clerk yelled at by unseen customers. The caption says “Be kind to clerks,” and a smaller caption at the bottom says “we once had dreams.”

A panel in the computer mouse is open, and a real mouse is standing next to the computer mouse, shaking a finger at the kitten and chewing the kitten out. The kitten looks very surprised.

God Bless! | Patreon

Posted in Nadine Scholtes collaborations, Religion and Atheism |

Keep Government Out of the Economy!

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different person listening to a pundit on Fox News.

PANEL 1

We are looking at a closeup of someone’s hand holding a smartphone. On the screen, we can see PUNDITHEAD, a white man in a suit, talking to the camera.

PUNDITHEAD: The most important thing to understand about government and the economy is, government should stay out of the economy! Government should also ban fake meat and subsidize farms, but that’s it!

PANEL 2

A red-haired woman is sitting at a table eating with a tablet on the table in front of her. Pundithead is on the screen.

PUNDITHEAD: Except for laws making it harder for workers to unionize. Those are cool.

PANEL 3

A man jogs through a park while wearing headphones. Pundithead’s voice comes from the headphones.

PUNDITHEAD: And subsidize pharma, too. And ethanol. And Elon. And, uh… what was I saying?

PANEL 4

A woman sits in a coffee shop, a laptop open in front of her. She’s laughing. Pundithead’s voice comes from the laptop.

PUNDITHEAD: Oh, right. Government should never, ever interfere with the economy!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ terminology for unimportant details the cartoonist puts in for the fun of it.

PANEL 1 – The Fox News channel logo says “Pox News cough.” The chyron at the bottom of the screen says “Nobody but you has ever read this text. You’re the only one who really appreciates this cartoon.”

In the background is Linus from “Peanuts,” leaning on the iconic brick wall.

PANEL 2 – the Fox News channel logo now says “Cow Moos channel.” The chyron says “Study confirms: Cyanide deadly poison. 46 graduate students perish proving the very obvious.”

A book lying on the table is entitled “101 background gags” by “J. R. R. Toke.” The publisher’s symbol on the book cover spine is Charlie Brown’s head surrounded by laurels.

Her coffee mug says “T.M.” in big letters. In tiny letters next to that “TM,” is another “TM” in small letters. In an even tinier font next to the second “TM” is the little copyright symbol.

The food on her plate, a sort of lumpy mass (I was thinking of it as mashed potatoes) has two wide eyes and a mouth, and looks distressed.

A big dog has laid its head on the table and is looking pleadingly at the woman. A cat is lying on top of the dog’s head, also looking pleadingly at the woman. A bird sits atop the cat’s head.

The woman’s shirt has a pattern with lots of little “Lucy” (from “Peanuts”) heads.

PANEL 3 – The jogger’s shirt has a picture of a skull wearing a white founding father wig, with the caption “George Washington. Rested & Ready.”

An evil bunny, wearing an eyepatch and smoking a cigarette, is in the foreground.

PANEL 4 – A sign taped to the wall says “$500 charge if you read this sign. Cash only.”

It’s hard to make out, but the little branding symbol on the back of the laptop is an image of the evil bunny from panel 3.

On the woman’s cell phone screen is a stickfigure smiling and giving us the finger.

The tattoos on her left arm are a coffee mug with “I am 89% coffee” written on it; a happy worm in a fedora crawling out of an apple; and “My other arm is a Mercedes.” The tattoo on her right arm is a Mercedes symbol.

Keep Government Out of the Economy! | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Our Highest Priority

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels are set in a fancy-looking government office. There are two characters, a scientist (we can tell she’s a scientist because she’s wearing a white lab coat) and Uncle Sam.

PANEL 1

The scientist is holding a clipboard and explaining something to Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam reacts dramatically, raising a finger into the air and looking determined.

SCIENTIST: Over three hundred child pedestrians were killed in accidents last year, and thousands more injured.

SAM: That’s awful! Keeping kids safe is our highest priority! What can we do?

PANEL 2

SCIENTIST: The best first step is to slow traffic down! Speed bumps, traffic circles, lower speed limits, traffic cameras… Slower cars save lives.

SAM: Hmm… Uh huh.

PANEL 3

The scientist pulls down a big display, which shows a childish drawing of an SUV hitting four stickfigure children. The stickfigure children go flying, and have “X”s for eyes. Sam looks fearful.

SCIENTIST: And we should do something about oversized SUVs and trucks with high blunt noses. People think they’re safer, but when they hit kids they’re deadly.

SAM: So we need to regulate them?

PANEL 4

Uncle Sam backs away, fake grinning and holding up his palms in a “stop” gesture.

SCIENTIST: No, we need to ban them.

SAM: Hey, aren’t we catastrophizing? People can always make new kids, right?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonist terminology for unimportant details cartoonists sneak in.

The front of the desk has the Great Seal of the United States attached to it, with an image of a bald eagle holding a bundle of arrows and an olive branch in its talons. But in panel two it’s holding a lit stick of dynamite and an open beer can. And in panel four it’s holding a rifle and a smartphone.

