Being Foxy About Vaccines

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the anchors of a conservative news show, a man and a woman, both of whom are well-dressed and have very carefully styled hair. They’re sitting at a news desk and talking to the camera, with a backdrop of a cityscape behind them. A chyron (text) runs across the bottom of the screen.

PANEL 1

We’re in a darkened living room. We can see a TV dinner, partly eaten, on a tray in the foreground; in the background is a TV, surrounded by a liquor cabinet on the left and a houseplant on a chest of drawers on the right. The TV is turned on, providing the only bright colors in the panel. The male anchor is making air quotes with his fingers, while the female anchor is holding out her hand in a “stop!” gesture.

MAN: Unelected government “doctors” say we need this “vaccine.” but what aren’t they saying?

WOMAN: Don’t trust government! Don’t trust doctors!

PANEL 2

We are now seeing just what’s on the TV screen. The male anchor has turned towards the female anchor and is speaking to her, one hand waving in a sort of “angry questioning” motion. The female anchor has folded her hands on the desk in front of her and is speaking directly to the camera.

MAN: Who knows what horrible side effects these experimental “vaccines” have?

WOMAN: Stay tuned! We’ll be back in just a minute!

PANEL 3

Our vantage point has pulled back. We’re now obviously in a TV studio; we can see cameras and microphones pointing at the two anchors, and the slightly-raised platform the anchor desk sits on. There’s a large bright green screen behind them, instead of a cityscape.

Two people in nurse’s scrubs, both wearing face masks, have come up to the desk. Both anchors have taken their jackets off, and he’s rolled up a sleeve (her blouse is sleeveless). The nurses are injecting medicine into their arms.

The male anchor is smiling cheerfully, while the female anchor speaks to her nurse with a concerned expression.

MAN: Thanks. Better safe than sorry, right?

WOMAN: How long until the booster after this one?

PANEL 4

We’re once again looking at them as they appear on a TV screen; the cityscape backdrop is back. They’re both looking angry and gesturing towards the screen with extreme foreshortening; he’s holding a finger up near the screen, and she’s pointing straight at the screen like Uncle Sam.

MAN: These “needle Nazis” are trying to force you to take their so-called “vaccine”!

WOMAN: DON’T LET THEM!

CHYRONS

What the chyrons (the crawl of text across the bottom of the TV screen) say. (The second line of each chyron is cut off on one or both sides of the screen, to simulate the words scrolling across the screen.)

Panel 1: EXPERTS: VACCINE WILL KILL POPE

…t’s gonna happen any day now we’re triple sure this time…

Panel 2: DELILAH INNOCENT!

…vaccine, not haircut, caused Samson to lose his streng…

There’s no Chyron in panel 3.

Panel 4: ARE VACCINES FULL OF LIVE ANTS?

…re not saying they are but we’re not saying they aren’t…

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Being Foxy About Vaccines on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, COVID-19, Media criticism, Right-wingers |

Right-Winger With A Zinger

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows the same man, a conservatively-dressed guy with short hair combed in part, wearing a polo shirt and gray slacks, standing on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

The man stands looking directly at the reader, smiling, his arms crossed.

CAPTION: Right-Winger.

PANEL 2

The man is now bursting with anger, raising a fist into the air and mouth open hugely as he yells.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger.

MAN (yelling): Stolen election! Groomers! Hunter Biden’s Laptop!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man is smirking as he speaks more softly directly to the reader. I did my very best to draw him with what’s referred to as “a punchable face.”

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger with a zinger.

MAN: My pronouns are screw and you!

PANEL 4

The camera has pulled back again. The man is thinking very hard, sweating, one hand on his chin, looking up into the air, frowning with effort.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger trying to think of a zinger that isn’t that stupid pronoun shit for the 1000000th time.

MAN (hesitantly): Um…  Uh…

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Myth of William F Buckley And The John Birch Society

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins. I had no idea she was going to do the flaming eyes in panel 2, but I laughed aloud when I saw the sketch. 🙂

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL ONE

The top of this panel has a huge caption, in “vintage” style lettering, that says 1962.

Below that an older man, with a bald head and white hair sticking out on the sides, and wearing an old-fashioned brown suit with a yellow bow-tie, is pressing his hands and face against the audience-facing side of the panel, as if he’s pressing against a sheet of clear glass. His eyes are bulging and mismatched in size and he’s talking aggressively at the readers. We’ll call him “Bircher.”

BIRCHER: President Eisenhower is secretly in the pay of COMMIES!

BIRCHER: A shadowy America-hating CABAL controls the CIA AND the schools!

PANEL TWO

Bircher is now in full on rant mode, his yelling mouth HUGE, his head turning red, flames literally coming out of his eyes. Behind him, William F. Buckley Jr walks up, a corrective forefinger raised; Buckley raises his voice but remains calm.

BIRCHER: Teachers are recruiting YOUR kids into COMMUNISM SATANISM and SEXUAL PERVERSION!

BUCKLEY: HALT, John Birch Society! I, William F Buckley Jr, DENOUNCE you.

PANEL THREE

Bircher falls to his knees, weeping. Buckley dramatically points, arms straight, in an unmistakable “get out of here” gesture.

BIRCHER: I’ve been denounced? NOOOOO!

BUCKLEY: BEGONE! Trouble conservatism’s respectability NO LONGER!

PANEL FOUR

Bircher walks out of the panel with a bent over I’m-so-sad posture. Buckley, looking smug and self-satisfied, walks away in the other direction, doing the “brushing dust off my palms after doing some work” gesture.

