The Cities Are Full Of, uh, “Crime”

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

PANEL 1

A white man wearing a baseball cap looks around nervously as he walks on a city sidewalk. Behind him, we can see storefronts and pedestrians. All the people are brown-skinned, enjoying their day, including an adorable family with a toddler riding on her mom’s shoulders.

PANEL 2

A residential city neighborhood. The same white man presses against a wall, trying not to be seen, as he watches a little girl playing hopscotch, while another girl sits on a stoop reading a book. Nearby, a middle-aged woman waters some potted plants on a low wall. Again, the white guy is the only white person in the panel.

PANEL 3

The white guy peers out from behind a tree at a piragua cart, where the piragua vender is smiling as he talks to a customer. In the background, we see a man walking a three-legged pitbull, and a couple of people playing basketball. Again, everyone but the white guy is a person of color.

PANEL 4

We see the white guy in a professional-looking podcast studio, clenching a fist and talking intently into the microphone.

WHITE GUY: I’ve been to the city, and it was full of, uh, crime.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is bygone cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant details snuck into the art.

PANEL 2 – The woman’s bathrobe and turban in p2 are modeled after one of Barbara Howard’s outfits in the season two finale of the TV show Abbott Elementary.

PANEL 3 -A tree by the piragua cart has #avanine carved into the trunk. Avanine is a portmanteau of Ava and Janine, used by the small but enthusiastic number of Abbott Elementary fans who think that the plucky teacher and chaotic principal should date. The piragua guy looks like Lin Manuel Miranda as “Piragua Guy” in the movie version of In The Heights.

PANEL 4 – A poster on the wall shows an extremely muscular shirtless Donald Trump in a royal crown and wrestling belt, carrying a scepter with a carved American eagle head on top. Another poster shows a cartoon narwhal saying “If EDUCATION Makes People SMART, Why Are Most Educated People LIBERAL?” And a paper taped to the wall says “SCHEDULE. 10am: Anger. 11am: Pissed. Noon: Fury. 1pm: Lunch. 2pm: Wrath.”

The Cities Are Full Of, uh, “Crime” | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Racism & Racists |

Trust Us, We’re Doctors

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each panel has a large caption at top, indicating the date.

PANEL 1 – 1850

Three people in 1850s clothing, two women and a man with a fantastic mustache, sit at a table. A tray in front of them is piled high with wafers.

MAN: Dr Simm’s Arsenic Wafers will safely make you slender and beautiful! Trust me, I’m a doctor!

PANEL 2 – 1912

A doctor in a white lab coat talks to us. He stands with his arm around a gigantic tapeworm, which is about as tall as he is.

DOCTOR: You just swallow tapeworm eggs. These sweet creatures are nature’s path to slimness!

TAPEWORM: What could go wrong?

PANEL 3 – 1928

A man in a tux lights a cigarette for a glamourous woman in a flapper-style dress.

MAN: Light a Lucky Strike and you’ll never miss sweets that make you fat!

PANEL 4 – 1975

A doctor in a white lab coat grins at us as he holds up a pill bottle. Behind him, a beautiful woman sleeps on a bed.

DOCTOR: Sedatives! Sleep twenty hours a day and you won’t be eating! Nothing could be healthier!

PANEL 5 – 1996

A man talks to us while holding up a Time Magazine cover. The cover shows the body of a slim woman in a bathing suit, with the caption “Hot New Diet Pill.”

MAN: It’s called Fen-Phen! What a fun name, right? You’ll lose weight and it definitely probably maybe won’t cause heart attacks!

PANEL 6- TODAY

A doctor holds up a syringe, as he talks to us with a grin.

DOCTOR: Just inject once weekly for the rest of your life and you’ll stop wanting to eat. Totally safe! Trust us, we’re doctors!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ terminology for unimportant but fun details slipped into the art.

PANEL 1: One of the women has died.

PANEL 2: A box on a little table is labeled “WYRM” and has an illustration of a tapeworm framed by laurel branches.

PANEL 3: There are six ashtrays, overflowing with cigarette butts, on a table in the foreground. The entire panel is laid out to resemble a 1920s magazine ad.

PANEL 4: The sleeping woman is dressed like a flower child, and her hair is drawn with spirals, which illustrators did a lot in the 1970s. Outside a window, we can see Merryweather and Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty enjoying eating cake; Maleficent is feeding a bit to her pet raven Diablo.

PANEL 6: The doctor’s necktie has a pattern of cartoon tapeworms.

Trust Us, We’re Doctors | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance, Health care, History |

They Will Never Be Shown

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels. All feature the same woman, a fat woman with neck-length blonde hair.

PANEL 1

A fat woman has just exited a grocery store carrying a bag of groceries. A thin couple, walking out behind her, looks at her scornfully. The fat woman doesn’t turn to face them, but we can see in her expression that she’s overhearing their conversation.

THIN MAN: Oh my god, just look at her! Does she ever exercise?

THIN WOMAN: She must have zero willpower.

FAT WOMAN (thought): I’ll show them!

PANEL 2

The fat woman is seated in a diner, looking at a little book entitled “My Daily Food Journal.” In the foreground we can see a juicy burger and a slice of chocolate cream pie, both delicious looking. A waitress is taking the fat woman’s order.

