Easy Ways To Be Cancelled!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different character and scene. There’s also a tiny kicker panel, below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

This panel shows a man with neatly-combed hair wearing a black vest over an orange long-sleeved shirt. He has an expression of intense concentration, and is clasping his hands almost as if praying. Above him, in the panel, is a lengthy caption.

CAPTION: Are you a wealthy and famous reactionary, but somehow your SJW boss hasn’t fired you? Not to worry! You can still be a martyr for free speech with these

CAPTION CONTINUES IN MUCH LARGER FONT: Easy ways to be CANCELLED!

MAN: Please please let me be a victim!

PANEL 2

A woman wearing a striped shirt, dark orange pants, and comfortable-looking boots is on a city sidewalk. She’s jumping in shock as she stares at something on her tablet screen, her eyeglasses popping off her face. Her expression is extremely alarmed.

WOMAN: Other academics are criticizing my work! That can only mean…

WOMAN (much larger font): I’ve been CANCELLED!

PANEL 3

A strong-looking bald man with a white beard and mustache sits at a desk, with a coffee cup and a laptop on his desk. He’s speaking directly to the readers, shaking his fist in the air.

MAN: My co-workers don’t like me so I’m resigning to start my own incredibly lucrative media site! In other words

MAN (much larger font) I’ve been CANCELLED!

PANEL 4

A man stands on a hillside in a park or some other fairly tame natural area. He’s pretty distant from the “camera” and is speaking (well, shouting) directly to readers. He’s waving his arms so fast and frantically that it looks like he’s got six arms.

MAN: My book got panned? CANCELLED!

MAN: My $20 million Netflix special was criticized? CANCELLED!

MAN: Mocked in a cartoon? CANCELLED!

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

The white-bearded man from panel 3 speaks directly to the reader, while indicating himself with a thumb.

MAN: Hey! Some non-rich people have actually been fired! Which clearly validates my claim to be a victim!

Posted in Right-wingers |

Capitalism can Innovate Around Anything!

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, please support them! Each $2 pledge really helps! Do it or I’ll buy a puppy from a puppy farm instead of going to a shelter!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus an additional tiny “kicker” panel under the bottom of the cartoon.

The cartoon shows two businessmen-types walking on a city street. One of them is wearing a red bow-tie and a sky-blue suit; the other is wearing an ordinary tie and a duller suit, with a desaturated green jacket and black pants. The bow-tie guy is totally bald – probably shaves his head – and has a van dyke beard and mustache. The regular-tie guy has blond hair and is cleanshaven, and is looking at his smart phone as he walks.

PANEL ONE

The two of them walk on the sidewalk, Blonde looking at his phone, Bowtie raising his arms enthusiastically as he talks, grinning. (Not important to the cartoon: In the background, across the street, a smiling businessman talks to a smiling man with red skin, horns, and a tail, who is holding up a clipboard. And a woman in a second story window leans out to smile at a largish bird which is hovering and looking back at her.)

BOWTIE: The most amazing thing about capitalism is the creative genius of entrepreneurs!

PANEL 2

A closeup on just Bowtie, who looks overjoyed. His eyes are drawn as stars, and the air around him is filled with stars and dollar signs.

BOWTIE: If there’s profit to be made, there’s nothing capitalism can’t do! Feed the world! Create the internet! Create modern medicine!

PANEL 3

A shot of the two of them walking. Bowtie keeps on grinning and talking, his fists pumped in front of him in a pleased sort of way. Blonde reads something from the cell phone he’s holding.

BOWTIE: There’s no problem that capitalism can’t innovate around!

BLONDE: Hey, look at this: some senators want new regulations to protect the climate.

PANEL 4

Bowtie jumps straight up into the air (cartoon code for “I am very surprised”), clutching his face in his hands, his mouth and eyes huge in an expression of enormous dismay. He is yelling. Blonde, surprised by Bowtie’s big reaction, is stumbling back from Bowtie a little.

BOWTIE: NOOOO! CAPITALISM IS DOOMED!

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Bowtie is speaking directly to the readers, his face still showing distress.

BOWTIE: Even if capitalism miraculously survives, some rich people will be slightly less rich! I can’t imagine a greater tragedy!

This cartoon on patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons, Environmental cartoons |

The Purple People Next Door

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by me and Kevin Moore.

If you like these cartoons, please support them on Patreon! Each $2 pledge really helps us keep making new cartoons.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the same scene: A suburban-looking back yard, surrounded by a chest-high wooden fence. On one side of the fence is a dad-looking white man, wearing a short-sleeved polo shirt (blue with yellow stripes) and brown shorts.

On the other side of the fence are a woman and a man, both of whom have vividly purple skin. His skin is somewhat lighter in color, and he’s completely bald (I joked to Kevin, when I saw his sketches, that Mr. Purple probably shaves his head so people won’t know he’s going gray). He’s wearing an orange t-shirt. Mrs Purple has neatly styled neck-length purple-black hair, and is wearing a reddish orange t-shirt with a squared-off collar. Throughout this cartoon, Mr. and Mrs. Purple have big, cheerful smiles.

PANEL ONE

Polo Shirt Guy is talking on his cell phone, looking quite cheerful, as he flips a burger on his barbeque. We can see some toys and a sandbox on the ground nearby. Behind him, Mr and Mrs Purple have walked up to the fence and are talking to him, but he doesn’t see them yet.

POLO SHIRT: It’s like I always say… I don’t care if someone’s Black, white or even purple. Doesn’t matter to me!

THE PURPLES (speaking in unison): We’re so glad to hear you say that.

PANEL TWO 

Polo Shirt Guy has turned his head and seen the Purples, and he’s taken aback. Both Mr and Mrs Purple are waving their hands at Polo Shirt.

POLO SHIRT: What? Who? What? I mean… What?

MR PURPLE: We’re Sally and Drew Purple. We just moved in next door!