On the shelves behind the desk is a bust. In panel one, it’s a bust of George Washington labeled “GW.” In panel two, it’s a bust of Linn Manual Miranda, labeled “LMM.” And in panel four, it’s a bust of E.T., labeled “ET.”

Our Highest Priority | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations |

Compromising the Centrist Way

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They all show a little seating area in a food cart pod (basically an outdoor food court), where two people – a man in a blue sweater and a van dyke beard, and a woman in a green cardigan and a red skirt – are talking as they enjoy their drinks.

PANEL 1

BLUE: As a centrist, I think we need compromise on climate change. The left can’t fix it by itself!

PANEL 2

BLUE: The left needs to be less didactic and more open-minded and willing to make compromises.

GREEN: And what compromises should the right make?

PANEL 3

Blue makes “air quotes” with his fingers, while Green leans forward, hand rubbing her chin.

BLUE: For instance, the left should stop saying we need to pay attention to “social justice” when we design climate policies.

GREEN: And what compromises should the right make?

PANEL 4

Blue smiles, pleased with his conclusion. Green stands up and yells, her arms in the air.

BLUE: And the left needs to accept less regulation. And stop all the alarmism.

GREEN (angry): And what compromises should the right make?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

The chicken fat here is in the “Holy Crepe” special of the day board on one of the food carts in the background. In panel one, it says “Today’s Special: American’s Apricot Talent.” In panel two, it says “Today’s Special: Nutella Mockingbird.” In panel three, it says “Today’s Special: Between a Guac and a Chard Place.” And in panel four, it says “Today’s Special: A Cream Deferred (vegan).”

Compromising the Centrist Way | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Environmental cartoons |

Why I Have Hope

Cartoon by Barry

I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This four-panel cartoon shows two women talking as they walk through a park. The first woman has red hair and glasses, the second woman has a red hoodie and black hair held in a bun.

PANEL 1

GLASSES: So what do you think – is democracy done for?

BUN: What do I know? I thought Trump was definitely going to lose. Twice.

PANEL 2

A close shot of Bun, who looks distressed.

BUN: When I was a kid lots of smart people said we were doomed to be destroyed by nuclear war, and I believed them.

PANEL 3

BUN: I was shocked when the Berlin Wall fell. And I thought we’d never get gay marriage or legal pot in my lifetime.

PANEL 4

Both characters smile, and Bun spreads her hands expansively.

GLASSES: So you predict things will be all right?

BUN: No, I predict catastrophe. But it gives me hope that my predictions are always complete garbage.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is a venerable cartoonists’ term for unimportant details put into the backgrounds.

PANEL 1: There’s a hole in the ground, and Marge Simpson is popping her head out of the hole.

An almost illegibly tiny newspaper lies on the ground. The newspaper is called “The New Fork Tines.” The top headline says “Democrats Choose Youth For Leadership Position,” with a sub-headline reading “Newly appointed leader only 71.”

A bottle lying on the ground has a label that says “Old Litter.”

A mouse is holding a skunk at gunpoint. The skunk has its hands raised and next to it is a sack with a “$” on it.

PANEL 3

A bird flying through the air is wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette.

A hole in a tree has a paper hanging from it, which says “Hole For Rent, utilities not included.”

PANEL 4

One of the buildings in the background has a gigantic teddy bear climbing it King Kong style.

The mouse from panel 1, holding a shovel, stands by a freshly dug grave. The money bag lies near the mouse’s feet.

Why I Have Hope | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites |

Tragicomic Compromise

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was written by Rachel Swirsky, the much-awarded science fiction writer who also collaborates with me writing the scripts to the Wings of Fire graphic novels. This, by the way, is the second Shakespeare-themed cartoon Rachel and I have done together; we did one about copyright almost a decade ago.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

Three people stand on the stage of a theater. From the ladders and paint cans and junk strewn around, we can see that this isn’t a show, but preparation for a show.

A woman and a man yell angrily at each other, while a third person stands in the middle, holding a clipboard and looking exhausted.

WOMAN: Recasting Romeo and Juliet as lesbians is problematic! Gay people deserve happy endings too!

MAN: Romeo and Juliet is one of History’s Greatest Romances! Are you saying only cis-hets deserve enduring tragic beauty?

PANEL 2

A must closer shot shows the woman and man screaming with fury while the clipboard-holder facepalms.

WOMAN: It’s killing your gays!

MAN: Tragic beauty!

CLIPBOARD HOLDER: Look, let’s compromise.

PANEL 3

A shot of an audience, in dim lighting, watching a show. A woman looks wide-eyed and touched; the man next to her looks a bit annoyed and skeptical.

JULIET (speaking from off panel): Oh, happy dagger! This is thy sheath– But soft, through yonder breaks! A magic rift! I am– Wrested in twain–

MAN: Did… They just add an interdimensional rift to Romeo and Juliet?

WOMAN: Shhh!

PANEL 4

We are behind the same pair of audience members, looking over their shoulders at the brightly lit stage.