CAPTION: NEXT…

FAT WOMAN: Could I get a half cup of oatmeal instead of a full cup? No butter.

PANEL 3

The fat woman, cross-eyed with exhaustion, is in a gym, using a stationary bicycle.

CAPTION: She does this for an entire year

FAT WOMAN: Puff… puff…

PANEL 4

The fat woman, wrapped in a towel in a locker room, is standing on a scale and looking very pleased.

CAPTION: Until at last…

FAT WOMAN (thought): Wow! I’ve lost thirty pounds! “Zero willpower.” I’ve certainly shown them!

PANEL 5

The fat woman is walking out of the grocery store and the same couple walks out behind her. The fat woman facepalms.

CAPTION: VINDICATION!

THIN MAN: Oh my god, just look at her! Does she ever exercise?

THIN WOMAN: She must have zero willpower.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Panel 1: The posters in the supermarket window say “seasonal meat” and (with a picture of an apple) “Doctors HATE this one weird trick.” The beer the thin guy is carrying is named “bière.”

Panel 2: The posters in the background are all about how great the food at this diner is. A first-place ribbon is framed next to an article with the headline “Local Restaurant Named Best In US” and a photo of an adorable chef captioned “Proud Chef Grandpa.”

Panel 3: The brand on the bike is “Belleville,” a reference to the movie The Triplets of Belleville.

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance |

MALES do that!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins, with an assist from Naomi Rubin, who suggested the kicker panel.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels (plus a fifth “kicker” panel), all of them showing two women talking on a city street corner. The first woman has reddish-brown hair in a pixie cut, and is wearing a green shirt with blue capris. The second woman has dark hair in a bob cut, and is wearing a blue leather crop jacket over a maroon dress and combat boots.

PANEL 1

Capris points accusingly at Jacket. Jacket, annoyed, gives Capris the finger.

CAPRIS: You’re a male! All you trans women are male!

JACKET: You know what? Screw you.

PANEL 2

JACKET: Let’s be logical. Everyone gets angry sometimes.

CAPRIS: Taking refuge in “logic!” Implying that because i’m a woman I’m being irrational! That’s so male!

PANEL 3

Jacket crosses her arms and looks away, clearly annoyed. Capris is gloating.

CAPRIS: Look, now you’re sulking! Just like males do!

PANEL 4

Jacket has walked away. Capris jumps up and down, yelling at Jacket’s back.

CAPRIS: Walking away! Males do that! Wearing clothes! Breathing! Male male MALE!

KICKER PANEL BELOW BOTTOM OF THE COMIC

Jacket makes finger-quotes while Capris, looking very smug, shrugs.

JACKET: What about you? Isn’t that a “man’s haircut”?

CAPRIS: When I do it, it’s disrupting the patriarchy.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

In the background is a store with a window display, slowly revealed as the comic progresses. From right to left: Close-ups of enormous fruit (berries, a banana, a kiwi) sitting or floating over a bed of ice, with water and juice splashing dynamically upwards.

A closely-cropped image of a woman’s face, so we just see one eye and the corner of her mouth. One hand is on her cheek. Her lips and nails are icy pink. The transom above the door has an exotic flower decal.

On the front door, in an artsy font treatment, it says: “Are we a smoothie shoppe? A NAIL salon? A DISPENSARY? YOU DON’T KNOW!”

MALES Do That! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins. (The final panel, which I love, was all Becky’s idea.)

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eleven panels. The central panel says, in large friendly letters, “Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars.”

Panel 1

An angry woman gestures at a computer screen.

Woman: “Emissions” were made up by China to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive!

Panel 2

A cheerful man wearing a big, sparkling watch smiles as he explains.

Man: How else will strangers know I’ve got money to burn?

Panel 3

A woman lies on a sofa as if she’s getting therapy.

Woman on couch: My big car gives me a sense of security, power, and control, which I know is pathetic, which makes me feel weak, which makes me want an even bigger car.

Panel 4

A person is looking a bit up into space, crying with joy.

Person: Someday someone will ask me to move a piano and on that day I will be ready! It’s coming! Any day now…

Panel 5

Man smiling wryly: Because shooting bikers and pedestrians is illegal. … For now.

Panel 6

This is the center panel, and is dominated by the title: Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars.

Below that, a small girl flees in terror from a huge SUV.

SUV Driver: The higher the car, the closer to Heaven!

Panel 7

A man wearing a red baseball cap backwards pumps his fist in the air.

Man: If we don’t burn as many fossil fuels as fast as possible the woke DEI liberals win! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Panel 8

A cheerful guitarist on stage speaks to the audience.

Guitarist: If Jesus had a big truck the Romans would never have caught him!

Panel 9

A thin man is smiling and saluting at us. A U.S. flag, but with a swole arm instead of stars, is being projected onto him.

Man: It makes me a real man and a real American.

Panel 10

A woman in a business suit looks at us derisively.

Woman: A compact? What am I, five?

Panel 11

A harried looking woman driving seven women in an SUV.