PANEL THREE

Polo Shirt Guy has turned to face the Purples; he’s sweating and looks utterly distresed, even though he’s trying to be polite. He waves back at them, not noticing that he’s dropped his cell phone. Behind him in the background, we can see a tree with a tire swing, and a pink tricycle.

We’re looking at the scene from behind Mr and Mrs Purple, and can’t see Mrs Purple’s expression. Mr Purple is still smiling big and seems completely unaware of Polo Shirt’s distress.

POLO SHIRT: Oh. I see. Uh… Welcome to the neighborhood.

MR PURPLE: Hey, I see you have kids! Us too – we should schedule a playdate!

PANEL FOUR

Polo Shirt turns partly away from the Purples, his fists pressed against his chin and lower lip, his eyes huge, sweat flying. He looks even more distressed than in panel 3 as he babbles.

The Purples still give no sign of showing distress, although Mr Purple looks perhaps suspiciously amused. Mrs Purple grins as she talks.

POLO SHIRT: Oh! Uh, I don’t know… Scheduling and you know, um…

MRS PURPLE: Wouldn’t it be a hoot if our kids grew up and married each other?

Posted in Kevin Moore collaborations, Racism & Racists |

Fiction or Qualified Immunity?

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons blah blah blah you know the drill. Support my Patreon!

TRANSCRIPT OF COMIC

This comic has seven panels. The first six panels are squarish, arranged in a two across three down grid; the final panel goes all the way across the bottom.

PANEL 1

This panel shows Barry (the cartoonist) speaking overly cheerfully to the readers, and gesturing towards the very large letters of the title.

At the top of the panel is some introductory text.

TEXT: The Supreme Court decided public officials aren’t responsible for violating our rights if they don’t know they’re violating rights.

TEXT: Which brings us to our game! It’s simple. You only have to guess…

Very large title lettering: IS IT FICTION OR IS IT QUALIFIED IMMUNITY?

BARRY (smaller letters): Winners get nothing.

PANEL 2

A white man in judicial robes speaks directly to the viewer. He’s got wide eyes and is smiling, like he’s a proud father just after a baby is born. Behind him, three other white male judges look on. The front white man is holding a scroll with writing on it; but it’s swaddled in cloth, and the man is holding it as if it’s a baby.

CAPTION: 1967: In the very first Q.I. case, the Supreme Court said it’s okay to arrest people for being black in a coffee shop, as long as the cops believed it was against the law.

JUDGE: We’re calling it
Qualified Immunity!

Note: In this panel, and in all the following panels, the words “qualified immunity” are always on their own line, and alternate between being all red and all blue. These are the same colors used in the title lettering.

PANEL 3

A police officer, in a uniform shirt (clack tie, badges, etc) smiles and shrugs as they talk to the readers. But they have a dog’s head instead of a human head – the head of a big German shepherd.

CAPTION: 2018: The sixth circuit ruled that police couldn’t be expected to know not to sic police dogs on suspects who have surrendered and are sitting on the ground.

Qualified Immunity!

POLICE DOG: There was just no way to know!

PANEL 4

This panels shows a man in a prison guard uniform, including a billed cap and a shoulder-mounted walkie talkie, talking to someone off-panel. He looks annoyed. Behind him is a cell door, which is solid (rather than having bars) and has a small metal panel that can be opened on this side.

CAPTION: 2017: A prisoner asked to buy snacks from the commissary… so they threw him in solitary confinement for over a year. The second circuit court said: “how could they know?”

Qualified Immunity!

GUARD: Einstein himself couldn’t have guessed that was wrong!

PANEL 5

A couple of school staff types – a balding man with half-moon glasses, wearing a jacket and tie (a stereotypical principal) and a younger woman with read hair in a thick braid, are talking to each other. The man is slapping his forehead, and the woman is looking down at the floor.

CAPTION: 2009: The Supreme Court decided that school staff had no way of knowing they shouldn’t strip-search a 13-year-old schoolgirl.

Qualified Immunity!

PRINCIPAL: We’re supposed to NOT strip-search little girls?

TEACHER: Who knew?

PANEL 6

A man in short-sleeved police uniform, and with a thick mustache, angrily talks to the reader. Behind him we can see a sidewalk, grass, a bit of a tree; it looks a little suburban.

CAPTION: 2019: A cop shoots a kid in a yard filled with children, although he was actually trying to shoot their peaceful dog. The 11th circuit court said cops can’t be expected to know better.

Qualified Immunity!

COP: How could I know not to shoot dogs and children? I’m not a wizard!

PANEL 7

This is a full-width panel at the bottom of the strip. The panel contains a caption in large, friendly letters: ANSWERS

Barry the cartoonist is back, talking to the reader, grinning too wide yet looking distressed, sweating.

BARRY: You guessed it— all these cases are real!

BARRY: Because we live in a near-police state where cops are never held accountable! USA! USA!

Posted in Uncategorized |

We Mustn’t Ruin HIS Life

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was drawn by Becky Hawkins.

If you like these cartoons, you can help us make more by supporting the Patreon!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different scene. A tiny additional fifth “kicker” panel is under the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

A Black woman in what appears to be a UPS or UPS-like uniform is standing holding a large box with an address label on it, and an electronic clipboard device on top of the box. Behind her we can see the open doors of the back of a van, and inside the van, more boxes to be delivered. She’s parked on a city street, in front of the entrance to a brick building. She speaks directly to the viewer, with a calm but downcast expression.

WOMAN: Everywhere I went I was terrified I’d run into him. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate…

WOMAN: After I failed two classes I lost my scholarship.

PANEL 2

A light-skinned girl is on a bike, on a suburban-looking street. The street is clearly residential, and is lined with cottage-style houses. The girl’s clothing is pink, like her shoes and the pedals and basket of her bike.

She’s facing the viewer, but looking downward with her eyes to avoid looking directly at us.

