Shoving It Down Our Throats

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by new collaborator R. E. Ryan!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The storyline focuses on two women; one with curly brown hair falling down her back, rectangular glasses, and a purple t-shirt which says “Jesus Saves” in large letters. I’ll call her “Curly.” The other woman has straight brown hair, cross-shaped earrings, and is wearing an orange t-shirt which also says “Jesus Saves.” I’ll call her “Straight.”

PANEL 1

Straight and Curly are in a parking lot. Curly is cheerfully putting a yellow flier under a car’s windshield wiper, while Straight is holding a small pile of yellow fliers in her hands. We can read the top of a flier over Straight’s shoulder; it has a large heading which says “Jesus is the Answer.”

STRAIGHT: We’re gonna need more fliers!

PANEL 2

On a city sidewalk, a man wearing a hoodie walks stiffly past Curly and Straight, purposely not engaging with them. Straight is wearing a signboard, decorated with flames painted coming up from the bottom, which says “Only JESUS can save you from the Lake of Fire.” She’s holding a flier towards the man walking away from her. Curly is talking to Straight, looking excited and happy, and holding up her smartphone with the screen facing Straight.

STRAIGHT: Excuse me, have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?

CURLY: Hey, look what just went up!

PANEL 3

A close-up of the smartphone screen (we can also see a bit of Curly’s hand holding it). The screen shows a photo of a large billboard, with a central image of Jesus with a halo, and the words “JESUS is coming soon! Are YOU ready?”

STRAIGHT: Wow! Our new billboard looks AMAZING!

PANEL 4

Curly and Straight (straight is still wearing her signboard) are standing on the sidewalk, watching a pedestrian walk by. Curly leans to the side to whisper something to Straight.

The pedestrian has pink/purple hair shaved on one side, and is wearing a t-shirt that says “Trans Pride” over an image of a heart in trans flag colors.

CURLY: You know what I hate about trans people? The way they shove their ideology down everybody’s throats!

Shoving It Down Our Throats | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, R. E. Ryan collaborations |

Eventually You Gotta Inhale

Cartoon by Barry

As far as I know, I’m the only political cartoonist who regularly does cartoons about fat acceptance! If you like that these cartoons exist, and can spare it, please support my Patreon. A $1 or $2 pledge really helps!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid. The cartoon has two characters. The first character is a fat woman with a pixie haircut and glasses, wearing a polka dot shirt and a skirt. Let’s call her “DOT.”

(I don’t know if I’ve EVER seen anyone in real life wear a polka-dot shirt, but Bill Watterson sometimes drew adult characters in polka-dot shirts, and as longtime readers know it’s my firm opinion that if Watterson did it then it by definition is good cartooning).

The second character is a thin character with curly hair, wearing a button-up shirt with large black buttons. Let’s call her CURLY.

PANEL 1

Dot has her hands raised – open hands facing inward, a tiny bit above elbow height, which is so much the go-to for cartoonists trying to show a character explaining something that the cartoonist Joe Matt once drew this pose with a caption arrow pointing towards the hands saying  “Good ol’ explaining hands.” Curly is cheerful and smiling, and holding one hand out with palm down in a dismissive gesture.

DOT: DIETS DON’T WORK! Studies show that for nearly everyone the weight comes back.

CURLY: Nonsense! Eat less and you’ll lose weight! That’s physics!

PANEL 2

Dot continues explaining, now using a pointing finger, while Curly eagerly leans forward, hands clasping each other, and her eyes replaced with dollar signs.

DOT: While I reply, could you hold your breath? I’ll pay you $1000 if you do it till you faint!

CURLY: $1000? Okay!

PANEL 3

Dot continues explaining; Curly is holding her breath and looking confident.

DOT: Physics says you can do it… if you don’t breathe in, oxygen can’t get to your system, and you’ll pass out.

PANEL 4

A close-up of Curly, still smiling, with her cheeks puffed out, but her eyes are widening. Dot speaks from off-panel for this and the following three panels.

DOT: But this is about biology, not physics. Right now, your brain is sending chemical signals to your body saying “inhale!”

PANEL 5

Curly is still smiling, but she’s obviously straining a bit to keep holding her breath.

DOT: The same thing happens when you diet. The brain thinks you’re starving and sends out signals saying “you’re hungry! EAT!” It’ll send those signals for years if it has to.

PANEL 6

Curly isn’t smiling and doesn’t look confident. She’s still holding her breath, but has balled her hands into fists and is trembling.

DOT: The brain also releases hormones to make your body hold onto more fat. we evolved that way to get through famines.

PANEL 7

Curly has her hands on her cheeks now, and is trembling a lot more, and her eyes are huge and almost popping out.