Woman: Gotta keep my kids safe from all the giant cars people drive!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a neglected cartoonists’ term for fun little details the cartoonist puts into the art.

Panel 1: A sticking-tongue-out emoji is on the coffee cup.

Panel 2: The man’s t-shirt says “Thorsteid Veblen was RIGHT.”

Panel 4: The person’s shirt says “I ❤️ Band.” They’ve got a full tattoo sleeve, showing a lighthouse, a bear, a sneaker, a bat, and piano keys. Becky explains:

I started with piano keys because this person wants to move a piano, so they probably like music (hence the I ❤️ band shirt). The other tattoos are a product of free association. I don’t have any tattoos, but I’d hypothetically get a Pittsburgh skyline on one calf and a Portland skyline on the other, since they’re both bridges-on-a-river cities that are important to me. My initial attempts to draw a legible skyline on a small cartoon character’s arm while on a deadline were unsuccessful. I tried drawing a bridge, but soon decided a lighthouse would be easier and just as effective. Bears are fun and great, so I drew a baby bear. Apparently bear bodies are easier to draw than bear faces, so after a few tries, I placed the tattoo where the face would be out of sight. I had a coworker who was known for wearing Converse All Stars, so much so that on his 60th birthday, the hostess gave away little sneaker keychains as party favors. A former housemate of mine had a vampire teeth tattoo, but I think I’ve drawn someone with that on a different cartoon, so I drew a bat instead.

Panel 5: Although the girl is getting away from the SUV, she’s lost a flip-flop, which is flying into the SUV’s grill.

Panel 11: So much detail here! This is one of those SUVs with three rows of seats. In the back-back, a toddler drawing hashmarks on the window with a red marker. A girl is shouting to be heard by another girl, who has headphones on.

In the middle row, a baby is playing with its foot, as babies do. Another girl with headphones is staring at an iPad. And a boy in the middle is shouting for the boy in the front passenger seat to pass him a bag of snacks, which the boy is doing.

Top Ten Reasons Americans Want Enormous Cars | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Environmental cartoons |

The Myth of Plastic Recycling

Cartoon by Barry

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. There’s also a tiny “kicker” panel under the strip.

PANEL 1

A researcher wearing a white lab coat and carrying a thick bound report walks into an executive’s office. The executive is sitting with his feet on a big desk.

RESEARCHER: Here’s my report on plastic recycling… I’m afraid it’s bad news. Recycling plastic just won’t work.

PANEL 2

A close up of the researcher, who looks very nervous.

RESEARCHER: Recycling plastic costs so much that recycled plastic will never compete with new plastic. The only thing it might do is deceive the public into thinking there’s no problem.

PANEL 3

The executive is now holding the report. Behind the researcher, two toughs are creeping up, one raising a bludgeoning tool up to hit the researcher, the other holding out a sack big enough to hide a body.

RESEARCHER: To avoid an ecological crisis, we have to stop making so much plastic.

EXECUTIVE: I see. By the way, is this the only copy of the report?

RESEARCHER: Yes, why?

PANEL 4

CAPTION: And so, for the next fifty years…

A spokesmodel woman stands in front of cameras, next to a table overflowing with plastic products.

SPOKESMODEL: Use all the plastic you want! We’ll recycle!

TINY KICKER PANEL

The spokesmodel yells at Barry.

SPOKESMODEL: Use somewhat less plastic? You want us to live like cavemen?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ jargon for unimportant but fun details.

PANEL 1 – A framed graph on the wall seems to show profits moving up. The caption under the graph says “Sales of profit/loss charts up 47%”

PANEL 2 – One of the pens in the researcher’s breast pocket is actually a little test tube containing bubbling green liquid.

PANEL 4 – The backdrop says “Plastic: It’s what’s for dinner.” A little toy plastic car is being driven by a plastic kitten and unicorn. A label of a large bottle says “5 GAL background details.”

The Myth of Plastic Recycling | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Environmental cartoons |

Taking Away His Incentive To Work

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

Two well-dressed women and a panhandler wearing a blue knit hat are on a sidewalk; the panhandler is sitting on a piece of cardboard, with a cardboard sign saying “please give,” and his dog napping next to him. One of the women is handing him a dollar.

WOMAN 1: If you give him money, he won’t have any incentive to find a job.

WOMAN 2: It’s only a dollar.

PANHANDLER: Thank you.

PANEL 2

The panhandler, tossing his “please give” sign aside, grins hugely as he stares at the dollar.

PANHANDLER: Hee hee

PANEL 3

Still grinning and staring at the dollar bill, the panhandler walks past a little grocery. Someone in the shop doorway points to him and calls out.

SHOP OWNER: Hey, you — want a job?

PANHANDLER: Hee hee hah!

PANEL 4

The panhandler and his dog are enjoying the waters of some island paradise, floating on inflatable rings. He’s now wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses, although he’s still wearing his blue knit hat. A little floating table next to him has a drink with a tiny umbrella in it.

He’s still holding the dollar bill, which he’s gazing out with satisfaction.

PANHANDLER: Aaaah…

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obscure cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant but funny details.

In panel 3, one of the posters in the grocery window shows a canned drink with a skull on the label.