GIRL: He sent the video to everyone in school. Everyone. I had to be homeschooled until I could get into a different school.

PANEL 3

A light-skinned woman sits in an armchair, looking vaguely into the air as she talks. She’s wearing jeans and a yellow top, and holding a baby, who is standing in her lap and doing that cute-but-annoying thing babies do of patting the face of the person holding them while that person is trying to talk. The baby has a pink skirt and is cute.

A plant hangs from the ceiling. Judging from the brick building next door we can see out the window, and the radiator below the window, this is probably an apartment in a city. Her expression is a bit sad, but not over the top or panicked.

WOMAN: It’s been ten years… My therapist says PTSD isn’t ever cured, but it’s something I can learn to manage.

PANEL 4

A hand with pink, smoothly filed nails holds a smartphone. On the smartphone, a pale-skinned male podcaster or radio host is sitting at a table, a professional-looking microphone in front of him. He’s wearing a jacket over a blue collared shirt (no tie), shrugging with a sad-but-calm expression.

MAN: Nobody feels worse than me about what happened — but we can’t ruin these young men’s lives!

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE CARTOON

The man from panel 4 is talking to Barry, the cartoonist.

BARRY: What sort of thing would “ruin their lives”?

MAN: Being expelled. Or being publicly criticized. Or made to switch dorms. Or to switch a class. Basically, anything he might notice.

This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Sexism & Misogyny |

How City Budgets Work

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon! Getting lots of $1 and $2 pledges is our business model. Also, I just used the term “business model” in a sentence. Life is weird.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene.

PANEL 1

A woman talking on the phone, looking a little panicked. Beside her, a wide-eyed child watches, looking very worried. Above them both is a large caption.

CAPTION: HOW CITY BUDGETS WORK

WOMAN: A six year waiting list? But we’re homeless now!

PANEL 2

In a classroom crowded with kids, a worried teacher is talking to a middle-aged bureaucrat type in a suit and tie.

WOMAN: But we can’t fit another 30 chairs into this classroom!

MAN: Kids can stand.

PANEL 3

We are looking through a doorway at a man with slightly shaggy hair, who sits unhappily at a cheap table in an otherwise empty room. Outside the room, leaning back as if he’s just calling something into the room while rushing past, a man wearing glasses and a jacket and tie, talks to the shaggy-haired man.

RUSHING MAN: Hi! I’m your public defender. Unfortunately, I’ve been assigned so many defendants that introducing myself is all the time I have for your case this month.

RUSHING MAN: See you at your trial!

PANEL 4

A group of cops is dances widly. It’s a celebration. Green cash is filling the air, raining down on them.

COPS (said by several in unison): MONEY DANCE!

How City Budgets Work | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

Owning The Libs Equals Victory!

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon!

Supporters see most of my cartoons early – they saw this one back in November.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A woman and a man walk on a path in a hilly park (drawn mostly in shades of green and blue). The man, who has red hair and a red chin-only beard (no mustache), is walking ahead, not looking back at her as he talks. He’s wearing a white button-up shirt with a necktie, brown slacks, and glasses. The woman has black hair, and is wearing a white v-neck shirt with red arms, jeans, and red sneakers. She is holding her hands out imploringly as she talks to the man’s back.

WOMAN: This shouldn’t be a partisan issue! We’ll all suffer if the world is destroyed! But if we work together-

MAN: You’re wasting your breath.

PANEL 2

The man, who has crested the hill, turns to look back at the woman, who is still climbing the hill. He sneers with contempt. The woman looks taken aback.

MAN: Don’t show me articles from the New York Times or whatever. Fox told me I can’t trust mainstream media!

WOMAN: But–

MAN: Don’t quote “experts.” Newsmax warned me that those people lie!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the man’s head as he speaks, grinning and intense.

MAN: I know everything outside my bubble is false. Nothing you can say will reach me, and there’s no evidence I can’t dismiss as fake.

MAN: Face it — I’ve won.

PANEL 4

A caption says “YEARS LATER.”

We’re looking at the wreckage of an absolutely destroyed town or city, drawn mostly in shades of brown and orange. There are tree stumps, and telephone poles which have fallen to diagonal positions, wrecked buildings in the distance, a dark brown smog rising into the air from those buildings. Closer up, there are tree stumps, a window lying on the ground, bricks and pipes and a shattered smartphone and other junk scattered around.

Sitting on the concrete slabs of a broken sidewalk is the man from earlier in the strip. His clothes are torn and ragged, and his hair is grown much longer and looks tangled. One lens of his glasses is shattered. He is grinning (missing a tooth) and pumping a fist in the air in front of him.

MAN: Well, I certainly told HER!

This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Environmental cartoons |

Real America vs The Coastal Elites

Cartoon by Barry

This strip was drawn by Becky Hawkins.

Help us make more of these cartoons! A $2 pledge goes a surprisingly long way.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus an additional tiny “kicker” panel under the fourth panel. Each panel shows the same man talking directly at the reader. He has neatly combed blonde hair with a full beard, and is wearing boots, jeans, and a bright red button-up shirt with a brown vest over it. His outfit says “rural salt of the earth by way of L.L. Bean.”

PANEL 1 

The man is talking cheerfully to the readers, one forefinger raised to make a point. Behind him, we can see a street lined with stores or businesses; the buildings are  all one or two stories tall, a bit quaint, and all but scream “small town charm.”

MAN : I tink the best of America is in the small towns – the wonderful little pockets of what I call The Real America.

PANEL 2

The same man, but now he’s suddenly standing in front of an enormous pile of garbage; we can make out a few things in the pile, like a fish skeleton, a concrete block, a wishbone, and a pile of poop. Rising up behind the garbage pile, we can see a group of ugly brown high-rise apartment buildings. A large plume of smoke (we can’t see from what) rises into the sky.

MAN: Elite liberals are destroying American with their terrible “New York” values. That’s why their cities are burnt-out shells!