The stage has been divided in half by a prop shaped like a giant lightning bolt, which is hanging on wires from above. To the left of the lightning bolt, Romeo and Juliet are making out. To the right of the lightning bolt, Romeo and Juliet lie dead, Romeo with a poison bottle and Juliet with a dagger sticking out of her chest.

In the audience, the man’s annoyance has grown, while the woman is weeping and smiling.

MAKING OUT COUPLE: Mmmm! Mph!

MAN: What the hell?

WOMAN: It’s perfect!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an outdated cartoonists’ term for unimportant details that are still fun.

PANEL 1

On the label of the paint can, a man is wincing away from some paint that’s dripped down onto the label.

The woman has a tattoo that says “2B 2B,” with a circle with a diagonal line on top of the second “2B.”

A newspaper lying on the floor, “The Daily Background,” has two headlines: “Coup In Denmark” and “Julius Seize Her.”

PANEL 3

Stuart Little – the anthropomorphic mouse character – is sitting in the audience in front of our focus characters.

Tragicomic Compromise | Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Rachel Swirsky collaborations |

The Immigration Deal

Cartoon by Barry

I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They depict three people – a mother, father and their small daughter – carrying luggage and standing on a dirt road. Their path is being blocked by a large man wearing a floral shirt and an Uncle Sam hat.

PANEL 1

The woman, smiling, has stepped forward to talk to Uncle Sam.

WOMAN: Hi, America. We’re immigrants. The situation in our home country is so awful we’re forced to come live and work in the U.S…. Nearly all economists agree this benefits you a lot.

UNCLE SAM: Okay, lemme tell you the deal…

PANEL 2

Panel shows Uncle Sam grinning a bit manically.

UNCLE SAM: You’re gonna be hated so much! Major politicians will lie and say you increase crime, spread disease, even eat housepets!

PANEL 3

Uncle Sam, still grinning, waves his hands in the air.

UNCLE SAM: Despite all the ways you benefit me, you’ll be blamed for all my problems. Great deal for you, right? Now go find low-wage jobs.

PANEL 4

The father and mother look a bit peeved, and their daughter hides behind her dad, as Uncle Sam, not even looking at them, folds his arms and looks smug.

WOMAN (thought): I can’t believe this maniac is our best option.

UNCLE SAM: I’m waiting for my “thank you…”

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obsolete cartoonists’ term for unimportant details stuck into cartoons.

PANEL 1 – On the ground, a worm is pointing a tiny gun at a bird; the bird looks frightened.

Also, on the ground is a newspaper entitled “Daily Leopard.” The top headline reads “Yum! Five new face recipes!” The lower headline reads “Op-ed: Our spots are perfect and require no change.”

PANEL 2 – Krazy and Ignatz, from the classic comic strip Krazy Kat, are standing on a wall in the background. Graffiti on the same wall says “take the moment present as a present for the moment,” a quote from the musical Into The Woods.

Uncle Sam has a tattoo with a caricature of Adam Smith in a heart.

PANEL 4 – An evil bunny, glaring and smoking a cigarette, is on the ground. A smiling man is peeking out through a hole in the wall behind Uncle Sam.

The Immigration Deal | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons, Immigration, Social Justice |

Echo Echo Echo Fox Fox Fox

Cartoon by Barry

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

We’re looking at an open laptop. On the laptop screen we can see a Fox News show, where two hosts are speaking with a guest.

HOST: Thanks for joining us on Fox! Now, you’ve written a book about woke liberal echo chambers?

GUEST: I have! You see, woke liberals spend all their time in places where only liberal opinions are heard.

PANEL 2

The Fox show is showing an image of a book. The title is “Inside the Woke Bubble Wrap Safe Space Echo Chamber Bubble.”

GUEST: They have their own websites, their own cable networks. They’re aware that other opinions exist, but they don’t trust any news source outside their own bubble.

PANEL 3

The guest author shrugs.

HOST: Is there no way of changing liberals’ minds?

GUEST: Not while they stay safe within their echo chamber.

PANEL 4

We see a woman watching the laptop; she has an amused expression.

HOST: So sad! Good thing conservatives aren’t like that.

GUEST: Yes, exactly!

HOST 2: I agree too!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an antediluvian cartoonists’ term for little details that are unimportant to the cartoon but which are amusing, at least to ourselves.

PANEL 1 – There’s a cat asleep behind the laptop. On the front of the laptop, the branding just says “LOGO.” The Fox News logo says “Faux News channel.” The chyron (the line of text at the bottom of news shows) says “Study: Your ears look kinda funny.”

PANEL 2 – The Fox logo now says “Lox News on bagels.” The chyron says “Global Warming: myth, plot or scam?”

PANEL 3 – The Fox logo now says “Over Look these words.” The chyron says “Oprah uses time machine, kills Christ.”

PANEL 4 – The back of the laptop has the planet sticking its tongue out, from the front cover of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, on it. The cat is now wearing glasses and smoking a cigarette. The woman’s coffee mug has an illustration on it of a handgun firing; below the drawing are the words “Get it? It’s a mug shot.”

Echo Echo Echo Fox Fox Fox | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Right-wingers |