BUCKLEY: Now the conservative movement will NEVER AGAIN be ruled by CONSPIRACY MONGERS and IRRATIONALISTS!

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

Buckley, smiling, talks directly to the viewer.

BUCKLEY: Finally conservatives can focus on RATIONAL goals… Like protecting the white race from negros!

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The Myth of William F Buckley And The John Birch Society | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives |

The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, and if you’re inclined to, and if you have the money, and if doing so wouldn’t break any religious rules or local laws, you can support my Patreon. I make a living from lots of people pledging just one or two dollars, and I think that’s really neat.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels.

PANEL ONE

At the top of the panel, there is a large caption, which says: THE DEBT CEILING HOSTAGE CRISIS.

The panel shows a middle-aged man, wearing a brown suit with a red necktie, standing in a deep trench that’s been cut into the floor. It’s reminiscent of defensive trenches dug by soldiers during war, but it’s very clean and abstract, rather than being a realistic trench.

The man is holding an old-fashioned comic book bomb – a perfectly round black sphere with a burning fuse – in one hand, and shaking a fist with the other. He’s yelling and looks angry.

MAN: Give me what I want – or I’ll blow us ALL up!

PANEL TWO

A far shot lets us see that there are actually two trenches here. In one trench is the man from panel one; in the other is a white-haired woman wearing a blue blazer over a red blouse. The two of them are facing each other.

WOMAN: What do you want?

PANEL THREE

The man holds up the bomb higher, and holds up the forefinger of his other hand. He’s still yelling angrily.

MAN: I want BIG cuts in Social Security and Medicare.

PANEL FOUR

Pretty much the same scene, except now we’re seeing the angry-looking man in profile.

MAN: I ALSO want big cuts for climate change spending. AND the IRS. AND welfare.

PANEL FIVE

A close-up of the man as he smiles.

MAN: Basically, if it’s not defense spending or tax cuts for the rich, I want it slashed.

PANEL SIX

The “camera” pulls back so we can see both trenches; the woman is in the foreground, the man (still grinning and holding up the bomb) is in the background.

MAN: And if I DON’T get EVERYTHING I want, I’m blowing up the economy!

MAN: Do we have a deal?

PANEL SEVEN

A shot of the woman, who has an angry expression as she stares at the man, her arms crossed.

WOMAN: No.

PANEL EIGHT

A shot of the two of them staring at each other, with the back of the woman’s head in the foreground. The man is thinking things over.

PANEL NINE

A shot of the man in his trench, looking a little surprised, and also like his feelings have been hurt.

MAN: You’re not even going to negotiate?

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The Debt Ceiling Hostage Crisis | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Right-wingers |

Why Won’t Leftists Just Be Civil?

Cartoon by Barry

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Imagine a world without these political cartoons. Would life even be worth living? Obviously not. We’d all just sit around staring blankly at our piles of unwashed dishes and laundry waiting to die because nothing means anything. Oh, and, uh, patreon support blah blah blah.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has two panels. Both of the panels show a white woman with a stylish haircut, wearing a striped shirt with a calf-length skirt and black tights. She speaks directly to the reader.

PANEL 1

The woman looks sad and distraught. She’s holding one palm up in a bewildered fashion, and has her other palm pressed against the side of her face.

WOMAN: I was arguing with a liberal and she said…

WOMAN: I can hardly even SAY it, it was so AWFUL!

WOMAN: She said my argument was “RACIST.”

WOMAN: She actually used THAT word! About ME! How can anybody be so MEAN?

PANEL 2

The woman now looks angry, her hands balled up into fists.

WOMAN: Why won’t these lying libtard soyboy cuck groomer baby-killing totalitarian leftists just be CIVIL?

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Why Won’t Leftists Just Be Civil? | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives |

Somewhere South of the Broder Inside MAGA Brains

Cartoon by Barry

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If you want to help us keep making cartoons, you should construct a time machine, become politically important in mid 1960s New York, and then before my birth in October 1968 lead the National Guard to attack the secret alien base in Long Island where their ADHD beam is located. Do not destroy the beam, because destroying it will cause an explosion of ADHD rays that will cover the entire earth and then no one anywhere will ever get anything done on time. Instead, sink it into the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean, because the secret giant squids are already ADHD and the rays can’t harm them. Also, while you’re at it, go into the near future from 2022 and write down some lottery numbers for me, thanks really appreciated we should do lunch.

Also, you can buy the book collections. Makes an acceptable Christmas gift, maybe!

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A large caption at the top of the panel says “SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF THE BORDER.”

Two cheerful-looking people are standing outside and talking. One is a woman with dark hair drawn back into a ponytail, glasses, and a polka-dot skirt; let’s call her GLASSES. She’d holding out a smartphone.

The other person is a man with a mustache and a broad-brimmed straw hat, smoking a cigar. He also has dark hair, but his is a little reddish. Let’s call him CIGAR.

GLASSES: Joe my friend who’s a Democrat in the USA just called and invited us to sneak over the border! He says it’s easy!

CIGAR: We’ve got no pressing need to leave, but let’s go anyway!

PANEL 2

Glasses and Cigar are now at the US border, which we know is the US border because there’s a signpost that says “USA” with an arrow pointing. A grinning man with short-cropped blonde hair, waring a border patrol uniform and sunglasses, is running towards them with helium balloons.