PANEL 3

The man is suddenly much closer to the viewer, yelling, his eyes large and bulging. Behind him we can see a chaotic jumble of big-city ills: A red-eyed rat, buildings on fire, a grocery cart filled with someone’s possessions in bags, a syringe, another pile of poop, and a person wearing a mask and a black hoodie who is about to throw a flaming Molotov cocktail.

MAN: DEM CITIES ARE DISGUSTING, RAT-INFESTED HOLES THAT NO HUMAN COULD LIVE IN!

PANEL 4

The man is suddenly on a bucolic, hilly farm. A sheep lies on the ground, munching the green grass,  and there’s a black-spotted cow wearing a bell around it’s neck. Further back, we can see a classic red barn with a grain silo beside it, and a hill that’s been tilled and has some crop growing. The man, no longer in tight close-up, is grasping his hands together and looking a bit upward, almost like he’s praying; he has a sad expression, and a single tear falls from one eye.

MAN: And why do coastal elite snobs say such hateful things about their fellow Americans?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Barry the cartoonist, raising a finger to make a point, is talking to the man from the strip. The man has a “I’m so above this nonsense” smug expression, eyes closed.

BARRY: Don’t you live in a coastal city? And didn’t you go to Harvard?

MAN: In my heart I’ve always lived on a farm.

This cartoon on Patreon (You can find source quotes there, too!)

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives |

How To Recognize a Drug-Seeker

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, please support them! A $2 pledge really helps.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The cartoon is set in a doctor’s examining room – it has one of those tall examination tables with padding so patients can lie down, medical equipment and a degree hanging on walls, various cabinets, a sink. A tired-looking woman in a yellow tank top and black capri pants is sitting on the exam table. A doctor is standing in front of her. We can tell he’s a doctor because he’s wearing a white lab coat and has a stethoscope hanging around his neck. He’s holding a clipboard in one hand.

PANEL 1

The doctor is speaking to the patient. The patient is slumping a little, while the doctor is stiffly upright.

DOCTOR: Some people use narcotics to get high. So when you come here and say you’re in constant pain, that tells me you’re a lying drug-seeker.

PANEL 2

A closer shot of just the doctor as he speaks, looking stern and a bit angry, clutching the clipboard to near his chest.

DOCTOR: If you ask for pain meds, you’re a drug seeker.

DOCTOR: If you seem desperate, you’re a drug seeker.

DOCTOR: If you cry, you’re a drug-seeker.

PANEL 3

A close-up of the doctor’s face as he lectures, one forefinger raised.

DOCTOR: If you talk back to me, you’re a drug-seeker. If you don’t like me assuming you’re a  drug-seeker, you’re a drug-seeker.

PANEL 4

A shot of the patient and doctor. The patient is now very wide-eyed, and leans back, away from the doctor. The doctor leans forward, hunching over his clipboard a bit as he makes a note.

PATIENT: Could I talk to a doctor who isn’t horrible?

DOCTOR: “Doctor-shopping.” Classic drug-seeker.

Posted in Ableism, Barry's favorites |

A Concise History of Body Positivity

Cartoon by Barry

If you like these cartoons, help us make more! Each $2 pledge really matters.

This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All the panels show people standing  in a blank cartoon space and talking directly to the readers.

PANEL 1

Three women, all unambiguously fat, are smiling warmly and talking to the readers. The one on the left, who is white, is wearing cool boots, and an open red plaid shirt over a black dress. She’s wearing squarish glasses. The other two women are black. The middle woman is wearing a crop top shirt with a brightly colored blue and pink pattern, and bright blue shorts. The woman on the right is wearing a plain white tee, blue shorts, and red-and-blue sneakers.

BOOTS: Body positivity means that no one should apologize or be made to feel bad for their body.

SNEAKERS: Love the body you’re in!

PANEL 2

A white woman, thin and with carefully styled blond hair, has walked out in from of the three fat women. She’s carrying a big sign that says “Love the body you’re in” in cheerful large lettering that’s a bit nostalgic for the 1960s. Below the lettering is a picture of a tube of lotion.

Behind the new woman, Boots looks startled and distressed. Sneakers is holding up a finger like she’s trying to object. And we can’t see what Crop Top is doing, because she’s almost completely blocked from view by the woman’s sign.

THIN WOMAN: “Body positivity” sounds great! You know what this would be amazing for? Selling skin care products!

SNEAKERS: Um…

PANEL 3

Two more thin white people have entered. One is a young woman with a pony tail, wearing yoga pants and a crop top; she’s sitting on the floor, legs curled under, and is holding her smartphone high to take a selfie. The other is a salesman-looking man, wearing a blazer over a v-neck shirt, who is holding up a book for us to see. The book’s title is “Love Your THIN Self.”  Both of the newbies are talking very cheerfully.

Between these two newbies, and the blonde woman with the sign, Boots and Crop Top are almost completely blocked. (We can see Crop Top’s eyes, which look annoyed). Sneakers can be seen better, and is open-mouthed with how appalled she is.

PONYTAIL: If I bend just the right way, there’s a fat roll! Helping women like me is what body positivity is all about!

BLAZER: Diet companies are also part of the body positivity movement! Losing weight will help people love their bodies!

PANEL 4

There’s now a lot of smiling people, nearly all white, crowded into the panel. Most are thin, a couple are a bit chubby, but there’s no one here you’d describe as “obese.” Everyone is grinning and talking to the readers.

Boots and Crop Top cannot be seen at all. We can see just a bit of Sneakers, as a smiling woman in a pretty pink blouse with an open back, with string forming a spiderweb pattern over the open part, violently shoves Sneakers out of the panel.

EVERYONE IN UNISON: Remember, body positivity is for everybody!

PINK BLOUSE: Except for really fat people. We can’t glorify obesity.

CAPTION AT BOTTOM OF STRIP

A large caption under the strip says “A CONCISE HISTORY OF BODY POSITIVITY.”