In panel 4, there’s a rubby ducky wearing sunglasses floating in the water next to them. The dog is wearing a new diamond-studded dog collar. There’s a little table floating next to the dog with a dog bone in it.

Taking Away His Incentive To Work | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Economic cartoons |

Our Highest Priority

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels are set in a fancy-looking government office. There are two characters, a scientist (we can tell she’s a scientist because she’s wearing a white lab coat) and Uncle Sam.

PANEL 1

The scientist is holding a clipboard and explaining something to Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam reacts dramatically, raising a finger into the air and looking determined.

SCIENTIST: Over three hundred child pedestrians were killed in accidents last year, and thousands more injured.

SAM: That’s awful! Keeping kids safe is our highest priority! What can we do?

PANEL 2

SCIENTIST: The best first step is to slow traffic down! Speed bumps, traffic circles, lower speed limits, traffic cameras… Slower cars save lives.

SAM: Hmm… Uh huh.

PANEL 3

The scientist pulls down a big display, which shows a childish drawing of an SUV hitting four stickfigure children. The stickfigure children go flying, and have “X”s for eyes. Sam looks fearful.

SCIENTIST: And we should do something about oversized SUVs and trucks with high blunt noses. People think they’re safer, but when they hit kids they’re deadly.

SAM: So we need to regulate them?

PANEL 4

Uncle Sam backs away, fake grinning and holding up his palms in a “stop” gesture.

SCIENTIST: No, we need to ban them.

SAM: Hey, aren’t we catastrophizing? People can always make new kids, right?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonist terminology for unimportant details cartoonists sneak in.

The front of the desk has the Great Seal of the United States attached to it, with an image of a bald eagle holding a bundle of arrows and an olive branch in its talons. But in panel two it’s holding a lit stick of dynamite and an open beer can. And in panel four it’s holding a rifle and a smartphone.

On the shelves behind the desk is a bust. In panel one, it’s a bust of George Washington labeled “GW.” In panel two, it’s a bust of Linn Manual Miranda, labeled “LMM.” And in panel four, it’s a bust of E.T., labeled “ET.”

Our Highest Priority | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations |

Compromising the Centrist Way

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. They all show a little seating area in a food cart pod (basically an outdoor food court), where two people – a man in a blue sweater and a van dyke beard, and a woman in a green cardigan and a red skirt – are talking as they enjoy their drinks.

PANEL 1

BLUE: As a centrist, I think we need compromise on climate change. The left can’t fix it by itself!

PANEL 2

BLUE: The left needs to be less didactic and more open-minded and willing to make compromises.

GREEN: And what compromises should the right make?

PANEL 3

Blue makes “air quotes” with his fingers, while Green leans forward, hand rubbing her chin.

BLUE: For instance, the left should stop saying we need to pay attention to “social justice” when we design climate policies.

GREEN: And what compromises should the right make?

PANEL 4

Blue smiles, pleased with his conclusion. Green stands up and yells, her arms in the air.

BLUE: And the left needs to accept less regulation. And stop all the alarmism.

GREEN (angry): And what compromises should the right make?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

The chicken fat here is in the “Holy Crepe” special of the day board on one of the food carts in the background. In panel one, it says “Today’s Special: American’s Apricot Talent.” In panel two, it says “Today’s Special: Nutella Mockingbird.” In panel three, it says “Today’s Special: Between a Guac and a Chard Place.” And in panel four, it says “Today’s Special: A Cream Deferred (vegan).”

Compromising the Centrist Way | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Environmental cartoons |

Personal Vehicle Arms Race

Cartoon by Barry

This comic was drawn by my most frequent collaborator, Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows two characters walking together on city sidewalks, with parked cars and traffic visible in every panel. The main character, a blonde man with neat hair, a blue polo shirt, and peach shorts, is the speaker. His friend is a brown-haired woman wearing a pink sleeveless shirt and leggings. Both carry ice cream cones.

PANEL 1

The man points to a sleek little blue car parked nearby.

MAN: I used to drive a small car like that, but my husband Bill wanted me in something big to be safe from other drivers.

PANEL 2

The man clasps his hands excitedly as he thinks of a mini-truck, stars in his eyes. The background is his thought bubble, and in the bubble is an image of him driving in a cute green mini-truck. Captions surrounding the mini-truck say “less expensive” and “better gas mileage” and “easy to park.”

MAN: Then I wanted a Japanese mini-truck. But Bill said U.S. laws make it almost impossible to import a new one.

PANEL 3

The two pedestrians pause at a street corner as they chat. At the same intersection, a red SUV runs a stop sign, and a smaller SUV is cut off and has to suddenly brake.

MAN: Anyway, Bill said I need something really big! Roads nowadays are dog eat dog! To be safe I’ve gotta be the biggest dog!

PANEL 4

The two pedestrians have come to a stop. The man is smiling and waves hi at the driver of a truck which has parked there. The friend, looking up at the truck, is so startled she drops her ice cream.

The truck is enormous – probably three times the height of an adult man, and straddling at least three parking spaces. Even the headlights are above the man’s head.

In the driver’s seat, Bill, a happy looking guy with an orange beard, waves back.

MAN: And here’s Bill now!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is an old cartoonists’ expression for unimportant details that might amuse.