DOT: And a tiny fraction of people lose weight forever! But for most people, no matter how much willpower they’ve got, eventually…

PANEL 8

In the foreground, Dot looks – let’s face it – a bit smug as she smiles. The panel is mainly taken up by Curly, who has opened her mouth hugely and is gasping. A huge sound effect, drawn so that the letters are converging towards Curly’s open mouth, says “GASP.”

PANEL 9

Dot is back to explaining hands, but with one forefinger pointed up. Curly has turned her back on Dot, arms folded, and has a sour grapes expression.

DOT: THAT’S biology! See my point?

CURLY: Screw THIS! I’m getting a lung bypass!

Eventually You Gotta Inhale | Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Fat Acceptance |

MORE Things To Stop Telling Autistic People!

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was written by Barry and drawn by Becky Hawkins.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three-by-three grid. Each panel shows a different person speaking to the reader.

The exception is the central panel, which has the words “MORE THINGS TO STOP TELLING AUTISTIC PEOPLE” written in large, friendly lettering.

PANEL 1

A woman wearing a blue shirt and librarian glasses, with her hair in a bun, is leaning down to talk to us (i.e., we’re in a child’s perspective). We can see from the background that this is a classroom for small children.

WOMAN: If you’d just act normal you wouldn’t GET bullied.

PANEL 2

A man with freckles speaks to us with a dubious expression on his face and his arms folded.

MAN: You’re ALLOWED to drive?

PANEL 3

An older woman, wide-eyed with white hair pushed high on her head by a wrap, speaks to us, a concerned expression on her face.

WOMAN: You must be VERY high functioning.

PANEL 4

A cheerful woman wearing a button-up sweater open over a shirt shrugs.

WOMAN: Isn’t EVERYONE a little autistic?

PANEL 5

This is the central panel; there’s nothing in it but the title of the strip, “More Things To Stop Telling Autistic People,” in large letters.

PANEL 6

This panel shows the inside of a crowded subway car. There’s a lot of people; there’s a screaming baby, there’s a hot dog with scent lines coming off it, there’s a grumpy child with a spiked turtle shell backpack, and mainly there’s just a ton of people packed shoulder-to-shoulder. A bald man with a hip little chin beard holds on to a ceiling strap with one hand as he speaks to us, smiling.

MAN: Just don’t LET it bother you.

PANEL 7

An older woman, with white hair flowing down onto her shoulders, puts a finger on her chin as she speaks cheerily to us. In the background, we can see a dreamcatcher hanging on the wall, near a poster of a wolf howling in front of a full moon, and a big candle shaped like a headless Venus of Willendorf statue, with the wick coming out of the neck. (Becky: “Inspired by a candle I saw at People’s Food Co-op.”)

WOMAN: I bet YOU were vaccinated as a child, right?

PANEL 8

An older man, bald and wearing a short-sleeved polo shirt, grins at us.

MAN: You’re autistic? COOL! Quick, what’s 241 times 672.5?

PANEL 9

A man speaks with great intensity, his face looming so close in the panel that the bottom and top of his head are out of panel. He has wide, staring eyes.

MAN: I can’t trust anyone who won’t look me in the EYES.

More Things To Stop Telling Autistic People | Patreon

Posted in Ableism, Becky Hawkins collaborations |

Gender Affirming Care Is Evil Except When It’s Not

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is by Nadine Scholtes and I.

Posted in LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

5 Things Congress Says When It Plans To Cut Social Security

Cartoon by Barry

If you enjoy these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon! A $2 pledge really helps.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels. The first six panels are a two-by-three grid taking up the left half of the cartoon; the seventh panel takes up the entire right half of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

This panel is empty except for the title of the cartoon, printed in large, friendly looking letters.

5 THINGS CONGRESS SAYS WHEN IT PLANS TO CUT SOCIAL SECURITY

PANEL 2

A red haired man wearing a brown suit, and a dark tie with red dots, is speaking directly to the reader, looking a little anxious.

MAN: Cuts? NEVER! We only want to… er… “raise the retirement age.”

PANEL 3

A smiling man, wearing a suit with a red striped tie, worries his hands in front of his chin as he talks to the reader.

MAN: We’ll just take billions out of Social Security funds to play the stock market! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

PANEL 4

A man with a salesman’s grin, wearing a cream-colored jacket over a light blue shirt and red tie, holds his lapels as he talks to the reader.

MAN: Social Security should “sunset” every five years unless Congress re-passes it. (Sunsets can’t be bad! They’re so pretty!)

PANEL 5

A well-dressed woman wearing a red jacket over a v-neck gray blouse is looking a bit up into the air as she searches for the right word. Her expression is uncertain.

WOMAN: Overhaul! Wait that sounds bad… Reform! No… um…

PANEL 6

An older man, but still quite strong looking, has white hair parted on one side and is wearing a white button down shirt with a black necktie. He has a stern expression as he speaks to the reader.