This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Becky Hawkins collaborations, Fat Acceptance, History |

Racist Bones

Cartoon by Barry

If you enjoy my cartoons, you could help me make more by supporting my Patreon! Lots of people making $1 and $2 pledges is how I make my living.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The first three panels show three bones talking in a blank space. The three bones – a rib bone, a thigh bone, and a hip bone – are anthropomorphized, with cartoon faces, arms and legs.  They’re wearing white gloves with rolls at the wrist, like Mickey Mouse.

The fourth panel shows two human beings talking in a park.

PANEL 1

Rib Bone is talking to Thigh Bone and Hip Bone. Hip Bone, in particular, looks concerned.

RIB BONE: Thigh bone and hip bone! How’s it going?

THIGH BONE: Not good, Rib.

HIP BONE: We’ve been trying everything to get into this guy named Sam…

PANEL 2

In a closer shot, Thigh Bone leans back, laughing, and Hip Bone, still looking concerned, shrugs.

THIGH BONE: First Sam did a hilarious fake Asian accent! I love funny Asian accents, so I thought, “I’m in!”

HIP BONE: But then Sam said he was just joking, and as we all know, saying it’s a joke means it can’t be racist.

PANEL 3

A shot of the three bones. Rib Bone listens with a neutral expression and gosh darn it I just now realized, looking at the cartoon as I type the transcript, that I drew a mustache on Rib Bone in panel 1, but forgot the mustache in panel 3. Hold on, I’ll be back in a few minutes.

I’m back. Rib Bone, sporting a thick, luscious mustache, has a neutral expression as oh geez I just noticed I forgot to draw Rib Bone’s arm. Wait here, I’ll be right back.

Okay! Rib Bone, a character with both a mustache and arms, listens with a neutral expression. Thigh Bone steeples their fingers and is smiling in anticipation, and Hip Bone is grinning hugely.

THIGH BONE: Then Sam talked about how bad white men have it and how much easier it is for Blacks to find jobs.

HIP BONE: Exactly what I think! I thought for sure I was in! But then he said…

PANEL 4

Two men stand talking in a park. The first man — Sam — is white, blonde, wearing a  button-up tan shirt, brown slacks, and a nice-looking pair of sneakers. He is yelling and waving his arms, obviously angry. The other man has brown skin, black hair, and a van dyke beard. He’s wearing an orange tee with a “!” design, and is rolling his eyes.

SAM: I DON’T HAVE A RACIST BONE IN MY BODY!

This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Racism & Racists |

Oil and Gas are So Cheap!

Cartoon by Barry

Help us make more cartoons by supporting my Patreon!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

The first three panels show a continuous scene of post-hurricane wreckage; house roofs lie on the ground at odd angles, all sorts of lumber and shards of unidentifiable broken objects are sticking up in the air, or litter the ground. A power line pole and a couple of streetlamps are leaning at odd angles. There are occasional identifiable objects mixed with all the litter on the ground; a hairbrush, a child’s ball, a desktop computer. All three panels are colored in greens, browns, and dim oranges that (I hope) will remind people of mud. The sky is a dull orange. A distant jet plane – incongruously colored in shades of blue – can be seen in the sky.

There are dazed-looking people standing in or looking through the wreckage.

PANEL 1

A man with dark hair, rectangular glasses and a neat van dyke beard is clutching a little pile of framed photos to his chest. A woman sits on the ground near him, her face in her hands. Nearby, a person wearing a long coat, and lifting what might be a round table top, looks back at the man with the van dyke beard.

BEARD: I rescued some family photos… everything else is gone.

LONG COAT: Me too… My business, my house…

PANEL 2

A woman wearing a hoodie, and with her hair mostly wrapped in a scarf, is talking to a child and petting her on the head.

HOODIE: Mommy’s in the hospital, so you’ll stay with me until we find Daddy.

HOODIE (thought): If we do.

PANEL 3

A man in a striped sweater stands, looking sad and dazed. Further in the foreground, an older man, bald and with glasses and wearing a vest, and a woman with a baseball cap and her hair tied in a pony tail, are looking around and talking. The woman is looking at a smart phone.

GLASSES: How much will it cost to rebuild all this?

BASEBALL CAP: Billions. Weather disasters cost us $99 billion last year.

PANEL 4

A new setting. We are aboard a private jet plane. On one side of the aisle is a long sofa; on the other side, a single airplane-style seat, with a full table (not just a fold-out tray) in front of it. There’s a vase with flowers, and an open laptop, on the table. Sitting in the seat, a man wearing a collared shirt with a striped necktie is talking on his cell phone. Nearby, a flight attendant is holding a tray, offering the man a glass of wine. This panel is colored mostly in antiseptic blues, although the people are colored in a light, bright orange.

NECKTIE: So I told the senator, “forget wind and solar! Oil and gas are so much cheaper!”

This cartoon on Patreon.

Posted in Environmental cartoons |

The Five Kinds of Republican

Cartoon by Barry

If you enjoy these cartoons, why not help me make more by supporting my Patreon? A $2 pledge makes a real difference! (Well, to the making of these cartoons. But in the long run, we’ll hit the heat death of the universe and nothing matters anyway.) (In which case, why not support my Patreon?)

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. Each of the panels shows a white person speaking, usually to the reader. Every other panel has either a tan or a blue dominant background color, forming a sort of checkboard pattern.

All panels, except for panel 1, have a caption at the top of the panel.

PANEL 1

Most of this panel is taken up by large, friendly lettering for the title of this strip: “THE FIVE KINDS OF REPUBLICAN.”

At the bottom of the panel is a small self-portrait of me, Barry, with my arms crossed and looking at the reader with what I hope is sort of a “sheesh!” expression. Barry is fat, has dark hair in a ponytail, and is wearing a solid black tee.

BARRY: White, white, white, white and white.