A huge sign is hanging over everyone, which says “WELCOME IMMIGRANTS” in huge letters (the “i” is dotted with a heart), and in smaller letters below that says “Don’t Forget To Vote!”

GLASSES: Wow. We can just walk right in!

CIGAR: Look at that huge welcome sign!

BORDER PATROL DUDE: Welcome to Texas!

PANEL 3

Apparently some time has passed, because Glasses and Cigar are now in different outfits. Cigar is relaxing in a reclining chair next to a swimming pool; Glasses is walking up to Cigar and proudly pointing a thumb at herself. (Glasses is now pregnant.)

GLASSES: I just stole a job from a decent hard-working American!

CIGAR: I’m not even working! The government is just giving me welfare cash! Ha ha!

PANEL 4

The border between panels 3 and 4 is a thought balloon, leading to the head of a character in panel 4 (indicating that the entirety of the first three panels were in his imagination).

We’re now looking at two entirely different characters. Both are white. One, wearing a red MAGA cap, is punching his fist into his palm and looks angry. The other, wearing a necktie and button-down shirt, is rearing his head back and yelling as he shakes a hand at the sky.

MAGA DUDE: I’m sure that’s how it happens!

NECKTIE (very loudly): DAMN YOU LIBERALS!!

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Somewhere South of the Border Inside MAGA Brains | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Immigration, Racism & Racists |

The Secret Private Lives of Teachers

Cartoon by Barry

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Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins, who really went all-out with drawing classroom environments!

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When you support the Patreon, you not only get the warm feeling of supporting the making of more swellish policartoons, you also get the warm feeling of an extra arm growing out between your shoulderblades, and admittedly I can’t think of a single situation in which that would be pragmatically useful but what a conversation piece!

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a schoolroom, although not always the same schoolroom. There’s also a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

A schoolroom (I know, I know, I just said that). In the background, A freckled, red-headed little girl wearing a red shirt is peering into a fishtank. There are big windows, and outside the windows we can see the tops of green trees.

In the foreground, BILLY, a reddish-blonde-haired little boy, is smiling as he talks to the teacher, Billy’s wearing a black v-neck tee shirt and green shorts. The teacher, MRS ABEL, is also smiling, leaning down to talk to Billy.

All three of them have feathered early-80s hair.

BILLY: Do you remember me from last year, Miss Thompson?

MRS ABEL: Of course, Billy! But I got married this summer, so now you should call me Mrs. Abel.

PANEL 2

A different classroom and a different teacher – but we’re still looking at Billy and his freckled classmate. They’re both leaning on the teacher’s desk; Billy is pointing to a framed family photo on the teacher’s desk. Freckles is wearing a red vest over a collared shirt, and Billy is wearing a green shirt.

The teacher is smiling and gesturing with an open hand as he replies to Billy. In the background, there are large classroom windows, and out the windows we can see the trees are yellow and orange – it’s now Fall.

BILLY: Mr. Smith? Who are the people in this picture?

MR SMITH: They’re my family, Billy!

PANEL 3

We’re back in Mrs Abel’s classroom, looking at the same people as panel 1 – Billy, his freckled classmate, and Mrs Abel. But time has passed; the trees out the window are green again. Also, Mrs Abel is now very obviously pregnant, and has a hand on her belly as she talks to Billy. It looks like Freckles was playing with a toy school bus, but she’s paused to listen to Billy and Mrs Able.

The girl in the background is wearing a red shirt under jeans overalls, and Billy is wearing the same green shirt, but with different pants.

BILLY: But why won’t you be teaching us next month, Mrs Abel?

MRS ABEL: Because I’m having a baby, Billy!

PANEL 4

A caption box at the top of the panel says “BILLY, FORTY YEARS LATER.”

An adult Billy, with a tidy beard and mustache and his hair going white at the temples, is in a classroom, yelling at a teacher, waving his arms. Billy has green pants.

The teacher, who has short red hair, freckles, and is wearing a button-up red shirt, is leaning back against her desk, away from Billy. She looks unhappy and surprised. On her desk, there’s a photo of her with a woman, presumably her wife, and two children.

BILLY (yelling): When we were kids, we never knew anything about teachers’ private lives!

TINY ADDITIONAL PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Adult Billy is talking to the panel 4 teacher, looking a bit histrionic.

TEACHER: But we always knew about–

BILLY: We didn’t! That would have destroyed our childhood innocence!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, History, LGBT cartoons |

A Right-Winger’s Guide to Labor Economics

Cartoon by Barry

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For want of a shoe the shoelace was lost. For want of a shoelace the shoefly was lost. For want of a shoefly the flyover states were lost. For want of the flyover states the state of grace was lost. And the only way to get the state of grace back is to support these cartoons on Patreon. Weird how that works.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Every panel shows the same man, a white man with a mustache and thick hair that’s going white around the temples, who is speaking to the reader in front of an abstract color backgound. He’s wearing tan slacks, a light blue collared shirt, and a red striped necktie.

PANEL 1

A caption at the top of the panel, in big red letters, says:

A RIGHT-WINGER’S GUIDE TO LABOR ECONOMICS

The man in the necktie is looking sincere, his hands pressed together in front of him almost like he’s praying.

MAN: CEOs are infallible and holy and the government must get out of their way.

PANEL 2

The same man is suddenly exploding with anger, stomping his feet and waving his hands and yelling.

MAN: Workers are the worst! They need the constant threat of unemployment, homelessness and starvation to do anything!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man looks out at the reader with an expression of bewilderment, as he shrugs.