In panel one, a car has a license plate which says “TINY print.”

In panel two, the stuff piled in the back of the mini-truck include a dressmaker’s dummy and a rubber ducky.

In panel four, a big truck says “Stronk Boys Moving Co” on the side.

In panel three, a car has a license plate that says “DONT read me.” And the FURIOUS expression of the driver whose car was cut off is priceless.

Personal Vehicle Arms Race | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations |

They Walk Among Us

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all of the same scene: Two women are waiting at a bus stop, talking. One woman, who I’ll call, oh, I dunno, I’ll just randomly say CHAYA, is wearing a modest purple dress and has long brown hair. The other woman, who I’ll call HAIRCLIP, is wearing a yellow front-button shirt and blue tights. And she has a hair clip. 🙂

PANEL 1

Both women are seated on the bus stop bench. Chaya is holding her smartphone in front of Hairclip’s face; Hairclip is leaning away, taken by surprise.

CHAYA: Look at this! It’s a picture of a greeter at a children’s museum!

HAIRCLIP: Um… so?

PANEL 2

Chaya has stood and is pushing the smartphone at Hairclip, who has raised a hand to push the smartphone away. Chaya is yelling a bit.

CHAYA: Well, I think this person looks trans! Isn’t that awful? Doesn’t it make you feel panic and rage?

PANEL 3

Hairclip has stood and is chewing out Chaya, who sits back down.

HAIRCLIP: No, of course not! It’s just someone doing their job! What’s wrong with you?

PANEL 4

Hairclip stomps off angrily. Behind her, Chaya looks happy, even serene, as she looks at her smartphone screen.

HAIRCLIP (thought): Jerk! Good thing no one would listen to a clown like that.

A large arrow-shaped caption points at Chaya. The caption says “3.5 million followers.”

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obsolete cartoonists’ term for amusing but unnecessary details the cartoonist puts into the cartoon.

In this cartoon, there’s an ad on the public bench they’re sitting on. No single panel shows the whole bench, but if you look at all of them you can determine that the ad says “#1 New York Times Bestseller I HAVE BEEN SILENCED!, with an image of the guy from this cartoon.

The bus stop sign has an image of a rocket ship instead of a bus.

In panel 4, a newspaper is lying on the ground. The newspaper is called “Background Post.” The headline says “TRAGIC!,” and the subhead says “Artist fails to leave enuf room for text, nation mourns.”

They Walk Among Us | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

Why We Say “As A Jew”

Cartoon by Barry

This comic was drawn by Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same two women having an argument on a grassy area of a college campus (we can see a definitely collegiate brick building in the background). Both of them look like college students.

The student on the left has wavy green hair and is wearing a dark tank top with ripped armholes and collar and a drawing of a possum skull on the front. She has a septum piercing and is wearing leather boots.

The student on the right has wavy brunette hair and is rather nattily dressed in a blue sweater vest over a pink front-button shirt, rectangular glasses, and heeled boots.

Let’s call these two GREENIE and GLASSES.

PANEL 1

Greenie talks to Glasses with an earnest expression; Glasses has turned away from Greenie with her arms crossed, and looks annoyed.

GREENIE: I am Jewish, and as a Jew, I think what Israel’s doing is horr-

GLASSES: “As a Jew.” Hah! You know why anti-Israel Jews always say they’re speaking “as a Jew”?

PANEL 2

Greenie spreads her arm in an “explainy” sort of way, but it cut off by Glasses, who turns to face her, with an angry expression and pointing a finger accusingly at Greenie.

GREENIE: Because-

GLASSES: You say it because you want to tokenize yourself! You use being Jewish as a way to slander your people.

PANEL 3

A shot from Greenie’s POV, showing Glasses leaning forward, a furious expression on her face, pointing straight at the viewer like Uncle Sam in the “wants you” poster.

GLASSES: You “AsAJew” types are cosplay Jews! You’re modern day kapos giving comfort to the enemy! You’re the Jew who turns in other Jews to the Nazis because you hope you’ll be spared! And that’s why you said “as a Jew!”

PANEL 4

A large caption at the top of the panel says “A MINUTE EARLIER.”

Greenie is looking annoyed, arms akimbo, as she listens to Glasses, who is declaiming with one pointer finger held high in the air.

GLASSES: You wouldn’t say that if you were Jewish!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

In panel one, on a tree in the background, a squirrel with a tiny blue backpack is crouched on a branch. In panel two, the squirrel has launched itself into the air, and the backpack has unfurled a blue parachute. In panel four – which takes place before panel one – we see the squirrel back in the tree, poking its head out of a hole.

There’s a newspaper lying on the ground near Glasses’ feet. The name of the newspaper is “Background Daily.” In panel one, the front page says “This repeats three times in this comic. No need to read the other ones!” In panel two, it says “seriously you can stop reading this.” And in panel four, it says “This headline takes place before panel one.”

Why We Say “As A Jew” | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Imperialism & War |

A Concise History of Keeping The Immigrants Out

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins.

Click here to read Becky’s post about drawing this cartoon, and to see some of the reference photos she used!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different scene in a different era.