PANEL 2

A blonde woman yells at her laptop screen, appalled and panicked. She’s wearing a dark red tee and has a coffee cup next to her on the table.

CAPTION: 1. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

WOMAN: A million Americans have been killed by chips in vaccinations! The lamestream media’s covering it up!

PANEL 3

A man with his brown hair parted in the middle is walking a dog on a leash through a hilly area, with a tree in the background. He’s wearing a collared yellow button-up shirt and blue jeans. He’s smiling big and pointing to something on his smartphone. The dog is looking up at him with a “oh not this again” expression.

CAPTION: 2. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

MAN:  It says here that Portland is a burned out shell of a city!

PANEL 4

A redheaded man, with a large mustache and large glasses, is leaning out of a window and holding up a smartphone. He has an elaborate sleeve tattoo covering his entire left arm, which was super fun for me to draw and which probably no one is able to see because the drawing is small. (Things on the tattoo include a smiling sun, a bird, a big eye, flowers, a compass, and woman’s face in profile, and a big diamond.) He looks angry.

CAPTION: 3. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

MAN: The Dumbocrats are bussing in ten thousand Mexicans to illegally vote!

PANEL 5

An older man, wearing a thick vest over a yellow sweater, looks out at the reader with a concerned expression. He’s holding a tablet to his chest. He’s standing behind a fence; a bunch of tall, dark red flowers are in front of the fence.

CAPTION: 4. Tools who believe ridiculous lies.

MAN: Liberals made up “global warming” because George Soros secretly owns the solar panel companies!

PANEL 6

A hand (which looks like it belongs to someone Black) is holding a smartphone. On the smartphone, a slick-looking blonde man with carefully styled hair and a huge grin is staring out at his viewers. He’s wearing a suit and tie, and holding up a big orange bottle, like the kind some pharmacies put pills in.

CAPTION: 5. Liars.

MAN: …and that’s why Trump is secretly still president!

MAN: And have you tried my cancer-blasting vitamins? Only $34.99 a bottle for the next five minutes!

This cartoon on Patreon.

Posted in Conservatives |

So Inspiring! (featuring guest artist Nidhi Naroth)

Cartoon by Barry

The guest artist for this cartoon is Nidhi Naroth. Nidhi’s work has a vibrancy I love – even their desaturated colors somehow glow.

I asked Nidhi for a two-sentence bio: “Nidhi is a queer artist with roots in South Asia. They adore conversation and will definitely keep you for an hour or so to talk about various mythologies and folklores (only if you have the time to spare!).”

Please help there be more of these cartoons by supporting my Patreon!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show a few people in what appears to be a park, with a path going past some enormous looking trees.

The characters might be teen girls, or might be young women. One of them is wearing a sky-blue tee shirt and has long red-brown hair down almost to her waist. One of them is wearing a brown hoodie, with the hood down, and has a nice-looking short haircut.

The third is wearing a bright yellow button-up shirt open over a brown undershirt, with her brown hair in high pigtails, as well as a necklace and some bracelets. She’s walking with a dog on a leash. She’s wearing shorts, and we can see she has two prosthetic legs.

PANEL 1

Blueshirt, walking next to Shorthair, is talking to Pigtails. Pigtails has turned back to talk to Blueshirt. All three are smiling, but Pigtails is holding up a hand in a “please stop” gesture.

BLUESHIRT: Excuse me, I just wanted to say, it’s so inspiring seeing you walk your dog despite your disability!

PIGTAILS: Please don’t.

PANEL 2

A closer shot of just Pigtails as she cheerfully explains.

PIGTAILS: When strangers say I’m “inspiring,” they mean they’re amazed I can do normal human things.

PIGTAILS: Like I’m a video of a cat walking on its hind legs!

PANEL 3

A long shot shows Pigtails waving goodbye as she and her dog walk away. Blueshirt and Shorthair are silent, and look a little bit remorseful.

PIGTAILS: I don’t want to be your inspiration, okay? I just want to walk my dog.

PIGTAILS: Have a good day.

PANEL 4

A closer shot of Blueshirt and Shorthair; Pigtails is no longer here. Blueshirt is grinning, her eyes wide, clasping her hands together on her chest. Shorthair is smiling as she holds up her smartphone, taking a photo.

BLUESHIRT: The way she chewed us out? So inspiring!

SHORTHAIR: I can’t wait to post this on Facebook!

This post on Patreon

Posted in Ableism |

I’ve Tried Everything To Find New Workers!

Cartoon by Barry

If you like my cartoons, please help me make more by supporting my Patreon.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon is four panels long. Each panel shows the same prosperous-looking middle-aged white man, wearing a suit and tie, walking on city sidewalks and talking loudly into his cell phone.

There’s an additional tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the comic.

PANEL 1

Necktie man is talking into his cell phone with an aggrieved expression. He’s walking pass an annoyed-looking young guy leaning against a wall. The young guy is wearing a backwards baseball cap, glasses, and a tank top, and he’s speaking to necktie man. Necktie man gives no sign of having heard.

NECKTIE: I’ve tried everything to find new workers! I’ve gone to job fairs… Offered them tee-shirts for applying…

WALL LEANER: Did you offer higher wages?

PANEL 2

Necktie dude is now in a different area, still looking aggrieved and talking loudly into his phone. On the street next to the sidewalk, a blonde woman on a bike, wearing a red bike helmet and a blue hoodie, talks to Necktie as she passes him.

NECKTIE: I can’t fill these jobs! I even got the government to throw people off unemployment… Nothing works!

BIKER: Have you tried offering higher wages?

PANEL 3

Necktie walks past a little girl playing hopscotch on the same sidewalk. The girl is wearing a purple skirt with puffy tool at the bottom, and a sleeveless tee with a pattern of red spirals.

NECKTIE: I’m offering unpredictable schedules, minimal benefits and $9 an hour! And they still don’t want my jobs?

LITTLE GIRL: You should offer higher wages.