MAN: If Luisa’s boss is illegally paying her $3.50 an hour, then $3.50 is exactly what she’s worth! I can think of no other explanation!

PANEL 4

Now the man has switched into a wise-professor-explaining pose, face calm, a finger raised to emphasize his point as he speaks.

MAN: High unemployment happens when millions of people get lazy all at once. It stays high until they all suddenly stop being lazy. Until the next recession, when they’re lazy again.

PANEL 5

A sudden, extreme closeup shows the man‘s face contorted with furry as he yells. (Wait, no, contorted with “fury,” not “furry.” I don’t know or want to know what being ”contorted with furry” is.) We can see that he’s trembling, and a little caption with an arrow pointing at him says “trembling with rage.”

The background, which up until now has mostly been a cool light purple, is bright red/pink in this panel.

MAN (yelling): When unions force rich people to pay employees more, that’s literal armed robbery!

PANEL 6

The “camera” pulls back to a full-figure shot, and his expression is now calm and smiling and a little smug. He’s got his arms crossed and is standing with one foot on the heel in a jaunty sort of pose.

MAN: Everything I say is the objective truth because I am super logical and definitely not just rationalizing my ideological beliefs and if you don’t agree then you suck at economics! LOL!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Economic cartoons |

Fight Medical Tyranny!

Cartoon by Barry

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If you’re enjoying these cartoons, you might also enjoy being on a lush tropical island where friendly locals come up to you with a dish of fresh strawberries, which is for themselves, because they’re not here to serve you and mean sheesh why would you even assume something like that? Anyway, those locals all support my patreon, and maybe if you did too they’d give you a strawberry.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel features the same character: A white guy with a windbreaker (one of the ones where the sleeves are a different color than the body), open over a t-shirt with a big number “1” on it. He’s talking directly to the reader.

PANEL 1

This panel shows the man on a blank background, speaking directly to the viewer, raising his hands for emphasis. He has an aggrieved expression.

MAN: A forced vaccine mandate is a slippery slope to totalitarianism!

PANEL 2

The same man, but now he’s holding a shield (painting in an American flag motif), which he’s using to fend off a HUGE vaccination needle being aimed at him by a GIGANTIC hand. The hand is wearing a blue latex glove, of the kind that many nurses and doctors wear. His word balloons are at an askew angle, for drama or something, but also because doing it that way let me fit in the word balloons without blocking off the drawing of the giant needle. Cartooning secrets revealed!

MAN: We can’t allow liberals to steal our right to make our own medical choices, based on our own values and religious beliefs!

MAN: Everyone must stand against tyranny!

PANEL 3

The man leans very close to the “camera,” so close that the top of his head and the bottom of his chin are both cut off by panel borders. He now looks angry, and he’s raised his voice. The background has turned red, reflecting his anger.

MAN: Even if the vaccine saves lives, government still doesn’t have a right to deprive individuals of our freedom!

MAN: Never! Never ever EVER!

PANEL 4

The main is smiling gently and raising a palm at the reader. The background appears to be a cozy living room; we can see framed pictures on the wall, a comfy couch with a couple of throw pillows on it, a side table and a potted cactus on the floor.

MAN: Unless they’re pregnant, of course.

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Conservatives, Right-wingers, Sexism & Misogyny |

There’s Never Been a Worse Time for Free Speech!

Cartoon by Barry

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Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!

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If you like these cartoons, you can help make more happen by moving to Portland, Oregon, and specifically into the shed next to my house, and every morning wake up and break into my house and stand over me saying “write! write! draw! draw you scum draw!” over and over, for hours, until I break, and don’t forget to support the Patreon.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels. Each panel shows a different scene from a different era, with the first panel set in the 1890s, and each subsequent panel set in a later time period, until the final panel which is set in the present day.

PANEL 1

A bright summer day in the 1890s. In the foreground, a Black woman is watching three white men with an aggrieved posture. She’s wearing a blue dress. In the background, a uniformed police officer is talking to two other white men, one in a brown three-piece suit with matching bowler hat, while the other man looks more working-class with a white button-up shirt, no necktie, and suspenders.

Behind the men, we can see the still-smoking ruin of what was once a building.

MAN IN SUIT: We only burned down Ida Wells’ newspaper because she wrote against lynching.

COP: That seems reasonable.

PANEL 2

In the background, we can see a group of suffragettes in 1910s dresses and hats, crowded together and looking calm but nervous.  A couple of them are wearing sashes that read “votes for women.” Most of the suffragettes we see are white, but one is Black and another is Asian. The Asian woman is wearing a traditional Japanese kimono and hairstyle (modeled on Komako Kimura’s outfit and hair photographed at a 1917 suffragette march).

In the foreground, with their backs to us (so facing the women), a couple of cops are talking. One of them is slapping a palm with a billy club.

COP 1: These suffragettes were picketing the White House.

COP 2: Let the beatings begin!

PANEL 3

A wealthy looking couple, dressed in 1920s fashion (her in a blue hat with a red ribbon with flower decoration, and a matching blue jacket with puffy off-white cuffs and neck; him in an off-white suit, a straw boater with a red ribbon, blue necktie and red vest) are looking at the building across the street with some distress.

The building across the street has a sign saying “Apollo Theatre” over a revolving door entrance. A big theatre marquee over the entrances tells us that “The God of Vengeance” is playing, although the words are partly blocked by a word balloon. Another nearby sign says “Times Sq.”

WOMAN: A play with Jewish lesbians kissing?