MAN: Our debt limit plan won’t cut Social Security! It’ll just force Social Security cuts. That’s totally different!

PANEL 7

This panel has a large caption at the top, in the same font as panel one, which says:

1 THING IT NEVER SAYS

The red-haired man from panel two is back, talking directly to the reader and making a chopping motion with one hand. His expression is stern. Behind him we can see the U.S. Capitol Building (although the Statue of Freedom on top of the building has been replaced by a statue of Woodstock from Peanuts).

MAN: We plan to cut Social Security.

5 Things Congress Says When It Plans To Cut Social Security | Patreon

Posted in Economic cartoons |

The Time Before Gender Ideology

Cartoon by Barry

Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins!

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, LGBT cartoons, Sexism & Misogyny |

The GOP’s Dream Speech

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is drawn by Kevin Moore.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a tiny fifth “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.

PANEL 1

Dr Martin Luther King Jr, dressed in a gray 1960s suit with a black tie, stands behind a podium, with an array of microphones positioned to catch his words. Behind him we can see a crowd of Black supporters listening. MLK is holding up a finger to emphasize his point.

Behind him, a white MAGA dude, wearing a polo shirt with a big green stripe, green shorts, and a red MAGA cap, is emerging out of some sort of sci-fi portal hanging in the air. The MAGA dude is holding out a hand in a “STOP!” gesture and has an urgent, wide-eyed expression.

MLK: I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by—

MAGA: STOP! Dr. King, we gotta talk!

PANEL 2

Dr King looks a bit annoyed at the interruption, but remains courteous, speaking softly to the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, not seeming to notice King’s annoyance, grins hugely and puts a hand on King’s shoulder.

MLK: Er… Excuse me, my friend. I’m giving a speech right now.

MAGA: I know! The 21st century GOP sent me back in a Time Machine to tell you to stop.

PANEL 3

MLK, taken aback, turns to face the MAGA dude. The MAGA dude, still grinning hugely, explains.

MLK: Pardon me?

MAGA: The “character not skin” bit? SUPER DUPER! But you said so many things that aren’t good for us! Like reparations, and socialism, and anti-war. Be a pal and quit?

PANEL 4

MLK is amused, clearly holding back a laugh. The MAGA dude is now the one taken aback.

MLK: So you think I’ll be silent because a white man from the future says my words are inconvenient for him?

MAGA: Uh… Yeah. Why, is that a problem?

TINY KICKER PANEL UNDER THE CARTOON

MLK: You don’t know the first thing about me, do you?

MAGA: Nope! And I’d like to keep it that way!

The GOP’s Dream Speech | Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, Kevin Moore collaborations, Racism & Racists, Right-wingers |

Dragscrolling

Cartoon by Barry

Welcome to new collaborator Nadine Scholtes!

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has seven panels, all showing the same thing: A woman, seated at a desk in what looks like an apartment, clicking a mouse as she looks at her computer. Her blonde hair is held out of her face by a purple hairband, and she’s wearing a dark blue blouse with pink trim shaped like flower petals, and capri jeans.

PANEL 1

From behind, we see the woman looking at her monitor as she clicks her mouse (SFX: click click click). An orange and white cat sits on the floor, patting her leg with a paw to try and get attention. A window behind her shows daylight.

WOMAN (thought): There’s always a new one up…

PANEL 2

The woman leans her face on one hand, looking a bit frustrated and still manipulating her mouse (SFX: scroll scroll scroll). The cat is climbing up the chair, and the window behind her is getting darker.

WOMAN (thought): Where IS it?

PANEL 3

The woman continues to search (SFX:click scroll click), while the cat sits on the desk, tapping her on her arm with one paw.

WOMAN (thought): C’mon… I’ll find one somewhere.

PANEL 4

The woman leans forward a little, still looking annoyed. The cat, also annoyed, glares at her. It’s even darker outside.

WOMAN (thought): I’ll check the newsgroup.

PANEL 5

The woman rubs a hand through her hair, now looking not just frustrated but a little  mad as she keeps searching (SFX: scroll scroll scoll click). Her cat, unnoticed, jumps off the desk.

PANEL 6

The camera zooms in closer as the woman, fully angry now, pounds her fist on the desk. Behind her, we can see that it’s full dark and there are stars in the sky.

PANEL 7

This panel is larger than the other panels. The woman pushes her chair back, pointing a finger at the screen, and yells angrily. In the foreground, the cat walks away but looks back at her resentfully.

WOMAN: AHA! A picture of a MAN in a DRESS! WHY must they SHOVE it in my face?