PANEL 4

Necktie dude walks past a couple of casually-dressed protestors. The first protestor is holding a large sign that says “HIGHER,” and the second protestor has a large sign that says “WAGES.”

NECKTIE: I’ve tried everything. They just don’t want to work!

NECKTIE: Hello, governor? Can we arrest people for being unemployed?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP

Necktie dude, still looking grumpy, is talking at Barry the cartoonist.

NECKTIE: I’d love to pay higher wages, but we don’t have the money! I had to get by on only a $38 million salary this year!

This cartoon on Patreon.

Posted in Barry's favorites, Economic cartoons, Labor rights & Unions |

One of Chappelle’s Best Friends is Trans

Cartoon by Barry

If you enjoy these cartoons, help me make more by supporting my Patreon! A pathetically small amount of money ($1! $2!) turns into a living for me when multiplied by a whole bunch of readers.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a good-looking black man with a shaved head – let’s call him, oh I’m just picking a name at random here, “Dave.”  Dave is wearing a gray leather suit-style jacket buttoned over an off-white tee shirt. He speaks directly to the reader.

PANEL 1

Dave speaks to the reader, but with his face turned a little bit to one side. His expression is interested but also a little weary.

DAVE: I had a friend who’s a transgender lady. But she wasn’t like those other transgenders.

PANEL 2

Dave now grins, speaking more directly to us, and holding out a hand palm-up in a friendly fashion, like he’s speaking with his hands while telling a story.

DAVE: When I joked about trans women’s bodies and p******s and called them “dudes” and said “yuck,” she just laughed long and hard.

PANEL 3

Now Dave looks annoyed, looking down a bit, as he thinks of his critics.

DAVE: She didn’t criticize me or make a fuss about “pronouns” or use made-up words like “TERF” like other transgenders do.

PANEL 4

Dave is looking at us again, smiling, arms spread wide.

DAVE: She was a good one.

DAVE: In conclusion, I had a transgender friend, so nothing I say can ever be transphobic. Take that, transgenders!

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

These Kids Today Have Always Sucked

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is another collaboration with Becky Hawkins, doing the variety of costumes and environments that she excels at.

If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting my Patreon! Small donations from lots of donors are what makes it possible for me to keep doing these cartoons, and keep paying Becky for her work.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three-by-three grid. The central panel (panel 5) has no image other than large, friendly, 3-D styled lettering saying “THESE KIDS TODAY HAVE ALWAYS SUCKED.”

Other than panel five, each panel features a single figure speaking, with a caption at the bottom of the panel identifying who they are.

PANEL 1

A cartoon caveman sits alone in a cave by a campfire, angrily ranting.

CAVEMAN: Hrrr hrrr. Urg! Grumble grrr huuuh grunt!

CAPTION: Thag, 20,000 BC

PANEL 2

A bearded man in ancient Greek dress holds a scroll and rolls his eyes as he speaks to the readers with an irritated expression.

ARISTOTLE: Young people think they know everything! And they’re soooo sure about it!

CAPTION: Aristotle, 4th Century BC

PANEL 3

A monk, wearing robes in the style of the Muromachi period of Japanese history, sits in front of a low table, where he’s writing on a scroll. He has paused in his writing to look at the reader.

YOSHIDA KENKO: Modern “fashions” are more and more debased! And their language nowadays is so coarse!

CAPTION: Yoshida Kenko, 1330

PANEL 4

A sour-looking man wearing a long wig of white curls looks directly at the reader, raising a forefinger in an admonishing way.

ROBERT RUSSELL: The towns and streets today are filled with lewd wicked children! They curse and swear and call one another nick-names!

CAPTION: Sir Robert Russell, 1695

PANEL 5

This panel has nothing in it but the title lettering. In large, friendly, 3d styled lettering, it says THESE KIDS TODAY HAVE ALWAYS SUCKED.

PANEL 6

A man in an upper-class 1700s suit sits at a writing-desk, leaning back with his feet on the desk. In one hand he’s holding a quill pen, in the other a bottle of some alcoholic liquid. It’s dark, and a candle on the desk is providing light.

MAN: Whither has the manly vigour of our forefathers flown? Youth today are effeminate, self-admiring, emaciated fribbles!

CAPTION: Town and Country Magazine, 1771

PANEL 7

A man with thick gray eyebrows stands in a hilly field; we can see a village in the distance behind him, and sheep in the field. One of the sheep is standing next to him, placidly eating a plant. The man is wearing a brown Irish flat cap and carrying a walking stick, which he is shaking at the reader.

FALKIRK HERALD: Young people are so pampered nowadays that they have forgotten there was such a thing as walking!

CAPTION: Falkirk Herald, 1951

PANEL 8

A professionally-dressed woman, with long wavy hair and a blue suit, is sitting behind a table with books displayed on it (one of the books is entitled “Kids 2day” and has a frowny face on the cover; her other book’s cover has a picture an iphone with devil horns and a smiley face). A TV camera is pointed at her, and a microphone is pointed at her. She smiles as she speaks to the camera.

JEAN TWENGE: Millennials got participation trophies growing up! So now they’re fame-obsessed, narcissistic, stunted and lazy.

CAPTION: Dr. Jean Twenge, 2013.

PANEL 9

A smartly-dressed woman with spiky white hair sits at the counter of a coffee shop, thumb-typing on her smartphone. She’s got big teardrop earrings and a necklace with a large stone with a spiral pattern. A word balloon points at her smartphone, showing us what she’s typing.

AUNT: And don’t even get me started on Gen Z!

CAPTION: Probably your aunt or something, just last week.

This cartoon on Patreon.

Posted in Barry's favorites, Becky Hawkins collaborations, History |

An Enduring Plan

Cartoon by Barry

If you enjoy these cartoons, help me make more by supporting my Patreon! I make a living from lots of people supporting me with small amounts, and that thought makes me happy.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The first three panels are colored in sepia tones, to resemble old photographs. They show two white men, dressed in upper-class Victorian suits, chatting on the street. One man has huge sideburns and a bowler hat; the other has glasses, handlebar mustaches, and a shiny black top hat.