MAN: Let’s call the police!

PANEL 4

An Asian man sits in a chair, holding up a sheet of paper. So many long horizontal strips have been sliced out of the paper that it’s made as much of holes as it is of paper. He’s wearing a collared blue shirt.

Behind him, an Asian woman leans forward to look over his shoulder. She’s wearing a red skirt and buttoned-up blouse, with a blue sweater over it. The hairstyle and clothing suggest the 1940s.

WOMAN: What’s that?

MAN: Letter from my friend Takashi in the internment camp.

PANEL 5

This panel shows two cops, a postman, and a woman in a dress. In the background, we can see a small but well-kept looking yellow house, with a tree in front and a planter under the front window.

One of the cops is putting the woman into the back seat of a police car. Judging from the woman’s hairstyle and pink, high-collared dress, this is the 1960s.

In the foreground, the postman is talking to the other cop, while pointing backwards with his thumb towards the woman. The cop is taking notes.

POSTMAN: We opened Virginia Prince’s mail and found lesbian love letters and something called “Transvestia Magazine”!

PANEL 6

We are looking at a TV set, on a table. Judging from the make of the TV and the style of the tablecloth under the TV, this is the 1970s.

On the TV a dignified-looking Black man, with white hair styled to be high on top of his head, black round glasses, and wearing a suit and tie, is speaking. (The man is Bayard Rustin.)

RUSTIN: I was arrested in the 1940s for being anti-war… In the 50s for being gay… And in the 60s for protesting Jim Crow.

PANEL 7

A current-day TV studio. Cameras and lights point at two people sitting at a table, one a middle-aged man wearing a gray suit with a blue tie, the other a younger-looking woman with black hair, glasses, and a blue short-sleeved dress. The man is spreading his arms out in an annoyed fashion while speaking, and the woman is pounding a fist on the table in front of her.  “Clap clap clap” sound effects on the bottom right of the panel indicate that the unseen audience is clapping for what the woman is saying.

MAN: Nowadays straight white men can’t say anything without being criticized!

WOMAN: There’s never been a worse time for freedom of speech!

SFX: Clap clap clap clap

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, History, LGBT cartoons, Racism & Racists, Sexism & Misogyny, Social Justice |

You Can’t Call Me a Homophobe if I’m Not Afraid

Cartoon by Barry

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Another collab with Becky Hawkins!

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If you like these cartoons, then you’re an exceptionally refined person and people all over the world are clamoring to know you to such an extent that it’s actually become difficult for you to go out in public unless you wear like, a slouch hat and big sunglasses, but that just makes you look like a spy and other spies come up to you and try to exchange briefcases and it’s just awkward and also support the patreon.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a white man speaking directly to the reader; he has curly orange-ish hair and is wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt,

PANEL 1

MAN: Here’s a newsflash for you stupid lefties! Sometimes words aren’t literally true!

PANEL 2

The man smirks big and makes air quotes with his fingers.

MAN: Like when you call me a “homophobe” or “transphobe” just because I want those people fired from schools!

MAN: Idiot lefties! “Phobia” means “fear” but I’m not literally afraid! lol lol lol!

PANEL 3

He holds up a forefinger to emphasize his point. He’s grinning big.

MAN: You called me “white supremacist” when I said Blacks are genetically stupid…

MAN: But I think Asians are better at math than whites! So I don’t think whites are “supreme.” lolol!

PANEL 4

The man leans closer to the camera, widening his eyes and pursing his lips in a “oooh spooky” expression, while making the “mind blown” gesture with his hands on each side of his head.

MAN: The “big apple” is not a fruit! “Boxing rings” are square! “Hot dogs” aren’t dogs!

MAN: Aren’t you amazed at how clever I am? Is your mind blooown?

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

We Must Protect Their Delicate Feelings

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is a collaboration between me and Becky Hawkins!

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, and they all show the same three characters. There’s also a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

1. There’s a woman with an undercut, wearing a jeans jacket, a black shirt with a cut-off bottom, torn pants and boots. She’s carrying a shoulder bag with pins or badges on it. We’ll call her “Undercut.”

2. There’s a man wearing a red t-shirt, red baseball cap, and red-and-white sneakers. He’s got a blonde van dyke beard. He’s either bald, or his hair is short enough to be hidden by the baseball cap. We’ll call him “Redcap.”

3. And there’s a well-dressed woman with a purple blouse, light green pants, and purple wedges. She carries a purse and has shoulder-length brown hair. We’ll call her “Wedges.”

The characters are standing on a sidewalk, by a bus stop sign; there’s a patch of green grass, a tall wooden fence, and a telephone pole behind them.

PANEL 1

Redcap and Undercut both seem to be waiting for a bus. Redcap is yammering on as Undercut listens. Wedges is walking into the panel from the side.

REDCAP: No one cares what WHITE people want… but when BLM protested, the police were like “sorry, Black people, we’ll do whatever you want!”

PANEL 2

Undercut, looking a little heated, begins to respond, but Wedges steps between her and Redcap, holding up her hands and interrupting.

UNDERCUT: WHAT?!? That’s the most ridiculous—

WEDGES: before you reply, consider that if you’re harsh and combative that will make him dig in and he’ll go even further right.

PANEL 3

Undercut looks up and scratches her chin, clearly making an effort. Wedges cuts her off again, putting a hand on Redcap’s shoulder and gesturing towards him with her other hand.