Dragscrolling | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Barry's favorites, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Nadine Scholtes collaborations |

What I Said CAN’T Be Racist Because…

Cartoon by Barry

By Becky Hawkins and I.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has eight panels, each of which shows a single white person speaking directly to the reader. An additional ninth panel – the center panel of the grid – has nothing in it but a large caption, written in a distorted font. The caption says:

WHAT I SAID CAN’T BE RACIST BECAUSE

PANEL 1

A fashionable looking woman, with an undercut hairstyle, cats eye glasses and a septum piercing, waves a hand dismissively.

WOMAN: Liberals can’t be racist. Everyone knows that.

PANEL 2

A man dressed like an academic, including a bow tie and a jacket with elbow patches, is standing in front of a blackboard, pointing to the blackboard with a, er, pointer. The blackboard is covered with complicated looking math equations, and at the bottom there’s a simple drawing of the academic’s face, and a drawing of a devil face, with a not equal sign (“≠”) between the two faces.

MAN: Because racists are bad bad people, and I’m a good person. Q.E.D.!

PANEL 3

A red-haired man, wearing a collared shirt with a nametag, points to himself. He has a pleased and proud expression. There’s a footnote at the bottom of the panel.

MAN: I’ve got a Black friend!*

FOOTNOTE: *work acquaintance

PANEL 4

A good-looking man in his twenties, wearing an open plaid shirt over a white t shirt, is speaking to us.

MAN: I’m not white! Family legend says that great great great Grandma was an Indian!

PANEL 5

This is the central panel. It has nothing in it but the words “WHAT I SAID CAN’T BE RACIST BECAUSE” in large distressed letters.

PANEL 6

A man talks to us, wearing blackface makeup and holding a banana. He’s shrugging.

MAN: I was only joking! That makes it okay!

PANEL 7

A blonde woman holding a drink makes the “come here” gesture towards people who are out of panel.

WOMAN: I adopted three children of color! THREE!

WOMAN: Prop, Shield and Excuse, come here so I can show these folks.

PANEL 8

A woman speaks to us. She looks as if she’s about to cry, and is holding a handkerchief in one hand.

WOMAN: If you say something I said is racist I might start crying and no one wants that.

PANEL 9

A person (could be either female or male) closes their eyes and holds their hands in front of them, as if praying. They are wearing blue robes. There is a halo shining out from behind their head, drawn as if in stained glass.

PERSON: My intentions were pure.

What I Said Can’t Be Racist Because… | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Racism & Racists |

Believing (Some) Women

Cartoon by Barry

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This comic was drawn by a new collaborator, Kelly Lawrence.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows two young women in an outdoor area with trees and a paved walking path – maybe a college quad.

One woman, standing behind the table, holds a megaphone and is speaking out to the world in general. She has neck-length hair, fashionably choppy, and is wearing a blue hoodie over jeans and a gray shirt. (I’ll call her “HOODIE”.) Her table is surrounded by banners saying “real men don’t buy women” and “sex work is violence against women”; her table has stacks of pamphlets, as well as a thermos and some pens, and a little pop-up sign which says “prostitution is rape.” (Nice detail work from Kelly!).

The other woman is walking past in the first panel. She has her hair in a high ponytail, is wearing jeans and a pink t shirt, and is carrying a small purse. (I’ll call her “PONYTAIL.”)

PANEL 1

Hoodie is talking with conviction into her megaphone, throwing a fist into the air. Ponytail is walking by.

HOODIE (loudly): WE MUST ALWAYS BELIEVE WOMEN!

PANEL 2

Ponytail’s attention has been drawn, and she pauses and turns to face Hoodie.

HOODIE (loudly): WE MUST ALWAYS LISTEN TO WOMEN!

PANEL 3

Hoodie continues shouting with her megaphone, looking even more passionate. Ponytail, excited by what she’s hearing, holds her hands up and speaks to Hoodie.

HOODIE (loudly): BELIEVING WOMEN AND LISTENING TO WOMEN… THAT’S THE ESSENCE OF FEMINISM!

PONYTAIL: Yes! Exactly!

PANEL 4

Hoodie has swung her megaphone around and is yelling through it, right into Ponytail’s face; Ponytail winces back, looking surprised and annoyed.

PONYTAIL: I’m a sex worker and–

HOODIE (loudly): NOT WOMEN LIKE YOU.

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Believing (Some) Women on Patreon

Posted in Social Justice |

The Revising Old Novels Cycle

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, help us make more by supporting the Patreon! A $1 or $2 pledge really helps.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has three panels, without panel borders, orbiting a caption in the middle of the cartoon. The caption says, in a big friendly font, “THE REVISING OLD NOVELS CYCLE.”

Between each panel is a big red arrow, indicating that readers should read clockwise.