PANEL 1

Bowler Hat has a huge grin as he lifts a hand, eagerly getting Top Hat’s attention. Top Hat cheerfully pays attention, leaning forward and steepling his fingers.  (The expression “I’m all ears,” by the way, goes back to the 1700s.)

BOWLER HAT: I’ve got a plan to stop negros from voting!

TOP HAT: Swell! I’m all ears!

PANEL 2

A close-up of Bowler Hat as he explains, his grin huge, his hands waving in the air a bit.

BOWLER HAT: We’ll make up new laws for voting which we’ll pretend are “protecting the vote,” but actually will make it harder for negros to vote. Like “literacy tests” and “grandfather clauses.”

PANEL 3

A longer shot of the two of them. Bowler Hat puts a hand on his chin and looks concerned, while Top Hat, also with a worried expression, speaks and shrugs.

TOP HAT: I have doubts… Perhaps this plan could work for a year or two. But could a plan so obviously dishonest last decades? Or even a century?

PANEL 4

A change of scene – and of coloring. Instead of being colored like old photography, this panel has bright, modern colors. Two well-off looking middle-aged white men are in a nice office (rug on floor, large window with curtains open showing trees outside, framed photos on the wall, an American flag on a pole in one corner) talking cheerfully. One man, wearing a modern suit and tie, is holding out a red folder to the other man. The other man is wearing a judge’s black robes and giving a thumb’s up.

SENATOR: Our new laws are definitely about protecting the vote, and it’s just a wacky coincidence that they all make it harder for Black people to vote!

JUDGE: I believe you!

Posted in Elections, History, Racism & Racists |

Founding Father Wisdom, Featuring Thomas Jefferson

Cartoon by leftycartoons

If you like these cartoons, please support them on Patreon

This cartoon is drawn by the awesome Leah S. Metters! Leah describes herself as “an illustrator and visual development artist working hard to create amazing books and comics so she can take over the world, one smile at a time.”

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

Two children, a boy with huge glasses and a backpack, and a girl with her hair in a puff pony and wearing a colorful striped shirt, are in a park full of lush greenery. They’ve stopped by a wooden park bench; seated on the bench, wearing an early-1800s style suit and a peruke (which is what the white wigs most founding fathers wore were called), is the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. We know he’s a ghost because he’s a glowing pale blue color, he’s a little transparent, and he sort of twirls out of existence below the waist rather than having legs.

The boy and girl look enthusiastic; Jefferson seems quietly flattered.

BOY: It’s the ghost of Thomas Jefferson!

GIRL: The founding fathers were moral and intellectual giants! Share your wisdom with us, President Jefferson?

JEFFERSON: Very well.

PANEL 2

A close-up of Jefferson. He looks a little wide-eyed and intense, and his gesturing with his hands to emphasize his points.

JEFFERSON: To get rich, run a nail factory, and whip workers who make less than 5,000 nails a day. Children too!

JEFFERSON: And as I told my friends, invest every dollar you have in slaves!

PANEL 3

Another one-shot of Jefferson. He’s now looking more thoughtful, smiling a little with a finger pressed against his chin.

JEFFERSON: Orangutans are more attracted to black women than to other orangutans. That’s just science!

JEFFERSON: Let’s see, what other founder wisdom can I share?

PANEL 4

A shot of the three of them. The two kids look pissed; Jefferson concedes cheerfully.

GIRL: Actually, we’ve changed our minds about caring what you thought.

JEFFERSON: Solid choice! I was a slave-owning rapist asshat.

Posted in Barry's favorites, History, Racism & Racists |

Democracy is Burning

Cartoon by Barry

Please help me make more cartoons by supporting my Patreon! Small pledges from lots of donors is how I make my living.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has six panels. All six panels show the same two women on top of an unrealistically round and even hill. One woman is drawn as an anthropomorphic dog; she’s sitting in a reclined lawn chair, wearing flip-flops, shorts, and a t-shirt with an exclamation point design. The other woman is drawn as an anthropomorphic cat. She’s wearing a vest over a polka-dotted shirt, a dark calf-length skirt, and black socks or stockings.

The comic is colored mostly in dim shades of blue, indicating dusk or nighttime.

PANEL 1

Cat and Dog are looking out at the horizon. There’s an orange-yellow glow all along the horizon.

CAT: What’s that glow on the horizon?

DOG: It’s democracy burning.

PANEL 2

They both continue staring at the distant horizon. The cat crosses her arms and looks angry.

DOG: The fire will rush over us and burn everything down pretty soon.

CAT: That’s horrible! Can’t the Democrats stop it?

PANEL 3

A more distant shot shows us a landscape of unrealistically steep, round hills. Cat puts a hand on her face, flabbergasted. The dog seems emotionally withdrawn or numb (as she’s looked all along).

DOG: Doubtful… Between the filibuster, gerrymandering, and the Supreme Court, elections are just gonna stop being meaningful.

CAT: But… How can they do that?

DOG: The rules say they can.

PANEL 4

The cat yells, looking panicked. The dog, still calm, looks at the cat out of the corner of her eye.

CAT: We can’t just stand here while democracy burns! We have to DO SOMETHING!

DOG: Yes, but– What can we do, specifically?

PANEL 5

A closer shot of the cat as she concentrates, a hand on her chin.

CAT: Well, we can… I mean, could we… Maybe if we…

CAT: Um…

PANEL 6

A distant shot from behind the two of them, so we are seeing them, and beyond them, the orange glowing horizon. The cat slumps a bit, looking at the ground.

CAT: Well… Fuck.

DOG: That sums it up.

This cartoon on Patreon.

Posted in Barry's favorites, Elections |