UNDERCUT: Ooookaaaayyy… If you look back at actual news stories, there are tons of examples of—

WEDGES: Research shows people aren’t swayed by evidence. You should center his feelings.

PANEL 4

Undercut explodes with anger, waving her hands and yelling. Wedges and Redcap walk away, Wedges with a comforting hand on Redcap’s back as a single tear rolls down Redcap’s sad face. Wedges speaks to Redcap, a sympathetic expression on her face.

UNDERCUT (yelling): ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

WEDGES: See, this is why Trump beat Hillary.

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Wedges, looking rather smug, raises a finger in a “I’m the teacher” manner as she speaks to Undercut. Undercut looks furious and yanks at her own hair.

WEDGES: Clearly you haven’t spent enough time in midwestern diners.

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Elections |

Nobody Back Then Knew Slavery Was Wrong!

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting my Patreon! Or by casting helpful spells!

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This cartoon is, of course, drawn by Becky Hawkins, who did her usual wonderful job.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels; each panel shows a different scene with different characters.

PANEL 1

A caption at the top of the panel says “1710.”

A Black woman sits on the front steps of a ramshackle wooden house; a small boy is sitting next to her on the steps, and she’s bandaging an injury on his hand. She’s wearing a yellow kerchief wrapped around her hair and tied in back, and speaking to the viewer with an earnest expression.

Standing next to her is another Black woman, speaking a bit angrily to the viewer, with her fists on her hips. She’s wearing a red kerchief over her hair, tied on top, and a yellow dress with an apron.

Both of the dresses are modest and plain, and look old-fashioned by today’s standards.

RED KERCHIEF: Slavery is crushing our lives, our children’s lives…

YELLOW KERCHIEF: It’s simply evil!

PANEL 2

A caption at the top of the panel says “1776.”

The panel shows Thomas Jefferson and George Washington standing in Independence Hall, dressed in revolutionary-era men’s finery. Jefferson is smirking while leaning back against a table, and Washington is speaking more seriously, spreading his arms to make his point.

JEFFERSON: Even we know slavery is a horror!

WASHINGTON: And we’re super racist slaveowners!

PANEL 3

A caption at the top of the panel says “1859.”

Frederick Douglass, wearing a fine looking suit, and John Brown, wearing a rougher looking outfit and carrying a rifle, are standing in a clearing in a wooded area, talking to the viewer. Douglass has a serious expression; with one hand he’s covering his mouth, as if to keep Brown from hearing what he says, and with his other hand he’s pointing to Brown with a thumb. Brown is grinning and pumping a fist into the air.

BROWN: I hate slavery! So I’m gonna capture an armory and start a huge slave rebellion!

DOUGLASS: I’d do anything to end slavery. Except his stupid plan, because it won’t work and he’ll definitely be killed.

BROWN: Worth it!

PANEL 4

A caption at the top of the panel says “TODAY.”

A man with a shaved head and a scruffy beard is speaking to a smartphone mounted on a tripod. The tripod is also holding a ring light. There’s a blue sheet behind the man providing a background – what I’m saying is, this guy is a podcaster. He has an orange t shirt with an image of a hand with a raised middle finger and the caption “Cancel This.” The podcaster is holding one hand palm up, and pointing up with his other hand, as if to make a point.

SCRUFFY: It’s unfair to judge slave owners by today’s standards! Nobody back then knew slavery was wrong!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, History, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Another Reason Campus Conservatives are Afraid

Cartoon by Barry

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Help me make more cartoons by robbing a bank and pledging all the money to my Patreon!

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show the same thing: A man in an orange button-up shirt, seated at a table. There’s a laptop, a cell phone, and a coffee mug on the table. He’s wearing big headphones, and a professional-looking microphone suspended on a metal arm is pointed towards his mouth. In other words, he’s a podcaster.

In all four panels, the man appears to be yelling loudly, and is drawn with huge, popping eyes.

PANEL 1

MAN: These radical “woke” professors running colleges hate conservatives! That’s why conservative students are bullied and cancelled!

PANEL 2

MAN: You know it’s true because Newsmax and Fox and OAN and radio hosts and magazine columnists and podcasters have told you so! Again and again!

PANEL 3

Although the other panels all show the man in medium shot, this panel is such an extreme close-up that his entire head doesn’t even fit in panel; he’s cut off mid-mouth.

MAN: We’ve all told you — the woke at college are inhuman totalitarian monsters who will destroy your life if they ever find out your real views!

PANEL 4

The man has picked up his cell phone and is looking at its screen as he speaks.

MAN: And look at this! A new survey says conservative  students are afraid to say what they think!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives |

How The 2nd Amendment Saves Us From Tyranny

Cartoon by Barry

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If you enjoy these cartoons, help us make more by supporting my Patreon! Supporting my Patreon will make you taller, better looking, improve your posture, and small children and dogs will stop hating you quite so much.

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This cartoon’s gag is kind of obvious, but it made me laugh, especially after seeing Kevin Moore’s art on it. The “ye-e-es” dude in panel three especially cracks me up. (The “ye-e-es!” was entirely Kevin’s idea, btw. I find it hilarious, but I wouldn’t have thought of myself.)

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows two people – The President of the United States and an assistant of some sort – in the oval office. The angles chosen for each shot makes it impossible to see the President’s face: We can make out that he’s a white male with brown hair, but that’s it. In other words, he’s a generic white male President.

The assistant is wearing a blue suit with a red tie. He’s balding on top and has neatly combed salt-and-pepper hair on the sides.