You could start reading this cartoon with any panel, but for purposes of this transcript, I’m going to say the one nearest the top is panel one.

PANEL 1

Two people are talking; an indignant man carrying a tablet and wearing a tee shirt with Superman’s “S” logo on it, and a woman with glasses and a red hairband, who is agreeing with him.

MAN: I can’t believe publishers are revising decades-old novels to make them “woke.” I’ve got a solution: If you don’t like a book, don’t buy it!

WOMAN: You’re right!

A red arrow leads from panel one to…

PANEL 2

The woman in the red hairband is looking at a book with an expression of distaste.

WOMAN: Ew… This old spy novel uses the “N word.” I’ll just buy something else!

A red arrow leads from panel two to…

PANEL: 3

A woman with her arms folded is talking to a man who is looking up something on his smartphone. (They are different characters from the ones in panels 1 and 2). Both of them are dressed in business wear.

WOMAN: People aren’t buying our classic spy novels because they don’t like the racism. We’ll have to revise.

And a red arrow leads from panel three back to the first panel.

Posted in Uncategorized |

How Sanctions Usually Work

Cartoon by Barry

This comic is drawn by Kevin Moore.

Posted in Imperialism & War, Kevin Moore collaborations |

The Party of Small Government

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is drawn by Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panels shows the same central character, a large white man – I’ll call him Big Man – with neatly combed brown hair, wearing a business suit with a red tie. When I say he’s “large,” I don’t mean he’s fat; I mean he’s powerfully built and about ten feet tall, looming high over all regular humans around him.

PANEL 1

We are in a standard doctor’s examination room, with all the usual accouterments. The large man has placed himself between a family (mom, dad, young teen) and a doctor. He’s pointing sternly at the teen, and facing that way, while his other hand is encompassing the doctor’s face as he pushes her back. The family looks horrified.

BIG MAN: No “gender affirming” care for YOU!

PANEL 2

We are in a school library; there are bookshelves and green beanbag chairs and a mural of green trees and sunshine covering one wall. A librarian sits at a desk, apparently interrupted in handing a book to a child. The Big Man, smugly smirking, is plucking the book away in his enormous hand, even as the child fruitlessly tries to grab it.

BIG MAN: Reading books? Not on MY watch!

PANEL 3

We’re now in the waiting room of a hospital or a large clinic. There’s uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, generic art on the walls, a receptionist at a desk, and a rope indicating where people can wait in line. In front of all that, Big Man has physically picked up a doctor by the scruff of his white doctor’s jacket, and is holding the doctor away from a teenage girl. With his other hand, he’s sticking his pointer finger into the girl’s face, as he talks to her with some anger.

BIG MAN: And I say you ARE going to have a baby!

PANEL 4

The Big Man is sitting in a room, with big patriotic red-white-and-blue banners hanging on the wall behind him. He’s sitting on a pile of people; if we look closely, we can see that these are all the people he’s been abusing in panels one through three. He’s smiling as he speaks, one hand waving grandly.

BIG MAN: We are so PROUD to be the party of SMALL GOVERNMENT!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Abortion, Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |

The Transphobe Bait and Switch (aka The Transphobe Motte and Bailey)

Cartoon by Barry

If you want to help us keep making these cartoons, my Patreon’s right here! And thanks.

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Did famous transphobes really say these awful things? Yes, they did. Receipts are here.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, plus a little “content warning” panel above the top of the cartoon.

The little content warning panel shows a cartoon of Barry the cartoonist speaking directly to the reader.

CAPTION: Content Warning!

BARRY: This cartoon’s dialog is based on some hateful things respected real-life transphobes have said. Seriously, what’s wrong with these people?

PANEL ONE

Panels one through four show three people talking and walking through a park. From left to right, there’s a redheaded woman in a black skirt; a man with messy black hair wearing a plaid shirt; and a woman with long black hair, wearing a t-shirt with a drawing of the planet Saturn on it.

In panel one, REDHEAD looks smug; PLAID is yelling at SATURN, raising his hands in the air; and SATURN is walking away from the other two, looking irritated.

(Chicken fat watch: They’re walking near a stream, and a scuba diver and a fish are each sticking their heads out of the stream to watch. In the background, Walt from the comic strip “Gasoline Alley” is looking at a piece of paper.)

PLAID: The trans movement is one of the most evil movements in history! Puberty blockers are like Nazis experimenting on children in concentration camps!

PANEL TWO

A close-up of PLAID shows him yelling and waving his fists in the air.

PLAID: You’re child abusers! You prey upon impressionable children and indoctrinate them into your insane ideological cult. You are poison!

PANEL THREE

The “camera” pulls back out. REDHEAD continues looking smugly satisfied. PLAID is so angry that he’s pulling his own hair. SATURN has come to a stop, angered by what PLAID is saying.

