The Five Kinds of Republican
November 11th, 2021 Barry Posted in Conservatives | No Comments »
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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has six panels. Each of the panels shows a white person speaking, usually to the reader. Every other panel has either a tan or a blue dominant background color, forming a sort of checkboard pattern.
All panels, except for panel 1, have a caption at the top of the panel.
PANEL 1
Most of this panel is taken up by large, friendly lettering for the title of this strip: “THE FIVE KINDS OF REPUBLICAN.”
At the bottom of the panel is a small self-portrait of me, Barry, with my arms crossed and looking at the reader with what I hope is sort of a “sheesh!” expression. Barry is fat, has dark hair in a ponytail, and is wearing a solid black tee.
BARRY: White, white, white, white and white.
PANEL 2
A blonde woman yells at her laptop screen, appalled and panicked. She’s wearing a dark red tee and has a coffee cup next to her on the table.
CAPTION: 1. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.
WOMAN: A million Americans have been killed by chips in vaccinations! The lamestream media’s covering it up!
PANEL 3
A man with his brown hair parted in the middle is walking a dog on a leash through a hilly area, with a tree in the background. He’s wearing a collared yellow button-up shirt and blue jeans. He’s smiling big and pointing to something on his smartphone. The dog is looking up at him with a “oh not this again” expression.
CAPTION: 2. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.
MAN: It says here that Portland is a burned out shell of a city!
PANEL 4
A redheaded man, with a large mustache and large glasses, is leaning out of a window and holding up a smartphone. He has an elaborate sleeve tattoo covering his entire left arm, which was super fun for me to draw and which probably no one is able to see because the drawing is small. (Things on the tattoo include a smiling sun, a bird, a big eye, flowers, a compass, and woman’s face in profile, and a big diamond.) He looks angry.
CAPTION: 3. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.
MAN: The Dumbocrats are bussing in ten thousand Mexicans to illegally vote!
PANEL 5
An older man, wearing a thick vest over a yellow sweater, looks out at the reader with a concerned expression. He’s holding a tablet to his chest. He’s standing behind a fence; a bunch of tall, dark red flowers are in front of the fence.
CAPTION: 4. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.
MAN: Liberals made up “global warming” because George Soros secretly owns the solar panel companies!
PANEL 6
A hand (which looks like it belongs to someone Black) is holding a smartphone. On the smartphone, a slick-looking blonde man with carefully styled hair and a huge grin is staring out at his viewers. He’s wearing a suit and tie, and holding up a big orange bottle, like the kind some pharmacies put pills in.
CAPTION: 5. Liars.
MAN: …and that’s why Trump is secretly still president!
MAN: And have you tried my cancer-blasting vitamins? Only $34.99 a bottle for the next five minutes!