PANEL 1

In the foreground, we see the President’s hand and arm; he’s sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office. The assistant stand in front of the desk, talking to the President; he is grinning and doing a fist-pump with one hand, and holding a folder in the other.

PRESIDENT: We’ve had enough freedom! It’s tyranny time in America! How many soldiers do we have?

ASSISTANT: Yes sir, Mr President! We’ve got over a million troops.

PANEL 2

A similar angle shows the President’s hand and shoulder. The assistant is holding up a forefinger, listing things off, and looks very smug.

PRESIDENT: Excellent. And how about firepower?

ASSISTANT: We have six thousand tanks, thirteen thousand aircraft, forty thousand armored vehicles and almost four thousand nukes, Mr President.

PANEL 3

In the foreground, we can see the President pointing in a dramatic “go make it happen!” gesture. The drama is heightened by the extreme foreshortening on the arm, making the pointing hand look huge.

In the background, the assistant looks so thrilled that it’s frankly a bit disturbing; he’s pumping both his fists, grinning hugely, has huge wide eyes, and is hissing “ye-e-es!” Also, his folder has disappeared. Did he drop it? Maybe I’ll get in touch with Kevin and ask him to add a folder tucked under an arm to this panel.

PRESIDENT: Send them in and wipe out freedom immediately!

PANEL 4

The assistant is talking to the President, but now he looks very worried, wringing his hands with sweat flying off his forehead. In the foreground, we can see enough of the president to know that he’s also sweating, and has clasped his hands to his head, mussing his hair.

CAPTION: A few hours later

ASSISTANT: Mr President, the army has encountered some civilians armed with rifles and handguns.

PRESIDENT: Oh no! My evil plot is doomed! Abort! ABORT!

CAPTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON: How The Second Amendment Saves Us From Tyranny

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Kevin Moore collaborations, Right-wingers |

Owning The Libs Equals Victory!

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon!

Supporters see most of my cartoons early – they saw this one back in November.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A woman and a man walk on a path in a hilly park (drawn mostly in shades of green and blue). The man, who has red hair and a red chin-only beard (no mustache), is walking ahead, not looking back at her as he talks. He’s wearing a white button-up shirt with a necktie, brown slacks, and glasses. The woman has black hair, and is wearing a white v-neck shirt with red arms, jeans, and red sneakers. She is holding her hands out imploringly as she talks to the man’s back.

WOMAN: This shouldn’t be a partisan issue! We’ll all suffer if the world is destroyed! But if we work together-

MAN: You’re wasting your breath.

PANEL 2

The man, who has crested the hill, turns to look back at the woman, who is still climbing the hill. He sneers with contempt. The woman looks taken aback.

MAN: Don’t show me articles from the New York Times or whatever. Fox told me I can’t trust mainstream media!

WOMAN: But–

MAN: Don’t quote “experts.” Newsmax warned me that those people lie!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the man’s head as he speaks, grinning and intense.

MAN: I know everything outside my bubble is false. Nothing you can say will reach me, and there’s no evidence I can’t dismiss as fake.

MAN: Face it — I’ve won.

PANEL 4

A caption says “YEARS LATER.”

We’re looking at the wreckage of an absolutely destroyed town or city, drawn mostly in shades of brown and orange. There are tree stumps, and telephone poles which have fallen to diagonal positions, wrecked buildings in the distance, a dark brown smog rising into the air from those buildings. Closer up, there are tree stumps, a window lying on the ground, bricks and pipes and a shattered smartphone and other junk scattered around.

Sitting on the concrete slabs of a broken sidewalk is the man from earlier in the strip. His clothes are torn and ragged, and his hair is grown much longer and looks tangled. One lens of his glasses is shattered. He is grinning (missing a tooth) and pumping a fist in the air in front of him.

MAN: Well, I certainly told HER!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Environmental cartoons |

Real America vs The Coastal Elites

Cartoon by Barry

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This strip was drawn by Becky Hawkins.

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Help us make more of these cartoons! A $2 pledge goes a surprisingly long way.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus an additional tiny “kicker” panel under the fourth panel. Each panel shows the same man talking directly at the reader. He has neatly combed blonde hair with a full beard, and is wearing boots, jeans, and a bright red button-up shirt with a brown vest over it. His outfit says “rural salt of the earth by way of L.L. Bean.”

PANEL 1 

The man is talking cheerfully to the readers, one forefinger raised to make a point. Behind him, we can see a street lined with stores or businesses; the buildings are  all one or two stories tall, a bit quaint, and all but scream “small town charm.”

MAN : I tink the best of America is in the small towns – the wonderful little pockets of what I call The Real America.

PANEL 2

The same man, but now he’s suddenly standing in front of an enormous pile of garbage; we can make out a few things in the pile, like a fish skeleton, a concrete block, a wishbone, and a pile of poop. Rising up behind the garbage pile, we can see a group of ugly brown high-rise apartment buildings. A large plume of smoke (we can’t see from what) rises into the sky.

MAN: Elite liberals are destroying American with their terrible “New York” values. That’s why their cities are burnt-out shells!

PANEL 3

The man is suddenly much closer to the viewer, yelling, his eyes large and bulging. Behind him we can see a chaotic jumble of big-city ills: A red-eyed rat, buildings on fire, a grocery cart filled with someone’s possessions in bags, a syringe, another pile of poop, and a person wearing a mask and a black hoodie who is about to throw a flaming Molotov cocktail.