(Chicken fat watch: Behind a bush in the foreground, Bert and Ernie are chatting with each other).

PLAID: Trans people are fucking blackface. You’re men who get sexual kicks from being treated like women. Fuck you, you pathetic, sick, fuck!

PANEL FOUR

REDHEAD and PLAID have turned and are now walking away from SATURN, who is well in the background, furious, swearing and giving them the finger. REDHEAD is talking cheerfully as she texts on her phone; PLAID is no longer yelling, but still looks angry.

(Chicken fat watch: A couple of huge worms are sticking their heads out of holes in the ground. One is looking wide-eyed at the characters, the other is grinning at the readers.)

REDHEAD: I’m telling people that trans activists are mad because you believe in biological sex.

PLAID: I was being so reasonable! “She” only got mad because she hates women.

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in LGBT cartoons |

Media-Man to the Rescue!

Cartoon by Barry

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If you like these cartoons, and can spare it, please support my Patreon! A $2 pledge makes a big difference.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has five panels, plus an extra tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the strip.

PANEL 1

A superhero – in a classic blue-and-red outfit, a bit like Superman’s – is flying over a city, his arms extended in front of him. But instead of a head, he has a big flatscreen TV on top of his neck. The TV screen is showing a head-and-shoulders shot of a news anchorman type, wearing a brown suit and tie.

This character is Media-Man.

MEDIA-MAN (here and also in all the other panels, Media-Man speaks from the TV screen): Bored bored bored… If only there were some crime I could report!

PANEL 2

Media-Man looks downward, excited and glad, as a voice calls out from below.

VOICE: Media-Man! Help! I’m being robbed!

MEDIA-MAN: Yay!

PANEL 3

Media-Man is coming down for a landing on a sidewalk. Two women are on the sidewalk looking up at him. One of them is wearing a red tank top, a skirt, and sneakers. The other, who looks annoyed, is dressed more expensively, in a suit and heels.

TANK TOP: Media-Man! Thank god you’re here! My boss is refusing to pay me for all the hours I worked!

PANEL 4

Media-Man, an annoyed expression on his TV screen, holds up a palm in a “don’t bother me with this” gesture. The woman in the tank top is bewildered by Media-Man’s indifference, while the woman in the suit looks pleased.

MEDIA-MAN: Wage theft? Boring! I’m not gonna report on that!

TANK TOP: But– Wage theft costs $15 billion a year?

PANEL 5

Media-Man is once again flying high above a city. He looks bored, and is yawning, with one hand held over the mouth area on his TV screen. The voices of unseen people are coming up from below, but Media-Man pays them no attention.

VOICES (there are four voices, and they all say the same thing): Help! Wage theft!

TINY KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE COMIC STRIP

Media-Man, still looking annoyed, is talking to Barry (the cartoonist).

MEDIA-MAN: I only report important crimes! Like shoplifting!

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Labor rights & Unions, Media criticism |

Rationing Health Care

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows a different scene.

PANEL ONE

A woman with spikey hair is standing in her living room. She’s holding a hand to her cheek, and lots of cartoon “pain stars” are floating near her cheek.  She’s wide-eyed and unhappy looking as she speaks into her cell phone. A dog sits on the floor nearby, looking at the woman adoringly.

WOMAN: What’s the point of an insurance plan that doesn’t cover dental?

VOICE FROM PHONE: We only cover essential treatments. Teeth aren’t that important.

PANEL TWO

Two people, a man and a woman, are on a city sidewalk. They are both looking with bewilderment at an enormous, unnaturally perfect hole in the man’s chest (it also goes through his tee shirt).

There’s litter on the sidewalk, including a newspaper called “The Cartoon Times” with a big headline saying “Man Reads Background Gag.” (I’d normally use an androgynous word like “person,” but the space was so tiny I had to opt for the three-letter word. :-p )

WOMAN: You should see a doctor about that.

MAN: Too expensive. Maybe it’ll get better by itself?

PANEL THREE

A woman wearing a black tank top and jeans sits on a sidewalk. She’s got very short, spikey hair and tattoos (including tattoos of Snoopy and Lucy). One of her legs has fallen off mid-calf; she’s got a bone sticking out, and her foot and the lower half of her calf (still in jeans) are lying on the street in front of her.

She grinning, trying to be cheerful, but she’s wide-eyed and sweating. She’s holding out one palm in a “no need” gesture.

Two emergency medical technicians in uniform are staring at her, surprised. In the background we can see their ambulance. Near the top of the ambulance, the company’s motto is printed: “We move broken peeps.”

WOMAN: I can’t afford an ambulance. I’ll just walk.