PANEL 1

CAPTION AT TOP OF PANEL: 1871

Two wealthy-looking white Victorian men, middle aged and elderly aged, are sitting in armchairs in front of a fireplace in what looks like an expensive men’s club. One holds a glass of liquor, the other a cigar, as they talk to each other. In the background is a server with red hair, holding a tray with a bottle and glasses on it, and looking annoyed.

RICH GUY 1: We can’t let just anybody immigrate! The Irish are lazy and stupid!

RICH GUY 2: Better Irish than Chinese. I say keep ’em all out!

PANEL 2

CAPTION AT TOP OF PANEL: 1939

Two white women walk along the boardwalk. One woman is wearing a floppy hat, pearls, and a light purple dress, and is carrying a green umbrella to shield herself from the sun. The other woman is wearing a green sash and turban over a tan pantsuit. The second woman is pointing out to the ocean, where we can see a large ship which might be the MS St Louis.

SASH WOMAN: Even if Nazis are killing Jews – and we all know Jews lie – why is that our problem? We can’t afford thousands of Jews leeching off the rest of us!

PANEL 3

CAPTION AT TOP OF PANEL: TODAY

Two white women are walking through a park. One is wearing a broad hat, shorts, and carrying a backpack; the other is wearing a pink visor, and carrying a water bottle. In the background, a brown-skinned man carrying gardening shears watches them, not looking visibly annoyed but definitely aware of what they’re saying.

BACKPACK WOMAN: Central American “refugees” don’t want to work – they come here to live off welfare and crime!

PANEL 4

CAPTION AT TOP OF PANEL: 2146

Two people with ambiguous gender are standing. They’re wearing some sort of hover shoes, so they’re actually floating about a foot above the ground, with a yellow haze shooting out the bottom of their shoes. One is wearing a blue onesie with a wide futuristic looking yellow collar, along with a yellow hat and a fanny pack in front; the other is wearing a shawl over a crop top with lace trim, and a long green cargo skirt. The woman with the shawl is rudely pointing at a few obvious aliens (with tentacles instead of legs, gray skin, and huge black eyes) who are just a couple of feet away. One alien holds a map, which both of them are looking at, while the other is holding an alien baby.

LACE TOP WOMAN: Immigrants in the old days became good Americans. But these so-called “refugees” are lazy criminals! I say keep ’em out!

A Concise History of Keeping The Immigrants Out | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Racism & Racists, Social Justice |

Door to Door Policy Salesman

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the same scene and the same two characters. We are outside a middle-class looking house, looking at the front door. The door is open, and a 1950s-housewife-looking woman, with a bouffant hairdo and a green dress, is standing in the doorway. She’s talking to a man in a gray suit, with a matching fedora, carrying a brown suitcase.

We’ll call these two characters “Housewife” and “Salesman.”

In addition to the four panels, there’s a tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

The salesman stands talking to the housewife, one hand outspread in a friendly fashion. The housewife looks nervous and has a hand resting on her chest in an “oh my” gesture.

SALESMAN Good morning, ma’am. I’m a door to door domestic policy salesman, and–

HOUSEWIFE: I’m sorry, we just can’t afford anything.

PANEL 2

The salesman, smiling in a friendly way, is holding his case out and open to display his wares. The housewife turns her head away, holding up one palm in a “no no no” gesture.

SALESMAN: But I’ve got universal health care. Very popular – lots of nations have it.

HOUSEWIFE: No no. We could never afford anything like that.

PANEL 3

Warming to his own sales pitch, the salesman is jubilantly holding a bunch of pamphlets, raising some of them towards the sky. The housewife looks very flustered.

SALESMAN: I’ve got policies for your kids that’ll save you money in the long run. Universal pre-K, lead removal…

HOUSEWIFE: Oh, gosh no. We couldn’t afford anything like that.

PANEL 4

The salesman, looking disappointed, has turned away and is looking at his pamphlets to see what else he can offer. Behind him, the housewife is smiling big with an excited expression, and holding two huge bags of money (we know it’s money because the bags are labeled ” $ “) to offer the salesman.

SALESMAN: Hmm… I’ve also got a big increase in policing and prisons. But it’s expen-”

HOUSEWIFE (very large font): WE’LL TAKER IT!

TINY “KICKER” PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

A similar but different salesman (gray hair, brown fedora) is speaking to the same housewife, as he raises his hat in greeting. The housewife is eager, and her eye is drawn as a heart.

SALESMAN: Good morning, ma’am. I’m a door to door war salesman.

HOUSEWIFE: Just give me a sec to mortgage my house.

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an obscure and outdated cartoonist expression for meaningless but hopefully entertaining details in a cartoon. This cartoon has two pieces of chicken fat:

Panel 1: A balding man is peering over a fence in the background.

Panel 3: On the lawn in the background, a rat, wearing pink cats-eye sunglasses, is sunbathing lying on a rat-sized outdoor chaise lounge.

Door to Door Policy Salesman | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Economic cartoons, Health care, Right-wingers |

New Solutions to the Trolley Car Problem!

Cartoon by Barry

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Celestial Politics of Trans Bans

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels.