MAN: DEM CITIES ARE DISGUSTING, RAT-INFESTED HOLES THAT NO HUMAN COULD LIVE IN!

PANEL 4

The man is suddenly on a bucolic, hilly farm. A sheep lies on the ground, munching the green grass,  and there’s a black-spotted cow wearing a bell around it’s neck. Further back, we can see a classic red barn with a grain silo beside it, and a hill that’s been tilled and has some crop growing. The man, no longer in tight close-up, is grasping his hands together and looking a bit upward, almost like he’s praying; he has a sad expression, and a single tear falls from one eye.

MAN: And why do coastal elite snobs say such hateful things about their fellow Americans?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Barry the cartoonist, raising a finger to make a point, is talking to the man from the strip. The man has a “I’m so above this nonsense” smug expression, eyes closed.

BARRY: Don’t you live in a coastal city? And didn’t you go to Harvard?

MAN: In my heart I’ve always lived on a farm.

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This cartoon on Patreon (You can find source quotes there, too!)

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives |

The Five Kinds of Republican

Cartoon by Barry

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If you enjoy these cartoons, why not help me make more by supporting my Patreon? A $2 pledge makes a real difference! (Well, to the making of these cartoons. But in the long run, we’ll hit the heat death of the universe and nothing matters anyway.) (In which case, why not support my Patreon?)

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each of the panels shows a white person speaking, usually to the reader. Every other panel has either a tan or a blue dominant background color, forming a sort of checkboard pattern.

All panels, except for panel 1, have a caption at the top of the panel.

PANEL 1

Most of this panel is taken up by large, friendly lettering for the title of this strip: “THE FIVE KINDS OF REPUBLICAN.”

At the bottom of the panel is a small self-portrait of me, Barry, with my arms crossed and looking at the reader with what I hope is sort of a “sheesh!” expression. Barry is fat, has dark hair in a ponytail, and is wearing a solid black tee.

BARRY: White, white, white, white and white.

PANEL 2

A blonde woman yells at her laptop screen, appalled and panicked. She’s wearing a dark red tee and has a coffee cup next to her on the table.

CAPTION: 1. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

WOMAN: A million Americans have been killed by chips in vaccinations! The lamestream media’s covering it up!

PANEL 3

A man with his brown hair parted in the middle is walking a dog on a leash through a hilly area, with a tree in the background. He’s wearing a collared yellow button-up shirt and blue jeans. He’s smiling big and pointing to something on his smartphone. The dog is looking up at him with a “oh not this again” expression.

CAPTION: 2. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

MAN:  It says here that Portland is a burned out shell of a city!

PANEL 4

A redheaded man, with a large mustache and large glasses, is leaning out of a window and holding up a smartphone. He has an elaborate sleeve tattoo covering his entire left arm, which was super fun for me to draw and which probably no one is able to see because the drawing is small. (Things on the tattoo include a smiling sun, a bird, a big eye, flowers, a compass, and woman’s face in profile, and a big diamond.) He looks angry.

CAPTION: 3. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

MAN: The Dumbocrats are bussing in ten thousand Mexicans to illegally vote!

PANEL 5

An older man, wearing a thick vest over a yellow sweater, looks out at the reader with a concerned expression. He’s holding a tablet to his chest. He’s standing behind a fence; a bunch of tall, dark red flowers are in front of the fence.

CAPTION: 4. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

MAN: Liberals made up “global warming” because George Soros secretly owns the solar panel companies!

PANEL 6

A hand (which looks like it belongs to someone Black) is holding a smartphone. On the smartphone, a slick-looking blonde man with carefully styled hair and a huge grin is staring out at his viewers. He’s wearing a suit and tie, and holding up a big orange bottle, like the kind some pharmacies put pills in.

CAPTION: 5. Liars.

MAN: …and that’s why Trump is secretly still president!

MAN: And have you tried my cancer-blasting vitamins? Only $34.99 a bottle for the next five minutes!

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This cartoon on Patreon.

Posted in Conservatives |

Echo Chamber

Cartoon by Barry

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Help me make more cartoons by supporting my Patreon! A $1 pledge really matters to me.

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Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Racism & Racists, Sexism & Misogyny |

Witch Hunt

Cartoon by Barry

 

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If you enjoy these cartoons, and can spare it, please help me make more by supporting my Patreon! A $1 pledge really matters.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels.

Panel 1
This panel shows two women hanging from chains on a dungeon wall. Both women look dirty and are wearing ragged clothes. One is blonde, one brunette. They are looking at each other and chatting.

BLONDE: So, Merga… How have you been?
MERGA: Oh, you know…

Panel 2
A close-up of Merga. She looks like she may be in shock.

MERGA: Yesterday my neighbor said he dreamed that I danced with the devil. Today, they tortured me for hours until I “confessed” just to make it stop.

Panel 3
A shot of the two of them, looking very downcast.
MERGA: And tomorrow, they’ll burn me to death at the stake. How have you been?
BLONDE: Same.

Panel 4
This panel shows a smartphone, being held in someone’s hand. On the smartphone screen, an angry middle-aged man wearing a suit and necktie is speaking.

CAPTION: 400 years later.

NECKTIE: Someone on the internet criticized J.K. Rowling using hyperbolic language. It’s a WITCH HUNT!

Tiny kicker panel below bottom of strip.
The necktie dude from the fourth panel is talking to Barry (the cartoonist).
NECKTIE: You’re right, it’s not a witch hunt. It’s a lynch mob!

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Sexism & Misogyny |