PANEL FOUR

Two women walk through a hilly park. There are trees in the background, a bush in the foreground, and a tree stump (Woodstock from Peanuts is standing on the stump). A single abandoned boot lies on the ground.

The first woman, blond with neck-length hair and waring shorts and a button-up short sleeved shirt, is in a panic. The second woman, wearing a hoodie and flip-flops, is rolling her eyes.

FIRST WOMAN: Universal government-paid health care? That’d be HORRIBLE! We’d have to start RATIONING HEALTH CARE!

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Rationing Health Care | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Health care |

Being Foxy About Vaccines

Cartoon by Barry

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This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins.

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. All four panels show the anchors of a conservative news show, a man and a woman, both of whom are well-dressed and have very carefully styled hair. They’re sitting at a news desk and talking to the camera, with a backdrop of a cityscape behind them. A chyron (text) runs across the bottom of the screen.

PANEL 1

We’re in a darkened living room. We can see a TV dinner, partly eaten, on a tray in the foreground; in the background is a TV, surrounded by a liquor cabinet on the left and a houseplant on a chest of drawers on the right. The TV is turned on, providing the only bright colors in the panel. The male anchor is making air quotes with his fingers, while the female anchor is holding out her hand in a “stop!” gesture.

MAN: Unelected government “doctors” say we need this “vaccine.” but what aren’t they saying?

WOMAN: Don’t trust government! Don’t trust doctors!

PANEL 2

We are now seeing just what’s on the TV screen. The male anchor has turned towards the female anchor and is speaking to her, one hand waving in a sort of “angry questioning” motion. The female anchor has folded her hands on the desk in front of her and is speaking directly to the camera.

MAN: Who knows what horrible side effects these experimental “vaccines” have?

WOMAN: Stay tuned! We’ll be back in just a minute!

PANEL 3

Our vantage point has pulled back. We’re now obviously in a TV studio; we can see cameras and microphones pointing at the two anchors, and the slightly-raised platform the anchor desk sits on. There’s a large bright green screen behind them, instead of a cityscape.

Two people in nurse’s scrubs, both wearing face masks, have come up to the desk. Both anchors have taken their jackets off, and he’s rolled up a sleeve (her blouse is sleeveless). The nurses are injecting medicine into their arms.

The male anchor is smiling cheerfully, while the female anchor speaks to her nurse with a concerned expression.

MAN: Thanks. Better safe than sorry, right?

WOMAN: How long until the booster after this one?

PANEL 4

We’re once again looking at them as they appear on a TV screen; the cityscape backdrop is back. They’re both looking angry and gesturing towards the screen with extreme foreshortening; he’s holding a finger up near the screen, and she’s pointing straight at the screen like Uncle Sam.

MAN: These “needle Nazis” are trying to force you to take their so-called “vaccine”!

WOMAN: DON’T LET THEM!

CHYRONS

What the chyrons (the crawl of text across the bottom of the TV screen) say. (The second line of each chyron is cut off on one or both sides of the screen, to simulate the words scrolling across the screen.)

Panel 1: EXPERTS: VACCINE WILL KILL POPE

…t’s gonna happen any day now we’re triple sure this time…

Panel 2: DELILAH INNOCENT!

…vaccine, not haircut, caused Samson to lose his streng…

There’s no Chyron in panel 3.

Panel 4: ARE VACCINES FULL OF LIVE ANTS?

…re not saying they are but we’re not saying they aren’t…

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Being Foxy About Vaccines on Patreon

Posted in Becky Hawkins collaborations, Conservatives, COVID-19, Media criticism, Right-wingers |

Sheeple!

Cartoon by Barry

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It occurs to me that maybe not all of my readers are so immersed in online right-wing culture that they’re familiar with the word “sheeple.” So, just in case: Merriam-Webster defines sheeple as “people who are docile, compliant, or easily influenced: people likened to sheep.”

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Writer, artist, and comics scholar Frank M. Young, who colors around one-fourth of these cartoons (this one included) agreed to write a few words about his coloring process.  Check it out on Patreon!

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. The setting is a bar; there’s a bar counter, patrons, framed pictures on the wall, a big window with the word “BAR” painted on it (it looks backwards, because we’re seeing it from the inside). For those who look closely at the little details, we can see that the people in the framed pictures are characters from The Muppet Show: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, and the Swedish Chef.

PANEL ONE

A red-headed man holding a beer is sitting at the bar ranting to a woman at the bar on his right. He’s dressed casually, in a ringer t-shirt. He doesn’t see that behind him, a man is walking up. The man is an anthropomorphic sheep, wearing a collared shirt and necktie with the collar unbuttoned and the necktie pulled down a bit, The Sheep speaks angrily, holding up an objecting forefinger.

REDHEAD: SHEEPLE! Liberals are SHEEPLE! They’re AFRAID to think for themselves!