PANEL 1

A reporter is pushing their microphone right in front of the Governor’s face. The Governor is wearing a suit jacket over a turtleneck with a necklace on top of the shirt, and has obviously professionally done hair. She looks a little uncertain.

REPORTER: Governor, what’s your position on the gender affirming care ban?

GOVERNOR: The bill blocking doctors from treating trans kids? Um…

PANEL 2

A close-up on the governor’s face. Next to the governor, floating in the air, a little angel has appeared with a “POOF!” sound effect and a little white cloud. The governor is looking at the shoulder angel out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: This is an awful bill!

PANEL 3

A close shot of the shoulder angel let’s us see her outfit clearly. She has light purple hair combed to one side, and her head is buzzcut on the other side. She’s wearing a white leather jacket with metal studs and a zipper on the sleeve, a white skirt, fishnets, and white boots. She’s also got little white wings and a halo floating over her head.

She has her hands fisted and looks a little angry.

ANGEL: This bill is pandering to bigots! It’s giving in to a moral panic! And it’ll do so much harm to trans kids!

PANEL 4

A longer shot, allowing us to see the shoulder angel, the Governor, and – appearing on the opposite side of the Governor from the angel in a “POOF!” and a considerably darker cloud – a shoulder devil. The devil is a woman in a red two-piece suit over a yellow v-neck blouse, and heels to match the blouse. She has two horns, bat-like wings, and is carrying a trident.

The Governor looks thoughtful, hand on her chin, one eyebrow lifted, looking at the shoulder devil out of the corners of her eyes.

ANGEL: All to solve a problem that doesn’t even exist!

DEVIL: Ahem

PANEL 5

The shoulder devil, raising her arms as if cheerleading, speaks to the Governor, who is now looking more directly at the devil. The angel’s eyes widen in dismay.

DEVIL: Fearmongering wins elections.

PANEL 6

Looking more confident, the Governor is now speaking into the microphone.  Her text is smaller sized and has no word balloon, indicating that it’s sort of a background detail. The angel has her arms crossed and is sitting (in mid air) with her legs crossed, looking at the Governor with annoyance.  The devil is holding her pitchfork above her head in both hands and practically dancing, a huge and evil grin, victorious.

GOVERNOR: …protect children from perverts blah blah blah…

ANGEL: Well, this sucks.

DEVIL: This is great! Next let’s do a law forcing teachers to out trans students!

Celestial Politics of Trans Bans | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |

HOMOPHOBIC WOKE PARENTS ARE TURNING GAY KIDS TRANS!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel depicts a TV talk show, called “The JAQ Off.”  There are a couple of plants (with “The JAQ Off” written on their pots), and between them a desk with “Just Asking Questions” painted in large letters on the front. We can see big TV lights pointing at the desk.

Two women are seated behind the desk. On the left is the host of the show, who has short, nicely styled brown hair, and is wearing a suit jacket over a green blouse. On the right is the guest, an older woman with long white hair wearing a blue turtleneck. We’ll call them HOST and DEEMS.

PANEL 1

The Host is smiling and speaking to the camera as she gestures at her guest. Deems is speaking and holding her palms up as if denying an accusation.

HOST: Our guest is Doctor Debbie Deems of the prestigious American Medical Association! She’s here to talk about protecting gay teens.

DEEMS: Technically, we’re the American Medical Approximation. It’s a common mix-up we’re certainly not trying to encourage.

PANEL 2

The host takes a sip of her water while she makes a shrug with her other arm. The guest lifts herself up from her seat a little, her expression conveying urgency.

HOST: Tomayto tomahto. What’s the main danger gay teens face?

DEEMS: The big danger is they’re being force to turn trans.

PANEL 3

A close-up on Deems as she makes a point to the camera, a forefinger upheld. She looks pretty frantic.

DEEMS: There’s an epidemic of homophobic woke parent who can’t stand their kids being gay so they turn their kids trans! This is definitely something that happens verifiably and for real!

PANEL 4

The host has put a hand over her mouth, looking concerned. Deems is calm and very composed all of a sudden.

HOST: That’s terrible! Do you have any examples you can tell us about?

DEEMS: No.

HOST: Well, I’m convinced!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is a cartoonist expression for little gags and details that the cartoonist put in that don’t actually matter, but are fun anyway.

In this strip, the “chicken fat” in in panel three, where there are a few chyron lines crawling across the bottom of the panel. (Chyrons are the text scrolling across the bottom of news networks).  Chyron line one just says “Coming Up.” Line two says “Expert: trans people peed on her cat, sofa” and line three says “Did Soros invent the trans activist movement? We imply yes!”

Homophobic Woke Parents Are Turning Gay Kids Trans! | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

Crackpots: Left vs Right

Cartoon by Barry

Did you spot all the little background details Becky Hawkins slipped in?

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is dominated by a large title, going horizontally across the image, which says “CRACKPOTS LEFT vs RIGHT.” The title lettering divides the cartoon in two, with two panels above the lettering, and two panels below it.

PANEL 1

A woman with green hair and an undercut is typing furiously on her phone. She’s wearing a black collar with spikes, has a pierced nose, and tattoos. Her face is radiating anger. A word balloon coming from the phone shows what she’s typing.

