Civil Assert Forfeiture
July 10th, 2022 Barry Posted in Kevin Moore collaborations | No Comments »
The subject no one was asking for a cartoon about! And the cartoon, by me and Kevin Moore!
If you like these cartoons, then statistically you’re probably a mobile home designer from Akron whose name starts with a “C.” And you should support the patreon!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This comic strip has four panels. The first three panels show some sort of historic scene, probably in the old west? There are bandits with guns, and a horse-drawn stagecoach, and cowboy hats, so yeah. Kevin probably did a lot of visual research, but me, I just took extreme liberties with history in order to make the gag work. 🙂
Anyhow…
PANEL 1
There are four people in this panel. Two of them are bandits, one holding a gun, the other holding a big knife (or maybe a short sword). Both of them are wearing brown leather boots, vests, and what I think of as cowboy hats. One of them has a big curly mustache.
They are pointing their weapons at a man and a woman. The woman is wearing an anikle-length blue dress with a double row of buttons on the front. The man, who has a huge thick mustache, is wearing a three-piece purple suit and a bowler hat. They have their backs to a horse-drawn stagecoach, and both of them are holding up their hands in the “I surrender, please don’t hurt me” gesture.
BANDIT WITH BIG MUSTACHE: It’s called “highway robbery.” Now give us all your money!
PANEL 2
A shot of the couple who were robbed in panel 1. They are now sitting on the ground, with their backs to a tree. They are in fact tied to the tree, with a long piece of rope wrapped around them and the tree many times. The woman looks distressed, the man just looks sad.
WOMAN: Waylaid! Robbed! How could this happen?
MAN: It’s because our society isn’t advanced enough. But someday, the government will hire thousands of heroes to protect us.
PANEL 3
The “camera” zooms in to a closer shot of them. Although they are still tied to the tree, they now look happy as they gaze into space, thinking of how beautiful the future will be.
MAN: These guardians will be men of the highest character, dedicated to helping ordinary citizens! It’ll be wonderful!
PANEL 4
We have changed time periods, and are now in a modern city.
CAPTION: Centuries later
Despite being centuries later, panel 4 is laid out to be extremely similar to panel 1 – two men are threatening a male and female couple, pointing guns at them. Behind the couple is their car, a red minivan. (I think that’s what it is, I’m terrible at cars). The couple (who look very similar to the couple from panels 1-3, except that they’re in modern clothing) have their hands raised above their heads, the “I surrender” gesture.
The big difference is that the two men threatening the couple are wearing police uniforms.
COP: It’s called “civil forfeiture.” Now give us all your money!