SHEEPLE: HEY!

PANEL TWO

The redheaded man has turned to face the sheeple, and pulls back in total surprise. The sheeple continues to chew him out angrily.

REDHEAD: Oh! Um…

SHEEPLE: Stop spreading STEREOTYPES about SHEEPLE! I think whatever I want.

PANEL THREE

In a close-up shot of the sheeple, which was ridiculously fun for me to draw, abnd Frank told me it was fun for him to color too, the sheeple looks soulful and sad, rubbing his head with one palm.

SHEEPLE: It’s so EXHAUSTING, hearing the same bigoted NONSENSE about sheeple every day…

PANEL FOUR

The redheaded man is frantically apologizing. The Sheeple seems less mad – he’s no longer yelling – but he still looks angry, crossing his arms as he talks to the man.

The sheeple doesn’t see that, behind him, a chicken woman has approached. She’s wearing a dress with a pattern of eggs on it, and looks angry, with her arms akimbo.

REDHEAD: I didn’t MEAN–

SHEEPLE: Just because I’m a SHEEPLE doesn’t make me a CHICKEN!

CHICKEN: HEY NOW!

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Sheeple! on Patreon

Posted in Uncategorized |

Someday I’ll Be Rich!

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL ONE

A teenager is sitting in a diner booth, smiling and talking directly to the reader. He has messy red hair and a brightly striped t-shirt. There’s a plate of food on the table in front of him, and a sign taped to the wall behind him says “Wanted: Background gag writer – low pay.”

REDHEAD: Someday I’ll invent something BIG! Like a cure for cancer or an app everyone uses… And then I’ll be so RICH!

PANEL TWO

A smiling adult man – somewhere in his thirties or forties, probably – stands in what looks like part of work building of some sort, probably an office, and speaks directly to the reader.

He’s an older version of the teen in panel one – he’s still got the red hair and round face, but now the hair is neatly combed in a part, and he’s got a van dyke beard and mustache. He’s wearing an izod shirt with a sedate stripe.

We can see an elevator in the background, and a water cooler next to him. (There’s a goldfish swimming in the water cooler).

REDHEAD: Or maybe I’ll win the lottery… people win every day! Or a rich relative I don’t know about will die leaving me BILLIONS!

PANEL THREE

The same red-haired man speaks to us again, but now he’s a senior citizen – he’s bald on top and his face is much more wrinkled. He’s wearing a button-up sweater open over a collared shirt, and he’s carrying a cane. He’s still smiling.

He appears to be at home – there’s a floral-patterned armchair behind him, and a decorative vase on a little table in front of a window. Outside the window is a tree and also a suspicious looking man wearing an old-fashioned hat and hiding behind a bush. (The suspicious looking man has no importance at all to this cartoon). There’s a framed photo of Albert the Alligator from “Pogo” on the wall.

REDHEAD: Lots of people get rich! Sooner or later it’s BOUND to be MY turn! And THEN the life I deserve will begin!

PANEL FOUR

We’re looking at a graveyard. A gravestone front and center says “R.I.P.” on it, and a thought balloon is coming from the grave.

THOUGHT FROM GRAVE: Any day now…

That’s the end of the comic strip, but there are some irrelevant details carved on headstones. The main headstone, under the big “R.I.P.” letters, says in much smaller letters: “Blah blah blah no one reads this.” A gravestone further in the background says “Hi There. I am past my expiration date.” Another one says “Dead Tired” and another one says “Here Lies Melvin.”

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Someday I’ll Be Rich! | Barry Deutsch on Patreon

Posted in Uncategorized |

Right-Winger With A Zinger

Cartoon by Barry

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TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels. Each of the panel shows the same man, a conservatively-dressed guy with short hair combed in part, wearing a polo shirt and gray slacks, standing on a suburban sidewalk.

PANEL 1

The man stands looking directly at the reader, smiling, his arms crossed.

CAPTION: Right-Winger.

PANEL 2

The man is now bursting with anger, raising a fist into the air and mouth open hugely as he yells.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger.

MAN (yelling): Stolen election! Groomers! Hunter Biden’s Laptop!

PANEL 3

In a closer shot, the man is smirking as he speaks more softly directly to the reader. I did my very best to draw him with what’s referred to as “a punchable face.”

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger with a zinger.

MAN: My pronouns are screw and you!

PANEL 4

The camera has pulled back again. The man is thinking very hard, sweating, one hand on his chin, looking up into the air, frowning with effort.

CAPTION: Right-winger shit-slinger trying to think of a zinger that isn’t that stupid pronoun shit for the 1000000th time.

MAN (hesitantly): Um…  Uh…

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This cartoon on Patreon

Posted in Conservatives, LGBT cartoons, Right-wingers |