PHONE: 9/11 was CLEARLY an INSIDE job. Bin Laden WORKED for the CIA! Controlled demolition! Insider trading! HALIBURTON! #911truth #insidejob #wakeup

PANEL 2

The same woman turns to talk to someone who is off-panel, her face and demeanor now calm as she looks away from her phone. We can now see that she’s behind the counter in a coffee shop.

OFF-PANEL CUSTOMER: Excuse me, can I get my coffee refilled?

BARISTA: Coming right up!

PANEL 3

We are looking at a blonde woman in extreme close-up as she types on her phone. Her face is so angry she looks like she’s about to have an embolism. A word balloon coming from her phone shows us what she’s typing.

PHONE: 1/6 was a FALSE FLAG op jointly run by ANTIFA & the FBI to DISTRACT us from HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP!! #J6files #fakenews #wakeup

PANEL 4

The “camera” has pulled back and we can now see that the woman is wearing a conservative blue skirt-suit and matching high heels. She’s in an expensive looking office, leaning back in a large brown leather desk chair, and resting her feet on the desk. She’s talking to an off-panel assistant, and she’s now quite calm and maybe even a little bored.

OFF-CAMERA ASSISTANT: Pardon me, Congresswoman? Time for your FOX interview.

CONGRESSWOMAN: Coming!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” means easily-overlooked and meaningless details in a cartoon the cartoonists put in, which maybe you (and they) find amusing. In this cartoon, all of the chicken fat was made up by Becky (yay Becky!).

Panel 1: Her tattoos include a Mickey Mouse silhouette with blood spattered across it a la the Watchmen symbol, and a donut shaped like an infinity symbol, which today I learned is a thing.

Panel 2: A chalkboard on the wall in the background says “All Coffee Are Beautiful,” arranged so that if you read the first letters downwards, they spell “ACAB.” Another chalkboard says “Daily Special – Salted Caramel – Pumpkin Spice – White Tears.” The IPAD they use as a register has a “Cool S” symbol on its face. (Today I learned that no one actually knows the origin of that symbol.)

Panel 4: Behind the congresswoman is a variation on the American flag, with a bald eagle in profile in front of the stripes, and a white cross in place of the stars. On her desk is a take-out coffee container with the “don’t tread on me” snake on it, and a coffee mug with “Liberal Tears” written on it.

Crackpots: Left vs Right | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, Right-wingers |

In My Day, Young Women Never Dressed Like That

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

In My Day, Young Women Never Dressed Like That | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, History, Sexism & Misogyny |

Some Things Straight People Can Stop Saying

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Becky Hawkins and I.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid, with nine different brightly-colored backgrounds making a sort of patchwork effect. Each panel shows a single character talking directly to the reader.

Below the bottom of the cartoon is an additional tiny “kicker” panel.

PANEL 1

A smug-looking guy with a beard and curly hair is waving a miniature queer pride flag (specifically, the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag, which has a circle on top of a series of triangles on top of colored stripes) as he speaks.

GUY: Look at what a great ally I am! I totally get what you people go through!

PANEL 2

A blond guy with wide eyes is pointing back and forth at us (as if moving his pointing finger rapidly between two people), and is grinning past a hand held in front of his mouth.

BLOND: So who’s the man and who’s the woman?

PANEL 3

A large man with spikey brown hair and a chin-only beard is waving a hand, his other hand on his hip, as he speaks with a somewhat aggrieved expression.

MAN: When’s straight pride? Huh?

PANEL 4

A young woman with her brown hair in a high ponytail, and with a tattoo of a fairy (er, the magical creature) on her upper arm, sticks her tongue out and makes a disgusted expression.

WOMAN: That’s so gay.

PANEL 5

This is the center panel, and a bit over half of it is taken up by large, friendly lettering which says: SOME THINGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE CAN STOP SAYING

Below that, an older woman with gray hair and glasses looks a little bit confused.

WOMAN: But you don’t look gay.

PANEL 6

A young woman (or a teen) with blonde hair is talking to us with a big grin and pointing rapidly at three different off-panel people.

GIRL: Do you think he’s hot?

GIRL: How about him?

GIRL: How about him?

PANEL 7

A woman sporting carefully done hair, cascading down to below her shoulders, a made-up face, and large earrings, looks confused as she speaks to us.

WOMAN: Can you explain to me why lesbians don’t want to look good?

PANEL 8

A middle-aged man wearing a polo shirt grins lasciviously at us, one eyebrow raised, as he pulls at the side of his collar in a “wow it’s hot in here” gesture.

MAN: You’re a lesbian? Man, what a waste.

PANEL 9

A woman with an annoyed expression is holding two children – a baby in one arm, and a toddler in the other. The baby’s onesie has “Heartbreaker” printed on the front, and the toddler’s t-shirt says “Ladies Man.”

WOMAN: Why must you people flaunt it?

TINY KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

A man wearing glasses and a green shirt is talking to Barry. He’s pointing up and to the left (towards panel one). Barry is looking really nervous as he replies.

MAN: By making this cartoon, aren’t you like panel one?

BARRY: It’s different because… um…

Some Things Straight People Can Stop Saying | Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons |